The Life of a Young Werewolf
by lenette
Summary: A story of Remus Lupin's Hogwarts years. This will go with In the Arms of a Werewolf when finished. If you've read the story before 1/25/11, you may want to reread it. I shortened the length of his transformation cycles. Please read/review.
1. A Wish Granted

It was just after sunrise on a warm May morning. A small sandy haired boy lay sleeping on a blanket in the corner of an almost empty room. Scattered around the room were bits of fluff, apparently from the ripped pillow whose case was barely recognizable, and strips of colored fabric that had once been his clothes.

His mother, who was standing outside the room, looking in through a window set at eye level on the door, watched as he shifted his body in his sleep. The movement revealed to her the piece of information she'd been wondering about- how many new cuts he had from this month's ordeal. She could see three jagged gashes that were about four inches long, and obviously were claw marks. This didn't surprise her, as Marie Lupin's son, Remus, was a werewolf, and she'd learned to accept that he would claw himself almost every month during the time he was transformed. It did worry her to see him hurt this way, but there was nothing she could do for him except to apply a paste the healers at St. Mungo's Hospital had recommended to her to help heal the cuts.

In the four years since Remus had been bitten, she and her husband, John, had spent a lot of time and energy looking for anything that would help their son. They kept in contact with the healers, they read any new article or book that appeared about his condition, and listened closely to anyone they heard talk about anything that sounded promising. All their efforts so far had only confirmed the one thing they'd known almost from the beginning- lycanthropy was incurable, and all they could really do was keep him otherwise healthy, and limit his exposure to other people while he was in a transformed state.

Unfortunately for them, but for Remus especially, the last piece of advice had been far too easy to follow. In the years since he'd been bitten, he'd lost all his friends, and been unable to make and keep any new ones. Every family they'd encountered had refused to let their children remain in contact with him after they learned of his condition, even though he was a sweet tempered, quiet child when he was himself. Few of them were even interested enough to find out how they managed the condition, that they kept him completely isolated when he was transformed.

To make matters worse, they had been forced to move four times in the years since he'd been bitten. There had been several incidents of vandalism to their home, as well as verbal insults toward them. What ultimately caused each move, though, was a combination of this intolerance and John being fired from his job. He usually tried to keep his son's condition a secret, but sometimes it would get out anyway, and the people he had worked for were no different from those who lived around them, or indeed much of wizard society.

Their luck had changed about a year ago when they'd found their present home. It was a small house on a tree-shaded acre in a rural area with few neighbors. There were no children around for Remus to try to befriend, but that also meant he didn't have to endure the teasing or the process of making friends and then losing them. Remus didn't seem to mind, he'd grown accustomed to spending time alone in the last couple of years and spent his free time reading, drawing or studying. His father had also found a new job that he liked, working for a man who so far seemed very tolerant. He knew of Remus' condition and had not made any negative remarks, nor questioned John when he'd needed time off once because Remus had needed to be in the hospital for a few days following an infection to one of his more severe self inflicted cuts. Therefore, Marie was hopeful that they might have found a place they could truly call home.

Marie forced herself back to the present- she was tired from being up all last night, keeping watch over her son. She didn't stay in the room with him, of course, or even right at the door as she was now, but she did like to be awake and near enough to be able to hear him and look in on him from time to time. She knew there was nothing she could do for him during this time, but he was her only child and she was very protective of him. She looked at the clock on the wall and read the time as 6:00 a.m. She knew, if she let him, Remus would sleep right there on the floor until his body was completely rested, about eight to ten hours. But she also knew he would sleep better in his bed. So she slid the latch on the door back, opened it then walked over to her son.

She touched him gently on his shoulder, and spoke to him.

"Good morning sweetheart."

He opened his bright blue eyes, blinked a few times, then asked

"Is is time to get up already?"

"Only for long enough for you to get to your bed. I'd imagine the floor isn't very comfortable."

"It's not too bad, but my bed will definitely be better." He said, looking around the room. He continued, "I'm sorry I made such a mess in here."

"That's okay; we'll take care of it later. For now, we both need to sleep. You've got some new cuts on your chest- do you want me to put some paste on them now?"

"No, mama, not right now. They do hurt some, but I just want to sleep."

"Okay. I'll take care of them when you get up this afternoon."

He got up and followed her out of the room, then down the hall to his bedroom. He climbed into bed, and she kissed him on the forehead.

"Sleep well, Remus."

"You too, mama."

She went to her own bedroom, where John was already asleep, then climbed into bed. Soon, she too was sound asleep.

She slept soundly for several hours, and when she woke up, she realized John was already up. She lay in bed a few more minutes, thinking about the letter she'd receive the previous day, and how to share the news it contained with Remus. Several weeks ago, she had written to Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts, to inquire about the possibility of Remus attending school there in the fall. He had turned eleven in March, so he was eligible to go, but because of his condition, she was not sure if he would be allowed to attend.

He really hoped he would be able to go, but she and John were less than optimistic about it. However, she had agreed to write, just in case she was wrong.

To her surprise, Professor Dumbledore had sent her a letter stating that he would like to meet with them next week concerning Remus' education, if they felt he would be up to it. He had not given any further details in his letter, so she did not know whether the news would be good or bad.

She wanted to tell Remus about the letter so he would be prepared for the visit. But she didn't want him to get his hopes up when the possibility of disappointment was so great.

She decided to discuss her concerns with her husband over "breakfast"- it was her first meal of the day, even though it was 2:00 p.m.

Within a few minutes, she was out of bed and in the kitchen, pouring coffee for herself and thinking about what she wanted to eat. John had made coffee and prepared a small meal for himself, but, as he did not know how long she would sleep, he hadn't made anything for her. She made some toast, deciding to wait to cook until Remus got up. She sat down across the table from her husband, and addressed him.

"Good morning…well, afternoon really. Have you been up long?"

"Good afternoon. I've only been up about a half hour. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, I did. And you?"

"I slept okay. Is Remus alright?"

"He seems to be fine. He's still asleep. He does have some new gashes on his chest, but he was too tired to want them tended this morning, so I'll do it when he gets up."

"From what he's told us, this first morning he's always extremely tired. I guess it's because he doesn't sleep at all during his cycle usually, and I'm sure the pain of the transformation itself is hard on the body too. So, I'm glad he's resting now." he replied.

"Me, too. While he is, I wanted to ask you if you think I should tell him about the letter from Dumbledore. I want him to know, but I'd hate for him to get disappointed if the news is bad."

"Probably the best thing to do is just be honest. Tell him we've heard from Professor Dumbledore, and that he wants to meet us, but we don't know what he wants to tell us. Explain that the news could be good or bad, and he just wants to tell us in person. Remus is a smart boy, he'll understand. Whether you tell him ahead of time or not, if the news is bad, he will be disappointed, there's really no way around that. But he will deal with it better if we're honest than if we try to hide it from him."

"You're right. I just hate to take the chance of him being hurt- he's been through so much already. But at least if we're honest with him, it won't be us causing the disappointment." she agreed.

"It's normal to want to protect him, but you do need to remember that if he goes to Hogwarts, he will be on his own. The staff will protect him some from bullying, but not from every unkind word or gesture…that would be an impossible task and not really help him in the long run. He needs to learn how to handle the comments and teasing that's bound to come his way. I'm not saying it's right, or that he should just accept it, but he can't let every little word affect him. Honestly, though, I think you have a harder time with it than he does."

"I probably do, but that's just me. He's probably a lot stronger than I give him credit for being. He's our only child, and I guess I tend to overprotect him. But you're right; he will have to learn to deal with society's prejudices himself. There will be a time when we won't be there to protect him. I guess if he is able to go to school, I will relax when I see that he's okay."

"So did Professor Dumbledore say when and where he wanted to meet us?" he asked.

"No, he didn't. So, I was going to write him today with a suggested time and place. How would 5:00 p.m. Friday, here, work out for you?"

"That should be okay. I should be able to get off work a few minutes early to have time to get home and put away my things before he gets here."

"Okay, that's what I'll suggest to him. We'll see what he thinks of that arrangement."

She got some parchment and a quill, wrote out the note, then took it to the barn where their owl, Artemis, was sleeping. She gently roused him, then stroked his head as she attached the letter to his ankle. She gave him instructions, and he took off into the clear blue sky.

When she got back inside, Remus had just made it to the kitchen. He was wearing a pair of loose denim shorts and a slightly sleepy expression. He smiled at his mom when she entered the room, then he asked her

"Can we take care of these cuts now? Since I woke up a few minutes ago, they've really started hurting."

"Sure, sweetheart. Come to the bathroom with me."

He followed her to the bathroom, and sat down on the edge of the bathtub while she got the jar of paste from the cabinet. She cleaned the wounds with a piece of fresh, moist gauze as the healers had instructed her to do. The wounds were cursed, and would not heal quickly, but it was best to clean them to prevent infection from any foreign material that might be in them. Once they were clean, she applied the paste, and then covered the wounds with some dry gauze.

"Does that feel a little better?"

"Yes, ma'am. But it won't really start helping until it's been on there a few minutes. And these cuts don't really stop hurting for a few days."

"I know. I wish it helped more, but at least it's better than nothing."

"Yeah, it really is. I remember how bad they were before we got this stuff. I'm not complaining." he replied.

"I know you weren't. Are you ready for something to eat now?"

"Yes ma'am. I'm really hungry."

"Well, let's go see what we can find for you to eat."

They went back to the kitchen, and she offered Remus a handful of choices for his meal. He decided on sausage, eggs and toast. While she cooked, she decided to tell him about the letter.

"Remember a few weeks ago, I told you I was going to write to Hogwarts to see about getting you into school this year?"

"Yes ma'am."

"We got a letter yesterday from Professor Dumbledore, the new Headmaster. He wants to meet us next week."

Remus' eyes brightened and he smiled as he said

"Really? Does this mean I'm gonna go to Hogwarts?"

"We don't know yet. He didn't say what he wanted to tell us, only that he wanted to meet with us. It could be good news, or bad news. We won't know until we meet with him."

"So when and where are we gonna meet him?"

"I'm not sure yet, but hopefully this Friday- five days from now- here at home. I'll know for sure when he sends me a letter back. Do you think you'll feel up to meeting him that soon?"

"I'm sure I will; I usually feel pretty good by three days after the full moon, so I think I'll be alright."

"Good, because he wants to meet you too, not just your dad and me. I don't know what he wants to tell or ask you, be he did specifically say he wanted to meet you."

"I sure hope he's got good news for me. But if he doesn't, at least you tried."

"That's true, son, we did try. I'm glad we did, no matter what happens."

She had finished cooking by this time, and handed Remus a plate. She fixed her own, and offered John some food as well. Since he'd eaten earlier, he declined. After a few silent moments, Remus spoke up.

"I was just thinking; Professor Dumbledore must be at least a little curious or concerned about me to want to meet me. If all he had in mind was to reject me, he could do that in a letter. I'm not saying he's for sure gonna accept me, but maybe he hasn't made up his mind yet, or maybe he wants to help me in some other way if he has already decided not to let me in."

"You could be right, son. But we won't know for sure for a few more days." his father said.

Remus finished his meal, then asked to be excused. He went to his room, found a light shirt to wear, then went to the room he stayed in when he transformed. Using this special room had actually been his idea just a few months after he'd been bitten. They'd tried putting him in his bedroom a few times, but he always ended up tearing up something and being really upset to find it that way when he regained his human form. So, he had suggested, after having ripped up a favorite shirt beyond repair, that they put him in an empty room before he transformed and just leave him there until it was over. At first, his parents weren't sure about the idea, because they didn't want to make him feel as if he were being punished or make him feel ashamed of what he was. After some discussion, they decided this was the best option. It isolated him from them so he couldn't bite them, and it kept his possessions in one piece. Since they started doing this, he hadn't destroyed a single toy, or other favorite item, and there had been no near misses as far as anyone being bitten or scratched.

Though his mother had never asked him to clean the room himself, it had become his habit to do as much as he could to help her. So he started picking up the pieces of fluff and fabric that were scattered around the room and sorting it into piles according to what it had been. He didn't know any spells yet, and didn't have a wand, so he couldn't do anything else to help.

He was almost finished by the time his mom entered the room. She waved her wand and conjured them each a chair, then sat down on one. She looked at what he'd gathered to see if it was all the pieces of anything. It wasn't, so she started picking up pieces from around her. It always surprised them both how much stuffing was in a relatively small pillow, and how many pieces his clothes always ended up being torn into. Once all the pieces were gathered, Remus sat down on the chair beside her, and watched as she magically repaired his pillow and clothing.

Once she was finished, he said

"Thank you mama. I sure hope I can learn to do this myself so I can help sometimes."

"You will learn them, and a lot of others, soon. I intend to teach you the things you need to know whether you go to Hogwarts or not. In fact, your dad and I have decided to get you a wand as soon as we can. I don't know for sure when, but it won't be a really long time."

"That will be great! Then I can help you with all kinds of things."

"Yes, you can. And I'll teach you some fun things too. I think you will really enjoy learning magic."

"I think so too. Is there anything else I need to help you do?" he said, glancing around the room.

"No, that's all there is to do. How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good. The cuts feel a lot better, even though they still hurt some. Can I go outside in the garden to draw? There are a couple of your roses I want to sketch."

"Sure, you can go outside if you feel up to it. But if you get tired, come back inside."

"Okay mama, I will."

He left the room and went to his bedroom to gather his sketchpad and pencil set. Then he went out to the garden and began to sketch a particularly pretty blossom on his mom's favorite pink rose bush.

Meanwhile, Marie gathered up the items she'd repaired. She put the pillow in the corner of the room, along with the blanket, and then put his clothes in with some other items to wash.

The rest of that day was uneventful. They did receive Professor Dumbledore's response that their proposed arrangement would be fine with him, and that he looked forward to meeting them.

The next morning, Marie gave Remus a light load of schoolwork to do, and she began to clean the house. For the rest of the week, this was their pattern. By Friday afternoon, their little home was clean and 'presentable', as Marie deemed it. It had not been terribly dirty to begin with, for Marie was a diligent housekeeper, but she had felt it needed attention before they had company.

From lunchtime onward that Friday, Remus had trouble concentrating on his schoolwork. He had been talking all week about meeting Professor Dumbledore. He was a bit more excited about it than Marie would have liked, but she did understand. In spite of being somewhat shy, Remus was a happy child with a mostly optimistic outlook that had not been really dampened by his experiences with life. He was always eager to make friends, especially when someone showed a little interest in him. So it did not really surprise her that he was as curious and excited about just meeting Dumbledore as he was about whatever news the headmaster might be bringing.

By 2:00 p.m., she felt he wasn't really paying attention to his lesson, so she told him to put his work aside for the day, and they would finish it next week. He put his books in the cabinet in his bedroom, then came back into the kitchen with his colored pencils and the sketch he'd made of her rose. She offered him some cookies and milk, which he accepted. While he nibbled on the cookies, he asked a question that apparently concerned him greatly, for he had a serious expression on his face.

"Mama, if Professor Dumbledore says I can go to Hogwarts, will you and Daddy let me? Or do you think it will cost too much?"

"I don't know how much it might cost for you to go to Hogwarts. But if he says you can, we will do everything we can to pay for it. We want you to have a good education, because that will be very important when you're grown up."

Remus smiled at her response. He clearly had expected to be told it might be too expensive for him to go. She and John rarely discussed money around Remus, but he was a smart boy, and realized that they had to be very careful with the little money his dad earned. He didn't know the particulars of his dad's salary, but he knew there had been times when each of them had given up something they'd wanted, to make sure they had enough for things they needed.

After a brief silence, he said

"I've tried not to get too excited, but I really hope he's bringing good news. I would love to go to Hogwarts."

"I know you would, and I really hope he's coming to tell us you can go. But you do need to remember that your condition makes it dangerous for other people to be around you. We've come up with a good way to avoid that risk, but in a school, it could be much harder. However, from what I know about Professor Dumbledore, if there's anyone who can come up with a way to make it possible, it would be him. Whatever news he's bringing, we can be sure he has tried his best to help you."

Remus' expression had changed a little at the mention of his illness. They didn't discuss it often in front of him, or with him, other than to make sure he was okay. Over the years since he'd been bitten, they had taught him the things he needed to know about his condition, and he'd learned a lot on his own. But once they were sure he understood what he needed to about it, they didn't bring it up as often, to avoid making him feel bad about himself. However, she wanted him to understand that because of his condition and its risks, it might be too dangerous for him to be in such a large group of people. She hoped she hadn't hurt his feelings by bringing it up, though.

He spoke again, with a bit less enthusiasm in his voice.

"I hope you're right about Professor Dumbledore being so smart and willing to try to help. But I'm afraid that you might be right, that I might be too dangerous to be around other kids. I really hate being a werewolf." he said, sighing deeply in frustration.

She stepped over to him, and hugged him.

"I know you hate it, I do too. You didn't ask for this, and you've done nothing to deserve it. You're a bright, sweet boy who deserves a normal life, and I'd do anything in the world to give it to you. That's why your dad and I are always looking for anything that might help you. But there's just nothing that can be done right now. So, we just have to do the best we can with what we have and what we know. I know saying that doesn't make your life any easier, because it doesn't change anything. But hopefully knowing how much I love you helps some."

He smiled faintly at her, then said

"It does help some to know you and Dad love me, and to know you're trying. But I just get so lonely sometimes. I haven't had a friend in a long time, and I miss that. I want someone to play with, to talk to and study with. I think if I manage to get in at Hogwarts, I'm not gonna let anybody know I'm a werewolf unless I really have to. Maybe that way I'll at least have a little chance of making a friend."

"That would probably be a good idea. It's not really lying, you're just leaving something out, keeping it private, and that's okay. But for now, don't worry so much, we've still got to find out what Professor Dumbledore has to say. I do have some good news to tell you that I had almost forgotten about. Your dad and I decided to take you shopping for a wand next weekend. We might get one or two of the basic schoolbooks you would use at Hogwarts too, so you can learn magic even if you don't get in."

That news cheered Remus up.

"Really? I knew you said we'd do it soon, but I wasn't expecting it to be this quick. That will be great, I can start reading and learning right away."

"You sure can, and you'll be able to practice as much as you want."

"In case I haven't told you, thanks for trying so hard to get me in at Hogwarts and for all you both have done to help me."

She kissed him on the cheek and said

"You're welcome, sweetheart."

Then she picked up the plate and glass he'd used for his snack, put them in the sink and left the room. He opened his sketchbook to the rose he'd been working on for the last week. He finally felt he had all the details like he wanted; all he needed to do was add the colors. He was quickly immersed in his work, and barely noticed when his mom returned to the kitchen. He loved to draw. He'd picked up the habit a couple of years ago, before they moved here. They had just moved into a different house, and his mom bought him an instructional book to give him something to do when he had free time. Soon, he'd mastered the techniques in the book and was learning to draw things he saw. Now he often lost track of time when he was working on a drawing. He worked on the rose sketch for the next three hours, blending, shading, and erasing until he had the rose just the way he wanted it- almost lifelike.

Around 4:00 p.m., he heard a knock on the door. His mom was in the living room, nearer to the door than he, so she answered it. His dad had managed to get off work earlier than he'd thought he could and so had arrived home early. They came into the kitchen for a snack, and they talked for a while. Remus had begun working on another picture of their owl. He was trying to get the details just right on his feathers. He stayed focused on his work, not really listening to the conversation around him.

After what seemed to him like only a few minutes, his mom spoke to him.

"Remus, you need to pick up your things and take them to your room. Professor Dumbledore should be here very soon."

"Yes, ma'am." he replied.

He then gathered his pencils and sketchbook, and took them to his room. When he came out of his room, he joined his parents in the living room to wait for Professor Dumbledore.

They did not wait long. Within five minutes, they heard a knock on the door. John opened the door, revealing a tall, thin wizard with long white hair, a long beard, and half-moon spectacles perched on a crooked nose. Remus watched attentively as his father spoke to the man.

"Professor Dumbledore?"

"Yes, sir. Are you Mr. John Lupin?"

"Yes, sir, I am. Good evening, please come in."

Professor Dumbledore stepped into the living room and followed John to where Remus and his mother were now standing in front of the sofa. John spoke

"Professor Dumbledore, this is my wife, Marie, and our son, Remus."

Professor Dumbledore shook hands with both of them.

"It's a pleasure to meet all of you."

Before she sat down, Marie asked

"Would you care for some tea, or coffee, Professor?"

"Some tea would be nice if you don't mind."

"It's no trouble at all, sir. I'll be back in a few minutes."

She left the room, and Professor Dumbledore spoke to John.

"I received your wife's letter about Remus' desire to attend Hogwarts several weeks ago, and had intended to write back sooner, but I have been quite busy."

"We guessed that you were, and knew you would answer when you could."

"Unfortunately, because of Remus' condition, I could not make a decision as quickly as I would have liked. I had to consider several different things, then discuss it with my staff and of course the school's board of governors. Before I tell you the decision I came to, I would like to ask how you manage his transformations here at home."

"Before I tell you what we do, let me first say that the routine we now have was Remus' own idea, one he proposed just a few months after he'd been bitten. At that time, we simply tried to keep him in his bedroom, and he always tore up something. After that happened a few times, and he lost a couple of special things, he had an idea. He suggested that we use a spare room in the house that was empty, and just shut him in it before he changed. He'd stay in there until it was over and he was normal again, then we would let him out. We tried it, and it worked. So, we've been doing it that way since then. We now have a spare bedroom that is empty except for a couple of pillows and blankets that he can sleep on if he wants. Actually, he doesn't usually use them until he changes back. One of us usually tries to be awake most of the time he's changed and get him into his real bed as soon as he's normal again, but sometimes we doze off, and the blankets and pillows give him something to curl up on."

Marie walked back into the room with the tea tray, and each of the adults poured a cup of tea. Professor Dumbledore sipped his, then said

"Thank you, this is good. So you keep Remus isolated during the full moon. Then what would you think of this idea? As you probably remember, the school property runs alongside Hogsmeade village. There is a forested area there, away from the main village, near our campus, which I was thinking of clearing and building a small cottage for Remus' use. It would be just a few rooms, and it would be connected to the campus by a tunnel. The tunnel would be guarded- I am thinking of using a species of tree that you may not have heard of- a 'whomping willow' as it's commonly called. These trees grow very quickly and will thrash about viciously if anyone gets too near. There is a way to control them, they all have a sensitive spot that can be touched to immobilize them, or they can be stopped by any of a handful of spells. But it would be effective enough to keep most people out of the tunnel. Once this is in place, and it would be before fall, Remus would be led out of the castle before nightfall, where he would go through the tunnel and into the house. He would spend his transformation in the house, and one of the staff, probably me or the nurse would retrieve him when it's over. He would then be brought to the hospital wing for the remainder of that day to rest, and return to classes as soon as he felt able, whether that required one or more days. Would this arrangement be agreeable to you?"

"Just to make sure I understand right, the house would be apart from the village and he wouldn't be able to get out once he's changed? And no one else could come in either?" John asked.

"He wouldn't be able to get out until he returns to human form. And while I won't say it would be impossible for someone to come in on him, I will make that as difficult as I can. I know none of us wants him to hurt anyone accidentally."

There was a brief pause, and Remus took advantage of it. He asked

"You said the house would be new. I almost always tear something up while I'm changed. What if I tear up something important?"

"You won't. The house will be mostly empty. Anything I put in there won't be valuable, and will only be there to make it seem as though someone could live there. Even if you tear up everything inside, it won't matter at all."

Remus then smiled and said

"Good, I was kinda worried there for a minute. So does this mean I can go?"

"That's up to your parents, and you. If you agree to my suggestion, or have a better idea so that you won't be a danger to the other students, you are welcome to attend school at Hogwarts."

His dad then spoke

"Marie, is this okay with you? He's right that it's very similar to what we do here. I think it would work too."

She smiled at her son and replied

"Yes, that's fine with me. That arrangement should keep everyone safe."

"But before we say for sure you're going, we need to have some idea of how much it will cost." said his father.

"The usual tuition is 250 galleons a year, plus supplies and uniforms. However, I don't turn anyone away if they can't pay. The school has a scholarship fund for such circumstances. It can be used to pay his tuition, supplies, or both. There are also used books and some supplies like potion ingredients, scales and cauldrons he could borrow from the school once he's there. Flourish and Blots' often sells used books or has them on sale near the beginning of the school year. A wand costs about five galleons at Ollivander's, and a typical supply of first year robes is about 30. If you don't like the idea of us simply paying for his needs, you can repay all or part of the money whenever you have it. We can work with this part however suits you best."

His dad didn't say anything for a few moments, and seemed to be concentrating on the information he'd just been given. Remus was really worried- even though he didn't know much about the family budget that sounded like a lot of money. He was sure his dad would say no, they couldn't do it, then his father spoke again.

"If the school pays his tuition each year, I think we can manage the rest. The uniforms don't change much from year to year, do they? He could wear the same ones until he outgrows them or wears them out?"

"Most likely. We don't generally change them much. It's a simple outfit: gray pants, a white shirt and tie, and a gray sweater vest trimmed with the house colors, also a black robe for use in cooler weather. As for the tuition, we will happily take care of it each of the seven years he attends. If at any point new arrangements need to be made, simply write to me and we will take care of it."

"That sounds good. Can we get a list of supplies from you now so that we can buy them over the summer? When does term start?" asked John.

Professor Dumbledore took out his wand and waved it, then caught three sheets of paper in his hand. He handed them to Remus' father.

"Here are the instructions you will need, his complete supply list for this year, and a train ticket for the Hogwarts Express. The train leaves at 11:00 a.m. on September 1st. It arrives that evening in Hogsmeade Station, usually around 6:00 p.m. Classes start on September 2nd."

He then addressed Remus

"Just to be sure we are adding the correct information to our records, what is your full name and when is your birthday?"

"Remus John Lupin is my full name. My birthday is March 10, 1960. I just turned eleven years old." he replied, smiling brightly.

"Good. Is there anything else special we need to know?" Professor Dumbledore, asked, addressing all three of them.

"Nothing I can think of at the moment, but I wanted to ask if he should bring some of the paste we use on his cuts each month from home with him?" asked Marie

"No, keep that for summers. We always have some at school. We don't have any other werewolves at school, but that same paste is useful for many types of cuts."

"Good."

Then Remus asked

"So the whole staff already knows I'm coming?"

"They know that I'm meeting you tonight to see if you want to come. I will tell them you've accepted once I return to school tonight. None of them will reveal to the students that you are a werewolf, and you won't have any reason to mention it to anyone unless you want to do so. They have all agreed to help you in whatever way needed to keep you, and everyone else, safe."

Remus didn't know what to say. He could hardly believe what he'd heard. This group of people who didn't even know him, had agreed to work together to allow him to be able to attend school in spite of the risks it posed. They'd even gone a step further and agreed to keep his condition a secret from the students.

"Thank you sir, for everything you've done. I wanted to go to Hogwarts, that's why mom wrote to you. But I wasn't sure if there would be a way that I would be able to go. I'm glad you were able to come up with a plan."

"You're welcome, Remus. We look forward to having you at school in a few months."

Marie then asked

"Is there anything special I need to teach him before he goes to school? He reads and writes very well, and he's pretty good at math. I've covered some other subjects with him too- history, geography, and a little science."

"Actually, it sounds like he will be ahead of some of his classmates. A few of the students might have read their books early or their parents might have taught them a little magic, but it's not required. We generally start everyone out at the same place. Knowing how to read, write and do math will be a big help. The other subjects you've covered won't necessarily relate to anything we teach, but it's good that he's familiar with them. A person can never learn too much. So I'd say give him some time off, or if you buy some of his new schoolbooks early, he can read in them if he wants. But there's no reason to feel he has to; we'll start at the beginning on September 2nd."

"I'm sure he'll appreciate a little break. I know you've answered all of my questions. I feel everything will work out well, and that Remus will learn a lot at school. I thank you too, sir, from the three of us, for the effort you put in to make this happen." She said.

"You're welcome. It was no problem, really. Now, if there are no other questions, I will take my leave of you. If you think of anything before school starts, send me a letter at the school."

"I think that's all we need to know." replied John as he stood up.

Professor Dumbledore stood as well, shook hands with everyone, then followed John to the door.

"Good bye, and have a good evening." He said as he left.

"Good bye, Professor. Have a good evening." said John.

John opened the door for him, then closed it behind him once he was gone.

Marie then asked Remus

"Well son, what do you think? You're really going to be able to go to Hogwarts."

Remus was smiling, the excitement apparent on his face.

"I'm so happy I don't really know what to say. Even though I'd hoped the news would be good, I was afraid it wouldn't be. I was really nervous that even if he said I had been accepted, it would be too expensive. I'm so glad that everything worked out. I almost can't believe it's really happened- that I'll be a Hogwarts student in four months."

"I'm glad you're so excited and that we were able to get you in. Did you hear what he said about your schoolwork, that you're ahead?"

"Yes ma'am, I did. He also said you could give me some time off. So, will you? At least until I get my new magic books?"

"Sure, we can take some time off. Actually, there's no reason for me to teach you any more unless you want me to. You know the things you need to handle the work at Hogwarts, and they'll teach you the rest when you get there. If you want to look at your new books, you can, but you don't have to. You could just get an early start on summer vacation."

"Thanks, mom. When I do get some of my new books, I would like you to look at them with me."

"I will. It'll be fun for me- I haven't seen those books in a while. It will be interesting to see what changes they've made." She replied, and then glanced at the clock on the wall. It was a few minutes after 6:00 p.m. "I'm sure both of you are hungry, so I'm going to make dinner." She said.

She got up and went into the kitchen. Then Remus' father spoke to him.

"How would you like to go shopping for some of your school things tomorrow?"

"That would be great, Dad. Could we?"

"I think we could get your wand and maybe a couple of your books. Then in a week or two, we could go back and get something else- maybe your potions kit or some other books. If we do it a bit at a time, it'll be easier to have everything you need before school starts."

"That sounds good to me. I just thought of something; how am I supposed to carry all of that? It won't fit in a backpack or a suitcase."

"No, son, it won't. You'll need a trunk. I've got one out in the barn that I used until a few years ago. If it's still in decent shape, you can use it. If not, we'll get you a new one."

"Okay, I didn't think of that. As long as it holds everything and works like it should, I don't mind. But if it's so much stuff I need a trunk to hold it all, how am I gonna get it on the train? And how am I gonna manage it at school?"

"It won't be as difficult as it seems. I'll load it onto the train for you at the station when you get on, and there will be someone there at Hogsmeade station that will unload it and take it to school for you. Once you get there, they send your trunk up to your dorm, and all you need to do from there is take out the stuff you need for the day. You won't need every book every day, and you'll have a book bag to carry stuff in around school. Some of it may be a little clumsy, but you'll get used to it, just like everyone else does."

"That doesn't sound so bad. I was thinking I'd be carrying this huge pile of books around every day. Since I'm asking questions, what did Professor Dumbledore mean when he mentioned 'houses'?" asked Remus.

"The students are grouped into four houses, named after the two witches and two wizards that founded the school a long time ago. According to history, each founder chose students to teach based on traits that the founder preferred. For example, it's said that Rowena Ravenclaw, one of the witches, preferred students who were clever and studious. So she chose the students the felt were the cleverest among the group. That's not to say the other students weren't clever, just that she felt the ones she chose seemed to her to be cleverer than the others. Now, when the founders have been dead for centuries, the school uses a different method. They have an enchanted hat, which, at the beginning of each school year, is used in a special sorting ceremony. All of the first year students are gathered in front of the rest of the school and one by one, they sit on a stool and wear the hat for a few minutes. The hat analyzes each student's personality and sorts you into the house it feels you belong in. You then do everything with the other students in that house. Each has their own dorms, their own dining tables, and a common room where anyone in that house can go to read, relax, or visit with friends. You'll take classes with the first year students of your house- though they often combine two houses for lessons. Everything good you do earns your house points; anything bad you do takes points away. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the House Cup, a trophy for their common room. Each house has a mascot, its own colors and its own Quidditch team. Your uniforms will have colors on them that represent your house to identify you to others."

"Will I get to spend time with people from other houses too?" Remus asked.

"Yes, you will. The whole school eats together, and even though you have a house table, you can mingle if you want. The library is open to everyone, and if you go to the Quidditch games, you can sit wherever you want. The same is true for the train- you can sit wherever you wish. You'll also have free time after classes and on weekends to do what you want. Your mom and I were in different houses- I was in Hufflepuff and she was in Gryffindor."

"Will I be able to write to you and mom from school?"

"Yes, you will. The school has a bunch of owls that are there for anyone to use. You just have to tell them where to deliver the letter- it shouldn't be too difficult, owls are pretty smart."

Before Remus could ask another question, his mom came into the room and said dinner was ready. After they ate, Remus took a bath and went to bed, hoping he wasn't too excited to sleep.

The next morning, he got up by about 6:00 a.m., dressed quietly and tiptoed to the living room, where he curled up with the book his mom had given him the previous evening. It was a history of Hogwarts school, and he was eager to learn as much as he could about it. He read for about half an hour before his mom came into the room. She greeted him with a kiss on the cheek, then went into the kitchen to make breakfast. He decided to follow her so he could help, and also have the chance to talk to her before they went shopping.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" he asked.

"If you want, you can make the toast while I cook the eggs and sausages."

"Okay." He replied with a yawn.

"Did you sleep last night?"

"A little. I was so excited it took forever for me to go to sleep, and I woke up a few times. But I'm ready to go shopping- I'm looking forward to getting a few things."

"I'm sure you are. Most kids are excited to get their school things- I know I was. I'm sure you'll have fun today picking out some of your stuff. I guess it would be more fun if we got it all at once, but maybe you'll still enjoy it."

"I know I will. Taking more than one trip will just mean I have something to look forward to each week. I don't mind it at all."

"That's a very grown up way to look at it, and you're right, it will give you something to look forward to all through the summer."

"I wanted to ask you something that I thought of late last night. How do you choose a good wand? You and dad said that I might get my wand today, but I don't know how to pick one."

"Actually, choosing a wand is not like picking anything else- you don't actually choose the wand. The wand chooses you. It sounds strange, but that's how it works. Mr. Ollivander, the wand maker, will measure you several different ways and ask you some questions that will help him choose a group of wands he feels likely to work for you. Then you'll try each of them, one at a time, by just waving them. The one that works right for you is the one that has chosen you. He will know for sure if it's right, but it should be the one that doesn't do anything strange. It may even glow when you use it. The others you try are likely to make quite a mess of the store. Don't worry, it happens to everyone. By the time we're done, he will have it all cleaned up."

"That does sound strange, but at least he's used to it. Will I need to tell him I'm a werewolf, or do you think it will matter?"

"I don't think it will matter, so we won't say anything unless there seems to be something wrong or he asks. But if he needs to know, I'll tell him for you."

"Thanks, mom. I really hope it goes okay without needing to tell him."

"I'm sure it will. Now, we need to finish breakfast so we can go."

She had almost finished her part of the meal, so he quickly got some bread toasted it, then poured his milk. He sat down at the table to wait for her to finish. Soon, his dad joined them in the kitchen. When they had finished eating, they washed and put away the dishes, then they apparated to Diagon Alley.

Once they were there, they went to Gringott's Bank to withdraw the money they would need for the shopping trip. Remus and his mom decided to wait outside while his dad went inside, which allowed Remus a chance to look at the nearby shops. They walked down the sidewalk a short distance, and Remus looked in the storefront of the apothecary's shop. There were bunches of herbs tied together, bins of horns, stones and shells, but most prominent in the display was a thick bunch of silvery white unicorn hair. He couldn't see the price because of the other people standing around outside the shop, but he knew it was likely to be expensive. He really hoped he wouldn't need any unicorn hair.

His mom was leading him away from the shop toward the Quidditch supply shop when his dad caught up to them.

"Are you ready to go buy your wand?" his dad asked

"Yes sir, I am."

They walked down the sidewalk a short distance to a very old-looking wooden building. It had a very simple display- a faded purple velvet pillow holding a dark colored wand. He followed his parents into the building, and stepped up to the counter between them. After a moment, a wizard appeared who looked older than Professor Dumbledore did. The man, who Remus guessed was Mr. Ollivander, was shorter than Remus' dad was, and though he had silver hair like Professor Dumbledore, it was shorter and he had no beard.

"Welcome to Ollivander's. I'm Mr. Ollivander, and I'm guessing you're here for a new wand." He said, appraising Remus with pale silver eyes.

"Yes sir, I am. My name's Remus Lupin and I'll be starting school at Hogwarts this fall. We thought we'd get some of the shopping done early."

"Yes, that makes sense. It gives you a little time to practice with a new wand and get the feel of it. Well, Remus, let me take a few measurements and I'll see what I have that might work for you."

He came from behind the counter and looked Remus over again. He got out his tape measure and measured Remus several different ways. He asked some questions about which hand he wrote with, could he use both hands equally well, and several other things that made Remus wonder why he needed to know. Once he had his notes, he went to the back of the shop. About ten minutes later, he returned with a stack of about eight boxes. He sat them down on the counter and separated them into two short stacks, then opened one and handed it to Remus to try first. Remus waved it cautiously, only to have it send at least fifty wand boxes flying off the shelf. Mr. Ollivander shook his head and took that one from Remus. He placed it in its box and separated it from the others. The next one he handed Remus shattered the storefront window when Remus waved it. Mr. Ollivander repaired the window before Remus could get an apology out of his mouth. As he took that wand from Remus, he said

"Don't worry lad, that happens at least a dozen times a day in the week before school starts. Practically everyone breaks my window."

Though Remus had expected to make a mess, breaking the window had surprised him, and he had been quite embarrassed about it until Mr. Ollivander had shared that detail.

"Really? You must get tired of fixing it so often." Remus commented.

"Actually I don't mind because it keeps me in practice on my repairing spells. But I guess you can understand why I use such a simple display."

"Yes sir, I do. Anything else would be a lot more work, and you could end up losing something."

"Exactly. Now, try this one." He said, handing Remus a third wand.

Remus waved it toward the wall of the shop, where a vase of flowers sat perched on a glass display case. Both the vase and the display cabinet shattered.

As he repaired the glass, Mr. Ollivander said with a slight chuckle

"I have to ask- you aren't thinking hard about breaking things are you? I know you aren't likely doing this deliberately, but if you concentrate too much on breaking things, the damage tends to be worse."

"I was worrying that I might break something you couldn't fix, but that's all. I don't want to break things."

"Okay, then that's not likely to be the problem. But you can stop worrying- everything in this shop has been broken by someone, and I've always managed to mend it. So relax, we still need to find the right wand for you. None of these seems to be quite right."

He took that wand from Remus, walked back to the counter and took a moment to look at the remaining wands in the stack. He pulled one from the bottom, opened it and looked at it closely. He handed the long, thin, light colored wand to Remus. Remus was sure it wouldn't be right for him either it seemed too long for him to handle. But when he took it from Mr. Ollivander, it fit his hand better than he expected. He gave it a wave, and it shot gold sparks out the end of it, and glowed faintly as he held it.

"This is your wand Remus. It has chosen you. This wand should work very well for you. It is 12 ½ inches long, made of ash, with a unicorn hair core."

"Will it always glow when I hold it?" Remus asked

"No. It just does that the first time its true master holds it. That just shows that the wand has chosen you. This means it will work better for you than other types of wands. If you look, the glow is fading already."

"If this wand works best for me, then what do I do if it gets broken or lost? Will another wand work for me?"

"Oh yes, there are others that will work for you if needed, and a few might even perform as well as this one. But now that we know what wood and core combination works for you, I, or any other wand maker if needed, can make another one of that combination or similar. But you likely won't need to worry about that for a long time. Most wizards quickly learn to keep their wands close at all times. As far as damage, a wand can often be repaired unless the damage is very severe."

"That's good to know, because I can be a bit clumsy at times. But I will do my best to be careful with my wand."

"I'm sure you will. This box will help you keep up with it and keep it safe. "said Mr. Ollivander, pulling a polished wooden box from behind the counter. It was a perfect fit for Remus' new wand.

He handed the box to Remus and said, "This box, and a basic wand care kit come with the purchase of a new wand at no additional cost. The kit has instructions as well as basic items to keep a wand clean and in good shape."

As Remus was looking at the wand, box and kit, his dad asked

"How much for this?"

"Five galleons." Mr. Ollivander replied

Mr. Lupin took out the pouch of money he had in his pocket and paid for the wand. Mr. Ollivander handed a bag to Remus, who put everything in the bag.

"Have a good year at Hogwarts." said Mr. Ollivander as they turned to leave the shop.

"Thank you sir, I'm sure I will." replied Remus.

They left the shop and walked down the sidewalk toward the bookstore. Of all the stores in Diagon Alley, Flourish and Blotts was the most familiar to Remus. He'd been in there several times in the past, usually when his mom or dad was looking for information about his condition. As he walked through the door, he was greeted by two of his favorite smells- leather and fresh parchment.

Immediately inside were several displays featuring some of the newer titles on the Hogwarts book list. There was a newly revised edition of his potions textbook, as well as a new edition of the book required for defense against the dark arts. They looked at these, his father mentally noting the price. They then looked at some of the other titles, and finally decided to purchase his transfiguration book, which was on sale, and his potions book. After spending just a little over twenty galleons on the books, they decided to go to the apothecary's shop and pick up his potions kit.

The purchase there was far easier than Remus had expected. Instead of picking out individual ingredients, his dad simply told the shopkeeper that they needed a first year potions kit for Hogwarts. The wizard retrieved it from the back of the store, his dad paid for it, and they were finished.

Their shopping completed for the day, they apparated home. Remus set his new supplies on the coffee table in the living room and started examining everything closely. After being immersed in his transfiguration book for quite a while, he looked up and realized he'd been reading for over an hour. A bumping noise had caused him to look up, and he now saw the source of the sound- his dad was bringing an old, but functional trunk into the living room. The trunk was clean and his dad had apparently painted Remus' name on it so it would be ready to use if he wanted.

"Here's the trunk I told you about last night. The cedar lining is still good; it doesn't have any cracks or splits anywhere, and the latches all still work. I think it can work okay for you." said his dad.

Remus looked at it closely, and agreed with his dad's description.

"I think it will be fine, as long as it can hold everything. I'm guessing it probably can, it certainly looks big."

"It should hold everything, if you pack it carefully. Your mom or I can help you with that if needed."

"I'm sure I can do it. For now, can we put it in my room, and I'll just add to it as I get my stuff?"

"Sure, that's what I was thinking anyway." replied his dad.

His dad took the trunk and put it in Remus' bedroom, at the foot of his bed.

Over the next several months, Remus would add a few new items to his trunk every week. His mom had suggested, right after their first shopping trip, that they put off buying his uniforms until just before school started. So by the time he got those, he already had all of his books, his cauldron, potion kit, and other needed items.


	2. Friends and Secrets

Soon it was August, and to Remus' relief, the full moon fell a week before he was to leave for school. This gave him a whole week to recover before he left for school, and it also meant that it would be a couple of weeks after classes began before he had to deal with it again.

On the morning of September 1st, Remus got up at 6:00 a.m. He went about his morning routine as quietly as he could, then checked his trunk to make sure everything was packed. Sure that he hadn't missed anything, he went to the living room and curled up with a book to read until his parents got up.

A little less than an hour later, his mom came into the room. She tousled his hair and spoke to him.

"Good morning. Today's the big day. Are you ready?"

"Yes ma'am. I'm a little nervous, but I'm ready."

"Did you make sure you have everything packed?"

"Yes ma'am. Everything is in my trunk, except for one set of robes to change into before we get there. Those are in my book bag, along with my sketchpad and a book to read."

"Great, it sounds like you've got everything taken care of. What would you like for breakfast?"

"I'm not very hungry, so maybe just some French toast?"

"Sure, that's fine."

When she went in the kitchen to make breakfast, Remus realized it would be the last time he would share breakfast with his parents until he returned home for Christmas. He was a little sad about that, but he was so excited that the sadness didn't last long.

By 8:30 a.m., they had finished breakfast and then apparated to King's Cross station. When they landed at the station, Remus looked around, taking in everything. The station looked like an ordinary muggle train station, but he knew the magical platform that lead to the Hogwarts Express was there. He spotted an empty luggage trolley and got it for his dad to put the trunk on. They walked toward the signs indicating platforms nine and ten. His mom had explained how the magical platform, nine and three-quarters, worked so he would know what to expect.

When he stepped through the barrier, the immediately saw the bright scarlet engine of the Hogwarts Express. After a moment, he looked around at the busy station. There were families everywhere, pulling trolleys loaded with trunks, some of which had animals in cages perched on top. He noticed there were quite a few kids about his age, and wondered how many of them he would share a house with, and if any of them would become his friends.

His dad spoke to him

"Are you ready to get on? It looks like there are quite a few kids this year. You'll probably need a few minutes to find a seat."

"Yes sir, I guess I am. Do you need me to help you with my trunk?" Remus asked.

"No, I can handle it. I'll take care of that while you say your goodbyes to your mom."

"Okay. Thanks, dad."

His dad pushed the luggage trolley toward the end of the train. While he was gone, Remus' mom spoke to him.

"We did it- you're actually going to Hogwarts. I think I'm as excited as you are. But I'm gonna miss you too. We've been together so much it will take me a while to get used to you being gone." she said, pulling him into a tight hug.

"I know mama. I'll miss you too. But I will write to you often- every day if you want me too."

"Write as often as you want, but don't neglect your studies. I want you to learn as much as you can, do your best, and don't give your teachers a hard time." Then she dropped her voice to a whisper and continued, "Don't fuss about what Professor Dumbledore is doing for you. I know it's not quite the same as at home, but it's the best he can do."

"I know it is, and I actually like his idea. It makes the risk very small. I'm glad for the things he's doing." He whispered to her.

He pulled out of her hug and spoke normally.

"I know you want me to do my best, and I will. I'll still try to write you a couple of times a week, though. Maybe that will help keep you from missing me too much. Remember, I will be home at Christmas."

"I know, and I'll be counting the days until I see you again."

She hugged him one more time just as his dad rejoined them. He spoke to them.

"Your trunk is loaded, and you can sit anywhere you want once you get on. I was right that there will be someone at Hogsmeade station to unload your trunk and send it to the school for you. So you don't need to worry about that."

"Thank you, dad. I guess I should get on now. I'll see you both at Christmas."

"Goodbye, Remus" said both his parents.

Remus climbed the steps of the train and began his search for a seat. Every compartment he looked in was full. Finally, he found one that only had one occupant, a boy who looked about his age. The boy was about Remus' height, slightly heavier, with black hair and grey eyes. Remus slid the compartment door open a bit and asked

"Can I sit with you? All the other compartments are full."

"Sure, I don't mind. Come on in."

"Thanks, I appreciate this." Replied Remus.

"What's your name?"

"Remus Lupin."

"I'm Sirius Black. Nice to meet you, Remus."

"Pleased to meet you too. Are you starting at Hogwarts this year?"

"Yes, I am. Are you?"said Sirius

"Yes. I'm looking forward to it. I'm a little nervous though."

"I am a little bit nervous too, but I think it will be a lot of fun."

Just then, the train started moving, and they heard someone yell "Bye Sirius". Remus spotted a boy who looked a great deal like Sirius, but a little younger, waving at Sirius.

"Bye Regulus." Called Sirius.

Sirius waved at the boy, who then walked over to a tall, stocky woman with black hair and a hard expression on her face that looked permanent. Beside her stood a man of average build who let a slight smile cross his face before it faded into a somewhat exasperated expression.

Sirius sat down, then explained.

"That's my brother, Regulus. He's ten, so he won't start Hogwarts until next year. He's excited that I'm going, and I promised I'd send him a souvenir."

"What kind of souvenir are you going to send him from school?"

"I really don't know. I might see if I can get a few pictures of the castle, or of the dorms, or maybe I can get an extra copy of the yearbook. I'm really not sure; I'll have to think about this for a while. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"No, I'm an only child. Mom and Dad decided one was enough."

"I bet that's nice- no one around to bug you all the time."

"It's okay, but it can be lonely. No one around to bug also means no one around to talk to or play with. I live in a rural area where there aren't many neighbors, and the few that do live there don't have kids. So, I don't think I'd mind having a brother or sister."

"I never thought about it that way. Regulus was born when I was only a year old, so we've been together a lot. He's okay sometimes, but there are times when I wish he'd leave me alone."

The compartment door slid open before Remus could respond. A boy about their age, who was slightly out of breath stuck his head in the gap. The boy looked like he'd been running- his brown hair was sticking up in the back and his wire-rimmed glasses were almost to the tip of his nose. He drew a deep breath, pushed his glasses up and spoke to them.

"Can I sit with you? Everywhere else is full?"

Sirius and Remus exchanged glances, Remus shrugged, and then Sirius said

"Sure, have a seat."

The boy stepped into the compartment, closed the door, then stowed his bag and sat down beside Sirius.

"I'm James Potter." He said.

"My name's Sirius Black." Replied Sirius

"I'm Remus Lupin."

"Nice to meet you both. Are you first years at Hogwarts?"

"Yes" they both replied.

As the ride stretched on, the three of them fell into comfortable conversation. They talked about their families, where they lived and their interests. Remus learned that James was also an only child, and that he lived in a somewhat rural area. Sirius lived in London, in a well- protected and disguised house in an otherwise muggle neighborhood. Remus also realized he was the more reserved one of the group- he alone enjoyed reading and sketching; James was interested in Quidditch and already a skilled flyer. Sirius seemed to be interested in anything fast, not only brooms, but muggle motorcycles and cars.

Sooner than they had expected, darkness fell and they realized they should be close to Hogwarts. The conversation then turned to speculation about which house the sorting hat would place them in.

"Which house do you think you'll be in?" asked James

"With my luck, probably Slytherin. Everyone in my family has been in Slytherin for years. But I'd **like **to be in Gryffindor." replied Sirius.

"Where do you think you'll end up, Remus?" James asked.

"I don't know. My mom was in Gryffindor, and dad was in Hufflepuff. I think I'll be happy in either of those. I'm not sure I'd be considered clever enough for Ravenclaw."

"Which one do you think you'll get, James?" asked Sirius.

"Probably Gryffindor, if family is any indication. Both of my parents were in Gryffindor."

"Maybe we'll all be in Gryffindor. Then we'll have classes together." said Remus.

"That would be fun…but I just have a bad feeling about my sorting." said Sirius.

"Maybe you'll get surprised. It's not like the hat goes only by your family- it considers your personality to be the most important part of its decision." commented James.

"If you're right, then I do stand some chance of being in a different house than Slytherin, because I'm different from my parents in a lot of ways." replied Sirius.

"He probably is right; my parents told me the same thing about the sorting process. Surely they're not all wrong." said Remus.

They didn't have much longer to wonder- Sirius looked at his watch and realized it was 5:30 p.m., and they needed to change into their school robes. They agreed that it would take too long to go to the bathroom to change clothes and decided instead to lower the blinds and change in their compartment. While he was doing this, Remus thought about how much he'd enjoyed talking to James and Sirius. He liked them both so far, but knew it was much too soon to know if they'd really all become friends even if they were sorted into the same house. Of course he was well aware that if he were to reveal his condition to them or they figured it out, they'd likely never speak to him again. This fact made him very grateful he'd worn an undershirt that morning to conceal the gauze covering the cuts on his chest. Once he had his new robes on, he neatly folded his clothes and put them back in the bag that held the book he'd not even thought about during the entire ride.

Not long after they'd changed clothes, Remus noticed the train was slowing down. Finally, it gave a couple of blasts from its whistle, then rolled to a stop. The three of them gathered their things and filed out of the train with the rest of the students. As soon as they are on the platform, they hear a booming voice.

"Firs' years this way."

Remus followed the sound and saw the biggest man he'd ever laid eyes on. The man was huge- he looked about ten feet tall and his face was almost covered by a long mane of hair and a wild, tangled beard. His dark eyes were barely visible in the dim light of the platform. He waved to the students with hands as large as dustbin lids as he called to them again.

"Come on, this way firs' years."

Soon all the first year students had gathered around this man, who Remus was certain must be at least part giant, and listened to his instructions.

"Follow me. Yeh'll get yer firs' sight o' Hogwarts in a sec. Jus' round the bend here."

They followed him as he walked down a steep, narrow path. It was very dark around them, and Remus believed there were probably trees nearby. After a moment, the path opened up on the bank of a great black lake. Perched on a mountain on the other side, its windows glittering against the velvet sky, was the castle with its many turrets and towers.

A fleet of rowboats was lined up along the shore, apparently waiting for them to get in. The man instructed them to get in, and no more than four to a boat. Once he was sure everyone was in, he then gave the command "Forward" and the boats began to glide across the lake on their own.

The trip across the lake was short and quiet, since everyone was staring in awe at the castle. Though he was excited and happy to finally be at Hogwarts, Remus was becoming nervous. He knew that the sorting ceremony would take place in front of the entire school, and he was worried that the sorting hat might detect and mention his condition aloud. He took a couple of slow, deep breaths and reminded himself of all that Professor Dumbledore had done to get him in and keep his secret. Surely he would have seen to this detail as well. That knowledge helped his nerves settle, and he enjoyed the rest of the ride.

Once they'd reached the opposite shore, they got out of the boats and followed their leader up to the castle door, where he knocked three times.

The door was opened immediately by a stern looking witch with auburn hair and piercing green eyes. Remus got the impression she was not a person you wanted to cross.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall." Said the man

"Thank you, Hagrid, I'll take them from here." Replied the witch.

She then turned her attention to the group of new students in front of her. She addressed them, explaining some of the important things they would need to know in the next few minutes.

"Welcome to Hogwarts. In a few moments, the sorting ceremony will begin. You will be sorted into one of four houses. They are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. While you are here, your house will be like your family. You will do almost everything together. Good behavior will earn you points; bad behavior will cause your house to lose points. At the end of the year, the house with the most point will win the House Cup, a trophy to be displayed in their common room. In case you are wondering, your belongings are already in the castle and will be sent to the correct dorms by the time the start of term feast is finished. Finally, about the sorting process itself, it is very simple. You will line up in the Great Hall in front of the rest of the school and be called one at a time to sit on a stool. I will then place the sorting hat on your head and it will determine which house you belong in. It will then announce its decision and you will join your classmates. Now, please follow me into the Great Hall."

She opened the door they'd been standing in front of and led them into the castle's main entrance. They walked a short distance, then she pushed open another set of large doors that revealed the school's dining hall. Remus looked around as he walked. The room was as described in the book he'd read over the summer, though nothing compared to seeing it in person. It was huge, and the enchanted ceiling added to the effect by mirroring the sky outside so perfectly it almost disappeared. Four very long tables filled with students took up most of the space. At the front of the room was a raised area on which a fifth table stood, perpendicular to the others. The staff were seated at this table. In front of the staff table stood a small stool with a very beat up looking old hat perched on top of it.

Professor McGonagall told them to gather around this area, and then called the first name from the list. Sirius was among the first few students called, and Remus paid attention to the hat as Sirius wore it. After a moment, it announced its decision as "Gryffindor". Sirius smiled triumphantly at his companions as he joined the Gryffindor table.

A few very long minutes later, Remus was called for his sorting. As he walked the few feet to the little stool, his earlier worries flooded back to him. He was so nervous he felt as though he'd swallowed a bunch of live butterflies. He hoped he didn't look as shaky as he felt. He sat down on the stool, and Professor McGonagall placed the hat on his head.

Within a few seconds, it started whispering to him. It made several remarks about his personality- "smart", "kind", "loyal", "hard working" and "desire to please". Then it said "hmm...that was unexpected", but it didn't indicate what it was referring to. It then announced him as being in Gryffindor.

Relieved that the hat had not said the word 'werewolf' aloud, Remus' nerves settled. He walked over to the Gryffindor table and was lucky enough to get a seat next to Sirius.

They watched as a couple more kids were sorted into each house. When they were sure James must be close to the top of the list, they paid closer attention. One boy looked even more scared than Remus had felt. Short and somewhat plump with blonde hair, Peter Pettigrew stumbled, nearly tripping as he walked up to the stool. When he sat down facing them, in the moment before Professor McGonagall placed the hat on his head, Remus caught a glimpse of his face. He fought back a little laugh at the comparison his imagination made- that the boy's face reminded him very much of a rat. He scolded himself a bit for making fun of the boy, and decided it was just because he hadn't really seen him well. When, after several minutes, the hat added him to Gryffindor as well, Remus told himself that Peter couldn't be too bad, since they were in the same house. Peter joined the table, sitting on the opposite side and several places down from them. James was called next, and he strode up to the stool with more apparent confidence than anyone they'd seen so far. He sat down and the hat was placed on his head. In less than a minute, the hat said

"Of course, I could hardly put you anywhere else. Gryffindor!"

James smiled, as if he'd been completely certain he'd be put in Gryffindor. He joined Remus and Sirius at the table.

"Way to go, James!" said Remus.

"We were hoping you'd be put in Gryffindor too." added Sirius.

"I was too, especially after both of you ended up here. I'm just glad our guesses weren't too far off. Except you, Sirius- I'm glad you were wrong." said James.

"Me too." replied Sirius.

"Just out of curiosity, did the hat whisper anything to either of you?" asked Remus

"Yeah, it did. Just a few words, I guess it must have been what it saw in my personality." said James.

"It did with me too. Could you hear what it said about me?" asked Remus.

"No, I didn't hear anything until it said Gryffindor" replied James.

"I didn't hear yours, or anyone else's either, that's why I was wondering if it had been just me."

Their conversation ended when Professor Dumbledore walked up to the podium and called for silence. He welcomed everyone to school, made a few announcements, then announced for the feast to begin. At those words, the tables were magically filled with food. There were so many different kinds of food that Remus didn't know quite where to start. Finally, he spotted several things he knew he liked, and helped himself to those. About forty-five minutes later, after most of the main course was gone, the food disappeared, to be quickly replaced with a wide variety of sweets. This time, his favorite dish was right in front of him- a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and cherries on top. He helped himself to a large slice, hoping he could eat it all.

When most of the desserts were gone, they too vanished. Then Professor Dumbledore sent everyone to bed. They followed the prefects up to Gryffindor tower, then were told where the dorms were. They were pleased to see that the three of them had a room together, along with Peter Pettigrew.

The following morning, Remus joined his classmates for breakfast. While they ate, Professor McGonagall, who was head of Gryffindor house, passed out their schedules. Remus, Sirius, James and Peter all had several classes together.

Their first class of the day was Transfiguration, which was taught by Professor McGonagall. Shortly after introducing herself and explaining a bit about the class, she impressed the class by turning into a tabby cat, then back again. She then checked roll, and began lecturing about the basic principles of transfiguration.

Following Transfiguration was Charms class. Tiny Professor Flitwick stood on a chair while he welcomed them to class and then demonstrated the first charm they would learn- levitation. After explaining the wand movement and the words, he passed out feathers for everyone to try to levitate. A few of the students, including James, were able to make their feathers hover. But they were all surprised when a red-haired Gryffindor girl named Lily Evans managed to lift her feather several feet off the desk and earn ten points for their house. They all continued trying for the rest of the class, and James managed to make his feather float several inches above the desk for a few seconds, earning them another ten points.

After lunch was Potions class, and Professor Slughorn seemed to be the kind of teacher that would be easy to get along with. They spent this lesson learning the properties of some of the basic ingredients of their potion making kit. He promised them that later that week they would begin making simple potions.

Their final lesson of the day was flying. This was easily the most enjoyable class of the day for most of them. Remus was a bit nervous since he'd never ridden a broom before. After a couple of tries, he managed to get his broom to hover a few feet off the ground, then touch down without falling off. To Remus' surprise, James' skill with a broom was not mere boasting. He did everything Madam Hooch asked correctly the first time, without needing further instructions or correction. Curious about how much experience he had, she asked him

"How long have you been flying?"

"About two years. Dad got me a broom for my ninth birthday. He taught me how to fly it, and I fly almost every day."

"If you can fly as well as I suspect you can, you don't need this class. How about a little test? If you can do what I ask without falling off, flying into something, or needing me to correct anything, I'll see about getting this hour free for you. If not, you stay."

"Yes ma'am, that's fine with me. Just tell me what you want me to do."

She had James fly through a series of starts and stops, sharp turns, dodging obstacles, flying between objects, increasing and decreasing speed, and sharp climbs and drops. Everything she asked, he was able to do without a problem. When he landed, she said

"That was perfect. I don't think I could have done much better than that myself."

She then turned to the class and said

"By the time this year is over, you should be able to perform those same maneuvers. Maybe not with the same skill James has, because that comes from a lot of time and practice. But you should still be able to handle them competently. In two or three years, if you practice, you can be as good as he is. For now, class dismissed."

Sirius and Remus waited for James, who was talking to Madam Hooch. He walked over to them, smiling broadly.

Sirius commented "I believed you when you said you could fly, but I didn't expect you to be that good. You should go out for the Quidditch team."

"I thought about it, but as far as I know, they don't accept first years. I haven't really decided; I might try out just to see what I can do. Even if I don't make it this year, at least I'll know what they're looking for."

"That's true. Then you can spend your free time practicing and maybe make it next year." said Sirius.

They walked into the castle, joined their classmates for dinner, then went to bed. The next several days followed pretty much the same pattern.

On Thursday of his second week at Hogwarts, Remus received a note from the headmaster during breakfast. It instructed him to meet Professor Dumbledore in his office after breakfast. He was fairly sure he knew what this was about- tonight was the first full moon since his arrival. He tucked the note inside his robes, ate quickly, then left, telling James and Sirius that he needed to see the headmaster.

Once he was in Professor Dumbledore's office, Remus took the seat across the desk from him, then asked

"You wanted to see me sir?"

"Yes, Remus. You got here so quickly- did you actually eat?"

"Yes, sir, I did."

"Good. I just wanted to fill you in on our plans for tonight. I know I don't need to remind you it's a full moon- I realize you keep up with that. Since this is your first one here, this is what I have in mind. Go to your classes like normal- all the teachers know you will be out tomorrow, so they won't expect you to hand in any homework they assign. I'll see to it that you have notes of anything you miss tomorrow as well. Tonight, before dinner, come back here, to my office. Everyone else will be in the dining hall for dinner. We'll have a light meal here with me. Then, a few minutes before sunset, I will walk with you to the base of the willow tree. I'll freeze it, then you will go into the tunnel and follow it all the way to the end. It comes out in the lower floor of the cottage that I told you about. Tomorrow morning, very early, I will come get you. I'll repair your clothes and bring you back to school before anyone else is up."

"Okay, that's pretty much what you'd told me earlier. Just out of curiosity, sir, what should I tell my friends?"

"Ahhh- that's a hard question for me to answer for you. I understand not telling them the truth about your condition, because I know how most people react. I can't tell you exactly what to say, but a good excuse that would be hard to disprove would make the most sense. Perhaps, for example, that your mother or father is ill, and that you're visiting them. Since none of them knows you, they would have no reason to doubt it, at least for a while."

"I think I'll say that my mom is sick. Thank you sir. Is there anything else I need to do?"

"No, Remus. Just be here before dinner- as soon as possible after your last class. But have a good day."

"Thank you sir. I'm sure I will."

He left Professor Dumbledore's office with plenty of time to make it to class. Since he was dreading his transformation cycle, the day seemed to go by far faster than he'd like.

Once his classes were over, he went upstairs and placed his books and wand in his trunk. He then hurried to Professor Dumbledore's office, where they shared a meal of stew and soft rolls. As soon as they were finished eating, Professor Dumbledore escorted him out of the castle, to the tree as planned.

He walked as quickly as he could to the end of the tunnel. He opened the hatch, climbed out of the tunnel into what looked like a living room. He sat down on the couch for a few moments, but by the time he got comfortable, it was dark. Not long after that, the moon rose, and the first rays of moonlight shone through the window. The light struck Remus in the face, and triggered the intense pain that accompanied his transformation.

Remus hurt all over, and he was exhausted. The sun was just barely above the horizon, and he had returned to his normal form as it had risen. He had no memory of the night, as was normal for his transformation cycle. He knew he had not slept much, if at all, because he could barely keep his eyes open. He looked around and remembered where he was. He also recalled that Professor Dumbledore would be coming to bring him back to the castle. As that thought crossed his mind, he realized he was naked- he'd shredded all of his clothing this time. They often split when he actually changed, from what his mom had observed, but he frequently tore the pieces into shreds during the rest of the time. She had no idea why he did it, nor did he.

But at the moment, the thought of the headmaster finding him like this bothered him. As he looked around the room for anything to put on, he spotted a small door that appeared to be a closet. He opened it, and to his relief found a pair of loose boxer shorts and an undershirt. He took them from the closet and very gently pulled them over his new wounds. This time he had several cuts on his legs and his chest. He thought it might be a while before Professor Dumbledore arrived, so he curled up on the sofa to sleep. However, only a few moments had passed when he heard footsteps. He sat up, and within a moment was greeted by Professor Dumbledore.

"Good morning, Remus. I know you must be tired, sore and probably hungry. So, I brought some things to help with all of that."

He had in his hands a bag much like the book bags the students carried, but larger. He set it on the floor, then conjured a small table. He then pulled from the bag a long wrapped package that looked and smelled like a sandwich, a jar of the paste his mom used on his cuts, some gauze, a bottle of clear liquid, and a tiny bottle of bluish liquid. Once he had spread it all out, he said

"Why don't you eat while I repair your clothes?"

"I think I will. I'm really hungry. What's in the big bottle, sir?"

"Something for you to drink with your sandwich. It's a tonic that should help you get your strength back a little quicker. Professor Slughorn made it for you."

"Tell him thanks for me, please."

"I will. But he'd probably like to know from you if it works. It hasn't been tried on a werewolf before."

"I'll let him know if it helps." replied Remus.

He then opened the sandwich and ate, grateful Professor Dumbledore had thought of all this. The tonic, to his surprise, didn't taste bad. It was too soon to know if it would help, though.

By the time he'd finished his sandwich, Professor Dumbledore had his clothes mended. He handed them back to him and asked

"Do you have any wounds that need attention?"

"Yes sir. I've got three long cuts on my chest and two shorter ones on each leg."

"Do you want me to clean and dress them, do you want to do it, or do you want Madam Pomfrey to do it? She will probably want to inspect anything either of us does."

"I'd rather you or her do it, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind. If you'll show them to me, I'll see if this paste will work best, or if she might have something that will work better."

Remus lifted his shirt to reveal three long, jagged but shallow cuts.

"This will work good on these cuts. Now show me the other ones."

Remus slid the legs of the shorts up to reveal a pair of shorter cuts on each leg.

"It should work on those, too. I'll go ahead and take care of these for you." said Professor Dumbledore

"Okay."

Professor Dumbledore then conjured a cup, then filled it with water from the tip of his wand. He used a surprisingly delicate touch as he cleaned and then dressed Remus' wounds.

"Thank you, sir. That's just the way my mom does it." observed Remus.

"You're welcome. I'm glad I didn't hurt you. Speaking of pain, I'm sure you are still hurting. I brought this potion that relieves pain. Would you like to take some?"

"Sure, if it will help, because I am still very sore and hurting all over."

"Then use the dropper in the bottle and take one whole dropper full. It tastes a little weird, but it does help." assured Professor Dumbledore

Remus took the potion, which smelled like ink, and tasted like he guessed ink would. After he'd done that, he put his clothes on over the shorts and undershirt he was wearing.

"Sir, how are we going to get back to the castle and no one notice us? I know it must be late enough people should be getting up."

"Actually, it's barely 7:00 a.m. Everyone is already in the Great Hall for breakfast, so I doubt anyone would notice us. But, I'm going to use a disillusionment charm on us both, just in case. It will make us invisible. I can't use it when I bring you down here because there would be no one to break the spell so we could see you again. But on the way out, that's what we'll use."

"Can I ask why you're using it on yourself too?" asked Remus

"So no one will notice me coming out of the tree. I did it on the way in, too, but broke the spell once I was in the tunnel."

"Oh, I should have known that."

"You're tired- you aren't thinking as well as you normally would. It's okay. This charm will feel a bit strange- like I've poured cool water on you. But you won't actually be wet."

"Okay."

Professor Dumbledore then tapped Remus on the head with his wand, and Remus then felt like cool water was covering every inch of him. However, he could still see everything around him. He wondered for a moment how he would know where Professor Dumbledore was once he performed the charm on himself. As if he'd read Remus' mind, Professor Dumbledore said

"After I pick up the bag, I want you to take my hand. I will then perform the charm on myself, and it will hide the bag as well. We'll walk all the way to my office this way. There, I'll remove the charm, and we'll go to the hospital wing. If you feel too tired to walk to the hospital wing from my office, we'll use the fireplace."

"I had been wondering about that. I think I can make it all the way to the hospital wind without a problem."

About twenty minutes later, they were in Professor Dumbledore's office. He broke the spell, then asked Remus if he felt he could climb the stairs to the hospital wing. Remus thought he could, so they walked to the hospital wing, through corridors that were still very empty.

Once they were in the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey asked Professor Dumbledore about Remus' wounds, and what he'd done for them. He explained, and, as expected, she wanted to look at the cuts herself. Remus took off his outer clothes and showed her, and she was satisfied with what the headmaster had done. She then left Remus to sleep.

It was nearly 5:00 p.m. when he woke up, but at least he felt rested. The blue potion Professor Dumbledore had given him had really helped the pain. His wounds still hurt some, but his body was not as sore as it had been earlier. The Healers at St. Mungo's had explained to him that the soreness he felt in his muscles was the result of his body changing so much in such a short period. There was nothing that could be done to avoid it, and until now, he'd had a hard time getting rid of it.

He'd only been awake for a few minutes when Madam Pomfrey noticed. She walked over to him and asked him

"How are you feeling?"

"Better than I did this morning. I'm still a little sore, and the wounds hurt some, but not nearly as badly as they usually do. I am hungry though."

"We can get you something to eat in here, or you can go eat with the other students. Do you think you need to spend the night in here?"

"No ma'am, I don't think so. I just need to eat and catch up on my rest. I think I'd like some more of that tonic Professor Dumbledore gave me this morning- it was clear, and he said it should help me get my strength back."

"I've got it in my office. I'll get it for you. Don't share it with anyone- it's only intended for someone who has been ill." she instructed.

She went into her office and came back with a bag, and the bottle.

"Here you go. Have you figured out how you want to deal with your cuts? They'll need fresh dressings every day for at least a week."

"I thought I'd do it myself. I've watched mom do it plenty of times, so I think I can do it. I don't want to need to come here every morning. If it doesn't have to be done in the mornings, I can take care of it when I shower."

"There's no reason it can't be done that way. It will make it easier for you to do and give you more privacy."

"That's why I thought of that. No one is likely to see me if I'm in a shower stall."

"That's true. I gathered you some supplies in this bag. If you run out of anything, just come by and tell me. You don't need to try to stretch any of this- we have plenty and it won't cost your parents any extra. Now, if you're ready, you can dress and go to dinner with your classmates."

"Thank you ma'am."

She set the bag down on the table by his bed and drew the curtains around it so he could change clothes. A few minutes later, he was finished and on his way to the dorms to drop off his supplies.


	3. James vs Snape

After he had placed his supplies in his trunk, he went down to the Great Hall to join his classmates for dinner. He sat down next to James, who asked

"Where were you last night and this morning?"

"I had to go home to see my mom. She's really sick, so Professor Dumbledore has arranged for me to go home to see her once a month, usually for a couple of days." said Remus

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. If you don't mind me asking, what's wrong with her?"

"They really aren't sure. The Healers have examined her several times and can't figure it out. They stay in touch with her, and if anything changes, she tells them. They're studying it, but just haven't found an answer yet."

"I hope they figure out a way to help her. Do you need to see my notes from the classes you missed?"asked James

"No, that's okay. Professor Dumbledore has the teachers make copies of their notes for me. So did anything interesting happen while I was gone?" said Remus

"I got a week's worth of detentions."

"What did you do?"

"Dropped a packet of stink pellets in that Slytherin kid's cauldron during Potions. You know, the guy with the greasy black hair …I think his last name is Snape or something like that. It made the whole room smell awful, and got us out of class fifteen minutes early. It would have been great, but Professor Slughorn saw me do it. The kid didn't, he was looking the other way when I walked by." replied James, grinning

"How did Snape react?"

"Coughed and spluttered at first, then stirred it- that made it worse, it started bubbling hard and splattered on him. By that time, Professor Slughorn was over there and got things under control."

"How many points did you cost us?" asked Remus, hoping it wasn't very many.

"Twenty. But I will make them up, I'm sure."

"I hope so. Why were you picking on Snape anyway?"

"No particular reason, I just don't like him."

"You're probably gonna wish you'd left him alone."

"I guess we'll see."

James served his detentions each evening with Professor Slughorn. According to James, he cleaned everything in the classroom, without magic, by the end of the week.

The week after James had served his detentions, Snape got his revenge. During Defense Against the Dark Arts, just as Professor Merrythought asked James to come to the front of the class, Snape put a leg-locker curse on him. James was still seated, and so could not get out of his chair. Luckily Professor Merrythought had seen Snape's wand movement and figured out he'd done it. He gave Snape five days detention and took twenty points from Slytherin.

Over the next couple of months, Remus' life became routine. He enjoyed and excelled at several of his classes, particularly Defense Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration. His friendship with James, Sirius and Peter continued to grow- he had not been lucky enough to have three friends in a long time. He discovered that the incident with Snape would not be the last time James cost Gryffindor points or landed in detention for a prank of some kind. Even though Remus did not get involved in these pranks, and felt it would be best if James stopped doing it, he didn't say anything to James because he didn't want to risk losing one of his friends.

James did try out for the Quidditch team, but didn't make it. Though he was, as the team captain said, "a natural" on a broom, he didn't have the other skills he needed to play. The captain did tell him to keep practicing and learning, and he would likely make the team the following year.

Soon it was Christmas break. Remus was excited to be going home, but knew he would miss his friends too. They decided not to try to write, since the break was somewhat short and they would all be busy.

Sirius chose to stay at Hogwarts for the holiday, wanting to avoid his mother as much as possible. He had received several letters from her since he had informed her of being sorted into Slytherin. Remus did not know the contents of any of the letters, but Sirius seemed bothered by them.

The train ride to London was uneventful. James, Remus and Peter shared a compartment and discussed their holiday plans. All three of them were only children, and would be spending most of their holidays at home. Once the train arrived in London, the three of them went their separate ways quickly. Since Remus had informed his parents that he was claiming his mom was sick as the reason for his absences, she did not meet him at the station. He spotted his father easily, then greeted him with a hug.

"Hi, Dad. How are you?"

"Good son. I'm glad to have you home for a while. Your mom is anxious to see you."

He glanced at the small bag Remus was carrying.

"Is that all of your luggage?" he asked.

"No sir. I brought my trunk home too. I'll go help you with it."

They got his trunk from the luggage compartment, then apparated home. When he stepped into the house, Remus was greeted by the smells of baking. He could pick out apples, cinnamon, chocolate and vanilla, along with a few other sweet aromas he couldn't identify.

As soon as she heard the door shut, Marie Lupin came out of the kitchen and practically ran to greet her son. She hugged him tightly and kissed him on the cheek.

"Remus! It's so good to see you!" she exclaimed

"I'm glad to see you too, mom."

"I'm making all of your favorites- apple pie, chocolate cake, oatmeal cookies, and nut brittle. We've got a turkey for Christmas, and all the trimmings."

"It sounds delicious, and your baking smells wonderful. Do you need any help?"

"No, thank you though. I'm sure you must be tired from your trip. Why don't you relax for a while and catch us up on how things are going at school?"

He took off his shoes and the three of them gathered at the kitchen table so Marie could listen without burning what she was cooking. He went into great detail about his classes, his new friends, and how much he was enjoying school. He gave them his best guess at his grades in each class, and told them about the homework he'd been assigned over the holidays. He also explained to them how well Professor Dumbledore's plan for dealing with his condition was working and showed them the tonic he was now using regularly to help him recover a bit more quickly. He describe the tree, tunnel and little cottage that he used each month, and told them how Professor Dumbledore used the fact that anything in a closet would be safe as a way to make sure he always had clean clothes to put on when he became human.

After about an hour of this, everything Marie had been cooking was done, including that night's dinner. They ate, then Remus was ready for a bath and a good night's sleep.

Remus spent much of the next few days dividing his time between studying for some tests that were coming up after the holidays and putting the finishing touches on the gifts he had made for his parents. He had no spending money, nor anywhere to go to shop, so he had come up with another idea for a gift. He'd made several sketches to give them- one of the Hogwarts castle, one each of James, Sirius and Peter, and one of Professor Dumbledore. He had them nearly completed when he arrived home, but was grateful for the fact that there were several days left before Christmas.

Christmas Day was wonderful. Remus slept a little later than he had expected, but was up by 9:30 a.m. He was not expecting many gifts, because he knew it had cost a lot to pay for his school supplies. He was just happy to be able to spend the holidays with his parents, and enjoy his mom's cooking. To his surprise, when he reached the living room, there were several boxes under the tree…so often in recent years there had been none, or only one for him. He'd felt guilty on those years especially, that his parents bought gifts for him but not each other. He discovered, as he glanced at the tags, that there were two for him, and one for each of his parents.

After a delicious breakfast, his mom decided it was time to open their gifts. She urged him to open his first. He chose the slightly smaller box to open first. As he tore open the wrapping paper, he saw it was a wizards' chess set.

"Wow! Thanks for this. Sirius and James both play, but neither of them brought their chess sets to school. Can I bring mine back with me?"

"Sure, just be careful with it."

He then opened the other box, to find a new royal blue bathrobe.

"I bet mom picked this out."

"Yes, I did. Your old one is getting pretty worn, and probably a little short."

"It's not too short yet, but it did tear just a few days ago. I was going to get you to repair it while I'm here. Now I don't need you to do that. Thanks, Mom."

Then his mom opened the gift his dad had bought her. It was a fine gold chain with an open-heart shaped gold pendant on it. In the center of the heart was a trio of stones- a birthstone representing each of them. She leaned over, then hugged and kissed her husband.

"Thank you, dear. This is beautiful."

"You're welcome. Is that the one you were looking at a few weeks ago?"

"Yes, it is."

"I'm glad I bought the right one."

Finally, John opened the gift Marie had gotten for him. It contained a silver pocket watch with his initials engraved on the inside of the case.

"Thanks, honey. I needed a new watch. Mine got broken a couple of months ago."

"You're welcome. I knew that you could use one…I had noticed you weren't carrying yours anymore."

Then Remus realized he hadn't given them his gift yet, so he said

"I've got your gifts in my room. I'll go get them."

He came back in a moment, holding the sketches in a stack, turned so they couldn't see them.

"I didn't have time to wrap them and I didn't know how, or if, you'd want them framed. It's not much, but I thought you might like these."

He handed them to his mom, and as his parents looked at each one, he told them the subject of the sketch.

"These are really good, son. Are you taking an art class there too?" asked his dad

"No, sir. I just draw what I see, like always. I've been working on these in my spare time, mostly on weekends, since I got there. I didn't finish any of them until I got here, though. I only decided a couple of weeks ago to give them to the two of you for Christmas." he replied

"You've really done a good job with these- they're very special to me. Your dad can make a frame for all of them together and we'll put them here in the living room." Said his mom.

Once they were done with gifts, his mom tossed the wrapping paper into the fire, and turned on the wireless for some Christmas music. Remus persuaded his dad to play chess with him. For much of the afternoon, they played chess, sang along with the music from time to time, and talked. His mom told him about the job she'd recently taken, cleaning house three days a week for some really old witches who apparently didn't have house elves and were unable to handle the chores themselves. The job meant that, during the upcoming summer, Remus would be alone a few hours on each of the three days she worked, but since he would be twelve years old by then and she knew he would behave, she didn't anticipate any problems.

The remainder of his Christmas holiday was spent enjoying the simple pleasures of being at home. He slept late most days, played chess when he wanted, and simply enjoyed the lack of any sort of pressing deadline or demand on his time. He did go through one transformation cycle, but since he had the supplies from school, it was far easier for him to recover than those he'd dealt with in the past at home.

On the train back to Hogwarts, he shared a compartment with James and Peter. They too had had a quiet holiday. Peter, whose parents had living siblings, had visited relatives for Christmas Eve, but spent much of the rest of his break at home, studying. Though they had not been assigned any homework over the holidays, Peter was always behind on his assignments and was trying to prepare for the tests they had been warned would be coming when they returned to school.

James, however, was in much the same situation as Remus. He was an only child, and his parents had no living relatives. So, he had spent his holiday at home, relaxing and enjoying his new gifts, as well as practicing his flying.

When they arrived at Hogwarts, they were greeted by Sirius, who said he'd enjoyed being at school over the holiday. He'd been able to sleep late and explore the castle and grounds.

After dinner that evening, Remus showed them his chess set, and they spent a couple of hours playing. Though Remus was a decent player, Sirius was a good bit better; James was about equal to Remus, and Peter was easily defeated.

Classes resumed the next morning, and soon everyone fell back into the routine of classes and homework. Since each of the four of them had different best classes, they began doing homework together and studying together for tests. This plan helped them all, especially Peter, who seemed to struggle with most of his classes. The arrangements Professor Dumbledore had made for Remus to stay caught up in his classes each month helped them as well. He had arranged for each teacher to provide him with copies of their notes for the days he missed. These notes were usually better than those he took on his own, because the teachers were more thorough. When the four of them studied together, he shared these notes with them as well, which gave them all very complete information to study by.

As the end of the school year drew ever closer, the competition for the House Cup grew fierce. Gryffindor was in the lead, with 420 points, but Ravenclaw and Slytherin were tied for second at 400 each and Hufflepuff had 390 points. Students who rarely spoke in class were now trying at every opportunity to answer questions correctly to earn points for their house. Some of the more devious students, particularly some of the Slytherins, tried to start fights with the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws, to cause them to lose points. It worked in a couple of cases, but the lost points were usually regained by the end of the day.

In spite of this knowledge, James could not seem to resist pulling pranks, especially on Snape. One day in Transformation class, Professor McGonagall had given them a few minutes to read about a topic they were about to discuss. James looked over at Snape, who had laid his book aside, apparently having finished the reading assignment. James then quietly levitated the book and guided it to strike Snape on the back of the head. The book fell to the desk with a crash, and then Snape cried out in pain, rubbing the spot where the book struck him. Professor McGonagall, who had been putting notes on the blackboard, turned to the class just in time to see James burst out laughing. She went to Snape, and after feeling the back of his head, decided it would be best if he went to the hospital wing as a precaution. As Snape put away his things, Professor McGonagall takes fifty points from Gryffindor and assigns James two weeks detention. When Snape rose from his seat, he shot James a glare that promised he would get revenge.

James spent the next two weeks serving detention with Professor McGonagall, copying lines from a book on healing injuries. By the time the two weeks are up, according to James, he had copied about half of the book.

In early March, Snape got his revenge. One morning, while Professor Slughorn was checking attendance and the students were unpacking their bags, Snape took advantage of the opportunity. James had his back turned to Snape, who levitated an empty cauldron upside down onto James' head. While the cauldron covered James' eyes, Snape levitated a heavy ladle and guided it to strike the cauldron. The cauldron rung like a bell, and Professor Slughorn looked up from his roll book. He saw Snape levitating the ladle back to his table, and deduced that he must have been responsible for the prank. He went over to check on James, who had removed the cauldron from his head and was about to throw it at Snape. Professor Slughorn took the cauldron from him, then decided he should visit Madam Pomfrey. As he guided James out of the room, he took forty points from Slytherin and gave Snape two weeks' detention.

Soon May drifted in with its warm air, and the light spring rains that dotted the grounds with wildflowers. The sunlight and scented breezes coming through the classroom windows distracted many students. As a result, some teachers began reminding students daily of their upcoming final exams- two words that caused panic among all but the worst goof-offs.

Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter came up with what they felt to be a good solution- studying outdoors. Some days this was effective, but on other days, the warm weather was just too much of a distraction for them to get anything done.

The last week of May arrived far quicker than any of them wanted, and with it came their final exams. Remus found that the exams were not nearly as bad as he'd expected them to be. He felt confident that, as a result of all the studying he'd done, he would pass the tests. On the last day of exams, Remus, Sirius, James and Peter were sitting outside, enjoying the day and discussing their performance on the tests.

Remus asked "How do you guys think you did?"

"I think I passed all of them, but I'm not sure about Charms. I got confused on a couple of questions." said Sirius.

"I think I did okay in Charms, and most of the others except Transfiguration and History of Magic. There were several dates I was not really sure about." said James.

"I'm not sure how I did on anything. I got confused on every test at least once." said Peter.

"I think I did okay in everything except Potions. I got the potion we had to make right, but on the written part, I think I mixed up some of my herbs." said Remus.

"Guess we'll know in about a week. We get the grades for our final exams before we leave, but won't know if we passed the class until about a week after we get home." said Sirius.

"Speaking of home, what have you guys got planned for summer." asked James.

"I don't know yet, but I'll try to stay away from my mother as much as I can." said Sirius.

"Is she still mad at you for being in Gryffindor?" asked James

"No, that's not it- well, not all of it. She's mad because I said I didn't know and didn't care whether my friends are purebloods or not. She wants me to ask you guys and tell her, and I told her no, I wouldn't, that I'm not going to be rude to you guys because I don't care about that anyway." said Sirius.

"Why does she care?" asked Remus.

"Because she believes purebloods are superior to those of mixed or muggleborn bloodlines. A couple of our relatives have married muggles or half bloods and she won't even claim them as relatives anymore. If I were to tell her any of you were from mixed or muggle parents, she would want me to stay away from you. That's why I won't ask- I don't agree with her opinion, and I don't care who or what your parents are. You guys are my friends and I don't care what she thinks." said Sirius.

"Well, if you want to get away from her this summer and can do it, I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind you spending time with us." said James.

"Thanks for the offer. I'll have to see about it, but maybe after I've been home a couple of weeks, they will consider it."

"What have you got planned, Remus?" asked James

"I don't know- a lot depends on my mom. I'll probably stay home and help however I can." said Remus

"I'm sorry, I should have thought before I asked. We all know your mom's sick, so of course you'll be with her. We'll write to you, if you want." said James.

"That would be good. I'm sure I'll have time for that, and it will be good to stay in touch." said Remus.

"Peter, have you got anything special planned this summer?" asked Sirius

"Dad is planning to take a two week vacation at the end of June. He mentioned travelling, but as of Christmas, he hadn't decided where we're going. I'll probably spend most of the rest of my summer visiting my cousins. My dad has a sister, and my mom has a brother; both of them have kids about our age and we usually spend a lot of the summer together. But I will try to write to you guys." said Peter.

Their remaining week at Hogwarts passed as lazily as that afternoon did. They were allowed to sleep late, spend the day outside or do just about anything they wanted.

The very last day before they left was the day of the end of term feast. Final exam grades were handed out. Remus had passed all his exams with good grades- even his Potions final exam grade was decent. Sirius and James did well on their exams too, but Peter narrowly passed his exams.

That evening, at the feast, the House cup was awarded. In spite of efforts to sabotage them, Gryffindor won, with 500 points. Ravenclaw had passed Slytherin, scoring 475 points, and Hufflepuff had pulled into third with 450 points. Slytherin finished last at 440 points, after having lost many points because of their misbehavior and trying to incite fights.

The next day they left Hogwarts for summer vacation. On the ride home, Remus and his friends exchanged addresses so that they could stay in contact with each other. When the train arrived in London, he said goodbye to his friends, and looked forward to hearing from each of them during the coming months.


	4. Questions and Answers

Remus spent his first week of summer vacation relaxing- sleeping late and not doing much work of any kind. His report card came in about ten days after he arrived home, and he had passed all of his classes with high marks. Included with the report card were the classes he would be taking the following year, a supply list, and a train ticket. That same day, an owl came from Professor Dumbledore carrying a package consisting of a summer's supply of the tonic, pain potion, and wound cream that he used after his transformations. A note was attached explaining that these things would not cost any extra, that they were a gift from the school.

After a few days, he realized that his mom always had a lot of work to do in the free time she had, so he decided to help her out around the house. He knew how to wash dishes, tidy the house, and cook a few things. While she was gone to work each day, he would take care of any of those things that he could. When she was home, he got her to teach him more recipes. By mid- July, he knew enough to cook a few simple dinners, and would often have something prepared for his parents when they came home from work.

Even though the housework and his homework from school kept him somewhat busy, he still enjoyed his summer. The work he did for his mom only took a couple of hours a day, which left most of his time free for homework, reading, or sketching. The only thing that kept his summer from being completely enjoyable was his monthly transformation cycle. But he realized that the supplies Professor Dumbledore had provided did make a difference for him, and he was grateful to have them to use at home.

Remus exchanged letters with Sirius and James almost every week. Sirius had made up with his mom just enough to get her to agree to him spending several weeks at James' house. The reconciliation was not sincere on Sirius' part, but his mom apparently didn't realize that. Because of Sirius' extended visit, the two boys were having a great time. James' dad agreed to allow Sirius to use his broom so that he and James could practice Quidditch. James also invited Remus to come over any time.

The invitation tempted Remus. He knew he would enjoy spending time with his friends away from school. However, he was not sure how he could explain to them having free time to visit when he was supposed to be taking care of his sick mother. The thought occurred to him of saying she was having a good day, but he realized he would also need to convince James' parents, and he wasn't sure if he could do that. After several hours' thought, he decided the risk of blowing his cover, and losing his friends, was not worth it.

August came far quicker than he'd expected. His vacation felt as if it had barely begun, yet the calendar said it was nearly over. He spent several days going over his homework to make sure he'd done everything he was assigned. He had his trunk packed almost two weeks early, and checked it at least twice to make sure he'd packed everything he needed. Though he was excited about returning to Hogwarts, he was not nervous about it. He knew what to expect, and was looking forward to everything about school. He enjoyed his classes, and of course, he was eager to see his friends again.

On the day of his return to school, his parents took him to King's Cross Station. His mother went with him, guessing that in the crowd of people, she would simply blend in. His dad put his trunk on the train for him, and after a relatively short goodbye, he got on the train.

Just after he boarded, he found Sirius, and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey Sirius". he said.

Sirius turned to see who had spoken, then replied

"Hey, Remus. How was your summer?"

"Pretty good. Have you and James got a compartment?"

"James does- he got here before me. I saw him through the window just before I got on, so I thought I'd join him."

The next compartment they came to was the one where James was sitting. After a couple of minutes spent arranging their stuff, they sat down.

"You had asked me how my summer was, Sirius. It was okay- not as exciting as yours I'm sure, but not bad. I got all of the homework done, and I spent a lot of time with mom. When she felt up to it, she taught me how to cook. She thought it would be a good idea for me to learn, and I'm actually pretty good at it. But how was your summer? I have heard from either of you in about three weeks."

"I spent about half of my vacation at James' house. We spent a lot of time flying and playing Quidditch- sometimes just the two of us, but a few times some of the older kids that live fairly close played with us. About three weeks ago, Mom contacted me by floo network and wanted me to come home. She said she wanted to spend a little time with me before I went back to school, and of course, I needed to get my supplies. I've been kinda busy since I went home, and that's why I haven't written. I did manage to get all of the homework done too." replied Sirius

"So you've been learning to cook? That's actually not a bad idea, especially since your mom is sick. I'm sure she appreciates what you've done for her. How is she doing? I thought I saw her with you just before you got on." observed James.

"Yes, she was with me and dad. She's feeling okay today. She has some days when she does really well, and luckily enough, today was one of them. The healers don't really know what's wrong. As far as the cooking, she's teaching me so that I can do it on days when she doesn't feel up to it, which is more often than she'd like. Since she is still sick, I will still be missing school to see her." replied Remus

"I'm surprised that your parents haven't taken you out of school entirely since she's so sick." said James.

"I offered to stay home this year, but she wants me to go to school. She feels it is very important for me to get a good education, and dad agrees. There's nothing I can do for her at home except cook or clean, and she doesn't feel up to teaching me the things I'd need to know. Dad takes care of the housework when he gets in from his job in the evenings, and if they need any other help, they get one of the neighbors to come over. If she gets a lot worse, they will send for me, but otherwise, they feel once a month is often enough for me to visit."

"It sounds like that arrangement works out okay for everyone." said James

Just then, Peter came into the compartment and stowed his bag. James asked him about his summer, and he replied

"It was a pretty good one. We went to France for two weeks, and that was a lot of fun. I have some pictures that are being developed- Mom said she'd send them to me in a couple of weeks. After that, I spent three weeks with my dad's sister and three weeks with my mom's brother. They've got four kids about our age between them, but none of them is coming here to school. The boys are going to Durmstrang, and the girl is starting at Beauxbatons next year."

"That reminds me, my brother Regulus is starting at Hogwarts this year. I'm hoping he doesn't get sorted into Gryffindor. One good thing that came from my argument with mom is that she doesn't expect me to show him around or help him. I wouldn't do it anyway- he bugs me enough when I'm home, I don't want to put up with him here if I don't have to." said Sirius.

"What are you going to do if he does end up in Gryffindor?" asked James

"Laugh- because mom said there's no way he would be put in anywhere but Slytherin. Then I'd look into changing my name….or just get really good at ignoring him." said Sirius with a laugh.

"Hopefully you won't need to do that. If you two are as different as it sounds like you are, he'll probably be put somewhere else." said Remus.

"I guess we'll know soon enough." said Sirius

Since Peter had not completed the homework, Remus looked over what he'd done and helped him finish the work he had not done. Then James, Sirius and Remus decided to compare notes on theirs just to make sure they were all comfortable that they had the right answers.

Once they were done, they put their bags away, and began talking about what they were looking forward to this year.

"I'm going to try out for the Quidditch team again this year. After all the time we spent practicing, I think I can make it this time." said James.

"I'm looking forward to Defense Against the Dark Arts. I've been reading in the book some, and we should cover some interesting stuff this year." Said Remus

"I'm curious about the classes, but I'm also glad we're allowed to have brooms this year. I don't have one of my own yet, but maybe James will let me ride his. I'm hoping Uncle Alphard will get me one for Christmas. He likes buying stuff for me sometimes just because he knows it bugs mom. They don't get along very well, but he likes me, so sometimes he'll buy me something special." said Sirius.

"That would be cool if he does get you a broom. But I don't mind letting you use mine sometimes." said James.

"I'm just hoping I pass this year. After that homework, I'm worried I won't make it." said Peter.

"If you didn't wait until the last minute to do your work, and would really concentrate when you study, you would do a lot better." Said James

"I don't know, I'm just not as smart as you guys. I do try as hard as I can."

"Then maybe you should see if some of the teachers or older students would tutor you." suggested Remus.

Peter was distracted from responding by the train rolling to a stop. It gave a couple of short blasts from its whistle, and everyone began gathering their belongings to get off the train.

A few minutes later, they were seated in the Great Hall, watching the sorting ceremony. It was actually somewhat fun to watch when you weren't the one being sorted.

To Sirius' enormous relief, Regulus was sorted into Slytherin.

"That will make mom happy." Sirius said.

"And you too." added James

"Yeah, I'm glad because we all got what we wanted, especially that I don't have to put up with him." Said Sirius

They listened half-heartedly to the rest of the sorting ceremony. Gryffindor gained about 30 first year students by the time the ceremony was over. Professor Dumbledore welcomed everyone, then made a few announcements, which were mostly reminders from last year. Once he was finished, the feast began. About an hour later, the feast was over, and everyone was dismissed to bed.

The following day, classes began. Remus was excited and looked forward to the new year. Everything was comfortable and familiar to him. He knew where his classes were, who his teachers were and what to expect from them.

As he had expected, the teachers who had assigned homework asked for it the first day. In a couple of classes, most of the students had not done the work. Since he and his friends had completed it, they earned points for Gryffindor just for handing it in.

Soon they fell into the routine of classes and homework. Near the end of September, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain held tryouts, and James was thrilled. That Friday evening, Remus, Sirius and Peter followed James to the quidditch pitch to watch him. There were over a dozen other students there, from all years. The captain put them through a series of drills according to which position they were trying out for. James was trying for the seeker position, but was not quite quick enough. However, the captain asked him if he'd be interested in one of the chaser positions. He agreed and went through those drills.

After what seemed like a very long time while the other potential chasers tried out, the captain finally announced the chasers he had chosen, and James was among them. Sirius, Remus, and Peter all cheered for him, and when the newly formed team was released from the field, they met him and congratulated him.

"Great work James." said Remus.

"Yeah, it looks like out summer of practice really paid off." said Sirius

"Good job, James." said Peter.

"Thanks guys. Especially you, Sirius. I couldn't have done it without you." replied James.

"Yeah, I know. I taught you everything you know about Quidditch." teased Sirius.

"I don't think so! But it is easier to tell how fast you're flying when you have someone to beat." said James.

They talked and teased each other most of the way back to the common room that evening.

Now that James was on the Quidditch team, he had frequent practices. At first, this caused him to struggle to get his homework done, because he wasn't allowing himself enough time. Sirius and Remus helped him as much as they could, proofreading assignments or helping him if he had trouble understanding anything. After a while, he worked out a plan for himself that helped him get his work done on time.

October and November passed uneventfully for Remus. His transformations were being handled the same way they had been the previous year, and because of the care he was receiving, he recovered from them quickly. He had not changed the excuse for his absences, and his friends seemed not to question that his mother was ill.

However, on Monday before December's full moon, which fell at the beginning of the month, he was confronted with his worst fear. That night, after dinner, the four of them were in the dorm, and James started asking questions.

"Are you going to see your mom this weekend, Remus?"

Remus immediately sensed something different in James' voice. He started thinking quickly of how he might answer whatever else was coming without revealing the truth. At the same time, he was trying to remain calm and keep the panic and dread he felt from showing on his face.

"Yes, I am." he replied cautiously.

"Why are you going now, when you'll be seeing her again in two weeks for Christmas? Has she gotten worse, or is it something else?" asked James.

Before Remus could answer, Sirius spoke up.

"James, I thought we agreed **not **to ask about this. We both know we're probably wrong about it, and even if we're right, what difference does it make?"

"It doesn't make a difference- he's my friend no matter what his answer is. But I'm hoping he trusts me- us- enough by now to tell me if I'm right."

Remus was now nearly one hundred percent certain they'd figured out his secret. He could continue to lie to them, and they probably would have a hard time proving him wrong. But James had said he was his friend no matter what; Sirius apparently felt the same way, since he was trying to prevent James from asking anything else. Remus was tired of the lies, the secrecy, and needing to watch every word and step around his closest friends. He decided, if his hunch were right, that they were on to his secret, he would be honest. So he asked

"What are you two talking about?"

"I know this is probably going to sound crazy, but…James thinks you're a werewolf." said Sirius.

"I've noticed you always go home on the full moon, and I caught a glimpse of your chest the other day- when I accidentally opened the door to your shower- and I noticed you have a lot of scars. If I'm wrong, I'm sorry, but I wanted to know." said James, his voice more normal than it had been earlier.

Remus took a deep breath, summoning his courage, and saying a little prayer that they really could remain friends with him once they knew the truth, and then said

"You're right- I am a werewolf. I don't actually leave school on the full moon- I am kept isolated from everyone. The Whomping Willow is guarding a tunnel that connects to a small house that I stay in while I'm transformed. That way no one but the staff can get to me, and I can't get out and hurt anyone. I stay in the hospital wing, away from the view of anyone else, on the day I transform back to normal. The scars you saw are from over five years worth of transformations. Since I'm kept apart from humans to bite or scratch, I scratch myself instead. I can't help it; in fact I don't even know I've done it until I return to normal."

"So why did you say your mom's sick? Is she really? Why didn't you tell us before now?" asked James.

"No, my mom's not sick, unless something has happened that I don't know about. I used her as a way of hiding my absences because I didn't want anyone to know what I am. If anyone else in school finds out, they will probably want me thrown out, and Professor Dumbledore right behind me for admitting me to school. Most people hate werewolves- and maybe they're right to feel that way. From what I've learned, most werewolves don't try to keep from hurting people the way I do. But I don't want there to be even a small chance that I would hurt anyone. As far as why I didn't tell you, it was because I lost the only friends I had as soon as they found out what I am. I didn't want to take the chance of that happening again. But I changed my mind just now when you said you were my friend no matter what…I believe you, and I really don't like lying to people. I guess you can understand why I have to most of the time."

"Yeah, I think I do understand…if people feel that way, you can't be completely honest right at first. I did mean what I said, though. You are my friend, and this doesn't change that. What you said earlier about this summer, about learning to cook and clean, were you really doing that?" asked James.

"Yes, I was. My mom has taken a part-time job, and my dad works full time, so they need a little extra help around the house. I didn't mind- I had three hours to myself on the three days each week that she works, so I used part of the time to do the housework. Mom also figures I need to know how to do these things, so I can take care of myself because I'm not likely to ever get married." said Remus.

"It sounds like she's really thinking ahead." said Sirius.

"She is, because she wants me to be as prepared as possible for whatever may happen. That's why she wanted to get me in school here- she wants me to have a good education and a chance to make friends. She agreed with me on the cover I've been using for my absences. We've had to deal with some mean people since I was bitten, so we all generally hide my condition from everyone."

"If you don't mind me asking, why do you go to the hospital wing for so long? Do you mind telling us a little more about what happens?" asked James.

"I go to the hospital wing partially for my scratches to be tended, but mostly to rest. I'm guessing you don't know a lot about werewolves, so yes, I'll tell you more. The transformation process really hurts. It feels like my whole body tears itself apart. Every inch of me changes- and it happens twice in the span of a day. So when it's over, I hurt **everywhere. **The scratches- which are usually long gashes made by my claws- are very sensitive at first. Having them dressed is somewhat painful, but once it is done and the paste starts working, they feel a little better, at least enough that I can stand to put clothes on over the bandages. It takes over a week for them to heal completely, if they're very deep, it can be quite a bit longer than that. Even when they heal, they leave worse scars than other types of injuries, that's why my chest looks so bad. I have scars like that on my legs, and a few on my back too. The other reason I go to the hospital wing is, as I said, to rest. I'm always very tired when it's over. My mom has watched me a lot while I'm transformed and said I barely sleep- I only curl up for a few minutes at a time, but most months I don't sleep at all until it's over. I don't eat either- werewolves only seek human prey. Mom tried a couple of times pushing meat through a flap in the door, and I just tried to bite them, but I didn't eat the food. They talked to a healer about the fact that I don't eat and were told that it was okay, I could make it that long without food- it's really only a few hours. So they stopped trying to put food in the room for me. But going that long without sleep or food leaves me weak and tired. Another part of the condition is that I don't remember what I do for that night. My last memory is the pain of changing, and then when I change back, it takes a minute for me to realize what has happened."

"That sounds horrible. No wonder you feel rotten when you change back. I'm surprised you come back to classes as soon as you do." said James.

"I didn't think I'd be able to at first. When mom was teaching me, she always let me have two or three days off when I'd either not work at all, or just do a little work. But here, Professor Slughorn makes a special tonic for me that helps me get my strength back quicker than just food and rest could. Professor Dumbledore also gave me a vial of potion for pain that really helps. I can sleep better when I take it, and I can move around easier that first day. He made sure that not only do I have those things here, but also I get to take them home for breaks and over the summer. Thanks to all of this, I have very little problem keeping up with my work."

"How do you get all of the assignments and notes that you miss?" asked James.

"The teachers all know about my condition and which days I will miss, so they make copies of their lectures for me, along with the details of the homework assignments. Professor Dumbledore gives these to me when I return to normal so I can start working on them as soon as I feel up to it. The teachers always allow me a few extra days to turn in my homework so that I have enough time."

"I had a feeling it might be something like that." said James.

"Is there anything else you want to know?" asked Remus.

"No, that's actually a lot more information than I expected you to give me. I appreciate you sharing so much with us. I'm glad you didn't mind talking about it and answering questions." said James.

Remus looked over at Sirius and Peter, trying to think of what to say to make sure that they understood he really needed them to keep his condition a secret from everyone else. However, before he could speak, Sirius said

"You have my word that I won't repeat any of this to anyone. I would never risk hurting a friend that way, and I do still want to be your friend. Your illness doesn't change that."

"Thank you, Sirius. I'm glad you feel that way. I'm counting on all three of you to keep this a secret. The teachers all know, and no one else needs to know. I feel that I can trust you. Peter, will you keep this a secret too?" asked Remus.

"Yes, I'll keep your secret. I'm your friend too." said Peter.

A while later, after everyone else was in bed asleep, Remus lay awake, thinking over their conversation. He had expected that his friends would eventually figure out that he was hiding something, and that they might even guess at what it was. He'd realized as he'd seen them at their homework that Sirius and James were very bright and would likely figure him out sooner than he wanted. But he had not guessed it would be this year- he'd hoped to have a bit longer before he had to face their questions. However, the biggest surprise for him had been their attitude- they weren't hostile toward him or scared of him. They seemed more concerned about the fact that he'd lied to them than they were about his condition. He was still in shock over the fact that not only had they promised to keep his secret, but that they still wanted to be his friends.


	5. Plans

Even though the conversation had caught him unprepared, now that it was over, he felt relieved. He was not the kind of person who enjoyed lying, so he was pleased to know that, with his friends at least, he could be honest.

Soon, school was out for Christmas break, and this year even Sirius was going home for the holidays. On the ride to London, James invited the others to his house for New Year's Eve. They all promised to let him know if they would be able to come over.

His dad met him at the station, and they apparated home together. His mom came out of the kitchen as soon as he arrived, and greeted him with a warm hug.

"I'm so glad you're home, son. How are you?"

"I'm doing great, mom. Are you guys okay?"

Before Marie could answer, John said

"I'm fine, but I think your mom has got something wrong with her. Look at her neck."

Remus stepped back and looked at his mother's neck. At the base of her neck, on each side, was a lump about the size of a walnut.

"It's nothing to worry about. I'm going to see a healer about them next week. I'm sure they'll be able to take care of them and I'll be fine." said Marie.

"I hope you're right, mama. Just because I've been using the excuse that you're sick to hide my problem doesn't mean I wanted you to be sick." said Remus with a faint smile.

"Of course not, sweetheart. This is just a couple of little bumps, it's no big deal. Now tell me, how's school going?"

"Really good. I'm making good grades in most of my classes. I'm still getting along well with James, Sirius, and Peter- they're turning out to be good friends. I almost forgot to mention it- James invited me and the other guys to his house for New Year's Eve. Can I go?"

"Probably, but we need to check the calendar." Said his dad.

"I already checked the lunar phase- the moon won't be full until the third of January, the day I go back to school."

"Then you can go, unless something comes up. Do you have any assignments over the holidays?" asked his mom

"No ma'am. I'll have the entire break to just have fun."

"That's good. You'll have some time alone too, because I have to work a few days while you're home. But I will be home Christmas Eve and Christmas day, and so will your dad."

"I understand, and I don't mind the time alone. I've got a few things in mind I can do then."

"Good. Dinner's almost ready, so you can just relax for a little while."

She went back into the kitchen, and in a few minutes, returned to tell them to come to the table.

Dinner was an enjoyable meal. The food was great, as his mom's always was, and he told them about some of the events that had occurred away from class. He went into detail about watching James try out for the quidditch team, and how James' well-timed last goal had played a major role in their first victory.

After dinner, Remus took a shower and decided to go to bed a little early. As he laid in his bed trying to fall asleep, he kept thinking about the lumps on his mom's neck. She'd assured him it was nothing, but he couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to it than she wanted to tell him or his dad.

Finally, he managed to quiet his nagging fears enough to go to sleep by reminding himself how good the healers at St. Mungo's were. Surely if they knew what to do for him, they could handle a couple of lumps.

The next day he was alone for several hours while both of his parents worked. As he'd done during the summer, he spent some of his time cleaning. However, he had again made some sketches for his parents for Christmas, and they weren't quite finished. He'd only done two this time, but both were a bit more challenging than the ones he'd done last year. One was of the goal from the quidditch match he'd described to his parents the previous night, and the other was of Lily Evans, the Gryffindor girl who frequently earned their house points in class with her quick, correct responses to questions. In the month before break, he had run into her several times in the library, and they had talked a little. He'd hardly call her a friend, but she was a nice girl, and though he'd never admit it to James, he found it amusing when she outdid him in class. James' reaction to these incidents was always funny, because he could hardly stand being outdone by a girl. Remus had chosen to draw her, however, because she presented several challenges for him. He'd never drawn a girl, except his mother; he'd never drawn anyone with red hair before, and he was doing her sketch completely from memory- she didn't know he was doing it, so he didn't try to work on it when she was around.

He hoped to have both sketches done by Christmas Eve- sooner if possible. The one of James was nearly complete; he only needed to add some color to it. The portrait of Lily was a little less finished; he still needed to add a few details before he put in the colors.

During the hours his mom was at home, he helped her with her holiday baking. She wanted to make some sweets for the ladies she worked for as a Christmas gift. She gave him a couple of new cookie recipes to make, and let him help her make some candy.

The night before Christmas Eve, after his parents were in bed, Remus stayed up to finish the sketch of Lily. Working by wandlight, in his bed, and hoping not to disturb anyone, he put in the final touches on the portrait. A little before midnight, he finished, and carefully rolled them up, then put them out of sight of his parents.

Christmas Eve morning while his mom was busy with cooking, he went out to the barn and dug around in the assorted boxes stored there in search of frames for the pictures. After about twenty minutes, he had found two that, though in need of cleaning, would look nice with the pictures.

Christmas morning was beautiful. Remus had been awakened by the sunlight streaming through the window because he'd failed to close his curtain when he'd gone to bed. When he looked out the window, he could see the yard was covered in several inches of new snow.

After a few minutes spent looking out the window, he got dressed and joined his parents for breakfast.

"Merry Christmas mama." he said, giving his mom a kiss on the cheek.

"Merry Christmas, Remus." she replied

"Merry Christmas, dad."

"Merry Christmas to you too, son."

"It snowed a lot last night, from what I could see out my window."

"Yes, it did. Sure makes everything look pretty." said his dad.

They ate breakfast, then went into the living room to open their gifts. The gifts they exchanged were hardly extravagant, but they thoughtfully chosen and everyone seemed pleased with what they had received. His parents were both impressed by the talent he exhibited in his sketches and did not mind at all that he had made their gifts instead of purchasing them.

The remaining few days until New Year's Eve passed quickly. Remus had contacted James on December 30 to make sure nothing had changed, and James assured him that the plans were still in place for their sleepover.

At about 5:00 p.m. on New Year's Eve, Remus and his dad apparated to the address James had given them. They landed in the tree-dotted yard of a comfortable sized brick home. They climbed the steps, and John knocked sharply on the front door. After a moment, a wizard who looked quite a few years older than Mr. Lupin did opened the door. He was of medium build, slim, with a ring of snow-white hair on his otherwise bald head and friendly blue eyes that shone out from behind round-rimmed glasses. He addressed Mr. Lupin in a quiet voice.

"Hello. You must be Mr. Lupin."

"Yes sir, I am. You're Mr. Potter, I presume?"

"Yes, I am. Please come in, it's cold out there."

Remus and his father followed him inside. The living room was spacious, yet felt as welcoming as the smaller one in his own home. Mr. Potter indicated that they should sit, and then said

"I'll go tell the boys you're here. Sirius arrived about an hour ago. I believe James said Peter wouldn't be here tonight. They're both quite excited that you were able to come."

As he walked out of the room to speak to James and Sirius, a little witch who Remus was certain was James' mother, walked into the room. She was tiny, and seemed quite delicate. She had shoulder length hair that was mostly white but had a few silver streaks in it. Like Mr. Potter, she wore round-rimmed glasses, but had brown eyes. She smiled warmly at them, then spoke.

"Good evening. You must be Mr. Lupin and young Remus. I'm Mrs. Potter, James' mother."

"I'm John Lupin, and this is Remus. Pleased to meet you."

"I'm pleased to meet both of you as well. James and Sirius have talked quite a bit about Remus. I'm so sorry to hear that Mrs. Lupin is ill. I hope the healers can find a way to help her."

"I'm sure they will, but it may take time. Just to make sure I have the information I need, Remus can spend the night, and when should I pick him up tomorrow?" asked Mr. Lupin

"Yes sir, he can spend the night if it's okay with you. As far as picking him up, I'd say probably no earlier than 1:00 p.m…later is fine. I'm sure the boys will want to sleep late after staying up past midnight. Is it okay with you for him to stay up that late?"

"Yes, that's fine- it is New Year's Eve after all. I guess I'll plan to pick him up around 2:00 p.m. I'll check with you first, though. If he gives you any trouble, let me know- it doesn't matter what time it is. You can reach me by floo network."

"Is there anything special he needs, or that we need to know?"

"No ma'am. He's got his toothbrush, clothes, and everything else he felt he needed in his bag. He's really pretty self-sufficient. He had supper a little while ago, so he won't likely be hungry for a while."

Just then, James and Sirius walked into the living room, followed by Mr. Potter. Remus introduced his dad to his friends. Each of the two boys shook Mr. Lupin's hand.

"Glad to meet both of you. I've heard a lot about you." said Mr. Lupin.

He then addressed Remus

"Well, son, I'm sure you're eager to spend time with your friends, and I need to get back to your mom. Enjoy your party, and I'll pick you up tomorrow afternoon."

"Okay dad, I'll see you tomorrow." said Remus

Then Mr. Lupin spoke to the Potters.

"Thank you for inviting him over, and it was nice to meet both of you. I'll see you again tomorrow."

"It was a pleasure to meet you as well, Mr. Lupin, and don't worry, I'm sure Remus won't give us any trouble. If your wife feels up to it tomorrow, we'd love to meet her as well." said Mr. Potter.

"Maybe she will feel like coming, but I can't say for sure. I know she'd like to meet you both. I need to get back to her, though, so good night." he said as he rose and walked to the door

"Good night." said Mr. Potter as he closed the door behind Mr. Lupin.

Remus followed Sirius and James into the den, where they already had the chessboard set up. As soon as he walked into the room, Remus noticed that one entire wall was lined floor to ceiling with bookcases. He hoped he'd have time to browse while he was there. There were several comfortable-looking chairs placed around the room, along with a couple of low tables. On one of these tables was the chessboard; on the other sat a wireless set and a few magazines.

James and Sirius took up their places at the chessboard, and then James spoke to Remus.

"We were almost done when Dad came to tell us you were here. Do you want to play the winner?"

"Sure. So, how was your Christmas?" Remus asked.

"Pretty good. Quiet, as usual. We had a nice dinner and exchanged gifts. Dad takes me to Diagon Alley every year so I can do my Christmas shopping. He always stays outside or goes to another shop while I'm buying his gift. How was your Christmas?"

"It was good, but I'm worried about Mom. She's got a lump about the size of a walnut on each side of her neck. She says it's nothing, the healers will be able to shrink them, but I'm not so sure. For some reason, it feels like there's more to it than that."

"I'm sure she's right, Remus. The healers at St. Mungo's are really good. I'm sure they'll have her good as new in no time." said James.

"He's right, you know. The healers there are the best. Don't worry so much, Remus." said Sirius.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just worrying over nothing. How was your Christmas, Sirius?"

"Better than I expected. Most of the family was there, which wasn't too great, but my Uncle Alphard was there. He doesn't come around much because he and mom had a big disagreement a few years ago. But he likes me and when he does come over, he usually brings me some neat gift that no one else would think of. This time it was those four magazines. They're muggle magazines, so the pictures don't move, but they've got some cool stuff in them. You can look at them if you want." said Sirius.

Remus looked through the stack of magazines. There was one about music, one about motorcycles, one about cars and one about soccer. He chose the one about cars to look through first, while James and Sirius finished their chess match. About fifteen minutes later, he was thoroughly engrossed in the magazine, reading the feature article about a very nice looking car. Even though he didn't understand a lot about cars, he couldn't help but admire the car's sleek lines.

When the match was over, Sirius said

"Remus, I won. You still want to play, or did you want finish the magazine?"

"Yeah, I want to play. I'll finish the magazine later. I don't really understand much about cars, but they are interesting."

"I don't understand a lot about them myself, but I think it would be fun to learn to drive one."

"I think I'd get confused with so many pedals and other stuff to deal with. I think I'll stick with brooms and apparition."

Sirius set up the chessboard again, and for the next forty-five minutes, they played. It was a close game, but Remus did beat Sirius.

"You've been practicing." observed Sirius.

"Yeah, I have. I practiced during the summer and a little since we've been back at school. I played against my dad just yesterday."

"You weren't a bad player to begin with, but you've gotten really good."

"Thanks." said Remus.

"Speaking of school, we didn't have any homework, did we?" asked James

"No, they took it easy on us this year. Aren't you a bit late to be worrying about that? We go back to school in two days." said Remus

"Yeah, I guess I am. I haven't really given school much thought while we've been off. I enjoy it, but I'm glad to be home."

"I've been meaning to ask you something, Remus. Do you need help with your homework when you come back from your absences? I know you said you get notes from the teachers, but I noticed you've been spending a lot of time in the library lately." said Sirius.

Remus hesitated a moment before he answered. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell them how much time he was spending with Lily. She wasn't the only reason he went there; he preferred the quiet of the library to the noise of the common room for studying. However, he did see her there often, and did enjoy her company. He knew they might tease him about spending time with her, since neither of them would really consider spending time with a girl, but he also guessed it would be worse if they found out about it later. He decided to tell them if he needed to.

"No, I don't really need any extra help. I go to the library because it's quieter than the common room."

"Before break, Peter told me that he'd seen you there with a girl. He said it looked like you were kissing her. " said Sirius.

James scrunched his nose and said "Gross."

"Yes, I was with Lily Evans. But no, I wasn't kissing her- I was whispering to her so Madam Pince couldn't hear me. Lily is in the library almost as often as I am, and when she's there, we check each other's homework and talk."

James practically glared at Remus. "You mean that little red-haired know-it-all who's always showing off?" he asked

Sirius laughed "James, I don't know what's funnier- you teasing him for being with a girl or being mad because of which girl it is."

"She's just a friend, guys- barely that, really. We've only bumped into each other a few times. I do know why she works so hard and 'shows off' in class- she's muggleborn. You can tell by what she says that feels like she's got to prove herself."

"I think she just likes the attention she gets." said James.

"It sounds to me like you're just jealous because she gets more attention than you do sometimes." said Sirius.

"I think you're wrong about the attention, James. She actually seems shy. I really think she's just a good student who wants to do her best and show that she knows as much as anyone else. She seems nice so far." said Remus.

A moment later, Mrs. Potter walked into the room

"Do you boys want anything to eat? It's almost 9:00 p.m. I know you've all had dinner, but I thought you might want a snack."

"Have we still got any of those cookies you made earlier?" asked James

"Yes, we've got chocolate chip and peanut butter. Do you want some of those?"

"Yes ma'am, I'd like some of the chocolate chip." said James

"Me too" said Remus

"I'd like the peanut butter, if it's not too much trouble." said Sirius.

"No trouble at all, dear." she replied

A few minutes later, she came back with a big plate full of cookies and three tall glasses of milk. She placed them on the table near the chessboard, then asked

"Do you want to sleep in here, or in James' room?"

James spoke up "I think it would be better to sleep in here- we'd have more space. My room's big, but not as big as this room. Would sleeping bags be okay with you guys?"

"Sleeping bags are fine with me, and I don't mind sleeping in here." said Remus

"That's fine with me too." said Sirius

"Okay, then you can sleep in here. I'll conjure your sleeping bags." said Ms. Potter.

She waved her wand, and three fluffy, blue sleeping bags appeared, neatly stacked against the wall.

"Your father and I will be going to bed soon. You three can stay up as long as you like, but don't leave the house. If the fire goes out and you get cold, wake one of us; don't try to fix it yourself. Other than that, you can do whatever you want." she told them.

"Yes ma'am. Thank you for the cookies. Good night, mom." said James

"Good night, son. Good night, Sirius, Remus." said Mrs. Potter

"Good night" Sirius and Remus said together.

As she left the room, the boys each took a glass of milk and a few cookies from the plate.

When he was confident he wouldn't be overheard, James brought up the subject he'd been waiting to discuss all evening.

"I wanted to talk to you guys about something I read a few days ago. After our conversation about Remus' condition, I started thinking it would be nice, and maybe make it easier for him, if we could keep him company."

"No, that would be a terrible idea- I would hurt you or maybe kill you. Weren't you listening? In that state, I'm unsafe, especially to other humans. Please, whatever you do, don't try to come near me then." said Remus, panicked by the thought that his friends would try something so careless.

"Remus, it's okay- calm down. I'm not done yet. I know we can't come near you as humans, and we wouldn't try. I don't want anyone to get hurt, and I don't want you to have the guilt or worry that would bring you. What I read about is a transfiguration spell that would allow us to turn into animals. It's called the animagus spell and when done properly, the person changes into an animal, yet keeps their human mind. We wouldn't be your prey, so you wouldn't attack, and we might be able to communicate with each other- maybe even with you too." explained James.

"That's still risky- I can't promise you wouldn't get hurt. Since I don't remember what goes on during those days, I'm not sure how I would react to other animals. I know a werewolf only seeks humans as prey, but I don't know how they handle other animals. I really can't ask you to do this." said Remus.

"You aren't asking…I'm suggesting. I read up on werewolves too, and according to the information I found, they seem to generally ignore other animals, so you probably wouldn't hurt us. But we wouldn't be able to do this right away- the spell is very tricky. In fact, the Ministry usually keeps track of people trying to learn it and records a full description of what animal they become." said James.

He walked over to one of the bookshelves and retrieved a thick leather-bound volume. As he was turning the pages, Remus asked

"You haven't told your parents, about me, have you James?"

"No, of course not. And don't worry, they didn't hear what we were saying- they're already in bed. But even if they weren't, they don't hear well enough to have heard our conversation from the living room."

"Okay- I was a little concerned. You haven't told your parents, either, have you Sirius?"

"No, I haven't. I won't tell them. Honestly, I don't tell them much of anything about my friends or school. Not because I'm ashamed, but because it reduces the number of arguments we have."

James found the page the spell was on and laid the open book on the table so they could all look at it.

"I've never seen anything quite this complicated. This must be the spell Professor McGonagall learned to be able to turn into a cat. Actually, she's part of why I looked this up. After I read that werewolves don't go after other animals, I was thinking it would be cool if we could turn into animals. Then I remembered that she does it, and that made me wonder how she did it. I came across this book a few days ago, and there was the spell. It has several warnings along with the actual spell, to make sure you understand what you're getting into. Even though it looks complicated, I think we could learn it."

"How are you going to explain to Professor McGonagall or Professor Dumbledore why you're doing this? I'm not supposed to tell anyone I'm a werewolf, and I certainly shouldn't encourage you to come spend time with me while I'm transformed. Aside from that, animagi are supposed to register- what will you say to the Ministry?" asked Remus.

"I don't think we should tell anyone. Since the teachers know you are a werewolf, and that we're your friends, they would likely be suspicious about our reasons and probably wouldn't help us. Since you aren't supposed to tell anyone your secret, it could get you in trouble or at least a trip to Professor Dumbledore's office if it were discovered that you told us. As far as the Ministry is concerned, if we manage to successfully learn the spell, we might tell them, but we could decide that later. If we don't learn it, no one will need to know we were trying. I think we should at least try to learn the spell." said Sirius

"I agree with you. We can do this if we really try. As long as we're careful how we use the spell, no one needs to know we're not registered. It'll be fun to be able to visit you and to be able to explore the grounds without being noticed." said James.

"What if something goes wrong and someone gets hurt? What will you tell Madam Pomfrey?" asked Remus.

"That will depend on what's happened. Probably the easiest thing would be to say that a spell we were practicing backfired or messed up. If we really need to, we could admit what we were practicing, say that we just ran across it and thought we'd try it, and make them believe we won't do it again. If anything goes seriously wrong, we might have to quit." said James.

"I guess that could work. We'll need to be really careful, though. I can't believe you're willing to do something this risky just because of me." said Remus

"We're your friends, and we want to help you if we can, or at least keep you company. It's sorta like when you stay at the hospital with someone who's sick- you can't really help, but at least they know you care about them." said James

"Are we gonna tell Peter about this and see if he wants to do it too?" asked Sirius

"We probably should. If we don't at least ask him, he may get mad when he does find out and then tell everyone all of our secrets." said James.

"He has a horrible time with Transfiguration class- one of us will have to help him learn and practice the spell." said Remus

"When he sees how complicated it is, he may not want to try it." suggested James.

"I bet he will, because he seems to think he has to do everything we do to be our friend. I'm honestly surprised he didn't try out for Quidditch." said Sirius

"He thought about it, he told me so. But he doesn't like flying and he's scared of heights, so he decided it would be a bad idea." said Remus

"We need to help him understand, without hurting his feelings, that he doesn't have to copy everything we do for us to be his friends. If he does want to learn this spell, we can help him. If not, hopefully he will keep it secret." said James.

"I'm pretty sure he'll do that much. He went along with keeping Remus' condition secret easily enough." said Sirius.

"Yes, he did. I'm guessing neither of you is in the mood to start reading this closely tonight. We haven't learned enough yet to really start studying it- I thought maybe over the summer we could. So for now, I thought I'd put the book away." said James.

"Sure, that's fine with me." said Remus.

"Yeah, we can look at it more closely later." said Sirius.

James closed the book and returned it to the bookshelf. The three boys then passed another pair of hours talking- about school, their upcoming final exams, and their plans for the summer. James invited them both to come over as often as they wanted. His parents had told him earlier in the year that he could have his friends over any time he liked. Sirius was planning to spend as much of his summer as he could at James' house. Remus told them he would check with his parents- he'd probably be able to visit a few times, but he had to remember that James' parents believed his mother was sick.

At midnight, the announcer on the wireless wished everyone a Happy New Year, and then played a festive song. Since the boys had been instructed not to go outside and they didn't want to give any of their parents a reason to hesitate allowing future sleepovers, they stayed inside. Because of this, they didn't have any fireworks, but they had already learned spells that would shoot different colors of sparks from their wands, and they did that instead.

In spite of their plans to stay up really late, by 1:00 a.m., they were all getting tired. So they arranged the sleeping bags on the floor, then crawled in and were soon asleep.

The next morning, Remus was the first one awake. It was only 9:00 a.m. when he awoke, so he stayed in his sleeping bag, watching the fire and thinking.

He could hardly believe the conversation they'd had last night- that his friends were willing to break the law and to risk injury to themselves just to learn a spell that would allow them to keep him company during the full moon. He had just gotten used to the fact that they weren't going to abandon him because of his condition when they had surprised him with this plan. Even though he had tried to talk them out of it, and would not be hurt if they did change their mind, he had to admit he hoped their plan succeeded. If they did, and they were right about the spell allowing them to communicate with him, they might be able to make his transformations easier for him in ways that no one else could. It might be possible for them to help him through the periods his mother had described as agitation, which was when she'd seen him tear up things and when was most likely to claw himself.

He didn't know if this spell would work, and even if it did and they were able to communicate with him, there was no guarantee he would listen to what they said. But if they really wanted to try, he would help them, making sure as best he could that they were careful. After all, he didn't want anything to happen to them. Having friends this loyal was more important to him than their plan succeeding.

He remembered that James had mentioned the idea of being able to explore places unnoticed, and wondered what he had in mind. The thought of leaving the cottage while he was transformed seemed incredibly to him, even if they were able to communicate with him. Maybe James had something else in mind.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone moving. He rolled over, and saw that James was awake. He was sitting up in his sleeping bag and spoke softly to Remus, grinning mischievously as he did.

"I think it's time for Sirius to wake up now, don't you?"

Before Remus could respond, James was creeping toward Sirius, who was still sound asleep. He squatted beside Sirius, then shook his shoulder firmly. As he did this, he spoke in an urgent-sounding voice.

"Sirius! Wake up! We're gonna be late for class!"

Sirius's eyes flew open, and a slightly panicked expression crossed his face. He grabbed the edge of the sleeping bag to uncover himself, then apparently remembered where and when everything was happening, because he dropped the sleeping bag, and pushed on James' knees. James lost his balance and fell backward.

Sirius laughed at James, then said "Why are you waking me up so early?"

"It's not early- it's nearly 10:00 a.m. I woke you up because we're both up and because I know Mom will be making breakfast soon, if she isn't already."

"I didn't think it was really very late, once I realized were I am. You had me convinced for a minute there, though."

"I guess the sleeping bag gave it away?"

"Yeah, that along with being on the floor." said Sirius.

As if to prove the accuracy of James' guess, his mom walked into the room.

"I'm guessing you boys are probably hungry. I'm making pancakes for breakfast. By the time you get dressed and put the sleeping bags away, they'll be ready."

"Thanks, mom." said James.

She walked out of the room, and the boys quickly dressed, then stacked the sleeping bags in the corner of the room.

After breakfast, they put on coats and gloves, and then went outside to play in the snow. They built snowmen, and had a snowball fight while they were at it. While they were taking a short break, James remembered that he had some fireworks that were supposed to be as bright during the day as at night. He got them out of the attic and then convinced his dad to light them. He agreed, and for the next half hour they watched as the fireworks exploded into bright colors and surprisingly intricate shapes that were actually visible against the blue sky. By the time they were finished, it was nearly 2:00 p.m.- Remus and Sirius would be leaving soon.

They went inside and gathered up their belongings. While they were packing, Remus told them

"Don't look for me on the train back to school. The day we go back is a full moon, so I'm apparating to Hogsmeade with my dad that morning. By the time you get there, I'll be in the cottage."

"Okay, so we'll see you the next day." said James.

"Right- late that afternoon, or maybe the morning after, depending on how I feel." said Remus.

"Hopefully you'll feel better soon." said Sirius.

A few minutes later, Remus' dad picked him up, and they apparated home.

The remaining days of the holiday Remus spent preparing for his return to school. He discussed with his parents the invitation James had extended to visit often during the summer. They agreed to consider it, and told him he likely would be able to go, but they would give him a more definite answer later.


	6. Pranks and Plans

In spite of his holiday being extended by the full moon, Remus fell back into the routine of school easily. The teachers were giving the students a little slack during their first week back at school.

Not long after the full moon, James, Sirius and Remus talked to Peter about their plans to learn the animagus charm. Peter decided he was interested in trying the charm and agreed to keep quiet about it.

Near the end of January, Remus received a letter from his mother, which told him that she had been to St. Mungo's and the healer had shrunk the lumps on her neck. Though he knew he should find some comfort in her words, he couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to her illness than they knew.

February's Quidditch match against Ravenclaw was a good one. Their team was fast and more skilled than Gryffindor had anticipated. The Gryffindor keeper was a bit off his game that day, a situation made worse by the Ravenclaw strategy of keeping the quaffle moving. This made it difficult to keep track of who had it until the last second before they attempted to score with it. Ravenclaw scored three goals before he took a different approach to his goalkeeping. He stayed focused the rest of the game, and they only managed to get one more goal past him. Meanwhile, James and the other chasers had their hands full staying away from bludgers and getting past the Ravenclaw keeper. To make matters worse, Gryffindor needed at least forty points before the snitch was caught to ensure they stayed in the running for the cup. Luckily, James and the other chasers managed to keep possession of the quaffle long enough to score the forty points needed. When they scored their fourth goal, a Ravenclaw chaser caught the quaffle and streaked toward the other end of the field. Before she could even attempt a goal, the Gryffindor seeker caught the snitch, ending the game at 190-40.

March began with two consecutive weeks of heavy rain, forcing everyone to stay inside except for the necessary trips to the greenhouses for Herbology class. This period of confinement appeared to give James a case of cabin fever, and he vented that frustration in a series of pranks.

He had become quite skilled at whispering spells instead of saying the incantations aloud, and as a result, could sometimes perform a spell undetected in class. One afternoon in Charms class, while Professor Flitwick was explaining how the severing spell 'Diffendo' worked, James quietly used a sticking charm to secure all of the teacher's books to the top of his desk. When the tiny professor struggled to pick up a book, he apparently thought the trouble was his own strength, then tried and failed to levitate it. When levitation did not work, he realized it must be stuck somehow and performed a spell to free it.

James fought back his laughter, only to end up causing himself a coughing fit. Since no one except Sirius and Remus had seen him do it, he got away with it.

Later that afternoon, the four of them were heading downstairs from Defense Against the Dark Arts class to the greenhouses. As they entered the Entrance Hall, James spotted Severus ahead of them, alone. A sly smile spread across James' face and he raised his wand.

Remus said softly "James, he's not bothering you."

James replied "Yes he is- I can smell him from here."

Then he whispered a word so softly Remus couldn't hear it even though he was only a step behind him, and a long, thick stream of soap bubbles shot from his wand and covered Snape head to toe in foam.

Snape turned quickly to face James, slipping and nearly falling in the puddle that the foam had formed. He glared at James with a look that, had it been possible, would likely have struck James dead on the spot.

The two began to hurl curses- and in some cases objects- at each other. Remus stood on one side of James, deflecting curses that came his direction, but not actually attacking Severus. Sirius was on James' right side, alternately defending and attacking. Peter was several steps behind them, apparently not sure what to do.

The fray lasted about five minutes, finally ending when James succeeded in knocking Severus down. He lay sprawled on the floor, wet and panting for a moment before pulling himself to his feet, casting a scowl at them and walking away.

As he did, he said "This is not over, Potter."

Fortunately for James, because the incident had occurred between classes, none of the teachers had seen the fight. A few students had stopped on their way to class, but none of them bothered to alert a teacher.

Then they headed off to Herbology class, James and Sirius reviewing the incident as they walked. Remus was not surprised that they were late, and as a result lost Gryffindor five points each.

The next day was the full moon, so Remus did not find out until the day after that James' streak of mischief had continued. That day after his time in the hospital wing, Remus joined his friends for dinner in the Great Hall, and James told him about the pranks that had gone on in his absence.

James had gotten a week's worth of detentions for a prank in Transfiguration class. At one point during the lesson, Professor McGonagall had called on Snape to stand and answer a question. When Snape started to speak, James cast a spell that took away his voice. His mouth moved, but no sound came out.

He cleared his throat and tried again, but still was unable to produce sound. When nothing happened the second time, Professor McGonagall saw James' wand pointed in Snape's direction and that he had his hand clamped over his mouth. She waved her wand and broke the spell, allowing Snape to give his explanation and James got detention.

It appeared, however, that Snape had gotten revenge on him. Every time they had passed each other in the hall, when Snape was quite a few feet away, James' book bag would split. James believed that Snape was casting a spell to cause it, but could not prove for sure that he was doing it. The result of it was that he, Sirius, and Peter were late for several classes, costing Gryffindor about forty points by the end of the day.

After this streak of mischief and the points lost, James decided it would be best to stop the pranks until they could make up the lost points.

Far too soon, they were studying for final exams. Remus did most of his studying with James, Peter, and Sirius, but he spent some time in the library as well. Their homework load had increased and though he was not struggling to keep up, he was busy. In spite of his friends' slight teasing about it, he still enjoyed spending time with Lily Evans.

One day while he was proofreading a Defense Against the Dark Arts essay for her, he noticed she seemed unusually quiet.

"Lily, is something wrong? You seem bothered by something?" he asked

"I am, but it's nothing you can do anything about." she replied.

"It might help to talk about it. Maybe we could figure something out together." he suggested.

"Maybe you're right." she said, then reached into her book bag and pulled out a letter.

"It's my sister, Petunia. She hates me." she continued.

"Hates you? That seems unlikely- why would she hate you? She's probably just mad at you for something."

"No, that's not it. Let me tell you the rest, then you can read the letter and you'll see what I mean." she explained.

"Okay." he agreed.

"Petunia and I were fairly close until last year. She would try to boss me around sometimes, and at other times she tried to copy everything I did. It bugged me a little, but it wasn't too bad, and we got along. She didn't like it when I would make something happen magically, like jumping out of a swing from up high, but she was curious about it too. When Professor McGonagall came to our house and explained everything and gave us the letter from school, Petunia was jealous. She begged me to write to Professor Dumbledore to try to get her in too. Of course, since she doesn't have any magical abilities, she couldn't come. Since then, she's decided for sure that I'm a freak and the reason they have a special school for us is to keep muggles- 'normal people' as she calls them- safe from us."

She handed Remus the letter. He took it and carefully read her sister's words. If Lily had not told him the letter was from her sister, and that they had once gotten along, he never would have guessed it from the letter. The girl seemed to be angry, and jealous of Lily. But probably the worst two lines were near the end, where she said she wouldn't be home all summer if she could manage it, and that she was glad Lily was away at school because witches and wizards were too dangerous to be around normal people.

"See what I mean? She hates me." sighed Lily.

" Maybe, but I really think she's jealous- of the attention you get from being away for so long at a time, and of the fact that you're different from her. She acts angry, but from what you said, she'd probably love to be a witch and be able to do the things you can."

"You might be right, but what can I do about it? I can't make her a witch." asked Lily

"Talk to your parents, and show them this letter or tell them what she said. Maybe they can help her understand that your talents don't make you a freak, or dangerous, it just makes you different. They can explain to her that you're still her sister and you still love her…maybe that will help."

"I guess it might. It's worth a try, I suppose." said Lily.

"At least if you do that, everyone can get their feelings out in the open. Your parents may come up with an idea themselves. Or, you could talk to Professor Dumbledore. He might have some advice." suggested Remus.

"I hadn't thought of that. I think I might see if he has any different ideas. Yours might work, but having other ideas too may help me when I decide to talk to them. Thanks for your help, Remus."

"You're welcome. Oh, here's your essay. I was done with it when we started talking about your letter. It's better than mine, actually."

"I'm surprised at that. You seem to be a natural at Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"Thanks. It does come more easily to me than some of my other classes, and I enjoy reading the book, so I probably put in more time with it than I might need to. But with this essay, I just wasn't sure exactly what I needed to include, and I guess I didn't go into enough detail…I'll go back and add some things I left out."

He glanced at his watch and realized it was almost time for dinner, mentioned this to her, and they both picked up their books and left.

The few remaining weeks of the school year passed almost in a blur. Remus spent nearly every free minute he had studying. He and Sirius helped James and Peter in their studies as well. James was struggling because he'd fallen behind in the last weeks of Quidditch season, when their practice schedule had been unusually heavy. It had paid off, as they'd won the Quidditch cup by a narrow margin, but now several members of the team could be heard grumbling as they worked furiously to catch up. As for Peter, he always doubted himself and this insecurity became even worse as finals approached. He asked them to drill him repeatedly over each subject.

All of their time and hard work paid off- the four of them passed their exams in each class. In spite of James' pranks that cost them points throughout the year, Gryffindor also managed to secure the House cup.

This summer promised to be a very different experience for Remus than the previous summer had been. James had invited all three of them to visit as often as they wanted, and Remus' parents had said they would consider allowing him to go.

Remus had also given Lily Evans his address so she could write to him during the summer if she wanted. They had spent quite a few hours in the library and had become friends. His friendship with her was different from his relationship with the guys, but he enjoyed her company.

Since his mom was still working, she had offered to give him a small allowance for the housework he did. His parents couldn't afford to give him much, but he was grateful for the chance to earn a little money. He knew that next year, if his parents allowed it, he would be able to visit Hogsmeade village, and the money he earned would allow him to buy Christmas gifts for them.

About a week into summer break, Remus received his report card. He passed all of his classes with good grades. Along with the report card were his book list for next year, his train ticket, a package of the wound supplies he used, and his permission slip for Hogsmeade visits, which his parents signed for him.

A week later, he received a letter from Lily, and one from Sirius. Sirius wrote to tell him that he would be at James' house until two weeks before school started.

Lily's letter was to let Remus know that the problem with her sister was being addressed. She had talked to her mom one evening, explained how she felt and showed her Petunia's letters. Mrs. Evans had since talked to Petunia, and though her attitude wasn't much better, it hadn't gotten any worse.

That weekend, James invited Remus to spend the weekend with him. Remus asked his parents, and was pleased that they agreed to allow him to go. Sirius was also there, since his parents had agreed to allow him to spend most of his summer there. Because the three of them would be there together, Remus knew he would enjoy himself.

He arrived at the Potters' home early Friday evening, and found James and Sirius admiring Sirius' new broomstick. It was a belated birthday gift from his favorite uncle, Uncle Alphard.

As James examined every detail of the broom, he commented

"This is a very nice broom, Sirius. Are you thinking about trying out for Quidditch?"

"No, not really. I just like the idea of being able to fly instead of depending on someone else to apparate with me or using floo powder. Uncle Alphard knows I like to fly, and decided this would make a good gift. It's late, but I don't mind. It's the thought that counts anyway."

"I bet your mom had a fit." said Remus.

Sirius laughed. " Yeah, you could say that. I thought the top of her head was literally going to blow off. She couldn't believe he'd spent so much, especially on me, and without buying something for Regulus. The fact that I'm only thirteen and he got me a broom didn't set too well with her either- she wanted to make me wait another year to get a broom. Not that she's concerned about my safety or being able to ride it, she just likes to make me wait. She wasn't going to let me keep it at first, but Dad told her he was about my age when he got a broom, and there was no reason I couldn't handle it, so she gave in. I think the fact that it saved them the money they might have spent buying me one had a lot to do with it too. Uncle Alphard said he'd get Regulus one for his birthday next year, if he wanted it."

"That offer probably helped calm her down some." said James.

"It did, a little. But it won't matter anyway. They'll buy him one this summer, just so he doesn't have to wait as long as I did. And he'll probably go out for Quidditch next year as a way to impress them. He can't really compete with me as far as grades- I make better grades than he does, but Quidditch is something he's good at, and he knows he'll get attention for it. Even though they already shower him with attention, he will take any opportunity to get more." said Sirius.

"It's hard to believe that you and he were ever close." observed Remus.

"Yeah, it is. But I just think so differently than they do that there's not much we agree on any more. I don't like it, but I can't change how I feel. At least I've got you guys though. I can be myself around you all." said Sirius

"That's true. In fact, speaking of being there for each other, I wanted to talk to you a little more about the animagus charm. I've been studying it a lot in my free time, and I think I understand enough to make a first attempt at it soon." said James.

"Are you guys sure you really want to go through with that?" asked Remus.

"Yeah, we are. I think it will be a useful charm to learn, not just for keeping you company, but for other things as well." said James.

"I'm glad you've made some headway on it, you can explain to me what you've learned. We need to get another copy of that book, or at least those pages, to use when we're at school." said Sirius.

"I already thought about that. I found a spell for copying things that should let me copy the pages from the book. I'll try it out later." replied James.

"Since you are going to do this, have you decided what animals you want to become?" asked Remus.

"I'm thinking about a big black dog. Since I am named after the star Sirius, the 'dog star', I thought that would make sense. Black seems appropriate too, since that's my last name, and the color of my hair. I figured being a big dog would be a good idea, in case there's any need to catch you." explained Sirius.

"That does sound good. You'll hopefully be better able to handle me if you're a big animal than a small one, and a dog has claws and teeth which will allow you to protect anyone who may be in danger from me." said Remus.

"What have you come up with, James?" asked Sirius.

"I haven't decided yet. I was thinking of a large animal too, for the same reasons. But I haven't decided which one to be. We need to remember that the book says the larger the animal form you choose, the more difficult the spell is. Also, if we choose anything weird, or that stands out too much, we could create a problem for ourselves. We might have to deal with people chasing us or attacking us, or suspecting us of being animagi and forcing us to change back to human form. If that were to happen, we would likely be reported and we don't want that. Another thought is that we could end up in a zoo if we chose some exotic form, so we need to stick with something that will blend in easily. That's why the one form that I keep coming back to is a stag. There are plenty of deer around here, so most people wouldn't suspect anything odd about seeing a stag." explained James.

"That makes sense…the worst thing we'd have to worry about from that would be a hunter coming after you for their next dinner." said Sirius.

"But if we're careful where we go, we should be able to avoid most of the hunters. If we do see anyone that looks like they might be hunting, I'd just need to run. I think a stag would be a relatively safe choice." said James.

"Probably so. We won't likely go very far from school property anyway, and there aren't likely to be any hunters in that area. Few muggles come around, and most wizards don't hunt." agreed Sirius.

Satisfied that their plans would keep them relatively safe, they turned their attention to making plans for the next day. James' house had a pool, so they decided to go swimming. They slept in the next morning, and after a late breakfast, spent a couple of hours in the water. Then they played chess for much of the afternoon, and spent that evening listening to the wireless and talking.

That weekend was one of a few that the boys passed in this fashion. James invited Remus over several times that summer, and he accepted most of the invitations. However, summer was over far sooner than any of them would have liked, and they had to return to school.


	7. Worries

This year brought a couple of concerns for Remus. He was, of course, worried about his mom's health. Though the Healers at St. Mungo's had shrunk the lumps on her neck, those had been replaced by two new ones, these a little larger than the previous ones. She had promised to have them taken care of as well, but Remus still felt there was more going on with her than she realized, or that perhaps she knew and wasn't telling him in hopes of keeping him from worrying.

His other concern was about the material they would cover in Defense Against the Dark Arts class. He had looked at the book when his parents had bought it and knew they would be covering higher classes of beasts, and werewolves were in the book. Several pages were devoted to recognizing and defending against werewolves, and the information was quite thorough. He hoped none of his classmates paid enough attention to his absences to figure out his secret.

The first several weeks of this, their third year at Hogwarts, was uneventful, but Sirius' prediction about his brother receiving a broom during the summer holiday was correct. Regulus did have a broom virtually identical to Sirius' and he tried out for the Slytherin Quidditch team. Neither Sirius nor his friends were terribly surprised to learn that he had gotten the position of Seeker on their team. True to his word, Sirius did not go out for the Gryffindor team.

As had become his habit, when Remus sought a little peace and quiet to work on homework when his friends were at the Quidditch pitch, he went to the library. On his first visit of the year, he ran into Lily. She asked him to join her, and they spent the next half hour talking and studying.

"How was your summer? Did the situation with Petunia improve?" he asked

"My summer was okay, but no, the situation didn't really get any better. I was glad to talk it out with Mom, but I don't think there's anything that can be done to change Petunia's attitude. She acts a little better toward me when our parents are around, but when we're alone, nothing's different."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I had hoped it would work out better for you."

"I did too, but I'll be alright. Enough about me, though. How is your mom? You told me last year that she was sick and that she had some lumps on her neck."

"She's still sick. The Healers shrunk the lumps, but they've come back, and they're bigger this time. She plans to go back soon to see what they have to say, but I think they're missing something. I just hope they can figure out what is wrong."

"I'm sure they'll do all they can for her. Has she considered looking for a Healer somewhere else? I know she trusts the Healers at St. Mungo's, but someone else might have more experience, or different suggestions."

"No, I don't think she's considered either of those options. She trusts the Healers at St. Mungo's, so I doubt she'd be willing to go to anyone else."

"It wouldn't hurt to suggest it to her, in case she just hasn't thought of it."

"I suppose you're right, and I will mention it to her later on. I appreciate your suggestion and your concern for her."

"You're my friend, Remus, so of course I'm concerned about her. I don't want anything bad to happen to you or anyone in your family. So, keep me posted on this, okay? I'm always willing to listen if you need to talk." she said, putting her hand on his and smiling warmly.

"Thank you. I'll remember that." he replied.

She then began talking about classes and asking his opinions on some of the things they were studying. He paid enough attention to her to answer her questions, but her smile had distracted him. It was as if he was really seeing her for the first time, and it surprised him to realize how pretty she was. She had never seemed ugly to him, of course, but when she'd smiled at him, something seemed different. He looked at her as much as he could without staring, trying to see what was different. Her light red hair was several inches longer than it had been the previous year, she was a bit taller, and she appeared to be wearing a bit of makeup. But after a moment, he decided it wasn't really that she looked different, it was the feeling he had gotten from her that was different. It was as if, by her smile, she was trying to assure him that he could trust her, and that she cared about him.

A few minutes later, he finished his work and went back to the common room. He needed to show James, Sirius, and Peter some of the information he'd looked up that would help them with their homework.

Since Halloween was on a weekend this year, James and Sirius decided it would be a good time to make a first attempt at the Animagus spell. They felt that the festive mood and pranks that always accompanied Halloween would mean fewer questions asked if something went wrong. They found an empty classroom, and James tried first. He read the pages and recited the spell, flourishing his wand as he did so. Other than the fact that his whole body seemed to quiver for a moment, nothing happened. After inspecting himself as thoroughly as possible, he declared that he was fine. Sirius tried, with the same result. Peter attempted as well, but when he flourished his wand, it sent out orange sparks that scorched part of the hem of James' jeans. Sirius and James made several more attempts each, but came no closer to succeeding. Peter decided not to try again that day. Finally, they gave up and went to the Great Hall for the feast.

A few days later, Remus received a letter from his mother, telling him that she had finally been able to see the Healers about her new lumps. They shrunk them, as they had the others, and sent her home. She also told him that though she appreciated his concern and suggestions about seeing another Healer, she was quite pleased with St. Mungo's.

Remus went through his transformation cycle later that week, and when Professor Dumbledore met him in the Shrieking Shack, Remus asked him for advice regarding his mother.

"Professor Dumbledore, I was wondering if we might talk for a few minutes before we go to the castle?" he asked.

"Certainly, Remus. If you're not in a hurry, I have time. What's troubling you?"

"My mom. She really is sick, and I'm worried about her. Last year, when I went home for Christmas, she had lumps about the size of walnuts on each side of her neck. She went to St. Mungo's, and they shrunk them. When I went home for the summer, they had returned, but were slightly larger than before. She wrote me earlier this week that they'd shrunk them, but I'm worried there's more to it than just lumps. I'm afraid she might be seriously sick and they just don't know it yet. It seems to me that if everything was fine, the lumps wouldn't be coming back. I mentioned the idea of seeing a different healer to her, but she likes St. Mungo's, so she won't consider it. What else can I do?"

"I doubt there is anything else you can do. I don't know if it would help, but would you like me to speak with them? I could just pay them a visit and likely find a way to bring it up. If you don't mind waiting, I plan to bring you home for the holidays. The full moon for December falls on the day you leave, and there's no way to be sure the train would arrive in time for you to be home before dark. I thought it would be safer for us to apparate to your home to ensure you arrive in time. Would that be okay with you?"

"Sure. I agree that would be the safest way. As far as visiting my parents, I don't mind waiting until then. Do you think I'm right, that it would be a good idea for her to see another Healer, or am I just worrying too much?"

"You might be worrying a little more than you should, but that's normal when someone you love is ill or in trouble. As for whether it's a good idea for her to see another Healer, it wouldn't hurt. Sometimes fresh eyes on a problem bring a new perspective and can lead to an unexpected solution. But don't be surprised if she won't discuss it with me, or if she tells me the same thing she told you. Sometimes a person's mind is not easily changed, particularly where their health is concerned."

"I know, but I appreciate you being willing to try. All I can do is hope she'll listen and consider your advice. Thank you, for agreeing to talk to her, and for taking me home. I had noticed the full moon was that day and wondered how we would solve that problem."

"You're welcome. Is there anything else you wish to discuss, or are you ready to go back to the castle?"

"That's all I needed to talk to you about, sir. I'm ready to go back to the castle if you are."

Professor Dumbledore picked up the things he'd brought with him, cast a disillusionment charm on himself and Remus, and then led Remus out of the tunnel.

In the remaining weeks before the Christmas holidays, there was one more Hogsmeade weekend. Remus used that time to do his shopping. He found he had saved enough money to buy both of his parents a gift and still buy gifts for his friends. He wasn't able to spend much on anyone, but at least he was able to get each of them something.

During this time, the halls buzzed with excitement as everyone discussed their holiday plans. Since James had not spent a Christmas at Hogwarts, he had gotten permission from his parents to stay at school. Sirius had decided to stay as well. Peter, as usual, was going home to spend the holidays with his family. Remus told them of Professor Dumbledore's plan to bring him home personally, and because of this gave them their gifts a day early.

Since he and Professor Dumbledore would be apparating to Remus' home, he decided to pack a small bag with just the books he needed for his holiday homework to avoid taking his trunk with him. Sirius, James, and Remus said goodbye to Peter when he boarded the train to go home that morning, and shortly before lunch, Professor Dumbledore summoned him into his office so they could leave.

They arrived at Remus' home a few minutes later, and Professor Dumbledore knocked on the door. Mrs. Lupin opened it, and greeted them both. When he looked at her, Remus was quite surprised at his mother's appearance. She looked worse than she had the last time he'd seen her. She'd told him she'd lost some weight, but he hadn't realized how much until now. His mother had always been a slim, petite woman, but now she seemed frail. Her face seemed to have aged ten years since summer, and her expression was one of fatigue, as if she had not slept well in quite a while.

"Come in, please. Remus, where's your trunk?"

"I left it at school. I've got clothes here I can wear."

"Yes, you do. Your uniforms don't need to be altered do they? You look like you've grown a little since summer."

"No ma'am, they don't need to be altered. I'm sure they'll last the rest of the year."

She then turned her attention to Professor Dumbledore.

"Good afternoon, Professor. Remus hasn't gotten into any trouble, has he?"

"Certainly not, Mrs. Lupin. Remus is an excellent student, and very well behaved. I simply brought him home because the full moon is tonight, as you are no doubt aware. I was not certain he would be able to make it home by dark if he took the train, so I felt this was safer. "

"I knew about the full moon, but I had to be sure. When the headmaster brings your son home, it's hard not to jump to conclusions." she said.

"That's understandable. But if you're concerned about Remus' friends influencing him in some way, let me assure you that while Sirius, James and Peter do pull pranks sometimes, no one has been hurt. Remus is usually not directly involved in the mischief either, so I really don't think you have anything to be worried about."

"Good, I had hoped that was the case. Would you like some tea, Professor? I just made it."

"Sure, I'd love some."

She left the room and returned in a moment with the loaded tea tray. As she poured the tea, Remus watched her closely and noticed another large lump on her neck. Professor Dumbledore must have seen the lump as well, because when she handed him a cup of tea, he asked

" Please forgive me if I'm prying, but what's wrong with your neck? You seem to have a swelling or something there."

"It's okay, it's not as if I can hide that one. I'm not sure what it is, even the Healers at St. Mungo's don't have a name for it. This is the third time I've had one of these lumps come up. I've had the others shrunk, and I'll be going later on to have this one taken care of."

"It does sound like an unusual condition. But I have heard of muggles dealing with similar illnesses. Some are harmless, others can make a person very sick. One group in particular, called cancer, is often fatal."

"But surely those conditions can't apply to me- I'm not a muggle, and there hasn't been a muggle in my family for about five generations."

"Just because muggles named them doesn't mean witches and wizards can't get them. Our bodies are very similar to muggles in many ways, so it seems possible to me that you may have one of those conditions."

Remus spoke up "Professor, are you saying my mom's gonna die from this, that she's got cancer?"

"No, Remus. What I'm saying is she might have it. She might have a completely different condition that won't really hurt her. I don't know enough about muggle medicine to say for sure. I just know enough to say there are quite a few things it could be, things our healers might not recognize."

Then he turned his attention back to Mrs. Lupin "I really think you should consider seeing a muggle doctor, or at least a different healer. Having someone different look at it might reveal a better treatment."

"Maybe, but where would I find a different healer? St. Mungo's is the only hospital I know about."

"There's one in Glasgow, Scotland, and there's one in Paris, France. Of course if you are interested in seeing a muggle doctor, there are quite a few in London. Seeing one of them would be a bit more complicated because you would need information for all their paperwork and you would need muggle money. However, if you want to do that, I will help you in any way you might need assistance."

"I'll think about it, but I really don't feel that this is very serious. Just out of curiosity, how do you know anything about muggle medicine?"

"I read a lot, on a variety of subjects. The practice of healing, in both our world and the muggle world, has fascinated me for a long time." he replied.

"Oh, I see. I should have guessed as much."

"No matter. I meant to tell you this earlier: you should be receiving an owl later this afternoon with some supplies for Remus for the holidays. I hope I put enough of everything in the package. I've been meaning to ask if I've sent enough for him over the summer?"

"Yes sir, you have. In fact, we have some left over from summer. You really wouldn't have needed to send any for the holidays. We do certainly appreciate it, though. The pain potion and the tonic that Professor Slughorn makes both seem to really help Remus. He has said he doesn't feel weak and tired for as long when he takes that." she replied.

"Good. I knew that was what he'd told me at first, and I'm glad to know it still works for him. Since what you'll receive today is extra, just keep it and you'll have a little more for in case he cuts himself worse than usual. I'll send a note to you a few weeks before summer vacation and you can let me know what you have left."

"That sounds like a good idea. I also wanted to tell you that since I've been working for the last couple of years, we've saved a little money that we can use to repay what the school has spent on Remus."

"I'm glad to hear you have been able to put up some money, Mrs. Lupin, but I'd rather not accept it now. As Remus goes through school, there will likely be things he will need for which that money could be used. I believe it would be better to wait until at least the beginning of his seventh year before you give us any money. But please don't put your family in a bind; you don't have to repay the money at all. It is intended as a gift, not a loan." said Professor Dumbledore.

"I appreciate your generosity, Professor. You have helped us a great deal. I will wait until his seventh year, as you suggest, because I know you are right about unexpected expenses. But we will give back at least some of the money."

"That will be fine, we will put it back into the fund to help other students who need it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I really need to return to the castle. Thank you very much for the tea, Mrs. Lupin." he said.

She walked with him to the door and thanked him for bringing Remus home, and for his concern about her health. When he stepped outside, she shut the door behind him then picked up the tea tray and took it to the kitchen. When she returned to the living room, Remus asked

"Are you going to think about seeing a different Healer for your lumps?"

"I don't know, Remus. I might, but I really think he's wrong about this. I think you and your dad are making too much of this. Yes, I've lost a little weight, I'm a little tired, and I have a few lumps, but I really don't think it's anything serious. The lumps are probably some weird condition that the Healers don't have a name for yet. The rest is probably from not taking good enough care of myself. Maybe I need to cut back a little on my work and rest."

"Taking time off work certainly wouldn't hurt, but I hope you will at least consider that Professor Dumbledore could be right. All I know for sure is that I'm really worried about you." He said, then gave her a tight hug. Before she could say anything, he looked at her, worry evident on his face, and said "I just don't want anything bad to happen to you."

She kissed him on the cheek and said "I know, son. I will think about it. But I can't promise anything more than that. Healers can be expensive, especially the first few times you see them. A muggle doctor would probably be completely out of the question, for the same reason. But I'll talk it over with your dad and we'll see what we can do."

"Okay, Mom. Thanks for listening." He replied.

"You're welcome, son. That's what I do. Now, why don't you go unpack whatever you need to, take off your shoes and relax for a little while?"

"I think I will. I've only got a few hours before dark, so I might as well enjoy what I can."

He took his bag to his room and unpacked it, changed into some comfortable clothes and picked up a favorite book from his desk. He had considered doing homework, but he simply was not in the mood to study. He took the book to the living room, then made himself a peanut butter sandwich. While he read and nibbled, the owl Professor Dumbledore had sent arrived, and Remus took the package from it. He fed it a bit of bread while he wrote a short thank you to the headmaster for the supplies and for his conversation with Mrs. Lupin. Once the note was sealed and secured to the owl's leg, the bird took off for Hogwarts.

Remus spent most of the afternoon reading and had nearly finished his book by the time his dad came home from work. They all had supper together and Remus filled his parents in on most of the things that had happened at school since his last letter. There were a few things that he couldn't quite tell them- that his closest friends knew he was a werewolf, that they were secretly studying the animagus charm so they could keep him company on full moons or how much he had grown to like Lily Evans. He knew his parents wouldn't be happy about either of the first two secrets, and he wasn't ready to tell anyone about the third one just yet.

Not long after supper was finished, Remus went into the room he used for transformations at home. He sat on the floor and simply waited for the moon to rise. He had convinced his mother that she didn't need to stay up the entire night watching over him, as she had done before, because he was used to the way things were done at Hogwarts and he wanted her to take care of herself.

His transformation proceeded as it usually did, and when Remus returned to normal the next morning, he curled up on the floor and slept for a little while before his mother woke him up, tended his cuts and sent him to his room. After he had rested enough, he woke, dressed and went into the room he'd used that night and repaired the damage done to the clothes he'd worn.

Thanks to the tonic and other supplies he'd received from school, Remus felt much better in time for Christmas. After breakfast Christmas morning, they exchanged gifts. Remus had bought a box of Honeyduke's chocolates for his mother and a pocketknife for his father. His parents had bought him a large set of colored pencils and a thick sketchpad.

They spent the rest of the day just enjoying each other's company. Remus put his gift to good use by starting a new sketch of his mother, hoping he could capture her likeness perfectly. When he decide to put that aside, he played chess with his father, then they turned on the wireless and listened to some Christmas music.

The remainder of his holiday passed quickly, since he had quite a bit to do. His parents returned to work the day after Christmas, so he did some housework for them. Aside from this, he worked on the sketch every day, and he had homework to do before he returned to Hogwarts. He managed to complete everything he needed to a few days before he was to return. During the holidays, his mother went back to St. Mungo's for the newest lump she had, and they shrunk it, and advised her to rest. She agreed to at least try to take off some time from work and to relax.

Remus finished the sketch of his mother the day before he was to go back to school. He had originally intended to give it to her, but had decided while he worked on it, to keep it for himself, so that he could have it with him at school. He packed it carefully in his bag with his books when he got ready to leave the next day.

The trip to Hogwarts seemed long, since he only had Peter to talk to. He enjoyed Peter's company, but he missed James, Sirius, and especially Lily. Though she had gone home for the holiday, her parents were supposed to apparate into Hogsmeade with her that day, therefore she wasn't on the train. Remus and Peter shared stories about the holidays, and finally Peter asked Remus to help him by looking over his homework.

When they arrived, James and Sirius were waiting for them, full of stories about their holidays at school. The pair had spent much of their time exploring the castle, and had even drawn a rough map of what they had discovered. They had made several attempts at the animagus charm, but had not had any success.


	8. Tests

A few days after classes resumed, in Transfiguration class, Professor McGonagall split the class into pairs to work on a research paper. Remus was pleased to hear that he had been assigned to work with Lily Evans. Later that evening, he met her in the library to begin planning their paper. Once they had located a table and a few books, he asked her about her Christmas.

"How was your holiday?"

"Not bad. Even Petunia surprised me by being in a good mood for a few days. How was yours? How is your mom?"

"The holidays were okay- quiet, like usual. My mom's still sick. She had a new lump on her neck when I arrived, and she saw the Healers about it just before I came back to school. But she's lost a lot of weight, and she looks so tired. I'm really worried, but she says she's fine. Professor Dumbledore talked to her about seeing a different Healer or a muggle doctor, but she didn't say whether she would or not."

"That's terrible. I'm so sorry she's still sick. I wish there was some way I could help." Said Lily.

"I appreciate the thought, but there's really nothing else you can do. You have listened to me and given me suggestions for her, but no one can make her take her illness seriously. All I can do now is hope they come up with some different way of treating her."

"That's true. Of course, when you go home for the summer, you can help her out around the house like you usually do, and take care of her if she needs it. But no matter what happens, remember I'm always here for you."

"Thank you Lily. I appreciate that."

"You're welcome. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you a personal question. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, or you can write it down if you don't want to say it aloud."

"Okay- I guess." Remus said, suddenly very nervous.

"I noticed that you weren't on the train to go home for the holidays. Was that so that Professor Dumbledore could speak to your mom, or did it have something to do with traveling at night?" she asked, the tone of her voice and the look she gave him revealed that she knew more than she was saying.

He thought for a moment about what he should say. He liked Lily and he trusted her as much as he did the guys. He was also very sure she already knew his secret. He unrolled several inches of parchment, then scribbled on it.

_What do you mean about traveling at night?_

_If my hunch is right, it's unsafe for you to travel at night, especially if there's anyone with you, because you're not really yourself on certain nights. She responded._

_Tell me what your hunch is, and I'll tell you if you're right._

_Well, from what I've read in class, and what I've seen, it makes me think you might be a werewolf. If I'm wrong, I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions._

He read her message, then took a deep breath, hoping that the truth wouldn't end their friendship.

He wrote: _You're right- I am a werewolf. The staff all knows about it, as do James, Sirius, and Peter- and now you. Please don't tell anyone, but I understand if you don't want to be friends anymore._

_I won't tell anyone- and I'll always be your friend, Remus. This isn't going to change that. Just out of curiosity, do you really go anywhere when you're absent? Is your mom really sick? She scribbled quickly._

_Yes, she is really very sick. Everything I've told you about her is completely true. That's one of the reasons it bothers me so much that she's ill. When I started school, she was fine- I just used the excuse of her being sick to cover my absences. Then last year, she really did get sick. It makes it seem as if it's somehow my fault. But as far as where I go on the full moon, I go to the little cottage everyone now calls the Shrieking Shack. There's a tunnel at the base of the whomping willow that connects to it. Each month, one of the teachers, usually Professor Dumbledore, goes with me to it, immobilizes the tree and then I go inside to the cottage. I stay there until I return to normal the next morning, and he comes to get me. He then brings me to the hospital wing, where I stay for the day._

It took her a minute to read all he'd written, but then she responded

_It's not your fault that your mom's sick. She was likely getting sick before you ever came to school. Besides, it's not as if you were wishing for her to get sick- you are far too kind to wish something bad on anyone. And I can tell you love your mother very much. I had suspected, when I started thinking you might be a werewolf, that Professor Dumbledore had come up with some sort of plan to isolate you from others. I had guessed maybe a classroom or some room of the castle that could be made secure, but that little house makes sense. It's harder to get to, and no student is likely to be able to immobilize that tree. _

He answered:

_That's the idea- to protect everyone from me. Professor Dumbledore hasn't taught me the charm yet to immobilize it, but he promised to later. For now, he just makes sure that someone comes with me to take care of that. I appreciate what you said as far as my mom…you're right that I could never wish anything bad on her. She's always been the one to take care of me; I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to her. _

_So you really don't mind being friends with a monster- a werewolf? Most people run the other way when they find out the truth, that's why I don't usually tell anyone. _

She wrote back:

_No, I don't mind being friends with you- I like you. You're not a monster; you're just someone who is basically sick. You can't help what happened to you, it's not as if it's your fault you are a werewolf. I don't see you as being someone to be feared, but as someone who needs someone to talk to who will listen, to cheer you up when you feel down and to celebrate when things go well. In other words, you need the same things we all do- good friends. I consider you one of my best friends, and I hope we will be friends a long time._

It took a moment for her words to sink in; he was so pleased to find that his condition hadn't frightened her, and she still wanted to be his friend.

_I hope so too, Lily. Thank you for not running, for understanding me and caring about me. Now that the secret's out, is there anything else you want to ask me about my condition? The guys had a lot of questions when they found out._

She responded:

_No, not really. I read everything our book said about the condition, then did a little more reading on my own. I know about the amnesia, I know how unusual it is to find werewolves that isolate themselves like you do. I realize, as much as person that doesn't go through it can, how hard your condition probably is on your mind and body. I've also read that the transformation process is very painful. So there's not really anything else I need to know._

He replied:

_Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. I think you read and research even more than I do. If you do think of anything you want to ask me later, I'll answer you as long as I'm sure we won't be overheard. I'm wondering, since you and the guys figured out my secret, if anyone else has. I've been trying to be very careful, but I don't know if it's working._

She assured him:

_I think it is. I haven't heard anyone say anything about it. I'm guessing the guys probably figured it out because you're close. They're your friends, and you share a dorm, so they pay attention to things the rest of us never see. I didn't think of it myself until a couple of months ago, a few days after we'd handed in our essays on nocturnal beasts, and I was going to ask you about some detail of your essay, when I realized you were absent. Since the essay was still on my mind, I noticed that it was a full moon. I thought about it more that night and was fairly sure that at least some of your absences were full moons too. Then I decided to pay attention over the next couple of months- and as I did, it revealed the pattern. But I really don't think anyone else has gone to that much trouble. Most kids are more focused on homework and other things than worrying about who's absent from class. _

He then wrote:

_I hope you're right. I really don't want anyone else finding out, because it could cause a lot of trouble for me, and especially for Professor Dumbledore. Now, I think we need to get busy on this paper, unless you need to ask me something else. _

She agreed, and he then folded the parchment into a very small square and put it in his bag so he could burn it when he returned to the dorm. They spent the next half hour or so quietly discussing their topic and using their textbook to begin a rough outline. They then decided on a few books to check out and left the library.

For the next two weeks, they met each evening in the library to work on their paper. True to her word, Lily's attitude toward Remus didn't change, which he appreciated very much.

Soon, the snow of winter began to melt as March brought in the promise of spring. In spite of the near constant wind and frequent rain, James' Quidditch practice schedule was the busiest it had been in months. The team had lost the game in February and the captain was holding practices every night, hoping that they would manage to win their last match, in April, and therefore win the Quidditch cup. The result was that James often needed help with his homework. He understood the material, and got most of the work done himself, but often wanted someone to proofread the work. If there was an assignment that required research, he often asked the others to help him with finding information.

The match in April turned out to be the most difficult one of the season. Hufflepuff was usually not much of a match for them, but this year they had a new captain who had put together a much stronger team than they'd had before. The game was close; the score was tied at 60-60 when the Hufflepuff seeker caught the Snitch, sealing their victory, and taking the Quidditch cup.

After the match, though everyone was upset about losing the game and the Quidditch cup, they all tried to cheer up the team. A few of the older students got food and butterbeer from the kitchens, and shared with everyone. The various team members sat around with groups of their friends, talking and grumbling about their loss. Finally, around 10:00 p.m., everyone went to bed.

The next several weeks flew by as they prepared for final exams. For many students, Peter included, the stress of this time drove them into a state of panic. In spite of the long hours the four of them had spent studying together, he was constantly feeling unsure of his knowledge of the material. As a result, he spent every free moment he could going over the material- alone or with someone else drilling him on it.

Though they were concerned about the exams, for James, Remus, and Sirius, each exam completed brought with it a sense of relief. They were reminded, as they handed in their papers, that they were one step closer to the freedom of summer vacation.

At the end of term feast, the House Cup was awarded, as usual. The points had been tallied, and Ravenclaw won the award, beating Gryffindor by a margin of five points. Though he didn't say as much, Remus felt that James and Sirius were partly to blame for their loss of the cup, because they had played a prank earlier that day which had cost them ten points and there had not been time to make it up.

On the train ride to London, the four boys made tentative plans for summer vacation. As he had done the previous year, James extended an open invitation to the three of them to visit whenever they liked. Sirius indicated that he would spend as much of the summer at James' home as he could, and Peter said he would likely be able to visit a couple of times this year. He had explained to his parents that he would rather visit his friends than his cousins, and he felt confident they would allow him to do so. Remus could not give James a definite answer, but said he would visit when he could. His mother's health would greatly influence his opportunities to visit.

When they arrived at the station, they said goodbye and promised to keep in touch. Remus found his father quickly, but was surprised at how different he looked. He seemed to have aged quite a bit since Christmas, and Remus wondered briefly if perhaps he had fallen ill as well. The expression and lines on his face were those of a man who'd seen too much worry and far too little sleep. His light brown hair was streaked with grey, and he had a rumpled, disheveled look about him that showed he didn't have the time or energy to fuss over his appearance.

John Lupin managed a small smile for his son and said

"Hi Remus. I'm glad you're back."

"I'm glad to be coming home too. Is mom okay? You look a bit tired, so I'll get my trunk."

"Well, son, she says she's fine, and she keeps going, but I'm afraid she's getting worse. You'll see when we get home. You're right that I'm a little tired, but I'll help you with your trunk anyway."

They got Remus' trunk from the luggage compartment of the train, then apparated to their lawn. They each took a handle and carried it up to the steps of the house. Just before they opened the door, Remus' father spoke to him again.

"Your mom's lost a lot of weight, she's got several swollen places on her body, and she sleeps a lot when she's not working. She tries to stay up and busy, but if she sits still for very long, she falls asleep. She cut her cleaning work down from three days a week to two, but I'm gonna try to talk to her about quitting; I think she needs the rest more than we do the money. I just wanted to warn you before we go inside so you wouldn't be so surprised when you see her. Are you ready?"

"Yes sir, I guess so."

His dad then opened the door, and when Remus stepped inside, he had to fight the instinct to gasp in surprise at what he saw. His father's description was accurate, but words could hardly do justice to the changes this disease had caused to his mother. She sat in her favorite chair- her body limp, slumped sideways, eyes closed, snoring softly. She was considerably thinner than she had been at Christmas; Remus guessed her wait at under 100 pounds. Her black hair, once silky black, was now streaked with white. He could hardly believe that this frail looking woman was his mother.

He whispered to his dad "Has she thought anymore about seeing a different healer?"

"She did, and she was willing to go. But the couple we checked on wanted a lot for their services. I thought about, and even suggested, borrowing money, either from my boss, the bank or Professor Dumbledore, but she didn't want to do that. She finally seems to have accepted that her condition is serious, but she also feels that the healer she's been seeing will come up with something. I'm not so sure; she seems to be getting worse very rapidly."

"Yeah, she does. She seems much worse than she did at Christmas. I wish there was something I could do to help."

"There's nothing you can do as far as her health, but while you're home, you can help with housework, and if she needs you to do something, you can take care of it."

"Of course I will, dad. Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"Not really. If you do the cooking and cleaning, that she can't do, I'll be able to get a little more sleep at night, and that will really help us all. If you can handle your transformations yourself- taking care of your wounds and cleaning up, that would help her too."

"Sure. I had planned on that anyway. I learned the spell to repair stuff this year, so I should be able to handle it. If there's something I can't do, I'll ask you or her about it."

"Good, I think we'll have a decent summer, then. Do you feel up to cooking supper tonight?" asked his dad.

"Sure, but can I have a little while to rest first?"

"Of course, it's only 3:00 p.m. You've got time."

"Thanks. Now unless there's something else you need to tell me, I thought I'd go put my trunk in my room and relax for a little while." said Remus.

"Sure, go ahead."

Half an hour later, he was sitting on the sofa, reading a book, when his mom woke up. He and his dad had been as quiet as possible to allow her to rest. She yawned, then spoke to Remus

"Remus! How long have you been home? Why didn't you wake me up?"

"I let you sleep because you looked like you were really enjoying your nap. I haven't been home very long, about an hour."

"I did enjoy my nap. I didn't sleep very well last night. I'm sure you can tell I'm not quite myself. Whatever this is that I have is getting a little worse. I'm okay, though, I can still take care of things around here, just not quite as fast as I used to do."

"Now that I'm home, you won't have to worry about it- I'll help you out with the housework and you can get a little more rest. In fact, I thought I'd cook supper tonight. Is there anything in particular you'd like?"

"No, whatever you want to cook is fine. But honestly Remus, I could take care of it myself."

"I'm sure you could, but I want to help." he assured her.

"Well if you're sure you want to, then I don't mind."

A little while later, he went into the kitchen and began to cook. It took him about an hour because he wasn't completely sure about some things, but he managed to prepare a nice meal for the three of them.

While they ate, he caught them up on the last couple of weeks of school- how hard the final exams had been, the grades he'd made and how Gryffindor had narrowly lost both cups.

Then his mom asked " So what do you plan to do with your summer?"

"I thought I'd just stay here and help you, and work on the assignments they gave us for the summer."

"Don't you want to spend some time with your friends? Or did something happen between you guys?"

"Nothing has happened, we're still close friends. In fact, James invited me, Sirius, and Peter to come over any time this summer just like he did last year. Sirius is planning to spend a lot of his summer there, and Peter is hoping to visit some since he won't be visiting his cousins this year. I'd like to go, of course, but I want to be with you too."

"I'm sure we can work it out so you can visit them a few times. It's not as if I need a round the clock nurse. I know you and your dad are worried, but I can get along okay without a lot of help. I do still manage to work too, you know." she said.

"I know you can do things for yourself. But if I help you with the chores around here, you can rest and stand a better chance of at least feeling better, if not getting over this condition. If it even might help you get better, I want to do it."

"If you're sure you want to help, that's fine. But I do want you to spend at least one weekend with James, and hopefully Sirius and Peter will be there too."

"Maybe so. I'll check to see if they are when I get ready to visit." said Remus.

Once they finished eating, he cleared the table and washed the dishes. He then took a shower and got ready for bed. As he laid across his bed, he thought about the day. He really wanted to talk to someone about it, but since he didn't have a fireplace in his room, he couldn't use the floo network. He didn't want to go to the living room because that wouldn't give him the privacy he needed. It really didn't matter, because he didn't know who he wanted to talk to anyway- James, Sirius or Lily. Each of the three of them had a slightly different perspective on his situation even though they all knew the same information. Lily was the most sympathetic and compassionate; James understood what it was like to deal with parents whose health was questionable; and Sirius was just infectiously optimistic and wished for a better relationship with his own parents, he understood the value Remus placed on his mother.

After a few minutes' thought, Remus decided a letter to James and one to Lily would be the best way to deal with his feelings about the day. He wanted to write Sirius too, but Sirius had told them he preferred not get mail, because his brother and his mom had a habit of opening it and reading it. He'd also learned that they often didn't give him his mail. So Sirius would find out about the situation later.

An hour later, Remus had finished his letters to James and Lily, each of them several pages in length, detailing how much worse his mother seemed, how scared he was, and how he planned to do as much as he could to help her. He sealed the envelopes and stacked them on his desk to send the next morning. Once he was done, he climbed into bed and tried to sleep.

The following morning, he slept a little later than he'd meant to, but did manage to have breakfast with his parents before they both left for work. Once breakfast was over and they left, he sent the letters, then spent a few minutes deciding what chores needed to be done first. The house was not in really bad shape; it wasn't quite as neat as his mom usually kept it, but it could have been worse. He made himself a mental list of what he wanted to get done, then turned on the wireless for some music and got to work.

Two hours later, he was finished. He plopped down on the couch to rest for a few minutes while he tried to decide what to cook for supper. He was pleased with his work; the living room and kitchen looked nearly as good as they had that day four years ago when Professor Dumbledore had come to visit.

Once he reached a decision about supper and how much time it would take, he went to his room and dug his schoolbooks out of his trunk. He chose an assignment to work on, gathered the necessary supplies and brought them to the kitchen. He worked on homework for a couple of hours, then started supper.

As he sat there, doing homework and checking on supper, then planning his chores for tomorrow, he felt he was setting up a pattern for the rest of his summer. The days of June blended into July, and his hunch was proven correct. During the first week, he took care of the few chores that had been neglected, and the house looked as good as it usually did. Once that was done, he gradually took on more of the workload. By mid-July, the only meal his mom cooked was breakfast, and she only took care of other work that he hadn't yet learned to do. This had been his idea, to allow her to rest as much as possible, in the hope it would help her heal.

In spite of being very busy, he stayed in frequent contact with James and Lily, often exchanging letters with each of them twice a week. He found he had more to tell them than he expected, because the more he watched his mother, the more worried he became. His friends, thankfully, didn't simply try to tell him everything would be okay. Instead, they were as supportive as they could be, praising his efforts to help her and offering whatever suggestions or advice they could.


	9. Tragedy Strikes

Author's Note: As you read the coming chapters, please keep in mind that Remus Lupin did not become the person he is from having a cushy life. While it's true that his illness caused much of the shame and self doubt he dealt with, I believe there were losses in his life that contributed to his personality. Do not believe that I put Remus through the things I do simply to torture him. He is my favorite character of the series, and this part of this story was very hard to write. But this story represents my opinion of how his life might have unfolded. The background material I have read on his character elude to the idea that his parents died at some point before his appointment to the teaching post at Hogwarts, so I believe this situation I present makes sense.

I hope you enjoy my story, and please leave a comment...I appreciate all feedback.

* * *

One afternoon when his mom when his mom came home from work and saw how much work he'd done, she thanked Remus for his efforts and then asked

"Didn't you say you'd like to visit with your friends at James' house this summer?

"Yes ma'am. But I don't really know if it's a good idea for me to go running off somewhere to have fun when I could be helping you."

"Of course it's a good idea. You're on summer break, son. You aren't supposed to spend the entire time working. I know you're worried about me and you're trying to help. You've done a wonderful job of helping me and I appreciate everything you have done. You've taken on more responsibility than I ever expected you to do. But you are young, and life is too short to spend it all working and worrying. I want you to check on visiting with your friends, and if Mr. and Mrs. Potter say it's okay, I want you to go."

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Yes, Remus, I'll be fine. I'm going to need to get used to managing without you anyway. You'll be going back to school in a few weeks."

"I've been thinking about that too. I was wondering if maybe I should quit school and stay home so I could help you." he said nervously.

"Absolutely not. You need a good, complete education to have any chance at being able to take care of yourself later. Learning the spells at home won't give you the same credentials you'll get from school. And trust me, you will need all the things in your favor you can have. It can be hard for a normal wizard to get a job; for you, it's going to be even harder. We both know that getting you into school was a struggle, but the other things you will face in life will likely be much worse. You don't want to make life harder than it has to be. I may have some challenges to face from this sickness, but your dad and I will deal with them together. The best thing you can do for me is go back to school and do your best work. For now, though, I want you to have some fun." She replied firmly.

"Okay, I'll talk to the Potters in a minute. But I want to say 'thank you' for what you've just told me- for all that you've done for me, for encouraging me to do my best, and for just being the best mom anyone could have. I love you."

He gave her a hug, then went over to the fireplace, lit a small fire, added some floo powder and was soon talking to Mr. Potter. After a few minutes' conversation, he found out that both Sirius and Peter were visiting, and it would be okay if he came over that weekend too.

He relayed this information to his mom, who said he could go as soon his dad was home from work. That window of time gave Remus the opportunity to pack the handful of things he needed to take with him for the weekend.

Remus' father returned from work at 6:00 p.m. When his mom told him about the plans she and Remus had made, he approved, acknowledging that Remus did need a break. Remus then used the floo network to travel to the Potters' home.

Remus spent an enjoyable weekend with his friends. Though it had only been six weeks since he'd seen them, there had been a few subtle changes in his friends: James had sprouted a few hairs on his chin, which he frequently stroked, Sirius had become very interested in a pretty muggle girl he had seen in the nearby village a few days earlier, and Peter, unfortunately, had developed a case of acne. Remus had noticed a slight change in himself as well; his voice had begun to change, and was irritating him by cracking at the most inconvenient moments.

However, this was the extent of the changes, of course. James still spent as much time as possible on his broom, and Sirius had a collection of muggle magazines with him, thanks to his Uncle Alphard. Peter, as usual, had not even begun his summer homework. Being around his friends allowed Remus to relax and rid himself of stress he hadn't fully realized he had.

The four of them enjoyed just being together and doing whatever happened to come to mind at the moment, but James and Sirius had to show Remus the progress they had made on the animagus charm. Neither of them could change shape completely yet, but when Sirius really concentrated, he could sprout a long black tail. James would then remove it for him. James could manage a small set of antlers, which Sirius would remove. They removed these for each other to help reduce the risk of missing the intended part and hitting something else. Peter also sprouted a short tail, but unlike the dog's tail Sirius grew, Peter's rat's tail was not fully developed. Either Sirius or James removed the tail for him. Peter was trying to learn the charm, but as with many other things, he struggled. James and Sirius helped him when they were together, but since it was summer, they had not been together much.

Sunday afternoon came far too quickly, and Remus went home. He was relieved to see that his mom had indeed been okay without him.

The remaining weeks of vacation went by quickly. A few days before he was to leave for Hogwarts, he went with his parents to finish buying his school supplies. This year was a bit more expensive than he had expected, because he needed new uniforms again. He had grown a few inches since Christmas, and his uniforms couldn't be altered enough to make up the difference. Fortunately, his old ones were in decent shape, and the clothing shop agreed to give them store credit in exchange for the smaller uniforms.

The trip to Hogwarts was pleasant for him. He passed the time catching up with his friends, though it had only been a couple of weeks since he'd last seen them. About three weeks after his weekend with them, his mother had encouraged him to go back to James' for a long afternoon visit. Few things had happened in the intervening weeks, but Sirius did have some news to share. He'd spent the last two weeks at home, and apparently, the disagreements between his mother and himself had gotten worse.

"I wouldn't be at all surprised if she disowns me. Not that I really care- I plan to leave there as soon as I can. I'm thinking of asking Uncle Alphard if I can move in with him." Said Sirius.

"I'm sure he would take you in; you seem to be his favorite nephew." replied Remus.

"If for some reason he wouldn't, I bet my parents would let you move in. You've practically live there the past three summers anyway. They really like you, and I'm sure they'd do it." said James.

"I'll keep that in mind, but I'm not going to ask anyone until I have to. Having me in the house would be an extra expense, and I don't want to cause anyone any difficulty. I know Uncle Alphard is loaded, and he's already told me that he's leaving everything he owns to me. So it will be just a matter of discussing it with him to see what he's willing to do."

"I'm sure you'll work something out. I'm guessing you'll be at Hogwarts for the Christmas holidays, then?"asked James.

"Yeah, unless something really unexpected happens." replied Sirius.

"I'm thinking I might ask my parents to let me stay here for Christmas too. I haven't done that yet, and it sounds like it would be fun." said Peter.

"It can be fun sometimes." said Sirius.

Remus listened half-heartedly to their conversation, but his mind was wandering; he couldn't help worrying about his mom, and wondering how she would be doing by the time Christmas arrived. He was not even aware they had changed topics until Sirius gave him a gentle nudge and asked

"Hey, Remus, are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry, I wasn't really paying attention. Yeah, I'm okay."

"Good, you seemed kinda out of it. We were wondering if you were able to finish the summer homework. We all know you were busy and will help you if you need it." said Sirius.

"Thanks, but I got it done a couple of weeks ago. But if you don't mind proofreading it, I'd appreciate that."

"Sure I will, but your work is usually at least as good as mine." said Sirius.

They spent most of the remainder of the trip proofreading each other's homework, and helping Peter finish his. To everyone's surprise, he'd actually completed most of the work.

Their arrival, the sorting ceremony and the feast all went as they typically did. Since they had gone through the start of term routine three times before, none of them was particularly nervous about any of it.

Classes began the following day and of course they had all of their classes together. It didn't take them long to fall back into their routines- studying together most evenings, but if James had Quidditch practice, Sirius and Peter usually followed him. When this happened, Remus went to the library to study.

As he had done in the past, he spent a lot of his studying time talking to Lily. He realized that this year, something was different. The more he was around her, the more he wanted to be with her. When he wasn't with her, he found himself thinking of her a lot. On more than one occasion, he'd been nudged from a daydream by one of his friends, or jarred from one by a sound- often of his name being called by a teacher.

He had to admit he was crazy about Lily. But for all his daydreaming and wishing, he knew he could never be more than a friend to her. He was convinced that he couldn't have a serious relationship with her….though the healers had never talked to him about such things, he felt sure that it would be far too easy to infect her. That was a risk he wouldn't even consider taking.

So he kept his feelings to himself. He never mentioned a word of it to anyone, even the guys. They guessed, and teased him a little, but he never confirmed anything, and soon they gave up trying to get him to say anything about it.

One particularly dark and rainy Friday morning, Remus was awakened by a nudge on the shoulder. He was on the verge of telling the person to buzz off when the person spoke. Even in his half-asleep state, with his eyes closed, he realized it was Professor McGonagall, and he bit back his words.

"Remus, wake up. You need to get up now." she said.

He blinked a few times, saw her face and realized he was definitely not dreaming.

He asked "Am I late for class? I didn't even hear my clock."

"No, you aren't late. But you need to dress and be in Professor Dumbledore's office as quickly as you can. He will explain to you what's going on."

"Yes ma'am." He replied.

He got out of bed and began changing clothes. While he was busy, she roused James, Sirius and Peter. As he was walking out the door of the dorm, he heard her instructing them to follow her.

The trip to Professor Dumbledore's office seemed twice as long as usual. While he walked, he tried to coax his sleepy brain into guessing what James and Sirius had done that would have landed all of them in trouble.

He could think of several pranks they had pulled in the last couple of weeks, but he hadn't been involved in any of them. A few had happened while he was transformed, so he knew he couldn't be accused of participating in those. What puzzled him most, however, was why he was being sent to Professor Dumbledore, and the other three were going to Professor McGonagall's office. If they were being punished, or even just questioned, about some misdeed, it seemed to him they would have been handled together, or at least by the same person.

Before he could arrive at any satisfactory conclusion, he reached the headmaster's office. He gave the gargoyle the password, then rode the stairs up to the office door. When he stepped in, Professor Dumbledore was seated behind his desk, his glasses off, rubbing his eyes, with a grave expression on his face.

"Please have a seat, Remus." he said as he perched his glasses back on his nose.

Remus sat down on one of the chairs in front of the desk and waited. He didn't want to blurt something out just because he assumed he was in trouble and possibly make the situation worse.

"I'm sure you are wondering why you are here. You're not in any trouble, so you needn't worry about that. I know about the pranks James and Sirius have been involved in, and that you were merely a bystander. They will be dealt with later. You're here this morning because I have some news for you. Unfortunately, the news is not good. Your mother died early this morning, Remus."

The words hit Remus with all the force of a train. If he hadn't been sitting down, he would have fallen over. He was so shocked he couldn't speak. He felt as if his heart had stopped, in fact it felt as if the world itself had stopped.

After a couple of silent moments, tears started flowing down his cheeks and his heartbeat sounded loudly in his ears. He couldn't believe what he'd heard, even though his mother had been so sick the last time he'd seen her. His hands shook slightly, and he finally found his voice.

"How, sir? Did her sickness kill her, or was it something else?"

"They believe it was the sickness. Her health had deteriorated rapidly in the last two weeks. She could barely eat, she was having difficulty breathing, and she felt weak all the time. But she died peacefully, in her sleep."

"Why didn't they send for me? If I'd just stayed home…."

Professor Dumbledore cut across his sentence before he could get any further.

"There was nothing you could have done, Remus. She'd been to St. Mungo's earlier that day, with the same symptoms, and they couldn't do anything. You are in no way to blame for this. I know it's hard to accept, I understand how you feel. But you did what your mother wanted you to do by returning to school. As far as them sending for you, I was told that she didn't want you to see her like that."

"That sounds like something she'd say…and I know she wanted me to come back here, but I just wonder if, by being there to help, she would have been under less stress and could have fought the disease better."

"There's no way to know that for sure. But her condition deteriorated so quickly that it seems unlikely anything could have been done to stop it."

"I guess you're right, and I've been kinda expecting it, especially since the beginning of summer. But it's hard to believe she's really gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye, to tell her how much I love her…" his voice trailed off, choked by the tears now flowing freely.

"We seldom get to say everything we'd like to a loved one, because we never seem to think of those things until it's too late. But I know you, Remus, and while you didn't get to tell your mother you love her last night, I'd bet everything I own that those were the last words you did actually say to her before you left for school. She knew, as did anyone who's ever seen you together, that you loved her very much. You need not ever question whether she knew that."

"I hadn't really thought of that. But you're right, that was the last thing I told her before I left for school. I wish I could have told her one last time. I just can't imagine life without her- I don't know what I'm going to do."

Professor Dumbledore walked over to Remus and gently put his arm around Remus' shoulders. Then he said

"You'll do what we all must do in the face of a great loss- take one day at a time, deal with the pain that you can on your own and rely on your friends and family to help you with what you can't bear alone. Your father is still alive, I daresay he needs you, and you need him. You have friends- James, Sirius and Peter may be the biggest pranksters I have seen in years, but they care for you and will do anything you need. Of course, any of the teachers you feel comfortable talking to will gladly listen…and my door is always open if you need to talk, no matter the hour of day or night."

"I appreciate that. I'm sure the guys will wonder why I was sent here this morning. But I know they will listen and help me if I need them. Lily will want to know too, she's been very sympathetic since mom got sick."

"You won't need to tell James, Sirius or Peter- that's what Professor McGonagall was talking to them about this morning. But I didn't realize Miss Evans would need to know. I knew that the two of you studied together a lot, but I didn't realize you were close."

"Yes sir, she's as close a friend to me as any of the guys are. But I can handle telling her about this. I appreciate that Professor McGonagall told the guys for me."

"I felt that was the best way to handle the situation. They won't tease you about being sent to my office, and I decided that if they want to attend the funeral, or if you need them to spend time with you, they will be allowed to do so without it affecting their homework or grades. The same will be true for Miss Evans. I wanted to make sure you have access to whomever you need to help you through this difficult time. They are, however, the only students who have been told about your mother's death. I felt it best to let you decide who, apart from them, you tell about this."

"I would like my friends to come to the funeral, if they want to. I'm not sure about facing that with only my dad there. I don't know if anyone else will come- my grandparents have all been dead for years, my mom didn't have any siblings, and my dad's relatives don't associate with us much. Since right after I was bitten, they lost their friends just as I did, and really haven't made any new ones."

"I gathered as much from our conversations and from speaking with your mom. I do want you to know that, unless you tell me otherwise, I plan to be there, and so does Professor McGonagall. I plan to accompany you home later this morning and stay as long as you need me." said Professor Dumbledore.

"Thank you sir. I wouldn't have asked you to do that, but I would very much like both of you to be there. So what do I need to do now?"

"You need to get yourself some breakfast first, and speak to your friends for a few minutes. Then you need to pack enough clothes for at least a few days, maybe even a couple of weeks. After you've done that, come back here, and we'll apparate together to your house. I don't mean to pry, but do you have a dark blue or black suit that fits you well?"

"No sir, I don't. We had to replace all of my clothes over the summer, and I just didn't tell mom that the suit I had didn't fit. I never wore it except for special occasions, so I didn't think I needed to replace it. I guess I'll just wear my uniform pants and shirt to the funeral."

"Would you accept it if I offered to pay for a simple black suit for you? It wouldn't be something you'd need to repay; this would just be a gift from me, not from the school, because I want to help."

Remus thought about it for a moment- he knew neither of his parents were fond of accepting handouts. But this was a gift, something he hadn't asked for or expected, and it was not coming from the school, but from Professor Dumbledore personally. He wanted to look decent at his mother's funeral, so he hope she would understand.

"Yes sir, I will accept your offer. But I'm not going to tell my father about it, because I don't think he'd understand."

"Then we'll go to Gladrags before we leave to go to your house. It shouldn't take long to get what you need. Just a simple black suit shouldn't be too hard to get."

"Okay. Thank you, sir. I guess I should go get something to eat and then pack. Classes haven't started yet, have they? I haven't looked at a clock this morning."

"No, they won't be in class…it's only 7:30. They'll be eating breakfast. Take time to get something for yourself, too."

"I think I will. I guess I'm ready for this." he said with a sigh.

He left Professor Dumbledore's office and made his way to the Great Hall. Most of the school was still assembled there, enjoying breakfast. A quick glance along the Gryffindor table told him that all four of his friends were still there. He then asked Lily to join him and the guys for a few minutes, because he needed to tell them all something. She agreed, and they approached the area where James, Sirius, and Peter were sitting. He then explained what had happened, and told them all what Professor Dumbledore had said about attending the funeral. He managed to get through the conversation, and the small breakfast he ate afterward, without crying. Once he finished his meal, he left for the dorm, his friends' words of comfort and support still in his mind.

As he packed a small bag with what he felt was enough clothes for two weeks, he began to think about how things might change now that his mom was gone. He had never been close with his father, and he wondered how their relationship would change. He hoped that if it did, it would improve, but he knew only time would tell.

Satisfied that he had what he needed, he closed his trunk, slung the bag over his shoulder, and went back to Professor Dumbledore's office. They walked to Hogsmeade together in silence, each lost in thought. They went inside Gladrags, and Professor Dumbledore told the witch what he wanted. She selected a black suit that was only slightly too large for Remus, but within minutes she had it altered so that it fit him perfectly. Professor Dumbledore took the package and paid for it, then handed it to Remus, who tucked it deep inside his bag so his father wouldn't notice it. They then apparated to Remus' house.

They walked up the short sidewalk to the door, where Professor Dumbledore knocked sharply. Several moments passed, and he had just raised his hand to knock again when the door opened. It took Remus a second to realize that the man standing in the doorway was his father. Remus had never seen him like this. His hair stood at odd angles, he had obviously not shaved or slept in several days- there was quite a bit of stubble on his face, and his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, his face tear-streaked. Remus stepped up to him and hugged him tightly, but didn't say anything. After a moment, his father embraced him too and began to cry.

"She's gone, Remus. I tried…I tried everything I could think of to help her, to save her."

"I know you did, dad. That sickness was just really aggressive. But I know you did your best."

After a moment, Remus steered his still-crying father inside and over to the couch. Professor Dumbledore followed quietly and sat down in a chair across from Mr. Lupin.

Over the next few minutes, through conversation punctuated with lots of tears, they learned that Mrs. Lupin's body was now at St. Mungo's, being prepared for burial, and that no funeral arrangements had been made yet. Mr. Lupin also revealed that he had not slept in at least three days, and had not eaten since the previous evening. He had also not contacted his boss in two days. Remus went into the kitchen and prepared a decent breakfast for his dad, and some tea for Professor Dumbledore.

Within a few minutes, Remus returned to the living room with his dad's meal and some tea, then sat down and watched his father, trying to figure out what needed to be done next. He knew it was as important that his dad get some sleep as it was for him to eat, so he hoped that his father would take a nap after he'd finished his breakfast.

Once his dad had finished eating, Remus returned the dishes to the kitchen, and while he was there, Professor Dumbledore came into the room.

"Is everything okay, Professor?" Remus asked.

"Yes, everything's fine. Your father fell asleep on the couch a few minutes ago. But before he did, he asked me to help with some things. He wants me to find out about the cost of the services provided by St. Mungo's, and a few other inquiries about a funeral. He asked me to have you speak to his boss. If you think you'll be okay for a couple of hours, I can go ahead and take care of this for him."

"Sure, I'll be okay. I figure he'll likely sleep two or three hours, and I've got some cleaning I want to do."

"Okay, I'll go then. But don't work too hard; you'll need your strength over the next few days. I'll be back here when I finish these errands."

Professor Dumbledore left, and Remus finished his work in the kitchen. When he was done, he walked quietly into the living room. He figured that his dad was sleeping soundly because he was snoring, so he felt sure that a conversation wouldn't disturb him. He contacted his dad's boss using the floo network, and explained to the man as much as he knew about the last few days, ending with his mother's death. He told him that arrangements were being made for her funeral, and that his dad would need some additional time off. He promised to notify him of the time and place of the funeral when they had been settled. His dad's boss then assured Remus that his dad's job was safe, for his dad to take as much time as he needed off, and that he would pay him as much as he could just to help them out. Remus thanked him, put out the fire, then sat in front of the fireplace for a few minutes.

About an hour later, when Remus had just finished the housework he'd decided to do, he heard a soft tap on the door. He looked through a window and discovered that the visitor was Professor Dumbledore. Remus opened the door for him, then suggested they go to the kitchen to talk since his father was still asleep. They did, and Professor Dumbledore told him what he had found out. Since Remus' father was still asleep, they decided it would be best to let him sleep. Professor Dumbledore said he could give him the information when he was awake and alert, so he would be better able to make a decision.

There was nothing else Remus needed Professor Dumbledore to do, so he suggested that the headmaster return to school and he would let him know when his father woke up. Professor Dumbledore agreed when Remus had assured him that he would be okay, and left for Hogwarts.

Now alone with his thoughts, Remus sat down on the floor in the living room, hugged his knees to his chest, and let his mind wander. In spite of his apparent cool-headedness, Remus was in shock and disbelief over his mother's death. Even though he'd known she was very sick, and his own gut had been telling him for about a year that she might not make it, her death seemed unreal to him. He half expected to wake up at any moment, and realize this whole day had been a very bad dream. Unfortunately, the hard floor he sat on and the sound of his father's snores proved to him that it was not a dream. As hard as it was for him to accept, his mother was dead, from an illness that didn't have a name, and that the healers didn't even know how to treat. He hugged his knees tighter to his chest and didn't even try to stop the tears from streaming down his cheeks.

Quite some time later, he got up, washed his face, and went to the kitchen to prepare supper for himself and his father. When it was done, he woke his father up, and as they ate, he told him what Professor Dumbledore had found out. He also told him that he had promised to let the headmaster know when he was awake and ready for him to come back. His father decided to contact Professor Dumbledore, who came by floo network to their house. While his father and the headmaster discussed the information he'd gathered, Remus cleaned the kitchen and put away the leftovers from supper. After he finished, he joined the adults and they talked for a few minutes; it was clear to Remus that Professor Dumbledore was making sure he was okay.

Professor Dumbledore left once he seemed satisfied that they were both okay and didn't need him to do anything. Remus' father went to his bedroom and was soon asleep; Remus took a shower and went to his room to try to sleep.

Since he was not as exhausted as his father was, sleep eluded him until the early hours of the morning. When he finally fell asleep, he was tormented by nightmares. Three times between 2:00 a.m. and sunrise he woke up sweating, his heart racing, and he thought he might have been screaming. When he woke at 6:00 a.m., he lay in bed for another half hour, trying to go back to sleep. Finally he gave up, dragged himself out of bed and went about his normal morning routine. After he got dressed, he went to the kitchen to make breakfast.


	10. How do you say goodbye?

Author's Note: As you read the coming chapters, please keep in mind that Remus Lupin did not become the person he is from having a cushy life. While it's true that his illness caused much of the shame and self doubt he dealt with, I believe there were losses in his life that contributed to his personality. Do not believe that I put Remus through the things I do simply to torture him. He is my favorite character of the series, and this part of this story was very hard to write. But this story represents my opinion of how his life might have unfolded. The background material I have read on his character elude to the idea that his parents died at some point before his appointment to the teaching post at Hogwarts, so I believe this situation I present makes sense.

I hope you enjoy my story, and please leave a comment...I appreciate all feedback.

* * *

His dad was still asleep, obviously catching up on the sleep he had lost in the past several days. Remus quietly prepared breakfast for himself; he would make something for his father when he awoke. Once he'd eaten, he cleaned the dishes and put them away, then wanted something else to do. He had not brought any homework with him, so all he had to choose from was the books he had at home. Then he thought of something Lily had mentioned doing when she was worried- writing. She had told him that when she was upset, she would get a notebook and just write whatever came to mind for a while. Later, she'd go back and read it and sometimes it would help her solve her problem. It almost always helped her feel better just to get her feelings out on paper. So he got a notebook and pen from his room, curled up on the couch and began to write.

For about an hour, he wrote whatever crossed his mind without editing it. He put it aside for a while, then read over it. Unfortunately, there was no solution to his problem- no amount of writing would bring back his mother, soothe the guilt he felt, or rid him of the anger over not having the chance to say goodbye to her. He studied his words for a little while, finally deciding that perhaps he should talk to Professor Dumbledore when he had an opportunity later.

He put the notebook away, deep inside the bag he had brought with him, then pulled a book from a shelf in his room. He had just returned to the living room to read when he heard his father moving around in the bathroom. A few minutes later his father came into the living room, and Remus offered to make breakfast for him. His dad accepted, told him what he wanted to eat, and Remus went into the kitchen to prepare it. Once his dad had eaten and the cleaned dishes were put away, Remus went to the living room and found his dad talking to Professor Dumbledore through the fireplace. After a few minutes, his dad backed away from the fireplace and Professor Dumbledore stepped out into the living room. The two men discussed the information the headmaster had gathered the previous day; apparently Mr. Lupin had wanted to be sure he remembered everything correctly. Professor Dumbledore offered to go with him to make the funeral arrangements, and Mr. Lupin accepted. He offered to take Remus with them or let him stay at home- Remus decided he would rather stay home.

This decision gave him several hours alone, and since he was tired from his lack of sleep the previous night, he lay down on the sofa and napped for about two hours. When he had been awake for a few minutes, he heard the fireplace hiss…he looked and saw Lily's head bobbing in the flames. He knelt down and talked to her for a few minutes. She had contacted him just because she wanted to check on him- to make sure he was okay. He assured her that he was fine, or at least as good as could be expected given the circumstances; there was nothing she could do to help him at the moment. He promised to let her know the details of the funeral arrangements once they had been made so that she could attend if she wanted. After a short time, she needed to go so that she could eat lunch and still get to class on time, and he was again alone.

He resumed reading the book he had chosen earlier that morning and to his surprise, was able to get involved enough in the story that he wasn't aware of how much time was passing. Soon he heard his father and Professor Dumbledore returning from their errands. They had managed to get everything taken care of so that the funeral could be held the next day.

The remainder of that afternoon was passed mostly in silence. Remus read until it was time to prepare supper, made polite conversation with his father while they ate, but his father didn't seem interested in really talking to him. He did give Remus the details of the funeral arrangements that had been made, but every attempt Remus made at serious conversation was ignored or brushed aside. Once the meal was over, Remus cleared away the dishes, then washed them and put them away. He then resumed his reading for a couple of hours, when he decided to shower and go to his room. He lay across his bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking. Finally, after an hour of just letting his mind wander, he was able to go to sleep.

As it had been the previous night, his sleep was fitful and punctuated by nightmares. He woke several times during the night, but was finally exhausted enough by about 4:00 a.m. to sleep for about four hours straight. At 8:00 a.m., he awoke and decided to get up…the funeral was set for 10 a.m. and he wanted time to get ready for it. As he had the previous day, he went about his normal routine, and then prepared breakfast for himself and his dad. While he was preparing the meal, his father got up and was soon in the living room. Remus let him know breakfast was ready, and the two of them ate in near silence. Once they were finished, the dishes were cleaned and put away, then Remus got dressed.

When he returned to the living room, his dad looked at his suit, examining it carefully and said

"Where did you get that suit? I don't remember seeing that one before."

Remus decided it wouldn't do any good to lie, but he did leave out some of the story behind it.

"Professor Dumbledore got it for me when he heard mom had died. He wanted to do something for me, so he got me this. It was a surprise, but it's from him, not the school, and he said it was a gift, not something he expected repayment for."

"Hmm…I guess that's okay, but I don't think he should have done it. If any of the other students find out, it would look bad for him." his dad replied, scowling slightly.

"I won't tell anyone where it came from, so there won't be any reason for them to know."

"I hope you're right. Are you ready?"

"I guess so."

They stepped out into the chilly morning air. The sky was a cold steel gray laced with clouds that promised rain before the day was over. Remus took his father's hand and they apparated together to a small cemetery that Remus knew was only a short distance from their house. They walked through the gates and down a gentle slope to the spot under a large oak tree where a little tent had been set up. Not long after they arrived, Remus spotted Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, accompanied by Sirius, James, Lily and Peter. Just as their group had joined the Lupins, another small group appeared at the top of the hill. When they got closer, Remus recognized his dad's boss and the Healers who had cared for his mother during her illness. Remus' friends gathered around him, trying to offer support with their presence. The wizard who was officiating the ceremony checked his watch, then asked Remus' father if he should begin. Mr. Lupin indicated that he could, and the sound of music filled the air. It took a moment for Remus to recognize the song; it was his mother's favorite hymn, "Amazing Grace", being played by a wizard with a bagpipe standing a short distance away from the group of mourners.

When the song was over, the first wizard began speaking about his mother, but Remus couldn't stay focused on the words of someone who didn't know her. Instead, his mind filled with memories of his own; memories of hurts she'd tended, encouragement she'd offered and pride she'd expressed in his accomplishments. He remembered how gentle she'd been when caring for him each month for so many years, how she was always there when he needed her, no matter what the problem might be.

Remus was startled from his thoughts by the feel of a warm hand closing around his. He quickly realized Lily had clasped his left hand in hers. He looked at her, smiled weakly, then turned his attention to the service. The wizard stopped speaking a moment later, and the piper played an unfamiliar tune, a slow, mournful song that was also beautiful and comforting to Remus.

After a moment, Remus' father took his other hand and led Remus up to the casket where his mother's body lay. He kissed his wife softly on the cheek, then conjured a bouquet of pale pink roses and placed them in her hands. Remus also kissed her cheek, but couldn't have conjured anything if he had tried, because he was crying too hard.

He walked away from the casket with his father and waited for the other mourners to pay their respects. In a moment, his dad's boss and the Healers joined them, and his dad was pulled slightly away from him. Then the two professors and Remus' friends joined him. Lily, who was also crying, pulled Remus into a warm hug. After a moment's embrace, she pulled away slightly and pressed her handkerchief into his hand so he could dry his eyes. Professor Dumbledore squeezed his shoulder gently, as did Professor McGonagall. They commented about how nice the service was, and suggested that they accompany him and his father home. He agreed that they could and when the other adults had left, Professor Dumbledore spoke to Mr. Lupin.

He accepted their offer of companionship, and then the teenagers each took the hand of an adult and apparated to the Lupin family home. Once there, Lily offered to make tea for everyone. Remus led her to the kitchen, and tried to help her, but his hands were shaking.

"It's no use, I'll just end up breaking something." he said as he set down a cup.

"Don't worry about it; I'll take care of it. Just show me where the tea is." she replied.

He showed her the cabinet where the tea was kept, and she went about making tea. When it was done, she offered him a cup, which he declined, then took the rest out to the living room where everyone else was sitting. Remus remained in the kitchen, as he simply felt comfortable in there. When Lily came back, she was accompanied by Sirius, James and Peter, who settled themselves into chairs around the table.

After a few moments, Lily observed "This is a nice kitchen, Remus."

"Thanks. It doesn't look quite as nice now as it did before my mom got sick, but I've done my best to keep it nice. This was her favorite room in the house- and mine too, really. I have a lot of good memories in here. This is where I did schoolwork before I started at Hogwarts, where I learned to cook, and where we always caught up when I was home for the holidays."

"I had a feeling it was important to you." She said.

There was a long, awkward silence. Even though Remus' friends all cared for him, it was difficult to know what to say. Words alone cannot really comfort someone who has lost a loved one, even when that person was sick for a long time. The four teenagers hoped their presence would help him as much as anything they might say.

It was Peter who next attempted conversation.

"Whose idea was it to have a piper play?" he asked.

"My dad's. He took care of all the arrangements. But mom loved bagpipe music, and 'Amazing Grace' was one of her favorite songs."

"Was your mom Scottish?" asked Peter

"No. She just heard the music when she was young and really loved it."

"The man who played today did really well." said Lily.

"Yeah, he did. Mom would have enjoyed it." said Remus.

After a brief silence, Sirius spoke up.

"Is there anything you need us to do for you? I know Professor Dumbledore has made arrangements with the teachers so that you don't have any homework until you return, but is there anything else? Would you like for us to stay with you tonight?"

"No, Sirius. I appreciate the offer, but I wouldn't have space for you, even if I did feel I needed you here. Honestly, though, there's nothing you can do for me…I will be okay. I just need to be here for dad."

"I'm sure he will appreciate that." said Sirius

"I hope so…he hasn't really said much to me since the afternoon I arrived. I'm a little nervous about it, honestly. I guess maybe he's so lost without mom that he just doesn't know what to say or do."

"That's probably true. It may take a while for him to feel himself enough to really have a conversation with you." said Lily.

Then Lily noticed the clock that hung on the wall opposite the table. It read 12:30 p.m.

"Do you think your dad would like something to eat? Are you hungry?" she asked.

"I don't know about him; I'm a little hungry, but I don't feel like cooking anything right now."

"I wasn't going to suggest that you cook. I'll cook for you. How about some tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich?" she asked.

"That sounds good. I'll show you where everything is."

She went out to the living room to see if the adults wanted anything, and then came back and started preparing lunch. A few minutes later, each of the guys had a bowl of soup and a sandwich in front of them, and she carried a tray out to Remus' father.

Just as the teenagers were finishing their meal, Professor McGonagall entered the kitchen with Mr. Lupin's empty tray. She also offered to Remus for any or all of his friends to stay overnight if needed, but he declined her offer as well.

Soon they left, and Remus decided to exchange his suit for more comfortable clothes. The afternoon passed much as the previous ones, in mostly silence. Neither of them seemed to be able to figure out just what to say to the other.

At supper that night, however, his dad did talk to Remus a little.

"I'm going back to work tomorrow. You can go back to school whenever you're ready… I don't need you around here." he said, with a cold, unfriendly tone in his voice. It seemed to Remus that he was trying to get rid of him, not encouraging him to take his time.

"I thought I'd go back in a few days, maybe over the weekend." he replied

"Whatever you want to do; just don't let me hold you back."

Then his father turned his attention to his meal, and said no more about it. They finished eating; Remus cleaned the kitchen, then took a shower and went to his room. He spent a couple of hours arguing with himself over whether to return to school the next day or wait until the weekend. He wasn't really ready to face the routine of school yet, but his father wasn't exactly encouraging him to stay. He decided to stay at least another couple of days, to give himself time to get ready for school.

He was, in a way, relieved when his father left for work the next morning. At least alone, he didn't feel as if his father were silently wishing him away. He didn't know why his father was acting the way he was, unless it was simply grief. Whatever the cause, his behavior made Remus nervous, and made him miss his mother that much more.

To add to the puzzle, his father was late coming home that evening. When he did arrive, his eyes were bloodshot, the knees of his pants dirty, as if he'd been kneeling in freshly dug dirt. Remus guessed that he had gone to Mrs. Lupin's grave after work, but decided not to ask about it.


	11. Betrayal

Author's Note: As you read the coming chapters, please keep in mind that Remus Lupin did not become the person he is from having a cushy life. While it's true that his illness caused much of the shame and self doubt he dealt with, I believe there were losses in his life that contributed to his personality. Do not believe that I put Remus through the things I do simply to torture him. He is my favorite character of the series, and this part of this story was very hard to write. But this story represents my opinion of how his life might have unfolded. The background material I have read on his character elude to the idea that his parents died at some point before his appointment to the teaching post at Hogwarts, so I believe this situation I present makes sense.

I hope you enjoy my story, and please leave a comment...I appreciate all feedback.

* * *

The following day began as the others had- a quiet meal, then the reprieve of his father's absence for several hours. That night, however, things got significantly worse.

It was 9 p.m. and his father wasn't home from work yet. Remus had spoken to his father's boss at about 7 p.m. only to find out that Mr. Lupin had left work on time. Remus couldn't apparate yet, and didn't know where he would have gone to look if he'd been able. So all he could do was wait for him to arrive. He had paced for a little while, then finally sat down on the sofa and tried to read. Just as he was giving up on distracting himself this way, the door opened and his father stumbled through it. For a few seconds Remus wasn't sure what was wrong, but the firewhiskey bottle and the smell coming from his dad told him his father was drunk. Before he could say anything, his father spoke to him.

"What are you still doin' here? The funeral was two days ago, and I told you yesterday I didn't need you here. It's all your fault you know, if you hadn't begged to go to that damn school, she'd never have got sick."

He had slurred his words badly as he spoke, but their meaning was all too clear to Remus, and it hurt him deeply. But he managed to respond.

"Mom wanted me to go to Hogwarts. She said it was important for me to get a good education. You said that too."

"O' course she did, she was your mother. I said it to make her happy…I didn't mean it. But you shoulda just stayed home and helped her. Then she wouldn't have got sick. You're a werewolf, you don' need no education, ain't nobody gonna hire you anyway. At least if you'd been home you coulda took care of her."

"I told her I'd stay home this year if she wanted me to, but she said she didn't need me here. I wanted to help, but she didn't want me to. I'm sorry."

"Sorry's all you ever been. You was sorry you didn't stay outta the woods, and got yourself bit. You was sorry you tore stuff up, an' sorry when my boss fired me. You was sorry we had to move, sorry our friends wouldn't have nothin' to do with us no more."

He took a long drink from the bottle and wiped his mouth on his sleeve, then continued his tirade.

"You ruined our lives, an' sent your mother to an early grave. You killed the only woman who could ever love either of us, jus' so you could waste money on a school that won' do you no good. Since that bleedin' school's so important to you, I think it's best if you go back- and don't come around here no more."

Remus was so hurt he couldn't think of a thing to say. His father had accused him of everything he'd ever felt guilty about in his entire life. He fought hard to keep back the tears he felt. He got up and walked to his room. There, behind a closed door, he let the tears flow as he packed his most precious belongings. Even though his dad had been acting more distant than usual since his mom had died, Remus had not expected this. He and his father had never been close, and at times he'd wondered if his father really cared for him, but he never thought the dislike had been this strong. In spite of the hurt he felt, he couldn't help but wonder if much of what had been said was due to the alcohol. Whatever the cause, his dad wanted him out of the house, so he felt the best thing to do was pack and leave.

After a few minutes, he stopped crying, even though he was still really hurt by his father's words. He wiped his eyes and picked up the pace of his packing. Though the large duffel bag he'd pulled from his closet was already about half full, there were still things he needed to pack. He'd already packed the possessions he most treasured, but there were a good many other things he needed to get- especially the few pieces of clothing he had not brought to school, and his books. Just before he finished, he heard a thud come from the direction of the living room. He put down the book he was holding and quietly made his way to the living room. His father wasn't talking anymore, and at first Remus didn't see him. When he walked over to the coffee table to move the bottle away from its perch on the edge, he looked down and saw his father, face down on the floor. He looked at him for a moment, and seeing no obvious injury, decided that he had probably passed out. Since his father, at six feet tall and one hundred sixty five pounds was much bigger than Remus, there was no way he could move him to a more comfortable spot. So he felt it best to just let him simply sleep there. In spite of his anger, he did however, cover him with a blanket and put a pillow under his as best he could.

He then sat in one of the chairs and watched his dad for a while. Once he was fairly certain his dad was not going to wake up soon, he contacted Professor Dumbledore by floo powder. He explained to the headmaster what had happened and asked what he should do next.

"Should I stay her for the night, since I'm pretty sure he was drunk, or should I just come back to school?"

"Even though he has been acting differently the last couple of days, I feel that tonight might have been mostly the alcohol. I think it would be best for you to stay there tonight, and talk things out in the morning. If he wakes up and still wants you gone, then come back, no matter what time it is. If he doesn't say anything about it when he wakes up, then you might consider bringing it up, because you need to find out how he feels. If he does want you to leave, I will talk to him later on for you, if you want. You're both still grieving right now, and may say things you'll regret later. But I will help you as much as I can."

"I appreciate that, and all of your help. I'll stay if I can. I will take your advice and stay the night if I can; maybe I'll be lucky enough that he won't have meant what he said. But if he does, or if our conversation reveals that he really feels that way, I'll come back to school."

"Okay. Try to get some sleep tonight…tomorrow will go better if you are rested. If you need me again, no matter what time, just contact me."

"I will. Thanks Professor. Good night."

"Goodnight Remus."

He backed away from the fireplace, brushed the soot off himself, and banked the fire. He then walked back to his room and finished the last little bit of packing he needed to do. Once the duffel bag was full, he packed the few pieces of clothes in the little bag he'd brought with him from school.

Then he decided to try to sleep, because he knew Professor Dumbledore was right, being tired in the morning would only make things worse. Since he was concerned about needing to leave in a hurry, he didn't bother putting on pajamas; he just stripped to his underwear and curled up on his bed under the warm covers. After tossing and turning for a long time, he finally drifted into a light, fitful sleep. His own soft snores woke him at least twice, but he dozed back off each time. When he awoke at 8 a.m. he lay still for several minutes, trying to determine if his dad was up yet. The house was silent, so he concluded that he was still asleep. He tried to decide how he would approach his father if he needed to talk to him about the previous night, but couldn't come up with anything. So as he brushed his teeth, he silently hoped that he would not be the one to start that conversation.

Once he'd finished his usual morning routine, he crept to the kitchen as quietly as he could, trying to delay the inevitable. He managed to prepare and eat a light breakfast without disturbing his dad. Just as he was putting up the dishes, he heard his dad groan and then shuffle to the bathroom. Remus quickly finished his work and went into the living room to wait.

Quite a few minutes later, his father walked through the living room, to the kitchen without noticing Remus, who was deliberately sitting as far away as he could. When his dad returned a few minutes later, carrying a mug of what smelled like very strong coffee and a saucer of several slices of nearly burnt toast, he saw Remus and glared angrily at him.

He took a couple of sips of coffee then said

"I thought I told you last night to leave. Why are you still here?"

"I wasn't sure if you meant it. You'd been drinking…."

"So you thought I might wake up this morning and apologize? I wasn't that drunk. I meant what I said- I've wasted way too much time and money on you, and your momma gave everything for you. The best thing you can do is just leave- go back to school, go live with your own kind, do whatever you want, just don't be asking for my help."

"Okay, if that's what you want, I'll leave. I packed my stuff last night. I'll go get it and use the fire to leave."

"Stuff? What stuff? Let me see what you packed before you leave with it."

Remus brought his two bags to the living room. His father opened them and looked through them, and upon seeing that they were just books, clothes and a few things his mother had given him, zipped the bags shut.

"Alright, those things are yours, you can take them. You can use the fireplace to leave."

Remus then threw a large handful of floo powder into the flames, dragged his bags into the fireplace and returned to school.

When he landed in Professor Dumbledore's office, the weight of the duffel bag slammed into him, causing him to fall face down on the floor. Professor Dumbledore walked quickly over to him, helped him up, and removed the soot from Remus, his bags, and the carpet. As he did this, he said

"I take it the situation with your father has not improved?"

"No sir. As soon as he saw me this morning, he wanted to know why I was still there. When I told him I wasn't sure if he'd meant what he said because he'd been drinking, he told me he wasn't that drunk. He then said it was best if I leave, that I could do whatever I wanted as long as I didn't ask him for help. So I got my bags, which he inspected, then I left. The odd part was that even though he said he wasn't that drunk last night, he spent a long time- at least half an hour- in the bathroom this morning, and I know he wasn't taking a shower, because the water didn't run that long. For breakfast, he had very strong smelling coffee and nearly burnt toast. I don't know much about hangovers, but it seems to me that he had one."

"He might have; it certainly sounds that way. But in spite of that, he may remember just enough of what he said last night to remember telling you to leave. I'm sorry it came to this, I'd hoped he would forget it all or tell you that what he'd said was just alcohol and grief, that he hadn't meant it. I still think grief has a lot to do with it, and that he doesn't mean it as strongly as he says he does. People do and say strange things when they're grieving. It's not fair, but they often hurt the very people they love with their behavior."

"He certainly did that- I still can't really believe he said those things to me. He brought up every sacrifice, ever problem, everything that has been done to accommodate me over the years, and said it was all my fault. He even blamed me for being bitten. I didn't do any of those things on purpose, and I certainly didn't want to be a werewolf or to put them through so much." his voice trailed off, a few silent tears slid down his cheeks.

Professor Dumbledore put his arm around Remus' shoulder and said

"I know. I would never believe anything like that about you. You're not the kind of person that could harm anyone, especially your mother. But we'll talk more about that later. I'm guessing what you need is several hours' sleep, a warm shower and a good meal. I'm betting you'd like to avoid as many questions as possible…am I right?"

"Yes sir, you are. But if I go to the dorms, the other guys will be full of questions. Madam Pomfrey probably will be too, but I guess the hospital wing would be a better choice."

"Actually, I have a better suggestion. There is a suite of teachers' quarters on the sixth floor of Gryffindor tower that is not in use right now. It's a bedroom, bath, kitchen and living room. It's clean and guarded by a portrait that I can instruct to open only for certain people. It would give you a comfortable place to sleep and think, and you could get meals from the school kitchens without needing to leave the room. You can rest without dealing with questions from anyone, and I'll check in on you a couple of times a day. If you want your friends to know where you are, I'll tell them. After a few days, maybe you'll feel ready to return to school."

"That sounds perfect. I am tired, I could use a shower, and some quiet would really be nice. I do want to let my friends know I'm here, so they won't try to contact me at home, but I'm not sure I want to visit with them yet. Maybe this afternoon, after I've slept and cleared my head a bit, I'll feel up to talking to you more and to them."

"Then I will take you to these rooms. I'll put a disillusionment charm on you; no one will think anything about me walking along the corridors alone. If you'd like, I can have the house elves bring your duffel bag up to the room later."

"That sounds good to me; it's heavier than I realized it would be."

Remus then picked up his smaller bag, and Professor Dumbledore performed the disillusionment charm on him, and they set off for the rooms he'd described. A few minutes later, they arrived at the room, and once inside, Remus was pleased at what he saw. The living room he'd stepped into was large, and dark, but Professor Dumbledore opened a curtain, which revealed a very nice room. The furniture was luxurious, with thick cushions and dark wood. The room did have the typical musty smell from disuse, but Remus didn't mind…he was too tired to care about the smell. The headmaster showed him where the bedroom and bathroom were, then left him to rest. After he stepped outside, Remus heard him giving the portrait instructions and assigning it a password.

Remus decided he would sleep better if he was clean, so he took a warm shower, during which he tried to relax and take comfort in the knowledge that Professor Dumbledore would help him as much as he could. This thought did help settle his nerves a bit, and when he had dried off and crawled into bed, he was able to go to sleep.

Several hours later, he woke up, feeling more rested than he had since he'd last slept in the castle. He got up, dressed in some comfortable clothes, and was trying to decide what to do next when his stomach growled. He wished the kitchen was stocked; he could have prepared a meal for himself. Since it wasn't he would have to rely on the school elves for food. He remembered how Professor Dumbledore had explained to him to contact them, and acted accordingly. In a moment, one appeared. He told the elf what he wanted to eat, then looked around to see if there was a wireless he could listen to. He spotted one on the mantle over the fireplace, then tuned it to a station that was playing some music he liked.

About fifteen minutes later, the house elf returned with his meal. He took the tray, thanked the elf, and went to the table to eat. Once he'd finished, he returned the dishes to the kitchen as the elf had instructed him to do.

A few minutes later, Professor Dumbledore stepped through the portrait hole.

"Good afternoon, Remus. Were you able to get some sleep?" he asked.

"Yes sir, I was. I was really surprised at how well I slept. I feel quite a bit better now."

"I'm glad to hear that. Now if you feel like discussing it, I'd like to hear in more detail what has gone on the last few days so that we can best determine what we need to do to help you."

"What do you want to know, and where do you want me to start?" Remus asked.

"Tell me everything, from the day of your mom's death until last night."

"Well, you were with us a lot the day of her death, and the two days afterward. There's really not much to say about that, other than that it was quiet. I took care of a little bit of housework, and I cooked, like I've done in the past. I tried to talk to him a few times, but he wouldn't talk. He mostly ignored me. At supper on the day of her funeral, he told me he was going back to work the next day, and that he didn't need me around there, so I could come back to school whenever I was ready. I told him I'd probably come this weekend, and he said not to let him hold me back. Looking back on it, I think he was trying politely to tell me to leave then. But I wasn't ready to face my classmates or the routine of school just yet. The next day, I made breakfast, which we ate in silence, and I spent the time he was at work alone, thinking…mostly missing mom. He came home a little late that day, with red eyes and the knees of his pants dirty. I think he had been to mom's grave, but I didn't ask. The next day was yesterday; we had a quiet breakfast, then I was alone until he came home very late from work. I told you everything that happened last night when I talked to you through the fireplace."

"I really didn't think you'd left much out, but I just wanted to be sure. I do think he was drunk last night, but he seems to remember, and mean, what he said to you. That doesn't make it right or fair, nor does it mean he won't change his mind in time. I believe he might, because I think much of his anger is fueled by his grief over losing your mom. He may also be uncertain about being solely responsible for you for the next few years- he may feel he can't do it. So maybe after he's had time to think, and grieve, he will regret what he's said and done, and may even ask you to come home. You need to spend some time thinking about how you'll respond if he does. I advise you not to be closed to the possibility, because if he does change his mind, it could help you start over and have a decent relationship with him."

"I don't know if I can, sir. He was really very mean to me, and he made me feel like a criminal when he insisted on searching my bags before I left. But he was so ruthless whit what he said, he made me feel more like a monster than I have in a long time. That's one thing I've gotten over a little bit by being here, feeling like I'm not human. My friends, and of course you and the other teachers, make me feel more like a human that's just sick than a monster. And the way he drug up everything that's happened since I got bit, even blaming me for being bitten…I was only six years old…it's not like I went looking for that werewolf. It won't be easy for me to forgive him for that."

"I know it won't, and I never said it would. It may turn out to be the hardest thing you ever do. But it may also be the most important. It's something only you can do, though, and no one can really help you with it. There's no charm or magic formula for a situation like this one. I do want to tell you something that I think you need to know. It probably won't help you forgive your dad, but it is important. I'm sure you've probably wondered why you were attacked, and I know you blame yourself for it. When your mom wrote to me about you coming to Hogwarts, I was curious about your case. It is very rare for a werewolf to bite a child and then leave it with its human family, because biting is their main way of creating new werewolves. Usually they bring the child into the pack and raise it, so they can teach it to hate normal wizards. But there are a few who, especially if they've been angered by someone, will position themselves near that person on the full moon so that when they transform, they are likely to be able to harm that person. Through my investigation, I believe that is what happened to you. Your mom said that your dad had gotten in an argument with a man whose name she didn't know, but whom she said your dad had described as looking very rough, with scars on his face, and long hair. More important, though, was that she said he'd told her the man growled at him, and that there was just something about him that didn't seem quite normal. Neither of them realized that this man was a werewolf, but he was. I'm not sure who he was, but maybe one day we'll know. I believe this werewolf, because he was angry, followed your dad home, perhaps intending to bite him that night. Upon seeing you outside playing, he decided it would hurt your dad more to bite you- either in the sense of the pain of having to raise a werewolf son, or that you might bite him at some point in your transformed state. Whatever his thoughts were, you were the victim; the werewolf targeted and hunted you like prey. It wouldn't have mattered where in the yard you were once he'd made up his mind, you couldn't have done anything to prevent it. Even a grown, qualified wizard would have had difficulty in that situation."

"That idea never occurred to me. I knew I was not in the woods as my dad accused me of being- I was near them, but not inside. The werewolf dragged me there when he bit me. But all these years I just thought I'd been too close to the woods, and was unlucky. It's a relief to know for sure that I didn't cause it. Did you tell them what you found out?"

"No, I didn't. I only got this information over the summer, and I was more worried about your mom's health than anything else. I intended to tell her, but I was concerned that visiting would be a bad idea since she was so sick."

"I understand, but she would have been glad to see you. She always thought highly of you. Do you think we should tell dad what we know?"

"Yes, but not right now. He may see the attack as being his fault and harm himself out of guilt. At the least, it would be an extra emotional burden he doesn't need right now."

"I hadn't thought of it that way, but you're right. Even after what he's done, I wouldn't want anything to happen to him, especially on my account."

"Now we need to think about more practical matters, such as where you're going to stay when school is out." said Dumbledore.

"For Christmas, I thought I'd just stay here. If I can't go home for the summer, I'm not sure what I can do. I don't have any other family, and though I'm sure I could probably stay with James most of the summer, I'd need to leave during the full moon. His parents don't know I'm a werewolf, and he feels it would be best if they don't find out. But if there was some way I could leave during the full moons, it shouldn't be a problem to stay there."

"There might be a way to work something out with them, then. You only have two full moons to deal with this summer- July and August. I could pick you up from their home for both of those, and just use an excuse as to why you needed to come with me; maybe I could say I was taking you to visit relatives if they don't already know that you don't have any…I'm sure I can come up with something. Then I could bring you here to your usual place and it would be just like during the school year. The following day I could treat your wounds and take you back. It should work if I come up with good excuses."

"I'm sure you will, sir. That sounds like a good plan to me. What about my stuff? I don't want to carry everything with me to their house over the summer."

"You can leave whatever you don't want to take here, in your trunk or bag, and I'll store it in my quarters for you. But I do ask that you make an inventory of it so that you know everything that's there, in case anything gets lost. If this all sounds good to you, I'll talk to the Potters a few weeks before school is out. I'll give them enough information to know what has happened, without giving them all the details."

"That does all sound good to me. I do have one other question: How are we going to handle paying for my school supplies? My parents had been paying for those, but I know he won't now."

"We'll use the school's scholarship fund. You could have been using it all along, but your mom wanted to pay for what she could. In fact, during the past summer, she paid back a bit less than half of what has been spent on you so far. She didn't need to do that, I'd rather she'd spent the money on her own care, but it will be put to good use. You don't need to worry about paying any of this back either, the fund is intended as a gift, not a loan. The school will take care of your books, potion supplies and whatever else you need, just count your stuff at the end of the year so we know what you need. We'll take care of your uniforms too."

"Okay, well, it seems like we've got all the practical stuff figured out- now if I can just get myself together as easily."

"That will take a lot more time and patience. You've been through a lot in a short time. Spend some time talking it out- with your friends, me, or any other teacher you feel comfortable with. Write about it if you feel interested. But don't let it become the only thing you think about. At first it may be hard to go to class in the morning, or do anything that requires effort, but you must try. As time passes, it will get easier. The pain never completely goes away, but it does subside enough to bear."

"I hope you're right."

"Trust me on this, Remus. I've been through similar events myself. It seems you will never heal, but you do."

He'd said this with the tone of confidence of someone who did indeed know what he was talking about. As he spoke, Remus noticed a slight change in his expression that added to Remus' feeling that the headmaster had survived a great loss in his life. He was tempted for a moment to ask about it, but he decided it would be best if he didn't.

Professor Dumbledore glanced at his pocket watch and observed

"Your friends will be getting out of their afternoon classes soon. Would you like me to let them know you are here so they can visit you? They would have time to come before dinner, or if you'd like, the five of you can eat together here."

"Yes sir, I'd like that. I think I'm ready to visit with them now. This morning I was just so tired and upset that I couldn't think straight. But everything you've done for me is helping. I'm not ready to go back to class yet, but I don't feel quite as overwhelmed as I did. Talking so much about it and planning what to do makes me feel like I can handle the rest, given time, and I'm sure my friends will help me with that."

"I'm sure they will, and I'm glad you're feeling better. I'll go find your friends and bring them back here."


	12. The Healing Begins

Author's Note: As you read the coming chapters, please keep in mind that Remus Lupin did not become the person he is from having a cushy life. While it's true that his illness caused much of the shame and self doubt he dealt with, I believe there were losses in his life that contributed to his personality. Do not believe that I put Remus through the things I do simply to torture him. He is my favorite character of the series, and this part of this story was very hard to write. But this story represents my opinion of how his life might have unfolded. The background material I have read on his character elude to the idea that his parents died at some point before his appointment to the teaching post at Hogwarts, so I believe this situation I present makes sense.

I hope you enjoy my story, and please leave a comment...I appreciate all feedback.

* * *

A few minutes later, Lily stepped through the portrait hole, followed by Sirius, James, and Peter. Lily ran across the room and pulled Remus into a tight hug, which quickly erased a little of the sadness he'd been feeling. He fought back a grin at the realization he had the most beautiful girl in school in his arms and simply enjoyed the feeling for a moment. After a moment, he felt her loosen her embrace, and he released her, then stepped back.

She asked "What happened? Professor Dumbledore only told us that you'd been in a disagreement with your dad and that you'd be staying here for a few days. You aren't hurt, are you?"

"No, Lily, I'm not hurt, at least not physically anyway. I didn't really disagree with my dad, but he got angry and threw me out."

"Your dad must be a lot harder to get along with than I thought. I can't imagine you doing or saying anything to make anyone that angry with you." said James.

"Actually, I didn't do or say anything to him. He came home from work last night drunk and decided he was tired of me being there. He blamed me for being bitten and for all the problems we've had over the years, even for mom's death. He said he was done wasting money on me and for me to leave and not come back. So I came here."

"How in blazes does he figure that you're to blame for your mother's death? She had some odd disease; it's not as if you poisoned her or something. You had no control over that." said Sirius.

"He didn't exactly bother explaining his reasoning; he was too busy blaming me for everything he could think of. The only thing he said was that if I'd stayed home instead of coming here, she wouldn't have gone to work and wouldn't have gotten sick. He also said I should have stayed and taken care of her the last couple of years."

"Surely you don't believe what he said? You do realize it's not your fault that she got sick?" asked Lily.

"I know that, but I can't help but wonder if he might be a little bit right. What if the stress of working was too much for her and that's what made her sick?"

"It doesn't seem very likely to me that stress would have affected her that much. I really feel that she had the condition I told you about- cancer- and if she did, it's unlikely work had anything to do with it. I don't believe you staying home would have made any difference either. You could have seen to her needs, but it wouldn't have stopped the spread of the disease." explained Lily.

"I guess you're right, but since she refused to see another healer, we'll never know for sure. I think part of why he blames me for it is that my condition is expensive sometimes- if I have to go to the hospital or if they have to replace clothes I've torn up too bad to repair; before I started school, we were paying for all the supplies to take care of my wounds each month too. I think he feels that money would have been better spent elsewhere. He certainly doesn't feel that I was worth it- he told me quite bluntly that there was no point in me coming here, because no one would ever hire me anyway."

"He can't say that for sure, Remus. It probably won't be easy for you to get a job, but with your grades, you might surprise him- and a few other people too." said James.

"That's true- you do have some of the best grades in our year. You'll probably graduate near the top of our class." said Peter.

"Did you say he blames you for being bitten? How did he come up with that one?" said Sirius.

"Yeah, he does. He thinks I was playing in the woods near our house, where he'd told me not to go. But I wasn't…I was near the woods, but not in them. However, I found out this morning that had nothing to do with it. I was actually being hunted. Dad had been in an argument with man earlier that morning. He didn't know the guy was a werewolf. From what Professor Dumbledore guesses, the guy followed dad home, intending maybe to attack dad. But when he saw me playing outside, he decided it might be better to attack me. Professor Dumbledore thinks the guy positioned himself in the woods so that it would be easy for him to get to me. He wouldn't have been able to remember his plan once he changed, but by being so close to me, it almost guaranteed that he would get me. After all, I was only six; there was no way I could have outrun or fought off a werewolf. Once he got me, he dragged me into the woods and bit me, then left me there. When I didn't come in right after dark, my parents looked for me, and found me in the woods, bitten and bleeding."

"Doesn't he know all of that?" asked Lily

"No, Professor Dumbledore just found out most of it over the summer. My parents knew about the argument, of course, and where they'd found me, but never put the two pieces together. Professor Dumbledore has been trying to put together the details of my attack since before I was admitted to Hogwarts. He said my case is really unusual."

"It is very unusual- almost unique. Werewolves rarely select their victims in advance, and almost never leave them with their human families. Children are especially valuable because they can be raised by the werewolves to hate normal people. But you are also unique in the fact that you are trying to live as normal a life as you can." said Lily.

"So really, you could say it was your dad's fault you got bit?" asked Peter.

"You could, but I don't see it that way. I look at it as the werewolf's fault. He's the one who decided to get revenge over a petty argument. As I understand it, Dad was just doing his job, and the werewolf didn't like it. But rather than letting it go, he decided to get even. And I've been paying the price for the last eight years, and I will for the rest of my life, unless they come up with a cure." said Remus grimly.

"Maybe in time they will come up with something." said Lily.

"If you don't mind me changing the subject, have you given any thought to where you will stay? I know a lot has happened in the last few days, but I was just wondering." said James.

"Actually, I have, and I need to talk to you about it. For the holidays, I plan to stay here. But unless something changes, I'll need a place to stay for the summer, and I was wondering if your parents would mind me staying with you. I don't think there will be but two full moons to worry about, and Professor Dumbledore will get me and bring me here for those. He said he'd come up with an excuse for it that won't reveal my condition to them. He thought he'd tell them about Mom's death and that my dad threw me out, but not necessarily give them all the details about why. He might just say something like that he got mad or something similar. Do you think that could work?"

"I'm sure it will if he presents it to them right. Professor Dumbledore will come up with something good for a reason, and since they trust him, it shouldn't be a problem. Sirius will likely be there this summer too." said James.

"Most likely. That reminds me, did we tell you about…"said Sirius. But before he could finish his statement, James cut across him and said

"Sirius! That's a surprise for later, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot." Sirius replied sheepishly.

"I forgot to invite all of you to have dinner with me here tonight. Professor Dumbledore said we could eat up here together if we wanted." said Remus.

"Actually, I need to go to the Great Hall. I promised a friend of mine that I would go over her notes from Potions class with her. How long are you planning to stay in here, Remus? Can I come back later?" asked Lily, with a slightly puzzled expression on her face.

"I'll probably be in here another day or two. You can come back here, as far as I know, if Professor Dumbledore gave you the password."

"He did. So I'll go down to dinner and I might visit you later." she replied.

"Okay, I'll see you later." Remus said.

After Lily left, James said

"I'm sorry to cut you off like that, Sirius, but Lily doesn't know about us learning the animagus charm. If she found out, she'd probably tell Professor Dumbledore, and we'd all get in trouble. But now that she's gone, we can tell Remus what we've done."

"We've almost got the charm mastered. We've been working really hard on it over the summer and in our spare time, so we've made some progress since we last showed you what we could do. Let James show you." said Sirius.

"Okay, but what do you mean but 'almost'?" asked Remus.

"You'll see." said Sirius.

James got off the sofa and walked into the middle of the room where there was an open area. He stood in the center, and at first nothing seemed to be happening other than him wearing a look of intense concentration. After a moment, his body began to quiver, and Remus though briefly that he might be having a fit of some kind. Then he remembered that was how it had looked when they'd tried the charm before. Over the next minute or so, he watched as his friend's body changed. His legs first changed into those of a deer, then the change spread up his body; his arms became front legs, his head and neck changed shape, and finally he sprouted a rather impressive pair of antlers. When the change was complete, he walked around a bit, the stood up on his back legs, showing off his balance and size. After a few minutes, he stood still, and though barely discernible on his stag's face, a look of concentration appeared again. A couple of minutes later, he nudged Sirius' hand, then shook his head.

Sirius laughed, then said

"Having trouble again, James?"

James bobbed his head in the affirmative. Sirius then said to Remus

"This is what I meant by 'almost'. Sometimes we have trouble changing back to our human form, so no more than one of us changes at a time."

"How can we help him?" asked Remus

"There's a simple spell that reverses it. We all three learned it, and I can sometimes get it to work nonverbally."

"We're not even supposed to cover nonverbal spells until sixth year. You guys have been doing a lot of studying."

James then turned his back on Sirius and kicked him with his back foot.

Remus laughed "I guess you ignored him too long. Are you okay?"

Sirius rubbed his sore backside, then responded "Yeah, I'm fine. But maybe I should just leave him that way."

"I wouldn't Sirius. It looks like he kicks pretty hard, and he's got antlers." said Remus.

"I guess you're right. I should help him."

Sirius aimed his wand at James, and a moment later, their friend stood where the stag had been.

"You sure took your sweet time helping me out there, Sirius. But thanks just the same." said James.

"You're welcome. You didn't need to kick me, though. I was about to help you. I was just explaining some things to Remus." said Sirius.

"I know, I could hear you. But I know when you start talking, especially if you can brag a little, you tend to carry on for a while. Now do you or Peter want to show him your forms?" asked James

"Wait a sec. I want to ask something. If you're having trouble changing back, how is this going to allow the four of us to spend full moons together? If only one of you change at a time, and the other two have to stay in the castle so I don't bite you, how are we gonna change back whoever's with me?" asked Remus.

"It shouldn't be a problem. We'll get better at the spell as we practice. We don't have trouble returning to human form every time we change, just some times. We just won't try to stay with you until we get good enough at it that we can change ourselves each time. Sirius was bragging earlier, but he's earned it. He hardly ever needs help anymore, and he really can perform the spell nonverbally about half the time." said James.

"That's great, guys. I can hardly believe that you've actually gotten the hang of such a complicated spell with no help from teachers. I do want to see all three of you change, if you don't mind."

"I'll go next." said Peter.

As James had done, Peter walked to the open area of the room, and it took a minute or so of quivering before the transformation began. However, instead of changing to a large animal, Peter shrank. His limbs and body got smaller, and he grew a long bald tail. As the transformation completed, he looked up at Remus with beady eyes set above a pointed, whiskered nose. Peter had changed into a dusty brown rat. Remus looked at James, puzzled.

Before he could say anything, James commented.

"I know you're wondering how he'll be able to help. He's small enough to get under the branches of the willow and touch the knot that freezes it. This will allow us to get inside to you." He continued in a whisper "He's really struggled to learn the spell, but he's very proud he finally did it. I don't think he could have managed a bigger animal."

Peter had scampered over to the sofa where they sat, and Sirius spoke to him.

"Show Remus how you can touch the knot on the tree."

Peter crawled close to the sofa, then stood up on his back feet and stretched himself as tall as he could. When he did this, he could easily reach Remus' knees.

"If he needs to, he can crawl up the side of the tree and touch the knot that way." said Sirius.

"Good. I had been wondering if you'd figured out a way to keep from being smashed by that tree. This way, no one should get hurt by it." said Remus.

After another couple of minutes, Peter changed back into his human form. To Remus' surprise, he didn't need any help with the process.

"Pretty good, wasn't it guys?" asked Peter.

"Yeah, you did a good job, Peter." said Remus.

"I didn't show you how I can climb, but as long as I've got a decent grip, I think I can get up pretty high if I need to."

"That might be useful sometimes. I'm just glad you'll be able to reach that knot." said Remus.

"We all are. Okay, Sirius, are you gonna change too?" asked James.

"Sure, since Remus wanted to see all three of our forms." replied Sirius.

Sirius went to the same spot the others had used, and the process was similar. But it didn't seem to Remus to take as long from the quivering stage until visible changes occurred. Within a very short time, a large, shaggy black dog stood in front of them all.

"Honestly, Sirius has taken to this so easily I tease him that he should just stay a dog." said James.

Sirius then let out a low, deep growl and the hair on his neck bristled to show his disapproval of that idea.

"I don't think he agrees with you on that, James." said Remus.

"Probably not, but that's okay. He knows I was just teasing. He does understand this charm better than the rest of us and has very little trouble with it." said James.

"I wonder how big he'll be compared to me when I'm transformed? The closer he is to my size, the easier it will be for him to help you keep me from hurting anyone. I already know that in your case, size won't matter as much because you've got antlers and very strong legs." said Remus.

"Do you have any idea how big you get when you change? If not, there's really no way to guess."

"Unfortunately, no, I don't know. I don't remember anything from the time I'm transformed. I've read that a full-grown werewolf can be quite large. But I don't think I'm full grown yet, so I'm guessing my transformed body isn't either."

"Size may not matter that much in Sirius' case either, because he has sharp teeth and claws." observed Peter

"But so do I when I'm transformed."

"All three of us have one advantage over you, though. We still have our human minds when we change. Our bodies and brains shrink physically, but most of our abilities are still there. So we know we're supposed to do whatever it takes to make sure you don't bite." explained James.

Sirius had walked over to them after sniffing a few things in the room. He nudged Remus' hand with his nose. Remus scratched him between the ears before he really thought about what he was doing. Sirius cocked his head a Remus and gave him as much of a puzzled look as he could. He then backed away a bit and stood up on his back legs. He looked at James, then at Remus, and bobbed his head.

"I think he wants you to stand up, Remus. He probably heard us talking and wants to show you how tall he is. And I think he's wondering why you scratched his ears." said James.

"I didn't even think about it. Even though we'd been talking about him, I just reacted to him like I would a friendly dog. It'll take me a little while to get used to you guys changing forms." said Remus as he stood up.

When he did, Sirius took a few steps closer to Remus and put his front paws on Remus' shoulders. After a moment, he dropped back down on all four feet and then quickly changed back into his human form.

"Don't worry about scratching me Remus, I thought it was a little funny, honestly. But you can see that I'm almost as big as you are. So we may be close in size even when you're changed. I know you're still a little nervous about this, but honestly, I think it will work out fine. James is right about our advantage over you. Since we can all still think like humans when we're changed, we'll know what we need to do. We're learning to communicate some in animal form, so I'm sure we can work together if we need to. The best part is that once we've mastered the reversal spell, we'll be able to hang out with you and maybe explore the grounds a little bit too." said Sirius.

"I guess you're right, but I won't really feel better about it until we've done it a couple of times without anyone getting hurt." said Remus.

"It may be a while before we can actually do what we're planning, because we do still need practice. Now that we're in school, we have less time to work on it. We have weekends, and some evenings, but that's all. But maybe we'll get it before the year is up." Sirius replied encouragingly.

"That sounds good to me. Just be careful and let me know how it's going. Now I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting hungry. Would you like to get some dinner?" asked Remus.

They all agreed and then ordered their meals from the kitchen. As they ate, James, Sirius and Peter updated Remus on some of what he'd missed in their classes. After they'd finished, Sirius looked at his watch and realized it was nearly curfew. They decided they didn't want to be out late, because they weren't sure if Professor Dumbledore would excuse them now that Remus was in the castle again. They didn't want to get in trouble, because it had only been three weeks since they'd gotten into trouble and ended up in detention. James had thought it would be funny to throw a dungbomb into the girls' bathroom and watch the girls come out. He did not realize that Professor McGonagall was in there at the time. Needless to say, she did not find his prank at all amusing. She and six students had to shower and change clothes before they could continue with their day. James and Sirius both had been punished, because Sirius had been outside, holding the bag of dungbombs. They had both served a week's worth of detentions cleaning things- first the girls' bathrooms, then the hospital wing's bedpans, the Great Hall's fireplaces, and finally the fertilizer storage containers in the greenhouses, all without magic. It had also cost Gryffindor house twenty points. It was not an experience they wanted to repeat.

After they left, Remus decided to go to bed. Even though he'd slept some that morning, and a little the night before, he was still tired. The days since his mom's death had been long and stressful, and what little sleep he'd gotten at home had been punctuated by nightmares. He lay on his back in the dark, enjoying the soft comfortable bed and relaxing a bit in the security of the castle.

He drifted off to sleep sooner than he expected, his mind soothed because of the plans he and Professor Dumbledore had made for him. Though they weren't definite yet, like James, he felt confident the Potters would allow him to stay with them for a while. The sadness in his heart also had lifted some from being with his friends and being reminded that life did go on. The events of the day didn't completely erase the hurt and sadness he felt, but it eased enough he could sleep and not worry.


	13. Christmas at Hogwarts

Author's Note: As you read the coming chapters, please keep in mind that Remus Lupin did not become the person he is from having a cushy life. While it's true that his illness caused much of the shame and self doubt he dealt with, I believe there were losses in his life that contributed to his personality. Do not believe that I put Remus through the things I do simply to torture him. He is my favorite character of the series, and this part of this story was very hard to write. But this story represents my opinion of how his life might have unfolded. The background material I have read on his character elude to the idea that his parents died at some point before his appointment to the teaching post at Hogwarts, so I believe this situation I present makes sense.

I hope you enjoy my story, and please leave a comment...I appreciate all feedback.

* * *

He slept until about 10 a.m. the next morning and not long after he'd eaten breakfast, Lily stepped through the portrait hole, alone.

"I hoped you would be up. I know you usually are at breakfast by this time on weekends, so I just guessed you might be up. I told you I'd come by and visit you again, but if you're busy, I can come back later." she said nervously.

"No, it's fine. I'm glad to see you. Have you had breakfast? I just finished, but if you want, you can eat here." he offered.

"I already ate, thanks for the offer. Did you sleep okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I did…a lot better than while I was at home. I had nightmares every night there. I'm so glad I didn't have any last night."

"I'm sure that was a relief. Hopefully you'll be rid of them. I'm sure sleeping better will make the rest of your situation easier to deal with emotionally. I know you and Professor Dumbledore worked out a lot of the practical parts of it , but I'm sure it will take you a while to heal from so much hurt at one time."

"Yeah, I'm sure it will. Dad really hurt me with what he said. Even though he was drunk and grieving, he still seemed to mean what he said. I don't know what hurts more, the things he said or the fact that he lied to mom and me for so long. It's hard to accept that he could do that, and that my own father doesn't care about me; that he believes I'm worthless. It's also hard not to believe him, at least a little."

"I can understand that it would be hard not to believe your father. After all, we grow up trusting our parents and accepting what they tell us. But in this case Remus, you can't do either. He's proved by his actions- throwing you out of the house and lying to you for so long- that he can't be trusted. So if you can't trust him, you shouldn't believe what he says either. I know it's hard to think of it that way, but maybe it will help."

"I guess you're right, but I hadn't really thought about it like that. I spent most of yesterday talking about what happened, but mostly just going over the details of it. I know I need to talk out my feelings, but I don't want to dwell on it too much. Even though I'm hurt, life does go on."

"You don't need to dwell on it, but you shouldn't ignore your feelings either. I'm here for you, if you want to talk to me- whenever you feel you want to."

"I appreciate that. I am just not sure where to start, beyond saying that I'm hurting. Like I said earlier, it's gonna be hard not to believe what he said to me. But your point of view makes sense. It reminds me of the kind of thing my mom would have said. She really believed in me and loved me. She was incredible…she took care of everything. She taught me everything I know, she always made me feel good about myself, she soothed the hurt when I lost the friends I'd had as a kid, she tended my wounds every month, and sometimes stayed up all night when I was transformed, just so I wouldn't have to sleep on the floor. She never wanted anything but the best for me, that's why she wanted me in school, and wanted me to stay once I got accepted. She never tried to convince me life would be easy, but she didn't want me to give up without trying either."

"It sounds like she was well equipped to raise a werewolf son…and she did a really good job with you. I know you miss her, and always will, but I think you should try to remember her words and lessons more than your dad's."

"I guess so. She never wanted me to pay much attention to critics either, and I don't think she would have felt differently just because it was Dad. In fact, thinking about it now, she may have been concerned that he would say something like that to me- that may be why she reminded me so often to ignore the critics and doubters."

"That's certainly possible. She may not have known exactly how he felt, but she wanted you to be prepared for criticism wherever you might encounter it. I suspect if she could, she would say to you pretty much the same thing I've said- don't believe what your dad has said. You are not worthless, or a monster. You are a brilliant, kind, loving young man that any parent should be proud to call their son. The fact that you're a werewolf is not your fault, and doesn't change the person you are. The only thing it means is that you have a condition that requires managing, and you do that much better than most other werewolves do. You value human life and don't want to harm anyone, even by accident. That says a lot about your character, Remus."

"I hadn't thought about it that way. I guess it's easier to believe the bad stuff, especially since society reinforces those ideas. I appreciate what you're saying; you always do know how to make me feel better about myself."

"I'm glad to know it helps. I'm just telling you how I honestly see you, Remus. Maybe someday the rest of the wizard world will be able to see you for the person you are, not for the form you take one day a month. Maybe someday the healers will come up with things that will make your life normal, or at least nearly normal." she said.

"I hope so… that would be wonderful. I'll try to remember what you've said. I really think seeing the situation, and myself, the way you do can help me heal. I've also decided I'm gonna go back to the dorms today…staying in here won't really help me. I think I'll do better to get back to the routine of school and just talk to you, the guys, or Professor Dumbledore whenever I need to."

"You might be right, getting back into a routine will keep your mind off it, at least a little bit, and it might help you heal from this. As you said, life does go on, no matter what happens." she said.

A moment later, Professor Dumbledore came into the room, so Lily told Remus goodbye, then left to go to the common room. Professor Dumbledore spoke to Remus

"How are you this morning? I hope she didn't leave just because of me."

"No sir, I think she was going to meet some of her friends in the common room. To answer your question, I'm doing okay. I slept better last night than I have in several days; I didn't have any nightmares. I also wanted to tell you that I've decided to go back to the dorms today. I've done a lot of thinking and I believe the best way for me to start to heal is to get back to my life. As long as I've got someone to listen when I need to talk, there's no reason for me to stay here."

"If you're sure you feel ready, then you certainly may return to the dorms, and resume your classes on Monday. I'm glad to hear that you slept well last night, hopefully you will be able to continue to sleep without nightmares. Even after you return to your dorms, you can still talk to me or any of the teachers if you need to, as I told you earlier."

"Thank you sir, I was hoping that arrangement would still be in effect."

"Of course it is. Do you need some help moving your things to the dorm?"

"No sir, I think I can carry both bags, or I'll levitate one of them. It shouldn't be a problem."

"Okay. Is there anything else you need to talk to me about?" the headmaster asked.

"No sir, I spent a lot of time talking to Lily this morning and she told me some things that I hadn't thought of that I believe will help me deal with some of the things my dad said to me. The rest, as you said to me before, is more or less a matter of time."

"That's true, and I'm glad Miss Evans was able to help you."

They talked for a few more minutes, then Remus decided to leave when the headmaster did so that the quarters could be closed up.

On Monday, he returned to his classes, and each teacher gave him the notes and assignments he had missed during his absence. Though news of his mother's death had spread through the school, it only resulted in a few expressions of sympathy, not the many questions he had expected. The remaining details of his situation had been kept secret, as his friends had promised.

As time went by, being busy and knowing he was doing what his mom wanted kept his mind focused. Lily's advice to him helped keep his spirits lifted any time he thought of her words. Soon the falling leaves of autumn gave way to the first snows of winter in early November. The rapidly approaching holidays had most of the students excited, but Remus just felt empty. The festive mood just reminded him that there was no one waiting to see him, to welcome him home, and no presents from family under the tree.

However, he was glad to learn that Sirius would be staying at school for the holidays as well. At least the two of them could have some fun together and study if they wanted to. On the evening of the last Quidditch practice before the holidays, it was snowing heavily, so Sirius did not follow James as he so often did. In spite of the inclement weather, Peter followed James to the field, so Remus and Sirius were in the dorms together, talking about the upcoming holidays.

Sirius apparently could sense Remus' mood, and asked

"What's bothering you? I have a hunch what it is, and if you want to talk, I'm willing to listen."

"It's the holidays…being reminded that I don't have a home or family anymore. I miss my mom- she always enjoyed Christmas and made it special for us, even when we didn't have much money to spend on gifts. Even though I'm angry at dad, I miss him too, because he is part of my family. Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah, it does…and I kinda know how you feel. Both of my parents are alive, and so is my brother, but none of them want me to come home. Because we disagree on a lot of things, they've practically disowned me; it's almost like I don't exist. Regulus is going home for the holidays, they made sure he'll be there, but they told me it was better if I just stay here. They'll probably send me some generic, almost meaningless gift, just so they can say they gave me something, but it won't be anything compared to what they'll get him."

"I wasn't even thinking about how hard all of this must be for you. I'm sorry I mentioned it." said Remus

"Don't be. Besides, I asked you what was bothering you. But this is not new to me, I've been dealing with their attitudes for a while. There is a difference too, you're grieving over your mother's death- a death you watched slowly happen. That can't do anything but hurt. You lost the single most important person in your life, then the other person you should have been able to count on kicked you out, so of course you don't feel like celebrating. I just understand part of what you're feeling in the sense of missing the sense of family we had until I was about nine or ten. We got along well until then, but then things changed. My family seemed to love and care about me, until I started questioning their opinions and disagreeing with them."

"How do you deal with it?"

"Well, this year is worse than it's ever been. They've never told me that it would be best if I didn't come home for the holidays. They've been mad at me before and I've chosen to stay here to avoid them, but this is a bit different. What has helped me in the past was to just enjoy spending time with you guys, and reminding myself that at least I wasn't arguing with somebody every day. It helps me some, but I don't know if it will work for you."

"I guess I should think about what I've got to be thankful for. I'm in school, I've got great friends, medicines to make my condition easier to manage, and I get along great with all of my teachers. The three of you have accepted me even knowing what I am, and that's something I never expected. Of course, the fact that the three of you are working so hard on the animagus charm because of me is more than I ever imagined anyone would do."

"We're just hoping it will actually be useful for us to turn into animals. James is really sure that we'll be able to keep you from hurting yourself so much. He's also thinking that we might be able to run around in the woods and explore the area a bit."

"We'll have to be careful about that. Whatever happens, you guys will need to make sure I don't run off and bite someone. As far as keeping me from hurting myself, I don't know if it will work or not. It will be great if it does, as long as I don't hurt any of you."

"We'll do the best we can. I just thought of something that might help you a little with the way you're feeling. You could get Professor Dumbledore to take you to the cemetery. If nothing else, you would get to talk to him, and he's always got advice. You know he'd probably agree to it." suggested Sirius.

"I'm sure he would, and I might do that. I don't really know if it would help, but I have been thinking about that same thing for a few days. I've actually spent a few evenings with him, and he's given me some advice, but mostly what he's said is that it takes time. Everyone goes through grief a bit differently, and it can't be rushed. What he's said makes sense to me, and it sounds like he's had some experience with it. I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing he's lost someone really close to him."

"That's probably true. You know someone his age is likely to have lost some friends or family during his life."

"Yeah, that's what I think too. I just thought of something, if your parents don't want you to come home for the holidays, why aren't you going to the Potters' house? I'm sure they wouldn't mind you being there."

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind either, but I'm staying here for a couple of reasons. James is supposed to talk to his parents about me moving in with them, and I thought it might go better if he does that himself. If they'll let me, I intend to move in permanently- I'll go home one more time to get my things, then I'm leaving for good. The other reason I'm staying is that I just guessed you might like some company."

"I appreciate that. The holidays will be more fun with you here."

Remus' supposition about the holidays was proven correct. While nothing could replace Christmas at home, he did have fun with Sirius. They explored the castle a little, spent some time outside, and did a lot of talking. Though Remus had known Sirius for four years, he learned a lot about his friend during the holidays. Neither of them had solutions to the others' problems, but both were glad to have someone to talk to that could understand how they were feeling.

On Christmas Eve, Remus and Professor Dumbledore went to Mrs. Lupin's grave. They stood silently for a few moments, then Remus conjured a bouquet of pink roses. He looked around for a vase, but couldn't find one. Professor Dumbledore realized the problem, picked up a large stone that lay exposed in the snow and transfigured it into a vase. Remus placed the flowers in it, then positioned the vase as securely as he could against the headstone. Professor Dumbledore touched Remus gently on the shoulder, then said

"I'm going to walk over there" pointing to a section of the cemetery about 100 feet away "to look at those graves and give you some privacy. Take your time, but when you're ready to leave, join me."

Remus thanked him, and after he'd walked away, Remus knelt in the snow in front of his mother's headstone. He ran a gloved finger over the letters of her name, realizing this was the closest thing to contact he'd ever have with her again. He stared at the granite for a moment, then decided to talk. He knew his mom couldn't really hear him, but the idea of telling her everything that had happened, the plans that had been made and how he was dealing with it all was just too strong to resist. Perhaps most importantly to him, and it would have been to her as well, was the assurance he gave that he knew he would be okay. Somehow, saying it aloud helped strengthen his belief in the truth of the words.

After he'd finished, he rose then walked over to Professor Dumbledore. His pace was quickened by the fact that the knees of his pants were soaked from the melting snow. Once he assured Professor Dumbledore that he was ready to leave, they returned to school.

When Remus got out of bed at 10:00 a.m. on Christmas morning, he wasn't expecting any gifts. To his surprise, there were two packages with his name on them under the tree. He gathered them up then sat in one of the chairs near the fire. Sirius was sitting across from him in the other chair, with three packages of his own.

"Did your parents send you something, Sirius?" he asked.

"Yeah, they did. I got one from Uncle Alphard, and one from the Potters too. Who are yours from?"

"The Potters, and this one is from Professor Dumbledore, I think. I need to read the note." he replied, opening the envelope and unfolding the stiff parchment inside. He then read aloud

"Remus,

Your mother realized this spring that she might not live much longer. Naturally she did not know everything that would happen, but she wanted to make sure you got something for Christmas. She asked that part of the money she gave me be spent on Christmas gifts for you each year you are here after her death. She didn't leave instructions as far as what I should buy, she just told me to follow my instincts. I hope the gift I chose this year is one you will like and be able to use.

Sincerely,

Professor Dumbledore"

Remus opened the box, not sure what to expect. He lifted out a thick leather bound journal, a new steel gray quill and a bottle of ink.

"This is really nice. I wonder what made him chose it?" Remus wondered aloud.

"He probably thought you'd be interested in writing a lot. I'm sure you'll find a use for it. Kinda neat that your mom left you a Christmas gift fund, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. But that's the kind of thing she would do. She always tried so hard to make everyone happy. So what have you got?"

Sirius picked up the package from his Uncle Alphard and opened it. Inside were two muggle magazines about motorcycles, and a metal replica of one that was about nine inches long.

"This is cool. Uncle Alphard always knows what to get me. I think I'll put it on the table by my bed."

"Is that the kind of motorcycle you want to buy later? I remember you said you hope to get one."

"Yeah it is the same kind. This is just to look at, it's a replica. But the real ones look the same, just bigger and of course they're fast. It makes me glad I didn't go home- my parents would have had a fit over this. The only way I could have kept it would be to make sure they didn't see it. Since it came here, I'll just pack it in my school trunk, and they'll never know."

He set it aside and they each opened the package from James' family. Each of them got a large tin of Mrs. Potters' homemade fudge. While they nibbled on it, Sirius opened his last package- the gift from his parents. It was, as he expected, a generic gift that they obviously didn't care whether he liked or not. They had given him a fruitcake. Though he chuckled about the gift, the pain of their obvious snub was apparent in his eyes for a moment. He closed the box and put it aside, promising to give it to the school elves to either eat or throw away.

The remaining days of the holiday passed pleasantly. They spent some time studying in preparation for the new term, and Sirius taught Remus the spell to change him back from his animal form. Then Sirius spent a little time practicing his transformation


	14. A New Beginning

Author's Note: In this chapter and those that follow it, we see Remus begin to heal from the trauma he's been through. His life is not perfect, and he certainly doesn't forget about his mother's death or his father's behavior. However, he does begin to enjoy life a bit more and he continues to focus on his studies.

* * *

When the holidays were over, James brought good news to Sirius. James had talked to his parents about Sirius moving in with them, and they had agreed to it. He could move in as soon as school was over for the year. James had also brought with him a very special Christmas gift he'd received- his father's invisibility cloak. It had been in the family for many generations and Mr. Potter felt it was time to pass it down to James. James showed them how perfectly it worked, in spite of being extremely old. They also discovered that it would cover James, Sirius and Peter all at one time, as long as they stood carefully. They decided that this cloak would make it much easier for them to sneak out on full moons- it could be left in the "shrieking shack" as the little cottage had become known, and they could pick it up on their way back to school in the mornings.

Once the new term began, time seemed to pick up speed. As the dreary, cold days of winter were replaced by sunshine and warm spring breezes, the four of them often studied outside of the castle. To Remus' pleasant surprise, Lily would occasionally join them. She didn't do it often, because she really didn't like James, Remus was happy to be around her anytime he could. He had developed a very strong crush on her, but he felt sure it was best he kept his feelings to himself. Though he'd never asked a healer about girls, he felt sure that it would be a bad idea for him to get involved with anyone; the chance of infecting them just seemed too great in his mind. So, he enjoyed the fact that she was a close friend and kept the rest to himself. However, these feelings, along with his grief, were giving him plenty of material for the journal that Professor Dumbledore had bought him for Christmas.

Soon it was April, and the five of them seemed to spend every moment studying for upcoming tests. One day as they were huddled in a corner of the common room, a first year student brought a note addressed to Remus from Professor Dumbledore. Remus thanked him, and opened the note. The headmaster had written that he needed to speak to Remus soon about a personal matter. So Remus left his notes with his friends and made his way to Professor Dumbledore's office. Once inside, he took the seat Professor Dumbledore indicated across the desk from him, and waited.

Professor Dumbledore then told him

"Thank you for coming so quickly, Remus. I have a few things I need to tell you. First, I have tried several times to contact your father, as I promised you I would, to speak with him about you returning home. He has only spoken to me once, and though he listened to what I said, he made it very clear with his words and his body language that he has not changed his mind about what he said. He is, unfortunately, not willing to let you return home. Therefore, I visited with James Potter's parents about taking you in, and even though Sirius Black has also asked to move in with them, they have agreed to accept you into their household. I did not reveal to them your condition, and I did not give them all the details of your situation. I told them that your mother had died after a long illness, and that your dad, in a fit of anger, had thrown you out. They did not question that explanation, and I don't think we will have a problem explaining your absences for the two full moons this summer. I will endeavor to come up with plausible excuses for each of them, and I will bring you here to the campus so that we can handle it the same way we usually do."

"It's a relief that they agreed to take me and didn't question your explanation. Thank you, sir, for all you've done to help me with this. I have a feeling that I may need to stay with the Potters for longer than just this summer."

"Why do you feel that way?"

"Because from what you've said, and my own feelings, I doubt my dad is likely to change his mind anytime soon. I know I am struggling to heal from the hurt he caused me, and I imagine he is holding on to the anger he feels toward me, and struggling to heal from the grief of losing mom. I'm trying to forgive him, but I'm having a hard time with it."

"You may be right. It's never easy to heal from losing a loved one, and it does take a lot of time. If he is holding on to the anger, that will only make it harder for him. As for your feelings, healing is going to be difficult because what he did and said was not an accident…it was deliberate. As I told you that day, forgiving him may be the hardest thing you ever do. When someone we love, someone we trust from birth to love and care for us, harms us deliberately, it goes against what we are taught to believe and expect. This is the kind of situation that takes a long time to repair. Sometimes, the damage can't be mended. If both parties can't acknowledge what was said and done and try to talk about it, there's no way to move past it. Ideally, if he could apologize, and admit that he hurt you…maybe even acknowledge he was wrong to say the things he did, then you might be better able to forgive him, and the two of you might be able to build a new relationship. It might always be rough, because you would be hesitant to trust him, but at least you would be able to talk to each other. However, many people simply can't, or won't admit they were wrong, and often, the injured party can't forgive an injury like that- the wound is just too deep. Only you will know if you can; I didn't really expect you to do it this quickly though…it may take a long time."

"I'm glad to hear you say that, because I was afraid I had let you down by not being able to forgive him yet."

"No, you haven't let me down. It's normal to feel the way you do. These things can take a lot of time. But even if you can't ever forgive him, you won't be letting me down, because I know you tried. Now, the other thing I needed to talk to you about is your belongings and your supplies for next year. I will store your belongings here over the summer if you'd like, but I want you to go through them and make a list of what you have, and indicate what you're taking with you, so it will be easier to keep up with everything. Also, before the term ends, I want you to go through your supplies and let me know what you have, including your clothes, so that we can determine what you need for next year."

"Okay, I will do that…but is it okay if I wait until the weekend to do it, since I know that will take quite a while?"

"That's fine with me…I just wanted to make sure you knew it needed to be done. Now that we have that settled, I'm sure you need to get back to your studies."

"Yes sir, I do. I will be here Saturday morning after breakfast."

"Okay. I will see you then."

Remus returned to the common room and resumed his studies with his friends. He told them about his new living arrangements, and both James and Sirius were excited that the three of them would be together all summer.

Saturday morning, as promised, he went to the headmaster's office after breakfast. He spent about three hours completely unpacking the bags that he had left in Professor Dumbledore's care. He listed every item in the bags on a long roll of parchment, then indicated which items he would be bringing with him to the Potters' home for the summer. He repacked the bags so that one bag held everything he was taking with him, and the other held everything else. He promised to inventory his school supplies and clothes just before term ended so the count would be accurate.

The remaining weeks of school proved as hectic and nerve-wracking as they always were. Peter was soon in his usual state of panic over his final exams, and constantly wanted someone to drill him on the material to be covered. Sirius, Remus, and James took turns helping him as they studied for the exams.

A couple of days before they left school for the summer, they received their exam grades- all five of them had passed every exam. Even Peter managed to narrowly scrape passing grades on his tests. This year, the Quidditch cup had gone to Ravenclaw, so when the House Cup was awarded to Gryffindor, it was a little consolation to them.

The trip to London was, as usual, full of plans for the summer. James was very excited about having both Sirius and Remus living with him for the summer, and had a long list of things he wanted to do. Peter promised to try to persuade his parents to let visit during the summer, but he was not sure how much luck he would have.

When they arrived at King's Cross Station, the reality of living somewhere else, of possibly never returning to the house he'd grown to love, sank in for Remus in a more tangible way than it had before. For the first time since he'd begun attending Hogwarts, neither of his parents was there to greet him. He followed James to the luggage compartment where the two of them claimed their trunks and worked together to load them on trolleys. Sirius was going to his parents' home first to gather a few of his belongings and let them know he was moving out…he would then join James and Remus at the Potters' home.

They said goodbye to Sirius and Peter, then pushed the trolleys to where James' parents were waiting. James greeted them affectionately, and let them know about Sirius' plan to go home for a couple of days to get his stuff before he came to their house. Mr. Potter then shook hands with Remus, and Mrs. Potter hugged him, welcoming him to their home as she did so. The four of them then joined hands and apparated home.

Once they arrived, Mr. Potter told Remus he could choose between using the spare bedroom and sleeping in the den, and Sirius could have whichever room was left. Remus chose the den, giving them the reason of liking books a lot and that the den felt almost like a library; the real reason for his choice, however, was the den afforded him more privacy to tend his wounds after the full moons. Mr. Potter agreed to that arrangement, and told Remus there was a spare bed in the attic he could use, if he and James would help him get it out of storage.

The boys agreed, and after they'd been home for a couple of hours, the three of them climbed into the attic and retrieved the bed. They rearranged the furniture that was in the room, and then Mr. Potter then guided them in setting up the bed. Once that was complete, Remus took the linens Mrs. Potter brought to him and made up his new bed.

Remus discovered he settled into the Potters' home far easier than he had expected. The Potters treated him much as they did James, and Mrs. Potter reminded him very much of his own mother in many ways.

After only three days, Sirius showed up in the fireplace, backpack slung over his shoulder and holding the handle of his school trunk in the other hand. He stepped out into the den, set down his stuff, and dusted the soot off his clothes.

"Hey guys. Well, it's over. My parents don't want me back, and I don't intend to go back. If I never see that bloody house again, it will be fine with me. After the arguments we had in the last three days, I'm surprised they didn't pack for me."

"Obviously everything went pretty much like you expected it to." said Remus.

"Yeah, it did. It would have been great if they'd changed their opinions, but if anything, it's gotten worse. They mentioned these rumors about some wizard that shares their views about muggles and muggleborns and is supposed to be planning to change things. I'm glad to be away from them, and pleased to say I got my most important belongings."

"That's good. I'm surprised they let you take them." said James.

"They didn't exactly _let_ me- I just took them. I did most of my packing at night, and I buried a lot of the stuff I didn't want them to know I was taking in with my school stuff. They didn't go through my things when I got ready to leave, so it will probably be awhile before they realize what I took. It's all my stuff, though mom probably won't be happy about me taking the money from the bank that was on my dresser…but that's just too bad. I kinda got the last laugh on them though…I left a couple of muggle posters behind, particularly one of a couple of girls in bikinis, and I put a permanent sticking charm on them."

"Your mom will be _thrilled _over that." said James sarcastically.

"She'll get over it- or not. I really don't care. She said she never wants to lay eyes on me again, so it's not as if she's gonna come see me to scream at me over that."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Now that you're here, do you want to go ahead and put your stuff in the spare bedroom? We need to let mom and dad know you're here too." said James.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. Can you help me with my trunk?"

James and Remus took the trunk so that Sirius could carry his backpack without dropping it. Then they spent a few minutes visiting with Mr. and Mrs. Potter, and then returned to the den to play chess.

The first few days after Sirius' arrival were spent staying up late and sleeping late. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were quite relaxed about bedtimes, so the boys were allowed to stay up as late and sleep as late as they wished. James' parents only asked that they be quiet late at night so that they could sleep and so the neighbors' were not disturbed.

They had been out of school for a week when they received their report cards. All three of them had passed every class with good marks, mostly O's and E's. In the envelope with Remus' report card was a small, shiny silver badge with the Gryffindor lion and the word "Prefect" on it. There was also a letter congratulating him on being selected for the honor of being a prefect and explaining his duties. He was also informed of a meeting that would be held on the Hogwarts Express to further explain his duties and answer any questions he or the other prefects may have. James and Sirius, along with the Potters, congratulated him on this accomplishment. The boys teased him a little bit, but he knew they were happy for him.

After a few days of simply enjoying being lazy, the three of them started thinking of what they wanted to do with the remainder of their summer. James was itching to get in some quidditch practice, especially since Sirius had his broom. Sirius had asked James to bring it home with him over the Christmas holidays, and it had been kept in James' bedroom since then. They spent some time almost every day flying, and after a little coaxing, even managed to get Remus on Mr. Potter's old broom. It wasn't very fast, but it allowed them to go through a few drills that would have been difficult with only two players.

When it was too hot to play outside or they just weren't in the mood for quidditch, they spent a lot of time playing chess. They had all improved in the last couple of years, and were very equally matched. It was not unusual for a match to last an hour, if both players were really trying.

James and Sirius also used their lack of a bedtime to work on the animagus charm. Since Sirius had taught Remus the spell to reverse it, both he and James could change at the same time. This allowed them to practice communicating, something they knew they needed to work on. The three of them would gather in the den after dinner, and once they were sure Mr. and Mrs. Potter were asleep, James and Sirius would transform. They soon worked out ways to communicate using gestures and soft sounds. After a couple of weeks of this, they started increasing the time they spent as animals, sometimes staying up most of the night.

Summer was not all fun and games for them. They did have homework, and the teachers had assigned more of it this year than any previous summer. However, the reason behind it was no mystery- the upcoming school year was the year they would take their OWL exams. These exams determined what classes they would be able to take in their final two years at Hogwarts and influenced which careers they could pursue.

So in spite of a little grumbling and procrastinating, by early July they had begun spending an hour or so most days working on their assignments. Working together, for small amounts of time each day made it a little easier for them to get the work done without interfering with their other summer activities.

The full moons that summer fell in early July and early August. Both times, Professor Dumbledore picked Remus up in the morning and gave the Potters' an excuse for his extended absence. They accepted his explanations without question, for which Remus was very grateful.

About two weeks before summer was over, Peter was able to spend a weekend with them. He had spent much of the summer dropping hints about wanting to visit, and finally they had agreed to let him stay overnight.

He arrived just before noon on Saturday morning, accompanied by his mother. While the adults talked, Peter, James, Sirius and Remus gathered in the corner of the living room and began to catch up.

"Hey guys! Sorry I haven't been able to visit before now. We've been busy…I'll tell you more about that later."

"Okay. We were wondering if you'd be able to make it this summer. Sirius got here just a few days after school was out, so we've all three been here this whole summer." said James.

"What have you guys been doing?" asked Peter.

"We've practiced quidditch, played a lot of chess, spent some time in the pool, and of course worked on our homework. We've got our assignments nearly finished." said Sirius.

"I went to visit some of my cousins for a couple of weeks, then the others for a couple of weeks after that. Then we went to France for about a month, and we've been back home for a couple of weeks. I've only managed to get a little of my homework done…will you guys help me with it?" Peter asked.

"Sure. And we should still have time to do some fun stuff too." said Remus.

Just then, Peter's mom spoke to him.

"Behave while you're here. You can stay up as late as you want, but don't give the Potters any trouble. I'll be back to pick you up around 5 p.m. tomorrow…that will give you most of the day. Have fun."

"I will. Thanks for letting me come over here, Mom. And thank you, Mrs. Potter for inviting me to spend the weekend."

"You're welcome, dear." said Mrs. Potter.

"You're welcome, son. I'll see you tomorrow." said his mom.

Mrs. Potter then followed Mrs. Pettigrew to the door and told her goodbye. Once the door shut, the four boys went to the den to talk in private. They sat down around the coffee table on which the chessboard and some of their textbooks had been placed and Peter began to explain further about his summer.

"I didn't really want to go to visit my cousins. We don't have much in common anymore, and I tried to convince mom and dad to let me visit you guys while they went to visit them, but they wouldn't let me. They wanted to see their siblings, and told me they thought that maybe things would be better for me this year. They were wrong; nothing has changed. Don't get me wrong, it's not terrible- my cousins don't tease me or do anything to hurt me, but we just don't have anything in common. I either spend time with them and listen to them talk about their schools- the guys go to Durmstrang and the girls go to Beauxbatons- or I go somewhere alone and kill time that way. Either way, it's not as much fun as being with you guys. France wasn't too bad; we've been there before, but it's been a while. We spent time on the beach, went shopping, and went to some other sights- the Eiffel tower, the Louvre, Versailles, and a couple of other places that I don't know exactly how to pronounce their names. I took pictures, but haven't developed the film yet…I should have it done before we go back to school. Once we got back, I started hinting about wanting to come here- I've probably been bugging them, but sometimes that's the only way to get them to listen. At least something I did worked."

"Yeah, apparently it did. Sorry to hear your summer was boring, but at least it's almost over. Aside from what we told you about earlier, we've been working on the animagus charm more. For the last couple of weeks, we've spent most of several nights in our animal forms. Remus knows how to turn us back if we have trouble, but now we've gotten good enough at it that we hardly ever have a problem. We've also started communicating some…we can't talk, of course, but we're using gestures and other sounds to communicate." said Sirius.

"Don't the Potters hear you when you make noises?" asked Peter

"No, we usually wait until really late at night, and they sleep soundly enough they don't even notice. They don't come in here during the night because they know we can take care of pretty much anything we need to now. We always change back into our human forms before daylight, though, so there's practically no chance of them seeing us. We have even slept a little as animals too, but we sleep more after we change back." explained James.

"Can you guys show me tonight what you've learned? Maybe I can manage to practice a little bit too. I don't have the chance to practice during the summer, because I don't have anyone at home that can help me if I can't change back. So this will be the first time I've done it since we left Hogwarts."

"I'm sure you'll do okay. We will show you what we've learned and help you if we need to. At least with school starting soon, you will be able to practice more." said Sirius.

"Since it will be a while before we can do any of that, would you guys like to go swimming?" asked James.

"Sure." the other three responded.

They then changed into their swim trunks and headed outside to the pool. James detoured to the living room to let his parents know they were going to use the pool, then joined his friends a moment later.

Remus was thankful for the fact that the Potters did not feel the need to supervise the four boys too closely. They trusted them not to do anything stupid, and to alert them if an accident happened. This meant that they didn't come outside to watch them, and Remus had not had to worry about coming up with an excuse for why he had so many scars on his body. When he had first visited James in the summer, they had used the excuse of him being scratched by a cat. But at that time, his scars weren't quite as numerous as they were now- he was, after all three years younger at the time than he was now, and so they accepted his reason. However, he was sure that a similar reason would not work now, and he didn't want to have to come up with another reason, and he knew he could not tell them the truth.

He brushed these thoughts aside, and jumped into the pool with his friends. They spent at least two hours playing in the pool- swimming, diving, and of course, having a cannonball contest, which to their surprise, Peter won. He then told them that was one thing he had been able to do at his cousins' houses…both places had pools and he'd had a chance to make good use of them.

Once they were all tired of swimming and their skin was shriveled like prunes, they got out, dried off, and went back inside. The pool was connected to the den by a walkway, so they went directly back to where their clothes were. James changed quickly and let his parents know they were back inside. A few minutes later, the other boys returned their towels to the bathroom, and Mrs. Potter asked them to choose between a couple of options for dinner. They agreed that hamburgers and fries sounded good to them, and she told them dinner would be ready in about an hour.

They spent the time before dinner and immediately afterward playing chess. After about three matches, they decided to do a little homework before they had the chance to work on their animagus charm. Between the four of them, they proofread Peter's work, and helped him finish about half of the remainder. When Mr. and Mrs. Potter went to bed, they continued working for about an hour, then Sirius went quietly to the bathroom and listened to see if they were asleep. Both of them were snoring, so he felt sure they were asleep for the night. He told the others this when he returned, and they moved the coffee table and its contents out of the way, then they transformed. Peter wanted to know for sure that Remus wouldn't have trouble changing him back, so he asked him to show him. Peter changed, and after a couple of minutes, Remus changed him back. Content that he wouldn't be stuck as a rat, he changed back, and then watched as James and Sirius showed him some of the gestures that they used to communicate. Both of them could point to something with a foot, or in James' case, with his antlers as well. They could also indicate yes or no to something using their heads. After passing a couple of hours this way, they began showing him some of the sounds they made. Sirius could growl, of course, to show that he was about to attack something, which they had told Remus they would use to indicate that they needed to catch him. They had also told him that a bark (which he didn't do at night because of the volume) would be used as a way of telling the others where he was. James could produce a couple of different snorting sounds that could be used to indicate trouble, and a different, louder sound that could be used to locate him. Peter, unfortunately, could not make any sounds other than squeaks. He could vary the speed or the volume, but even with his best effort, he wasn't very loud. He could, however, use his paws to point, and gesture with his head, much like James and Sirius could.

As Remus watched and listened to his friends, his amazement was renewed at the lengths to which they were going just so they could spend time with him and explore Hogwarts' grounds. He would never have guessed five years ago that anyone would be willing to risk being caught performing magic illegally, hurt, bitten, or even possibly killed if they went somewhere they shouldn't, just because of him. If he'd ever had any doubt that his friends were real, loyal friends, this project of theirs would have certainly eliminated it.

The three of them spent most of the night as animals, and to everyone's surprise, including his own, Peter didn't have any trouble returning to his human form. He'd expressed concern previously that he wasn't sure he would be able to do so after being in animal form for several hours.

The four boys then snuggled into their sleeping bags and fell asleep quickly. They didn't get up the next morning until nearly 11 a.m., when Remus was awakened by Mrs. Potter moving around in the kitchen as she prepared coffee. After he got up, he put his sleeping bag away, then got dressed. Though he was trying to be quiet, he made just enough noise that soon James awoke, and their whispered conversation woke Sirius and Peter. Once all four of them were up and dressed, they went into the kitchen where Mrs. Potter was now preparing breakfast.

After they ate, they got out the brooms they could find- luckily there was a spare that had been hidden in the attic, which meant they had enough for all four of them. They then went outside to practice quidditch. Having four players enabled them to try different ideas, which pleased James. They played for couple of hours, then went inside for a snack and decided to play chess for a while.

Soon it was almost 5 p.m., so Peter packed his things back into the backpack he'd carried them in, and they talked as they waited for his mom to arrive. As he left, they told him goodbye, and that they would see him on the train.

The remaining two weeks of summer passed very quickly, and soon they were boarding the Hogwarts Express for their trip to school. As he was now a school prefect, Remus did not have the opportunity to sit with his friends as he usually did. He had a meeting to attend on the train, and then had to patrol the train to keep an eye on any mischief that went on. The one bright spot in this situation for him was that Lily Evans had been chosen as the girl prefect for Gryffindor.

Once the train arrived at Hogsmeade station, the prefects had to help make sure the first year students made it to Hagrid, and that no one or their luggage was left behind on the train. After that was accomplished, the pair of them, along with two of the other prefects got into a carriage for the ride up to the castle.


	15. Doubts

Author's Note: Though Remus has been through a lot of trauma, which he is at this point healing from, he is still growing up. He sees the changes in his friends' lives and questions what the future may hold for him.

* * *

He joined his friends in the Great Hall in time to watch the first year students file in for the sorting ceremony. One girl, who had a long braid of bright red hair and wore glasses, was watching Remus so intently that she almost walked into the girl in front of her. Remus couldn't help wondering what she was thinking and why she was looking at him that way.

Sirius, who was sitting across the table from him and had noticed the girl's behavior, teased Remus.

"Looks like you've got a girlfriend."

"Oh please…she was probably just staring at the scar on my face. Or maybe I've got something on my shirt."

"I don't think so, Remus. That didn't look like staring, but more like admiring. I bet she thinks you're good looking."

"If she does, then she needs new glasses. Now be quiet so I can hear the sorting ceremony."

Even though Remus had blown off the girl's behavior, he found himself thinking that she was pretty, and wondering what she might look like in a few years. Though he'd told himself many times over the last year that he shouldn't even think about dating, it didn't stop him from appreciating a pretty girl when he saw one.

He focused on the sorting ceremony in time to hear her name- Holly Williams- and hear that she was placed in Gryffindor house. She took a seat at the end of the table near the girl she'd nearly walked into, and the two faced the front of the hall to watch the last few students be sorted.

After the ceremony was over, Professor Dumbledore made his usual welcome speech and announcements, then the feast began. Remus ate quickly, because he knew he needed to be ready when it was time for him and Lily to lead the first year students to the dorms.

Once the feast was finished and all of his other duties finally completed, Remus climbed the stairs to his own dorm, glad to be able to get ready for bed. As he and his friends were changing into their pajamas, Sirius said

"We're going to join you tomorrow night."

It took Remus a second to remember that the next night was the first full moon of the school year. He then asked

"Do you really think it's a good idea to try this so early in the year? All the prefects will be working hard the first few days to try to make a good impression on the teachers."

"You've forgotten about James' invisibility cloak, I guess. It's big enough for the three of us. If we use it- and we will- they won't see us."

"I didn't forget about it, I just wasn't sure if he'd brought it to school. I guess that will work. Just be careful, I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"We won't. If you try to do anything you shouldn't, we'll stop you."

"I hope you're right about that. I need to get in bed now- tomorrow's gonna be a long day."

He climbed into bed and pulled the curtains closed around him. As he lie there trying to fall asleep, he thought about the next night, and wondered if his friends' plan would work.

The following day went by so quickly it seemed to have ended before it began. Remus followed his usual routine of having dinner with the headmaster, then being escorted to the "whomping willow" tree. Though he could now perform the charm to immobilize the tree on his own, Professor Dumbledore still preferred to escort him, in case anything went wrong.

A few minutes after he made it into the cottage, he transformed. He would not know if his friends had visited him until after he returned to normal the next day.

After his usual eight-hour stay in the hospital wing, he went to the dorms to stow the supplies Madam Pomfrey had provided him to care for this month's wounds. James, Sirius and Peter were waiting for him there, as they had done most months since learning of his condition. Once he had assured them he was okay, and in fact had fewer wounds than usual, Sirius launched into an account of their visit.

"I know you don't remember us being with you, but we managed to sneak in just after 9 p.m. and we stayed with you until about 1:30 a.m. James' cloak is really good for hiding us- no one noticed a thing. We walked within about three feet of a couple of prefects and they couldn't tell we were there. I think our presence might have helped you some, because when we first got there, you were restless- pacing and clawing at the walls, but after a little while you calmed down. You even slept a little bit."

"Tell him specifically _how _he slept, Sirius." interjected James.

"I laid down on the floor and curled up, then you sniffed me a bit and curled up behind me, with your head on my back. You slept for about three hours that way. It wasn't anything weird, like James is trying to make it seem. I think you just responded to the way I smelled. Since I was a dog, I probably smelled familiar or something, and you were comfortable with it. I didn't mind, and I'm glad you were able to sleep." explained Sirius.

"I did feel more rested this morning than I usually do, so I'm glad that part worked out so well. How did you keep me from clawing myself? I didn't bite or scratch any of you, did I?" asked Remus.

"No, you didn't. I'm not sure exactly why you didn't claw yourself. We didn't do anything that I can say for sure stopped you. You seemed curious about us, maybe puzzled by us being there, and you sniffed us all, but you didn't hurt any of us. It seemed more like our presence calmed you somehow." said Sirius.

"Did you guys get enough sleep to do okay in your classes? I don't want anyone failing because of me."

"We did okay…we were in bed by about 1:45 a.m., and asleep very soon after that. So we got about five hours sleep. We were a little drowsy, but it wasn't too bad. We took turns taking notes for class, but were also hoping you'd share the notes the teachers give you with us. I don't really think one day a month of being a little bit off is gonna cause any of us to fail; our grades are all pretty good right now and if we keep studying the way we usually do, I don't think it will be a problem." said James.

"Hopefully you're right. I will share my notes with you, but if the full moon falls the night before a test, I want you guys to stay here and study. The teachers let me take my test later on, but they won't do that for you unless you have a good reason."

"We thought about that, and agree that any time there is a test right after the full moon, we'll have to visit you for a shorter time or not at all, but I don't think that will happen often." agreed James.

"You're probably right. Even though I have a few other questions, I'm also hungry, so let's go to the Great Hall for dinner, and I'll ask you the rest later." said Remus.

They agreed and went downstairs for their evening meal. Remus would later find out the answer to a question that he'd had since they first chose their animal forms- how big James and Sirius were in comparison to his werewolf form. They revealed to him that when he was changed, he gained almost a foot in height, so Sirius was a bit over half his size when he was on all fours. James, however, was bigger when he changed- nearly three quarters the size of Remus' werewolf form. This put his mind at ease a bit; since they were that large, he felt more confident that they would be able to handle him, should the need arise.

He was pleased with the success of his friends' plans to help him, and most months their presence did result in fewer wounds on his body, and less exhaustion when his transformation was over.

Though Remus' life was in less turmoil this year than it had been the previous year, as time passed, he found himself feeling a bit isolated from his friends, in spite of the time they spent together.

James, who had always been somewhat arrogant, had grown worse this year since he had been appointed captain of the quidditch team. This attitude was not improved by the fact that so many of the fans adored him, and treated him like a celebrity.

Sirius had begun to change as well. Over the last year, he'd grown several inches, and his voice, which had been changing since spring had finally settled during the summer. As a result of this, he had quite a few girls vying for his attention, and he did his best to accommodate them…he had a date almost every weekend.

Only Peter seemed not to have changed much. He'd gone through many of the same changes they all had- he'd grown a bit, though he was still shorter and heavier than they all were and his voice had changed somewhat. But in many ways he was still the same average guy he'd been, who followed James and Sirius around like a little puppy everywhere they went.

Even Lily had changed a bit over the summer. She was beautiful as always, and had begun dressing a bit differently on weekends. Her usual look of blue jeans and t-shirts with a long braid was often replaced by casual dresses or skirts, her red hair loose and softly curled. He was not surprised that she was dating, and like Sirius, had a date most weekends.

Seeing his friends' successes caused Remus to wonder about his own life. In the last couple of years, he had resigned himself to the idea of being single, so he believed he would never have a family. He knew that his condition would also likely make it difficult for him to get, and keep a job. After all, if his dad could be fired simply for having a son that was a werewolf, why should he, the werewolf, expect any better treatment? Even if he hid his condition, no one would be fooled for long- a few months of him being absent on the full moon would be enough to arouse suspicion in even the most forgiving wizard or witch.

He considered the idea of talking to James and Sirius about his feelings, but realized that would be a bad idea. Though he knew they would encourage him, they wouldn't have any solutions to his problems, because there weren't any easy answers. He knew his worries about the future couldn't be addressed so far ahead of time- after all, it would be years before he needed to get a job. His feelings about his friends, and he had to admit more than a little of it was jealousy, were something only he could resolve. He knew his friends' behavior was normal; they were just growing up, not trying to hurt him.

So he decided the best thing he could do was put the journal Professor Dumbledore had bought him for Christmas the previous year to good use. There was still almost half of it left, so there was plenty of space to write. He knew from prior experience that writing his feelings out on paper often made him feel better, even if it didn't solve his problems.

One Sunday afternoon in late November, after listening to James entertain a group of students with details of the previous day's quidditch match, Remus decided to go to the library to study for an upcoming Charms test. He scanned the common room to see if perhaps Sirius or Peter might want to join him, but he didn't see Sirius, and Peter was in the crowd of students gathered around James, paying rapt attention to every word James said. He didn't see Lily either, and hoped he might be lucky enough to find her in the library. On his way to the dorm to gather his books, he saw Sirius in a corner, snuggling with a pretty, brunette girl from their year.

When he arrived in the library, he sought out his favorite table near the back. He found it was occupied- by Lily, who to his surprise, was alone. He tapped her gently on the shoulder and asked

"Mind if I join you?"

"No, of course not. Have a seat. What are you studying for?"

"The Charms test that is coming up at the end of the week. How about you?"

"The same one, and I'm finishing up the essay for Potions class. It's due this week too."

"I finished that Friday. If you want, I'll look over yours for you."

"Thanks, I'd appreciate that." she said.

"No problem."

There was a long pause as Remus got his books spread out on the table and Lily moved her things around so that they would both have enough space to work. When she spoke again, there was concern in her voice.

"I know we haven't spent as much time together as we usually do, but I have been watching you, and you seem to be worrying over something, or trying to figure something out. Would you like to talk about it?"

He thought for a moment about it, and decided if there was anyone he could trust to be compassionate and maybe have some ideas that might help him, it was Lily. So he told her

"Actually, I would like to talk about it, if you have time. I've got a lot on my mind and could use an opinion."

"I've always got time for you, Remus. You're one of my best friends. What's on your mind?"

"I've been thinking a lot about my future lately. With the teachers reminding us about our OWLs every few days, it's hard not to think about it. But I wonder if I should really try to make plans, if there's any reason to believe that I'll have a future in normal wizard society. I know my grades are decent, but to be honest, I can't imagine anyone hiring me; and even if they did, sooner or later they'd figure out the nature of my condition and fire me. It reminds me of what my dad said about how it would have been better for me to have stayed home and taken care of mom or for me to leave and live with my own kind. I wonder sometimes if he was right."

"No, Remus, I don't think he was right, and you don't need to believe that either. You are one of the most intelligent people I know. There must be options available for you; they just might not be obvious. It might be difficult for you to get a job- I'm sure it probably will, but you shouldn't give up before you even try. As far as living among 'your kind', it's a foolish idea…something your dad probably said just to hurt you. You don't belong with them."

"Don't I though? I'm the same as they are."

"Only because you change form each month. You are a caring, decent young man, Remus. You are **not **like them. You wouldn't hurt anyone or anything deliberately; many of them do. Just think of your own story- you could never do that. You belong exactly where you are- at school, with your friends who care about you, learning what you need to prepare for your future." she said firmly.

"I guess you might be right, but what if you're not? What if I can't get a job? I'll just end up being a burden on society, or living off whatever I can find."

"No, you won't…if you can't get a job, or have trouble keeping a job, I'm sure one of your friends will help you- I know I certainly would. But I'm sure if you talk to Professor Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall when they do career counseling in the spring, they will have some ideas for you…things you or I might not know about or think of right now."

"I hope you're right about that, and even though I appreciate the idea of you helping me, I hope I never have to take you up on it. As far as the guys helping me- I'm not so sure…things between us just seem different this year." he said

"Different how?"

"Well, James' ego has gotten worse since he was made quidditch captain. He's always got his fans around him, and that certainly doesn't help any. Sirius seems to be attracting the attention of every girl in school. I know it's just growing up, and they aren't behaving that way to hurt me, but I feel left out because I know I can never have those things. I'm not an athlete- and not really interested in being one, and I know I can't have a relationship with a girl either."

"I have to say I agree that they're just being typical guys…they aren't trying to be mean to you. But you say you can't be in a relationship with a girl…are you sure? Have you asked a healer about this?"

"No, but if biting someone can infect them, I'm sure kissing probably could too. It's not a risk I'm willing to take, even if someone were interested. But there aren't exactly dozens of girls interested in me anyway. I'm not much to look at and don't have anything to offer."

"I have to disagree with you there, Remus. You're not bad looking at all…sure, you have a few scars, but they don't take away from your bright blue eyes and warm smile. I'm sure I'm not the only girl who sees those things." she said, smiling at him.

"I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, Lily, but I think you might be saying that just because you're my friend." he said

"No, I'm really not. I do really see you that way. But you have more to offer a girl than just good looks. Aside from being kind and intelligent, you're thoughtful, creative and more mature than most guys your age. For that matter, you're more mature than some guys older than you. I also suspect you're one of those guys that understands girls- you know how to listen and learn what a girl likes and wants. You could probably have a girlfriend very easily."

"Hmm…maybe, but it's just not a risk I'm willing to take. I don't want to have to deal with the guilt of accidentally infecting someone…that's why I isolate myself. Even though being single is lonely, it's better than guilt."

"I'm sure that's true, but I think you really need to see a healer about this. You might be surprised at the answer."

"I can't afford to right now…and I'd be embarrassed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the school would pay for a visit just to ask them about that. If I have to go later for another reason, I'll ask."

"I hope you do; you need to know for sure about these things. You're a great guy, Remus, and you deserve a happy life. You deserve to have someone in your life that loves you and that you love. I believe someday that will be possible."

"I hope you're right. Thank you for helping me, for listening to me grumble and complain…you always know how to encourage me when I need it. I appreciate that I can count on you whenever I have a problem. We may not always solve it, but you always make me feel better."

"I don't mind at all…that's what friends are for."

"That reminds me, I promised I'd look at your essay. I've spent enough time talking about myself…we've both got work to do."

She handed him her essay, which he proofread. After that was done, they spent another hour studying for the Charms test.

As the remaining weeks before the Christmas holidays sped by, Remus kept Lily's advice and assurances close to his heart. Whenever he felt down, they served as a reminder that she believed in him, and wanted to see him have a bright future.

Soon it was the Christmas holidays, and the castle was abuzz with students making plans. Remus had not heard from his father, which did not surprise him. He had received a letter from the Potters inviting him to come to their home for Christmas, and he had accepted their invitation as soon as he'd seen that there would not be a full moon during the break. He was excited to be going, since he would be joined by Sirius and, of course, James.

The day before he left school, Professor Dumbledore escorted him to the cemetery, as Remus had requested. As he had done the previous year, he spent a few minutes talking, then conjured flowers and left them propped against her headstone. When they returned to school, Professor Dumbledore gave him the Christmas gift he'd selected for him. It was a book, but it was not a journal- it was a book of advice for teenagers who had questions they didn't feel comfortable discussing with their parents. It surprised him that the headmaster had chosen that particular book- it seemed almost as if he knew some of the things that were bothering Remus. He thanked Professor Dumbledore for it, and tucked it into his trunk to read whenever he had time.

Christmas at the Potters' home was warm and festive. They seemed as glad to have Remus and Sirius there as they were to have James at home. On the second day of their holiday, the boys spent the day helping Mr. and Mrs. Potter decorate the Christmas tree. It was a rather large tree, about seven feet tall, that Mr. Potter had bought from a nearby tree farm and had delivered the day before the boys arrived. James climbed into the attic and pulled out boxes of beautiful, delicate glass ornaments, some of which had belonged to his grandparents. In place of shiny garland, Mrs. Potter wanted red velvet ribbons and bows on the tree, and they decided they wanted a few fairies on the tree as well. That evening, Mr. Potter helped them locate a few fairies in some bushes in the backyard, then he showed them how to capture them without hurting them. They placed the fairies on the tree, where they would remain until Christmas day, when they would be returned to the area where they'd been found.

The holidays also provided them with the time and opportunity to discuss the uses for their animagus abilities and make plans for when they returned to school. The night after Christmas, they were in the den, listening to the wireless, when James said

"I've been wondering if, now that we've been spending time with Remus in the cottage for a while, we might be able to handle him away from it."

"I don't know. He gets pretty big, but there's no way to guess how fast he is. Maybe between the two of us, we could do it. Why are you wondering?" asked Sirius.

"Because I'm curious about exploring the school grounds, and some of the area around Hogsmeade. I know we'd have to be careful; we talked about that when we first came up with this idea, but I still would like to try."

"Why are you so interested in exploring the school grounds? If we pass our classes, we'll be finished in two and a half years." said Remus.

"We can have a lot of fun during that time if we know our way around school better. I just wish there was a way to make a really good map of what we find….but I don't draw very well." said James.

"I'm sure there's a way. People who make maps have spells that help them in different ways, we just have to try to find out what they use. We could probably find something like that in the library." offered Sirius.

"If we try this, would you be willing to go along with it, Remus? I know you can't make a decision when you're transformed, so I thought I'd ask you now. If you aren't comfortable with it, we won't try to lead you out of the cottage. But if you want to try, we will." said James.

"I guess it would be okay as long as you make sure I don't hurt anyone." said Remus.

"We will. I know how important it is to you to be safe. I wouldn't let you hurt anyone if I could stop it, and neither would Sirius." assured James.

"Then I say we try it. When is the next full moon? I know I should know this, but I'm not sure." asked Sirius.

"The night after we return to Hogwarts." answered Remus.

"I guess we'll start then. We need to do some reading on mapmaking as soon as possible." suggested Sirius.

They spent much of the remainder of the holidays looking through the books in the Potters' library. However, they found nothing helpful.


	16. The Birth of the Marauders

One day in late January, the four of them went to the library to do research for an essay for Transfiguration class that was due soon. As Remus and Sirius were searching for books for their papers, James came across a couple of books that dealt with printmaking. One of the books contained spells that would reveal the occupants of a building and their movements.

He showed these to the guys who agreed that these spells would be useful on their map, because they would enable them to see if a teacher or prefect was in the area. A separate spell would allow the user to wipe the map clean with the tap of a wand and some carefully chosen words. James copied the pages then tucked them into his cloak pocket.

That weekend, the four of them spent most of Saturday working on the map. They began by copying the most detailed drawing of Hogwarts they could find. Then Sirius, James and Peter helped Remus fill in the details of the area they had explored earlier that month. Though the map was not complete- they would add to it any time they discovered something new- they cast the spells on it that James had copied in the library, then decided it needed a name.

"The Top Secret Map of Hogwarts" offered Peter

"Maybe, or how about The Mischief Maker's Map of Hogwarts?" added James

"The Student's Most Complete Map of Hogwarts?" suggested Remus.

"I like the idea James had, but maybe shorten it. What about The Mischief Maker's Map?" asked Sirius.

"Or, I like the sound of this one: The Marauder's Map. It makes it sound a little more mysterious, I think." said James.

"Yeah, I like that one." agreed Peter.

"Sure, that sounds good." said Remus.

"Fine with me." added Sirius.

"Okay, that's what we'll use: The Marauder's Map. We should sign it, but with nicknames so if we ever forget to clear it, no one will know who it belongs to." suggested James.

"We could base our nicknames on our animagus forms. No one would easily guess those if we choose carefully." said Sirius

"I could be Moony- no one except the few of you who know I'm a werewolf would guess that." offered Remus.

"That sounds good." said Sirius.

"Since I turn into a stag, how about Prongs?" asked James.

"That fits, because your antlers are your biggest feature." replied Peter.

"Sirius, you turn into a dog, so how about maybe Scamp or Scruffy?" asked Remus

"Those are okay, but I was thinking since I have big feet as a dog, maybe Padfoot." answered Sirius

"Now we just need to figure out something for Peter. Any ideas?" asked Remus

"How about Squeaky? Or Squeakers?" offered James.

"No, those sound too silly. I know I turn into a rat, but there has to be something else I can use." protested Peter.

"Maybe Whiskers?" suggested Sirius.

"No- definitely not. That sounds like a name a little girl would give to her kitten." replied Peter.

"Honestly, a rat doesn't have a lot of distinguishing features. You don't have spots or stripes, you have beady eyes and a long bald tail. There's not much here to work with." said James.

"You mentioned his tail- how about Longtail or Wormtail?" suggested Remus.

"I kinda like Wormtail. It's weird, but easy to remember. I think I'll go with that one." said Peter.

So the "Marauders" signed their new nicknames to their map. They also began using those nicknames in public when they wanted to say things others wouldn't understand.

In the week before a full moon, the four of them would gather in the dorm or other private spot and plan the area they wanted to explore on the night of the full moon.

During this term, Remus and his friends were all able to take their apparition tests, as the four of them all turned sixteen that spring. All of them passed the tests, though Peter did struggle with his; he'd splinched himself a few times in practice and barely avoided doing the same on the exam.

By early April, they had much more important things on which to concentrate. OWLs were approaching, and the teachers were practically drowning the students with homework. Aside from that was career counseling- a process where, after reading any literature they found interesting, the students met with the head of their house and discussed their options.

Remus was particularly worried about the process. Even though Lily had talked to him a few times during the year about his lack of confidence and helped him realize he shouldn't give up, he still wasn't sure anyone would hire him. Worse than that, he didn't really know what he wanted to do.

When he'd entered Hogwarts, he'd been very interested in being an Auror. But his experience as a prefect this year had made him question whether he was really cut out for that kind of work. After all, he had not been very successful at reigning in James or Sirius when their pranks and bullying was going on. He reprimanded other students without problem, but never could really stand up to his friends.

Aside from that, the only other career that appealed to him was teaching. He loved to read and learn, and as a result of tutoring Peter as much as he had, he'd realized that he liked to see the person he was helping understand what he was learning.

Soon the day came when he was to meet with Professor McGonagall. His appointment was after lunch, so he spent the whole morning fighting with his nerves. When it was time, he made his way to her office, knocked on the door and entered when asked. He sat down across from her and waited as she scanned his record. After a moment, she laid the folder on her desk and spoke.

"Do you have any ideas about what career you would like to pursue after Hogwarts?"

"I'm not really sure, Professor. I was interested in being an Auror, until this year. But now I'm not sure if I've got the personality for it. My year as a prefect has shown me that it's harder to deal with rule-breakers than it sounds. I'm also interested in teaching, but my biggest question is do I really have any chance at getting a job? Do you think anyone would hire me?"

"Those are good questions, and unfortunately I can't answer them for you. I can only say it's possible that someone would hire you. Obviously, you realize that most people are not very tolerant of werewolves. But some are more understanding, and would be willing to give you a chance. You are different from most werewolves because you **want **to live a normal life and don't want to hurt anyone. The fact that you isolate yourself from other people during the full moon would mean a lot to some people, and so would the fact that you've attended school. Not only have you attended, but your grades put you in the top of your class, and you have no disciplinary record. In my opinion, you are a model student and will make a very good employee for someone."

"So you feel I should plan for and pursue a career?"

"Yes, I do. I'd guess there's a decent chance someone will hire you. I would be willing to write a letter of recommendation for you, if you need me to."

"Thanks, Professor. I will probably take you up on that. So how do you think I should proceed? I'm not sure which career I'm more interested in- law enforcement or teaching."

"I can't decide for you- only you know where your interests lit. But if you have strong doubts about either, you should reconsider. I think you may be right about not having the personality for being an Auror. I can't say for certain you couldn't do the job- you're only sixteen, and if you get into the training program, you might find you are a great fit. I also feel that you would make an excellent teacher; I've seen you working with Mr. Pettigrew and you seem to have a natural talent for explaining things to him so that he understands. I think you might consider taking classes for both careers, and you can decide later on."

"Can I do that? How many courses would be involved?"

"Yes, you can. I wouldn't suggest it to just any student, but I believe you can handle the work, even with your monthly absences. The course load is similar for both; for example, potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts are required for both. Looking at your schedule this year, it would be almost the same, but you could drop divination, history of magic, and care of magical creatures, unless those are subjects you want to teach. If you choose to pursue teaching, you will most likely be working as a private tutor for witches and wizards under eleven years old; so your knowledge of those subjects would be sufficient. If you think you might go to a school to teach, you'll need to have plenty of knowledge in the one or two subjects you intend to teach."

"I think I'll plan to follow your advice and study for both. Not only will that give me more time to decide, but if I can't get work in one field, maybe I can in the other."

"That's a possibility too. This is a list of the courses you will have next year. It's not an actual schedule, but you can see what you'll be studying." she said, handing him a sheet of paper.

"This shouldn't be too bad. I think I can do it." he said as he studied the paper.

"I'm sure you can. Now if you don't have any questions, you need to get to your next class."

"I don't have any more questions. Thank you for your help, Professor."

"You're welcome, Remus."

He left her office and went to History of Magic, where, though he paid attention and took notes, he was quite caught up in the feeling of hope that had begun to grow in his heart and mind. Professor McGonagall believed in him as much as Lily did. They both felt he had a real chance at a decent future. The feeling that he had something to look forward to and work for was the best feeling he'd had in a long time, and it wasn't one he would soon forget.

The hopeful feeling kept him in a good mood for the rest of the week, so it was with a little more enthusiasm than usual that he went to the Quidditch match. He didn't always go to the games, but this was the final game of the year, and he felt it would be a good match. Gryffindor was playing Hufflepuff, who had put together a surprisingly strong team this year.

Remus was a bit late getting to the stadium and he had to search for a place to sit on the Gryffindor side. He had hoped to join either Sirius or Lily, but soon discovered they both had dates. Not wanting to be a third wheel, he considered sitting with Peter, but saw that he was standing at the very front, in the most crowded section, and already screaming even though the match had not yet begun. So, Remus found a seat on one of the upper rows, and settled in to enjoy the game.

The game was a good one, lasting almost an hour. He enjoyed himself, and was surprised at how well Hufflepuff played. Every time one team scored, the other team was right behind them. Finally, the Gryffindor seeker caught the snitch, ending the game at a score of 240-90.

The excitement of the weekend was dampened on Monday, when every teacher reminded them that their OWL exams were only a week away. The fifth year students, who had been studying frantically for weeks, now began to truly panic. Aside from the variety of powders, potions and charms available for sale that were supposed to help students perform better on the exams, teachers and prefects also had to deal with students requiring medical attention from lack of sleep.

Though the week seemed twice as long as usual because of the extra stress, Friday finally arrived. That morning Professor McGonagall handed out the examination schedule for the following week.

Remus was pleased to see that the exams for the subjects he found easiest were first, which would give him a bit of extra time to study for the more challenging subjects. After their Defense Against the Dark Arts exam, he intended to study for the upcoming Transfiguration exam, but James and Sirius had other ideas.

The three of them along with Peter, were sitting along the side of the lake in the shade of a large beech tree; Remus was reading a book and James was entertaining Peter by playing with a Snitch he'd gotten somehow.

"Put that away, will you?" said Sirius finally, as James made a fine catch and Wormtail let out a cheer. "Before Wormtail wets himself from excitement."

Wormtail turned slightly pink but James grinned.

"If it bothers you." he said, stuffing the Snitch back in his pocket.

"I'm bored," said Sirius "Wish it was a full moon."

"You might," said Remus darkly from behind his book. "We've still got Transfiguration; if you're bored you could test me…here." He held out his book.

Sirius snorted. "I don't need to look at that rubbish, I know it all."

"This'll liven you up, Padfoot," said James quietly. "Look who it is…"

Sirius' head turned. He became very still, like a dog that has scented a rabbit.

"Excellent," he said softly. "Snivellus."

Snape had put some papers in his bag and was walking across the grounds near them. Sirius and James stood up, and though Remus remained sitting, he was watching the scene closely.

"All right, Snivellus?" said James loudly.

Snape reacted so fast it seemed to Remus that he had been expecting an attack. He dropped his bag, and quickly retrieved his wand from his robe. His wand was halfway into the air when James shouted, "Expelliarmus!"

Snape's wand flew high into the air and fell with a thud in the grass behind him. Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

"Impedimenta!" he said, pointing his wand at Snape, who was knocked off his feet, halfway through a dive toward his own fallen wand.

Students in the area had turned to watch the scuffle; some had gotten up and were edging nearer to watch. Some appeared apprehensive, others amused.

Snape lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, wands up, James glancing over his shoulder at the girls at the water's edge as he went. Wormtail was on his feet now, watching hungrily, edging around Remus to get a clearer view.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" said James.

"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment," said Sirius viciously. "There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."

Quite a few people laughed. Snape tried to get up, but the jinx was still operating on him; he was struggling as though bound by invisible ropes.

"You-wait," he panted, staring up at James with an expression of purest loathing. "You-wait…"

"Wait for what?" said Sirius coolly. "What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"

Snape let out a stream of mixed swearwords and hexes, but since his wand was several feet away, nothing happened.

"Wash out your mouth," said James coldly. "Scourgify!"

Pink soap bubbles streamed from Snape's mouth at once, the froth was covering his lips, making him gag, choking him…

"Leave him ALONE!"

James and Sirius looked around. James' free hand jumped to his hair, ruffling it.

Lily had come over from the water's edge.

"All right, Evans?" said James, the tone of his voice suddenly pleasant, deeper, more mature than it had been a moment ago.

"Leave him alone," she repeated. She looked at James with every sign of great dislike. "What's he done to you?"

"Well," said James, appearing to deliberate the point "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…"

Many of the crowd laughed, Sirius and Wormtail included, but Remus, still watching quietly from his spot under the tree, did not, and neither did Lily.

"You think you're funny," she said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone._"

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James quickly. "Go on…go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid." said Lily.

"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius briskly, turning back to Snape, who'd been forgotten in the exchange between James and Lily. "OY!" he called, but it was too late.

Snape directed his wand straight at James; there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James' face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled and a second later, Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants.

Many people in the small crowd cheered. Sirius, James and Wormtail roared with laughter.

Lily, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though she were going to smile, said "Let him down!"

"Certainly," said James and he jerked his wand upward. Snape fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Disentangling himself from his robes, he got quickly to his feet, wand up, but Sirius said "Petrificus Totalus!" and Snape keeled over again, stiff as a board.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James earnestly.

"Take the curse off him, then!"

James sighed deeply, then turned to Snape and muttered the countercurse.

"There you go," he said, as Snape struggled to his feet again, "you're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus…"

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Lily blinked "Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."

"Apologize to Evans!" James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threateningly at him.

"I don't want you to make him apologize," Lily shouted, rounding on James. "You're as bad as he is…"

"What?" yelped James "I'd NEVER call you a—you know-what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."

She turned on her heel and hurried away.

Remus picked up his books and followed Lily. He caught up to her just inside the castle.

"Lily, are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine." she said, blinking several times and wiping her eyes

"I can't believe he called you such a horrible name. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault Severus has turned into such a jerk. I knew he was changing, I just didn't realize how much, and I never expected him to turn on me, especially since I was trying to help. We've known each other for years, and he's always been decent to me. I was never as close to him as I am to you, but we were friends. Speaking of friends, what James did was mean—why do you stay friends with him?"

"I'll admit James can be a total idiot at times and he is really full of himself, but when you get past that, or when it's just us guys around, he's fairly normal. He's intelligent and funny, and he can be very kind to his friends. But I agree that what he did today was mean, and I will talk to him about it."

"I sincerely hope you can get through to him…he really needs to stop bullying people."

"I agree, and I will try. But in his defense, Snape was reaching for his wand. He was about to do something to James. He starts these incidents almost as often as James and Sirius do. However, James and Sirius did go too far."

"I didn't realize Snape had reached for his wand. But if you disagreed with what he was doing, why didn't you stop it? You are a prefect."

"So are you. But I always have a hard time doing anything to them—they're my friends, and I guess I'm just too afraid of losing that."

Lily sighed "I guess I can understand that, knowing what you've been through. I didn't do anything because, honestly, I was so angry that I forgot about being a prefect. I do think they should lose some points, though."

"I agree—even though I hate to do it because there may not be enough time to make it up. But maybe that will get the point across to them. How much do you think…fifty?"

"Considering what they did, normally I'd say more than that, but accounting for Snape's role in it, that should be enough." said Lily.

"Okay. Fifty points from Gryffindor." said Remus.

Since they were near the Great Hall and there were no other exams in progress, they opened the door just in time to see fifty rubies fly up out of the Gryffindor hourglass.

"I'll tell them about that when I talk to them later." Remus said, then turned his attention back to Lily. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked.

"Yes, Remus, I'm fine. A bit angry at the three of them, but I'm okay."

"Then I'm going back outside, because we have some studying to do, and if Peter doesn't get some help, he'll spend the whole evening bugging us to drill him. But I'll see you later."

"Okay. Thanks for your concern."

"That's what friends are for." he replied, repeating a favorite saying of hers.

He walked back outside and saw that the guys were about halfway between the castle and the lake, coming toward him. He waited for them to catch up, and they went to the dorm together.

"Did you see Snivelly's boxer, Remus?" asked James with a laugh.

"I did; so did about twenty other people. But I don't find it at all funny, James. That was mean…and I took fifty points from you because of it. I don't like it, because now the rest of us will have to make up for you being so juvenile, but I couldn't let that one slide."

"He was going for his wand, Remus. What was I supposed to do, let him hex me?" asked James, clearly irritated.

"You could have defended yourself without going so far. Publicly humiliating him like that was unnecessary. I know you don't like him, but that's no excuse for you and Sirius to behave the way you did today."

"Well, I thought it was funny, and so did a few other people. What did Lily say? I know you must have followed her."

"I did, because of what Snape said. She was definitely not impressed with you. She called Snape a jerk, but said you really need to grow up and stop bullying people. Just because a crowd is cheering you on doesn't mean what you're doing is right."

"Hmph…what does she know? She's just a girl, and a show off at that."

"**Just a girl**? She's a girl you spend about half of your time talking about." said Sirius.

"I can promise you she won't go out with you unless she has reason to believe you've really changed. She doesn't like bullies, and she thinks your ego is seriously out of hand." said Remus.

"Well maybe she's not really my type then." said James.

"Hey, guys, don't we need to study some more for our next test? Or can someone at least help me?" asked Peter nervously.

"Sure, Peter, I'll help you." said Remus, hoping his message to James – or perhaps Lily's words to him at the lake- had sunk in with him.


	17. Sirius' Inheritance

The remaining days of their OWLs were busy and nerve-wracking, but the completion of each exam brought with it a sense of relief. They received their grades several days later, and each of them had passed all of the exams. Remus was pleased to observe that, in spite of the fact that he had taken points and confronted James about the incident with Snape, James did not seem to hold it against him.

A few days before the end of term, Professor Dumbledore called Sirius into his office. When he returned quite some time later, Sirius detailed his visit.

"Professor Dumbledore was telling me that Uncle Alphard died – apparently a couple of months ago and my parents didn't see fit to tell me- and he left me everything he owned, including his house and money. Since he didn't leave anything to anyone else, and he had no wife or children, there's no one that can contest it. I can move in right away if I want."

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Sirius…I know you were very close." said Remus

"Yeah, we were…I'm gonna miss him. It's gonna be weird going to that house and him not being there."

"Are you sure your parents can't interfere with this?" asked James.

"From what Professor Dumbledore told me, they can't. There are only certain circumstances in which a will can be contested, and none of those apply to this…so all they can do is sit back and watch."

"Even though you're not an adult?" asked Remus.

"Apparently age doesn't matter…or maybe there was something he specified in his will that eliminates that from being a problem. I don't think they'd be overly concerned about anything but the money anyway….they have a house, and I don't think they'd want to be bothered with trying to sell that one. I think they probably just see it as a way to be rid of me and know that I won't likely fuss about not getting any of their money...they can leave everything to Regulus now."

"So are you going to move into the house this summer?" asked James.

"I'm not sure. I'd like to, but the last time I was there, it needed a few repairs, and it's likely to need cleaning. Uncle Alphard's house elf died a couple of years ago, and he never got another one. If I can get those things taken care of, might move into it. But there may be too much to do for that to happen."

"I'll help you with the work, if you'd like." said Remus.

"I'm not sure I can do much, but I'll try too, if you want." said James.

"It might be fun to try something like this, if I can manage to convince my parents…" said Peter.

"Okay- we'll see what needs to be done after we've been home a few days. Maybe Peter can meet us at James' house the first weekend of summer break?" suggested Sirius.

"I'll see what I can do." replied Peter.

"Good. Once we see what needs to be done, we can plan what we're going to do and when. James, do you think your parents will be willing to let me continue to stay at your house while I work on mine?" asked Sirius.

"I'm sure they will. They really seem to like having you and Remus living with us." said James.

"That makes me think of something else I wanted to ask. Remus, would you be interested in staying at my house during the full moon? I know how you dislike lying to the Potters, and this house has several empty rooms, any of which you could use."

"That would certainly be easier than making up excuses to leave each month…as long as there aren't any neighbors really close that might get concerned."

"No neighbors to worry about- there are a few neighbors, but they aren't close. They might hear a little, but probably not that much. I don't think it will be a problem." assured Sirius.

"That sounds okay. But I just thought about it- is there a way to keep me from getting to anyone that may be in the house? I wouldn't want to risk hurting anyone."

"I can fit it with a lock like you said your mom used at home, and that should keep you in."

"That would work. So, yeah, if we do that, I'll be glad to stay there." said Remus.

"Good. I thought you would like that idea." said Sirius.

On their last afternoon at school, Professor Dumbledore summoned Remus to his office.

"Good morning, Remus. I wanted to talk to you before you leave for the summer."

"What about sir? Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong. I wanted to let you know that I've tried several times this year to contact your father, and have had no better luck than I did last year. I think it might be best if I just leave him alone for a while. If he later wants to contact you, I'm sure he'll try to reach you here. I hate to say it, but it's possible that, at least for now, he really means what he said to you last year."

"It's quite likely he does. I won't try to lie to you by saying it doesn't bother me, because I prefer to be honest with you. It does bother me, but not as much as it did at first. Everyone around me has been so supportive that much of the hurt is gone. I'm still not sure I can forgive him, but maybe in time I will be able to."

"I'm sure you eventually will- you're just that kind of person, Remus. You tend to give people second chances. But I also have a more practical matter to ask you about. I'm sure the Potters have invited you back to their home for the summer, and I suggest you accept their offer. However, as I know you are aware, you have three full moons to go through this summer. Have you given any thought to how you will explain your absences to them?"

"Actually, Sirius has provided me with the perfect opportunity. The house he has inherited is in need of some repairs, so he and I, and perhaps James and Peter, will go there under the guise of working on the house. They'll lock me up in one of the empty rooms and leave me there until it's over. We'll be over there a lot during the summer, so I don't think they will question it."

"That sounds like a good plan, and a believable story. Just make sure your friends remember to keep themselves safe from you."

"I made them promise they would before I agreed to this idea, so I believe they will."

"Good. I'm sure they will keep their word. I'm guessing you probably need some of your supplies before you leave for the summer. I took the liberty of getting them from Madam Pomfrey for you. I believe this should be enough to last through the summer." he said, placing a bag full of the necessary supplies on the desk.

Remus looked inside the bag, and quickly counted what he saw.

"Yes sir, I'm sure this will be enough."

"I thought it would be. One last thing- I'm still storing some of your belongings. Since it looks like you will not be returning home anytime soon, I thought you might want to move them to the Potters' home, where you would have easier access to them."

"Yes sir, I would. I had planned to ask you that today. I know they are taking up space in your quarters, and I'm sorry I failed to bring them with me over the Christmas holidays. I appreciate you allowing me to leave them here so long."

"It's okay, Remus. I don't mind them being here, but since you have a definite place to stay, I just guessed that you would want them there. I'll make sure they're tagged and make it to the station at Hogsmeade."

"Thank you sir. Was there anything else you needed to tell me?"

"Only that I hope you have an enjoyable summer. You can go back to whatever you need to be doing to be prepared to leave."

"Thank you sir- I hope you have a good summer too."

Remus left the headmaster's office and returned to his dorm to finish packing.

The feast that evening was a good one, dampened only by the fact that Ravenclaw won the House Cup. The worst part was that Gryffindor was behind them by only ten points. Remus felt that James was responsible for this, because on the day of their last final exam, he had been caught using a sticking charm to seal the flaps of a girl's book bag shut. Professor Flitwick had seen him and deducted ten points from Gryffindor. Because of when it had happened, there had been no time to make up the points.

The trip to London the next day was spent trying to plan their summer. However, since they were uncertain about how much work Sirius' new house would require, they could not plan much. When they arrived, James and Sirius helped Remus with his luggage, since he had not only his school trunk, but also the large, heavy duffel bag that had been stored in the headmaster's quarters. They joined James' parents, and the five of them apparated home.

Once they arrived, they unpacked, using the same bedroom arrangement they had the previous summer. That night at dinner, Sirius told the Potters about the house he had inherited.

"It's a nice house- it has three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a living room, kitchen, and basement. I'd like to move into it as soon as I can, but it needs some work. If you don't mind, I'd like to continue to stay with you until I have made whatever repairs might be needed."

"That's fine with us, Sirius. Do you know anything about working on houses?" asked Mr. Potter.

"Not much, sir. I know some mending charms, and a few for cleaning, but I was going to see if you might have some books that would be useful, or if you could teach me anything."

"I'm sure I can teach you a few things. If we encounter something that neither of us knows how to do, we'll see if we can find someone who does know how. If you'd like, I'll go with you whenever you go to look at it, and I can help you figure out what needs to be done."

"That sounds like a great idea. James, Remus and I planned to go tomorrow to do that."

"Sounds good to me. I'll join you."

Mr. Potter then turned his attention to Remus.

"Are you going to be staying with us this summer too?"

"Yes sir, if it's still okay with you."

"Of course it is; we were hoping you would be. We enjoy having you and Sirius around."

"I enjoy staying with your family, Mr. Potter. I really appreciate you allowing me to do so again this summer."

"You're quite welcome, son." said. Mr. Potter.

When dinner was finished, the three boys went to the den and talked for a while.

"Does your dad know much about repairing houses, James?" asked Sirius.

"He knows enough to be able to take care of most maintenance and minor repairs that need to be done around here. He's not an expert, but he'll be able to help us with some things. He'll also be able to point out things that might require more skilled help, if we run across anything like that." replied James.

"Are you expecting it to need a lot of repair work?" asked Remus.

"I'm honestly not sure what to expect. I haven't been there since I was thirteen…and that visit is one my parents don't know about. Mom hasn't allowed me to visit him since my seventh birthday…but that's a long story. Let's just say she didn't like him…she wouldn't let me visit him, and she rarely allowed him to visit me. The only reason I ever saw him at Christmas or my birthday is because he'd show up sometimes and Dad wouldn't turn him away. Dad didn't like him, but he disliked him less than Mom did. But I know a little about the condition of the house from the few things he said in his letters- he wrote me at least a couple of times a month at Hogwarts."

"I guess we'll find out for sure tomorrow." said James.

"How are we gonna explain staying overnight on the nights we need to?" asked Remus.

"What we find tomorrow will have a lot to do with what we can tell them. If the house needs much work, we can simply use that as an excuse. The main thing is that they don't pick up on a pattern, and that they don't think we're throwing wild parties or doing anything we shouldn't." said James.

"That sounds like it will work."

"I'm sure it will. I know it's a little early, but I think I'm gonna go to bed. I want to be able to get up a bit early tomorrow." said Sirius.

James and Remus agreed that some extra sleep was a good idea, and they all turned in for the night.

The next morning, the guys were up by 8:30 a.m. After breakfast, the three of them, accompanied by Mr. Potter traveled by floo network to Sirius' house. They landed in a large, comfortable living room. Sirius walked over to the large window and opened the curtains. After the cloud of dust released by the curtains settled, more of the room was visible. The light revealed a richly upholstered couch, two matching overstuffed chairs, and a low antique coffee table that matched the rich wood of the mantle.

"Sorry about the dust, but the place hasn't been cleaned properly in several years. Uncle Alphard did some things – dishes, cooking, laundry, and such, but I doubt he dusted very often. I figure the rest of the house will be much like this." said Sirius.

He led them into the dining room, which adjoined the living room. As before, he opened the curtains for more light. In the middle of the room stood an oval cherry dining table with six matching chairs. Against the wall was a long side table, placed beneath a tapestry of a foxhunt. When Sirius walked across the room to the tapestry, a certain spot he stepped on squeaked. He then stepped back, lit his wand, and aimed the light at the floor.

"A few of these floorboards look warped." he observed.

Mr. Potter crouched near them, examined them closely, and agreed with Sirius' assessment.

"They've likely gotten wet a few times. The best way to fix the floor will be to replace the boards. But we need to check the roof for leaks. Point your wand at the ceiling so we can see if there are any obvious ones."

Sirius followed Mr. Potter's instructions, and his wandlight revealed a dark stain on the ceiling right above the squeaky floorboards.

"That shows you where the water's coming in at, but you probably will need to get on the roof to check for missing or loose shingles. If you find any, those will need to be replaced. If we can't figure out where the leak is, we may need to get someone else to take a look."

"That sounds good. I'll take a look at the roof later." said Sirius.

Sirius then looked over the rest of the room very closely. He didn't spot any other leaks or damage, but it was obvious Alphard only cleaned what he felt he needed. Some areas of the room had a rather thick layer of dust.

They continued to examine the house, making note of things to be done in each room. The kitchen cabinets had several loose doors; the study had a leak in the roof, which resulted in a large stain on the carpet. Two of the bedrooms and both bathrooms were in good condition, but the third bedroom, which was empty, had obviously been closed for a long time and smelled quite musty. The entire house needed cleaning and painting, and all of Alphard's belongings needed to be handled. Since the boys were all underage to use magic away from school, they would need to enlist Mr. Potter's help with any of the work that required magic. Luckily for them, he enjoyed that kind of work.

Their examination complete, Sirius felt the best place to begin was with the roof leaks and the problems those had caused. Mr. Potter explained to them what to look for and how to make the repairs, then Sirius and Remus went outside to carry out his instructions. While they worked on that, Mr. Potter straightened the floorboards in the living room that were warped.

Once Sirius and Remus finished their repairs on the roof, they rejoined Mr. Potter and James. Mr. Potter then cast a few spells that took care of the loose doors and stained carpet. Though this took care of some of the work, there was enough cleaning left to keep the boys busy for weeks. Sirius also had to decide what to do with his uncle's belongings, which would take quite some time.

They decided to return to the Potters' home to start planning what they would do next and to ask Mrs. Potter for the necessary cleaning supplies for their work. They would begin cleaning the next day.


	18. A Taste of Freedom

The following day, though they slept later than they had planned, they were eager to get started on the work at Sirius' house. There was a lot to be done, and even though none of the boys really liked cleaning, Sirius had promised James and Remus they could stay at his house any time they wanted, which was enough incentive to make them quite willing to help him with any work that was required. Since Remus had more knowledge about cleaning than the other two boys did, he showed them the things he had learned about nonmagical cleaning methods.

After about two hours of working on the living room, they stopped to take a break and admire their progress. By dividing the work between the three of them, they had managed to clean the ceiling, walls, draperies, windows and fireplace. The carpet and furniture still needed to be cleaned, but they were confident they would finish that before the day was over. While they were resting, Sirius decided to show them the one room in the house he had not opened the previous day- his uncle's bedroom. He led them up the stairs into a large bedroom that Remus easily realized reflected what Sirius had told them about his uncle's personality.

The furniture in the room was much like the living room- the bed and chairs in the room were of a dark wood with elegant embroidery and thick cushions; the dresser and nightstand matched the chairs. On the table that stood between the chairs was a hand-cranked phonograph and a stack of muggle records; the nightstand had a stack of muggle magazines on its top. The room was decorated with a mixture of paintings that did not move and a few scattered photographs that did. At first Remus didn't recognize the subject of the photographs, but he stepped closer to the dresser and picked up a photo in a gilded frame; the subject was a small boy with dark eyes and a familiar mischievous smile. As he looked at it, he realized it must be Sirius.

Just then, Sirius reached across the dresser and picked up a pocket watch from a tray that held several other small items. Startled, Remus replaced the photo and said

"Sorry- I didn't mean to snoop…I just wasn't sure who was in this photo."

"Don't worry about it- you weren't snooping. I brought you guys up here to show you this room and everything in it. I'm betting you noticed that was one of the few photos in here that moves. He only has a few of me, and none of the rest of the family. Regulus never liked to come over here, and his other nieces and nephews didn't spend much time with him either. They just couldn't understand him or his opinions." said Sirius.

"That must have been hard for him." said Remus.

"I think it was; he never really said anything about it, and as a kid I didn't think much about it myself. I just knew I liked him and I didn't care what my parents thought about him. I spent time with him anytime they would let me…and a couple of times after I started school that they never knew about. This photo is from my seventh birthday- one of the best- and worst- days I had with him. It was the last time I got to visit him here and my parents knew about it."

"It looks like you were quite happy about something in the photo." observed James, who had come over to where they were standing and looked at the image.

"I was. It was my birthday, and after spending the morning at home with my parents and Regulus, I was allowed to go on an outing with Uncle Alphard. He picked me up that afternoon- he offered to take Regulus, but Regulus didn't want to come. We apparated to the beach, then went to this little restaurant right across the street that made really good hamburgers. After we ate lunch, we played in the sand for a while, then we waded and splashed in the water. When I got tired of that, we went further down the beach to an area where they had some rides set up- we rode the bumper cars, carousel and Ferris wheel. Finally, we were both tired, and it was getting late in the day, so we came here. Of course, he had a gift for me, too…a toy version of a motorcycle. It was about waist high to me then, and it ran off a battery. It was bright red with orange flames. I rode it all over the yard here that day…I don't think I quit until nearly dark. I remember it felt like I was going so fast; I thought it must be just like the real thing. When it was time for him to bring me home, he brought it with us…but mom wouldn't let me keep it." said Sirius.

"Was she afraid you would get hurt?" asked James

"Ha- not hardly. She was not about to let that 'muggle trash' in her house. Dad tried, a little at least, to explain that it was a very expensive toy, and that Alphard wouldn't be able to return it. Even though he didn't care for muggle stuff, he didn't want to be the cause of someone wasting that much money. Money was one thing that was at least as valuable to him, maybe more, than his pure blood status. It didn't matter to mom, though. She didn't care how much it had cost or what he might be able to do with it, it was a muggle toy, and she would not even consider allowing it in her house. So, Uncle Alphard brought it back home, thinking I'd have a chance to come play with it again. But I never did- after that, they wouldn't let me go on an unsupervised visit with him again, and of course he wouldn't bring it out in front of them…we only came here one more time after that anyway. Right after I entered Hogwarts, he sold it. He sent me a letter telling me he was going to do that, and enclosed a photo he'd taken of me riding it that day. He's got a few of me on it around here somewhere. This particular photo is from the beach." explained Sirius.

"Wow, that was really harsh, not that I'm surprised, given what you've said about your mother. How did he manage to give you some of the other muggle gifts you got later on?" asked Remus.

"He would sneak them to me. The Christmas after this incident, he stayed away- he just felt it was for the best. After that, he'd send me a gift with a normal wizard toy, or something he knew they wouldn't be too suspicious of, and if there was a muggle toy, it would be hidden somewhere else in the package. I made a habit of being careful when I opened gifts from him, and of sitting away from my parents if possible so that they wouldn't see inside the package. Once I started going to Hogwarts, he would just send my stuff here. I could hide it in my trunk and they'd never know about it. They never bothered looking in my trunk, so anything I put in there was safe."

"I guessed it might have been something like that- I knew he'd found some way to get things to you. It's sad that they kept you two apart so much, but at least you managed to work out a way around their objections." said Remus.

"Yeah, I did, and I don't regret doing it, even though it meant lying to my parents. Uncle Alphard was a special person, and I'm glad I got to know him. I've got some other things I want to show you guys too, if they're still here." explained Sirius.

He looked around on the dresser, and on the tray that had held the pocket watch, he found a silver signet ring. Sirius picked it up, then held out it and the watch to show them.

"This was my grandpa's watch. Uncle Alphard got it because he was grandpa's favorite. He told me several years ago that he wanted me to have it. He convinced my mom that he'd lost it so that she wouldn't try to get it for Regulus. The ring had been a gift from his mother on his seventeenth birthday. He wore it until a few years ago; then he gained a bit of weight and it wouldn't fit anymore. But he had planned to give it to me for my seventeenth birthday, that's why it's still here. Even though I'm not fond of some members of my family, he felt I should have a few keepsakes to remember others by."

He then picked up the money that was lying on the tray and counted it aloud.

"One pound, five shillings and two pence in muggle money; five galleons, three sickles and two knuts in wizard money…I bet he'd been to London recently." Sirius guessed.

"Why do you say that?" asked James.

"Because of the muggle money. He probably had done some shopping there and this was his change from a purchase. It's not enough to buy much on its own, but he probably didn't take time to exchange it for our money. He liked to shop in London for a lot of different kinds of things, and I'm guessing he was either tired or in a hurry when he came back and that's why he didn't exchange this for our money."

Now that Sirius was caught up in the memories and mementoes his Uncle Alphard had left him, he began cleaning off the dresser. It took them almost an hour, because even though James and Remus picked up a few things, Sirius needed to look at each object before deciding what to do with it. Most of the stuff was just common papers and everyday objects, but there were a few other small treasures that Sirius found. Aside from the ring and watch, he found a pair of cufflinks and the photo of James, Remus and Peter that Sirius had taken during third year and sent to his uncle.

Once the dresser was mostly clean, they decided they were ready to return to the Potters' house. After dinner that evening, James, Sirius and Remus spent some time in the den, playing chess, when Remus reminded them that the full moon was in two days.

"Do you think your parents would let us stay overnight at Sirius' house that night?" asked Remus.

"I'm sure they probably will, if we present it to them the right way. As long as we make sure they understand we aren't planning anything wild, I don't think it will be a problem." replied James.

"Since your dad saw how much work needs to be done over there, I don't think he'll question it too much." said Sirius.

"When we finish this match, let's go talk to them." suggested Remus.

A few minutes later, they went into the living room, and thanks to Sirius expressing interest in being able to work on the house more, along with James' assurance that they would not get into any mischief, the Potters agreed they could spend the night. Mrs. Potter was a bit concerned at first that they wouldn't eat well, and then Remus reminded her that he could cook well enough to feed them.

On the day of the full moon, they packed the things they needed, including a big basket of food from Mrs. Potter's kitchen, and used the floo network to get to Sirius' house by noon. Though they spent some time working, they had also brought along a wireless set, and a few other things to amuse themselves. About an hour before dark, Sirius showed Remus the bedroom he intended for Remus to use overnight.

"Are you sure you want me in here? I know it's an empty room, but what if I damage something?" Remus asked.

"Don't worry about it…if you do, we'll repair it. I don't mind."

"Wouldn't it maybe be better to put me in the basement?" asked Remus

"No, it wouldn't. There's more stuff down there than there is in this room. But most importantly, you're my friend, and I am not gonna lock you in the basement…not as long as I have another option."

"Okay, if you're sure this is what you want." said Remus.

"I'm sure. And just so you know, this bedroom has access to the spare bathroom through this door." he said, showing Remus a door that led to the bathroom.

"I'll put my supplies in there so I can get to them easily when morning comes."

"That sounds like a good idea." said Sirius.

They went back downstairs to the kitchen and made a quick, light dinner for the three of them. As soon as Remus finished eating, he and Sirius went back to the empty room. Once Remus was inside, Sirius slid home the lock he'd installed on the outside of the door. Remus noticed the closet as he entered the room, and thought of how he used the closet in the shack at school to store a spare set of clothes. He decided that since he couldn't use magic to repair the clothes he was wearing, to strip and put his clothes in there so that they wouldn't be damaged during his transformation. He had just enough time to accomplish this before the moon began its ascent and his transformation began.

The next morning when he returned to his human form, it was a couple of minutes before he remembered where he was, and why he was nude. After a moment, his memory cleared, and he recognized Sirius' spare room and recalled putting his clothing in the closet. He sat up, stretched gingerly, then began examining himself. He had a few new wounds on his chest, but luckily, that was all. A glance around the room revealed a long, jagged claw mark in the wallpaper on the wall across from where he sat. He hoped Sirius would not be upset over it…he had told Remus it didn't matter if he damaged anything, but Remus would be concerned until he showed it to him. He then rose, went into the bathroom and tended his wounds. Once this was finished, he put on his underwear and t-shirt, then gathered his pillow and blanket so he could rest for a while. He curled up on the floor and drifted off to sleep.

Remus was awakened several hours later by the sound of voices. Apparently, Sirius and James were trying to decide if they should check on him. After a moment, Sirius opened the door a crack, and upon seeing Remus awake and sitting up in the floor, he and James came into the room.

"How are you feeling, Remus?" Sirius asked.

"Hungry, and sore, but I've been asleep for a while, so I'm not as tired as I am usually. I didn't keep you guys awake all night, did I?"

"No. We stayed up late, but it was because we wanted to…we sat up talking and listening to the wireless for quite a while. We finally went to bed around 2 a.m. But we slept fine when we did go to bed. We were wishing we could change into our animal forms and keep you company, but we know we can't do that." said James.

"No, you can't…I don't want you to risk getting caught. I'm glad you were able to sleep." said Remus. Then he looked over at the torn wallpaper, and showed Sirius.

"I was afraid I'd damage something…look at this." said Remus

"It's no big deal- we can fix it later. I'm honestly not sure I want to keep this particular wallpaper anyway. Don't worry about it." replied Sirius.

"Okay…as long as it's no big deal to you. Do you guys want something to eat? I'm hungry." asked Remus.

"Yeah, I'm hungry. We were just talking about lunch…that's what made us think we needed to check on you. We know you usually come from the hospital wing around lunch time or a bit after, so we guessed you might be ready to get out of here and eat." said Sirius.

"You're right. Let's go see what we can come up with for lunch." replied Remus.

They went downstairs and the three of them worked together to prepare lunch. After they ate, they decided to tackle really cleaning the kitchen. They had finished the living room the first day they worked on their own, and had spent the days since then working on the bedrooms. Sirius was eager to get his uncle's bedroom clean enough for him to use, and they had finally succeeded the previous day. There were still a lot of things he needed to sort and decide what he was going to do with them, but the bed, dresser, and closet were clean enough to use.

After spending about three hours working in the kitchen, it was practically spotless. Every surface shone like new, and the cabinets were organized. When they took a break, James glanced at his watch and reminded them that his parents would be expecting them back that evening. So they gathered the belongings they intended to bring back with them and used the floo network to return to the Potters' home.

Over the next several weeks, they split their time between Sirius' house and the Potters' home. They took several days off to just have fun and enjoy their summer, but they also worked on the homework they'd been assigned. Their report cards had arrived the week after they left school, and they had all three received passing grades in all of their classes.

Near the end of July, James received a letter from Peter asking if he could come for an overnight visit. He had managed to convince his parents that he should be allowed to visit if for no other reason than because his friends could help him with his homework, which of course he was struggling to complete. They had agreed, so he only needed to secure the Potters' permission for the visit. James' parents agreed that Peter could come over whenever he was allowed, and he arrived the next day. The boys spent much of that afternoon at the Potters' house, but since Peter had not had the opportunity to visit Sirius' house, they got permission from the Potters to spend the night and much of the next day there.

After showing Peter around the house, and pointing out how much progress they'd made on cleaning, the four of them brought their schoolbooks and sleeping bags into the living room. They decided they would sleep there, since it was a large room, much like the Potters' den. Since the day was blisteringly hot, they decided to spend at least a couple of hours working on their homework.

"How far have you gotten on the homework, Peter?" asked Remus.

"I got the work done in History of Magic, and I've done the reading for Potions and Defense against the Dark Arts, but I haven't done the essays for those classes, and I haven't done the reading for Charms or Transfiguration." Peter replied.

"It's a good thing you've still got five weeks left before school starts, then. We can help you with the essays, and proofread the work you've finished, but only you can do the reading assignments. You can't do the other essays until you do the reading." said Remus.

"I know. I will start on the reading assignments when I go home, and hopefully have them done, and the essays done before the ride back to school. If possible, I'd like to come over here one more time this summer so you guys could help me finish up." said Peter.

"That would be fine, but you really need to get used to doing things like this for yourself. After all, when we graduate, I'm not gonna be around to check your work behind you at whatever job you may get." said Remus.

"I know that, and I am trying to do better." Peter explained.

"Well, let's see what we can do." said Remus, stacking his own books on the table.

Peter pulled the work he'd completed from his bag and handed it to Remus, along with his partially finished essays. Sirius and James turned their attention to proofreading each other's work. They worked on homework until early evening, when they decided they were ready to prepare dinner. Since the basket of food they had brought from Mrs. Potter's kitchen contained some hot dogs, chips and soft drinks, they decided to roast the hot dogs over a fire in the fireplace.

They listened to the wireless while they ate, and afterwards they played chess and spent several hours looking at the immense collection of muggle books and magazines Alphard had left behind. His interests had apparently been quite varied, as he had literature on topics ranging from cars and motorcycles (which Remus suspected he planned to send to Sirius) to music and history.

Sometime after midnight, they unrolled their sleeping bags and went to sleep. The next morning, they slept until nearly 10 a.m.. After a quick, light breakfast, they decided to return to James' house because they were not sure when Peter's mother would return for him.

Once they arrived, they decided to spend some time outside. They swam for a while, then James and Sirius talked Peter and Remus into playing Quidditch. In spite of Peter's dislike for flying, he was willing to play the keeper position. After about an hour, they went back inside, and set up the chess set. As they were playing, the conversation turned to their plans for the remainder of the summer, and the new school year.

"I know I told you guys before school was over that you could come over anytime, and that I thought the house would be ready to move into by the end of summer, but I don't think that's gonna be such a good idea. The house will be clean before summer is over, I'm sure, but since none of us is of age to do magic away from school, there are a lot of things we wouldn't be able to do for ourselves. We can't produce fire to cook or to have a fire in the fireplace, we can't use magic to clean…we have to use muggle stuff or come up with other ways to do what we need. So I think it's best if I just continue to live with James' family for the summer, and we'll be able to put this place to good use next year. But I am going to move anything I don't need all the time over here, so that when school is out next year, it will be easier to finish up moving in." said Sirius.

"I wondered if you had thought of those things earlier, when you were talking about moving in here. We could probably get away with an occasional spell to light a fire, but if we do very much magic away from adults, the Ministry is sure to know about it. I definitely think it's better to just stay with the Potters until you're of age." agreed Remus.

"I hadn't thought of those things either, but I agree with you both…so many things are hard to accomplish without magic. You don't really think about how much you use magic for every day until you're in a situation where you can't do that. So, if you aren't gonna move in this summer, what are we gonna do with the weeks we have left of vacation?" asked James.

"I thought I would continue to clean the rooms that need it, and sort through the stuff I haven't yet, and then move my extra stuff in here a bit at a time. Doing it slowly will give me a chance to organize it all…not that it will necessarily stay organized." Sirius said with a laugh.

"Are you gonna come here for the Christmas holidays?" asked Peter

"I don't know, I haven't thought that far ahead yet." replied James.

"I haven't been thinking about the holidays yet, but I am concerned about whether or not I'll be able to handle the courses Professor McGonagall told me I'd be taking. When she first showed me the list of classes, I didn't think it would be too bad, but I'm getting nervous about it." said Remus.

"I think you're worrying over nothing, Remus. Professor McGonagall wouldn't have suggested you study for two career paths if she didn't think you could handle the work. I'm sure you'll do fine." said James.

"Yeah, you're one of the best students in our year. I'm sure it will be a lot of work, but you'll do great. You just might not have as much free time as you have in past years." offered Sirius.

"If he doesn't have much free time, who's gonna help me study?" asked Peter

"One of us will help you. But you need to start studying better on your own…you aren't likely to have someone that can help you so much when you start working somewhere." said James.

"I know, and I plan to do better this year. But I always get so nervous and confused when I'm studying for tests. I just don't feel very sure of myself …I don't think I know the material to pass the tests." explained Peter.

"If you get in a habit of reading the material yourself, doing the homework early so you don't have to rush, and rereading your work, you'll understand more, and then tests won't bother you so much. I think what causes you to get nervous is when you don't know the answer to one question, you start doubting everything you do know, and you second-guess yourself. So instead of answering with what you really believe to be right, you question it and give some other answer…and that just makes the problem worse. If you do what I suggest, then review a bit each week, by the time a test is announced, you'll feel more sure that you know the material and you'll do better." said Remus.

"I'd never thought of it that way, but you might be right." replied Peter.

"So are you ready to go back to school, Sirius? James?" asked Remus.

"I am. There's a cute girl in Hufflepuff that I noticed last year and I'm hoping to ask her out this year. I'd just seen her at the end of last year, and there was a rumor that she had a boyfriend. I don't know if it was true or not. But maybe she'll be free this year." said Sirius.

"So you're looking forward to going back just because you might get to ask this girl out?" asked James with a chuckle.

"Yes, I am. What are you laughing about? It's not as if you haven't been thinking about a girl…how many times have we heard you talk about Lily Evans this summer?" asked Sirius.

"More than I care to count." replied Remus.

"I haven't really been that annoying have I? Besides, the reason I'm really looking forward to going back is Quidditch." said James defensively.

"You might make someone believe that, but it won't be me. And yes, you have been annoying." said Sirius.

"Well, I have just been trying to figure out how to act around her to get her to go out with me." explained James.

"I already told you, an 'act' won't get you anywhere with Lily. If you can't be yourself, and be sincere, don't bother. Lily's very bright, and she dislikes a liar as much as she dislikes bullies. If you can't really change your behavior, then you're wasting your time." said Remus.

"He's right, James. I don't know Lily very well, but I have noticed her enough to realize she's very smart. And I know from what other girls say that bullying other kids doesn't impress anyone." Sirius agreed.

"Maybe you just haven't found a girl with a sense of humor." said James.

"It's not that, the girls I've dated can appreciate a joke or a harmless prank occasionally. But some of the things you've- we've- done recently were actually mean, and there's nothing funny about that. Besides, we are sixteen, we'll be adults in a few months, it's time we start showing more maturity." said Sirius.

"I guess you're right. I'll try to give the kids a break. But Snape- he's a special case- I make no promises about him." James said reluctantly.

"Even with him, you should be careful not to start anything. Defend yourself if needed, but don't be the one to start it. Just out of curiosity, why are you suddenly so interested in Lily?" asked Remus.

"For one thing, she's beautiful- she's probably the prettiest girl at Hogwarts. She's smart too, and I realized I don't mind so much if she's better in class than I am. I've listened to you talk about her, and I want to get to know her better. Unless of course, you were going to ask her out." said James.

When James said that, Remus realized he'd never said anything to his friends about that part of his life. He'd never had a conversation with them like he'd had with Lily the previous year. So he decided now was the time to talk about it.

"No, James, I'm not going to ask her out. But she is a very dear friend to me, so I'd appreciate it if you treat her well. Your question brings up something I wanted to tell the three of you. I don't plan to date anyone. I like girls, Lily included, and there are several others that I think are especially pretty and smart. But I don't think it would be safe for me to get involved with someone. I don't know if a person can be infected by kissing, and it's not a risk I'm willing to take." explained Remus.

"Isn't there some way you could find out? Would the healers at St. Mungo's know?" asked Peter.

"I don't know if they would or not. I'm one of very few werewolves who have tried to live a normal life and not infect anyone. I don't know if they have had a way to find out. But I do plan to try to see them soon." said Remus.

"I really think you should. At least that way, if the information is available, you'll have an answer. If you don't mind me asking, why are you telling us this?" asked James.

"Because you're my friends and because I know the question of why I'm not dating would cross your minds at some point. Knowing you and Sirius, you'd probably even try to set me up with someone. Giving you this information now will spare us all some embarrassment." replied Remus.

"You're probably right there, because it's quite possible we would have tried that. In fact I thought about it last year. Now that I know this, I will respect your wishes." Sirius responded.

"Same here. But as far as what I was saying about Lily, I realize an 'act' won't work, but how should I approach her? What should I do?" asked James.

"I'd say try to get to know her. You're gonna need to do this slowly, because she has a bad impression of you right now, especially after that incident with Snape last year. It won't be easy to convince her you've changed, especially just on your word…she will need time to see that you really have changed. Once she does, she'll be more willing to spend time with you; you might try studying together, or just talking to her before classes at first. After that, if you ask her on a date, she might accept. The hardest part will be making sure she sees the change in your behavior as sincere, not just something you're doing for her benefit. The best approach is to just behave better whether she's around or not, that way it's more real." said Remus.

"That makes sense to me, even though it will take a lot of effort. What do you think, Sirius?" asked James.

"It sounds good to me too. Remus knows Lily better than any of us, so of course he understands her better. I'm sure his suggestion is a good one." Sirius confirmed.

"Talking about school reminded me of something- I need to get in touch with Professor Dumbledore and make the arrangements for my school supplies and uniforms. I'll also need to see if the school will pay for a visit to St. Mungo's. Do you guys mind if I light a fire and use the floo network to go see him?" asked Remus.

"Of course not, go ahead." said James.

Remus lit a fire, then used floo powder to travel to Professor Dumbledore's office. Fortunately, the headmaster was in and did not have visitors. Remus brushed the soot off himself, then cleaned up the floor. As he was doing this Professor Dumbledore spoke to him.

"Hello Remus. Is everything okay? I'm surprised to see you."

"I'm sorry to drop in on you unannounced, and everything's fine. But I realized I needed to speak to you about the arrangements for my school supplies." said Remus.

"Your arrangements from last year are still in place. All you need to do is go to the shops you normally use, select your supplies and identify yourself to the clerk. Everything will be billed to the school, as before. I'm guessing you'll need new uniforms this year too- it looks like you've grown a little since last year, and maybe put on a little weight. Mrs. Potter must be feeding you three pretty well."

"Yes sir, she certainly is. She cooks as well as my own mother did, and it seems like she feeds us every time she sees us. She seems to think I'm far too thin. I just tell her I'm that way because I'm so tall. She believes me, I think. Neither she nor Mr. Potter seem to have figured out the true nature of my condition."

"That's good. I'm guessing you've been using Sirius' house as a place to go for your transformations this summer?"

"Yes sir. The house was in good shape, except for a few minor repairs, which Mr. Potter helped us with, and some cleaning. The cleaning is mostly finished now, but Sirius' uncle left a lot of stuff behind to be sorted, and that is going to take a while. My only regret about transforming there is that I damaged the spare room I've been using- I made a rather large tear in the wallpaper on one wall. He said it was no big deal, but I wish I had been able to repair it."

"If he's not in a hurry to repair it, you can mend it next summer. But if he wants it repaired now, I could perhaps drop by and take care of it."

"Thanks for offering to help, but he said he would repair it next year, so I think it will be okay until then."

"You're welcome. I'm guessing there's more you wanted to discuss with me than this, though."

"Yes sir, actually, there is. I was wondering if it would be possible for the school to pay for me to see the healers at St. Mungo's?"

"Are you hurt or sick?"

"No sir. It's silly, now that I'm talking to you about it. I just wanted to ask them some questions about my condition."

"There's no reason to feel silly about asking questions. Obviously, you feel you need this information, or you wouldn't have thought of asking them. Do you mind telling me what you want to ask?"

Remus thought for a moment about backing out, saying he'd changed his mind. But he'd come this far, and in some ways, Professor Dumbledore was like a father to him. He had certainly risked embarrassment several times on Remus' behalf. He decided to tell him what he wanted to find out.

"Well, sir, I wanted to see what they could tell me about girls. I want to know how risky it would be for me to get involved romantically with a girl."

"I knew this would come up eventually. I don't have an answer for you; I had thought that perhaps your question would be one I could answer myself…not that I don't want you to see the healers, but if I had an answer, you would have had some information, at least. But yes, the school will pay for a visit for that. I'm betting the healers will have some questions for you as well."

"I'm sure they will. I haven't seen a healer since I was twelve. One of the times mom went in, they wanted to examine me too. I wasn't sick, but because of my condition, they wanted to gather some information. When I was young, they were keeping close watch on my growth because after I was bitten, I lost some weight and seemed to be growing more slowly than they felt I should have been. I think I've mostly made up for that now, but I'm sure they will want to ask a bunch of questions."

"I'm sure they will, and they will give you their opinions and any advice you need. I wish you had told me earlier that they were watching you, we would have made arrangements for you to go each year."

"I didn't really give it much thought. Mom had planned to take me before I started fourth year, but she was so sick we didn't get around to it, and after she died, it just completely slipped my mind."

"It's understandable that you wouldn't think of it after that. The healers will probably ask you the same question, though. When do you want to go see them, and do you want me to go with you?"

"If you want to come, and it's not an inconvenience for you, I would like for you to be there so that if there is anything you need to know, you'll hear it from them. As far as when, it doesn't matter, I just can't go today, because the Potters don't know I'm here. Peter had spent the night, and all four of us were in the den talking, and I just came here without even thinking to ask them. They're pretty lenient, so I don't think they'll mind, but I wouldn't want to be gone for several hours without them knowing I was leaving."

"I agree- you shouldn't leave without telling them about it. Even though they aren't your parents, they have been taking care of you, and you need to be considerate of that. I realize today was just a slip, and won't be a big deal, but try not to do that again. As far as your appointment, I do want to go with you, for the very reasons you gave. Why don't we try to go tomorrow, and either I can apparate to the Potters' home to pick you up or you can come here by floo network and we'll leave from here."

"I think it would be best if you apparate there to pick me up. That way they'll know who I'm with and where I'm going. You can give them whatever reason you'd like. I will let them know about coming here today- I'll tell them I came to discuss my school supply arrangements, and I'll tell them that I didn't ask them because I didn't want to disturb them, which is true."

"That's fine. I'll probably tell them that I'm taking you to St. Mungo's tomorrow and that it is an arrangement your mom set up several years ago for you to see them every couple of years. I will probably say that I don't know why she made those arrangements, but that I had promised her I would see to it that you went."

"I'm sure they will accept that. What time do you plan to come pick me up?"

"9:00 a.m. should be early enough, I think."

"I'll be ready. I think I should get back to their house now. Thank you, Professor, for agreeing to this. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're welcome. I'll see you in the morning."

With that, Remus walked to the fireplace and used the floo network to return to the Potters' den. Even though he would have preferred to tell them about his visit with Professor Dumbledore himself, they had discovered he was gone when Peter left and he had not been there to say goodbye to his friend. Sirius and James had explained to the Potters that Remus was taking care of 'school business' with the headmaster, and they had not been upset that he'd left without telling them. As soon as his friends told him what had happened, he talked to them himself, confirming the story his friends had told them.

The next morning, Professor Dumbledore arrived at the Potters' home by 8:30 a.m. Remus was in the kitchen, so he heard the headmaster explain to Mr. Potter that he had come to take Remus to St. Mungo's as part of an arrangement Mrs. Lupin had made with the hospital. He assured Mr. Potter that Remus was not ill, and that the visit was simply a check- up- that Remus had, as a young boy, been a bit frail and prone to minor illnesses, and that the healers had suggested she bring him in regularly to make sure he was well. Mr. Potter accepted that, observing that perhaps that was why Remus was so thin. Assured that everything was okay, he stepped into the kitchen and told Remus the headmaster had come to collect him.

Remus went into the living room and greeted the headmaster, then the two of them stepped outside into the bright summer sun and apparated to Diagon Alley. They landed about a block from the storefront entrance to St. Mungo's hospital. As they walked, Professor Dumbledore asked Remus

"Do you want me in the room for the examination, or would you prefer I wait outside? I don't want you to be uncomfortable, so whichever way you want is what I will do."

"I'd rather you wait outside during the exam, but be in the room afterwards, so you can hear whatever they tell me."

"Okay, that's what we'll do."

Once they were inside the hospital, Professor Dumbledore told the Welcome Witch about the appointment he'd made and she told him where to go to meet Remus' healer.

They went to the room they had been directed to and waited. Soon a young healer named Daniel arrived and Professor Dumbledore spoke to him.

"This is Remus Lupin. He's a student of mine at Hogwarts, and a werewolf. He's been treated here for the last ten years, but I did not know until recently that you were trying to keep close watch over him. If I had known earlier, he would have seen you more often."

"That's quite alright, Professor. I'm sure we can update our records and everything will be fine. Is he having a problem?" asked Daniel

"No, sir. But I'll let him tell you the rest. I'll wait outside."

When the door closed behind Professor Dumbledore, Daniel turned to Remus and said

"So, what brings you here today, Remus?"

"I have some questions that I'm hoping you can answer?" Remus replied, hesitantly.

"Okay, I've got some for you too, but you go first."

"This is embarrassing, but I really want to know. Would it be safe for me to be intimate with a girl?"

"Just for the sake of being completely clear, you are asking about kissing, or maybe sex?"

"Yes sir" Remus replied

"Well, I don't really know. There's still so much we don't know about how the infection occurs, that I just can't be sure. We've had very few opportunities to study werewolves, especially in situations like yours, that we don't have much information. All we do know for sure is that when a werewolf's saliva enters the bloodstream of a non-infected person, that person becomes infected. We haven't learned if it can be spread any other way. We do know that sharing a cup or eating utensil is safe, because your parents did that for years. But a kiss could be risky if the person had a sore in their mouth. So, to be safe, I'd say you probably shouldn't be intimate with a girl...it would be very risky for her. You haven't already done this, have you?"

"No, sir. I would never take a chance like that without checking first. I was hoping for a different answer, because there is a girl at school that I really like, but there is no way I'd put her in danger."

"You're a very smart young man, and I hope someday to be able to tell you that there is a way for you to do that safely. But for now, there just isn't. I'm sorry…I know that isn't what you want to hear."

"It's okay- I had guessed that might be the case. But at least I know for sure. I'd rather know now, before I ever get involved with a girl, because I won't need to break off a relationship because of it. At least this way, the only consequence to deal with is me being certain I can't date."

"I know that will be hard to deal with, but maybe you'll have a busy enough life to somewhat make up for it. Is there anything else you need to ask?"

"No sir, but you said you had some questions for me."

"I do, and I want to examine you too. If you'll undress, we can talk while I examine you."

"Okay." Remus said. He stripped to his briefs and sat down on the examining table. As Daniel checked nearly every inch of his body, he continued to question Remus.

He weighed and measured him first.

"Six foot two, a hundred sixty pounds. A bit thin for your height, but not unhealthy." Daniel said.

"Do you remember when you hit your first growth spurt?"

"I was about twelve…when summer vacation was over, mom had to alter my uniforms to fit for the next school year."

"Okay, that's about normal. When did your voice change?"

"It started when I a few months after I turned fourteen, and it leveled out not long after my fifteenth birthday."

"That seems about right too."

Daniel finished examining Remus, then told him he could get dressed. Once Remus was finished, he told Daniel he wanted Professor Dumbledore to hear whatever he planned to say. Daniel summoned Professor Dumbledore into the room, then began to explain his conclusions.

"Remus, from my examination and your answers to my questions, you are a completely normal teenage boy, except for your lycanthropy. You seem to have grown and progressed through puberty at a normal rate, and you seem healthy. Though you are thin, you are not underweight. I'm pleased to see that the predictions made by the healers who treated you at first were incorrect- your condition has not affected your growth significantly."

"What about the questions he had for you? Were you able to answer it for him?" asked Professor Dumbledore.

"Yes sir, he was. Unfortunately, the answer was no, but at least I have the information now." said Remus.

"I wish it were different for you, but you understand my reasoning. However, I want to make sure you are both aware of some research that is being done. Several different healers and potioneers are working on various potions and other preparations that may help with your condition. At the moment, they're still working and testing, but some seem promising."

"You mean there could be a cure for this sometime soon?" asked Remus.

"I don't know about a cure, but at least something that will help the symptoms. It's still early to say, but I wanted you to know there are people who are trying. Your information will contribute to their efforts." explained Daniel.

"So when does he need to come back?" asked Professor Dumbledore.

"Since he seems to be finished growing, I'd say every couple of years would be enough for us to gather information, unless he has a problem or question. If he wants to come in every year, that's fine, but it's not necessary."

"Then we'll probably come back next year before school starts. Hopefully after that, he'll be able to come in every two years." replied Professor Dumbledore.

"Remus, did you have any other questions?" asked Daniel.

"Just one- is there anything I can put on my wounds that might heal them faster? What I'm using works, but I just thought I'd ask."

"No, the one we recommended to your mom is the best there is. As you know, werewolf cuts are cursed, so they just don't heal very well. The cream, pain potion and tonic that you told me you use are the best available."

"Okay- I just wanted to be sure. Thank you for your time, Daniel."

"You're welcome. Come back if you need anything else."

Professor Dumbledore and Remus left the room, then stopped at a clerk's window and paid for the visit. After they left the hospital, Professor Dumbledore asked

"Since we still have some time left before I promised to have you home, would you like to get your school supplies?"

"Honestly sir, I'd rather wait and do my shopping with James and Sirius. But if you really feel it's best we go now, that's okay with me."

"I understand- I used to enjoy shopping with my friends too. Instead, we'll go to Gringott's and I'll take some money out of the school fund for you. That way you can pay for your supplies instead of signing for them. If you have a little left over, buy something fun with it. I'll let the shopkeepers know I've made different arrangements for this year."

"That sounds good to me. Are you sure about me spending school money on something for fun?"

"Of course. There probably won't be a lot left, and it will do you good to pick out something you'll enjoy."

"Thank you sir." said Remus.

After a quick stop at Gringott's, Professor Dumbledore gave Remus a bag of coins for his supplies, and they apparated back to the Potters' home.

Professor Dumbledore explained to the Potters' that Remus was okay, that the healer had given him a clean bill of health, and if he had any problems later, all he need do was contact the hospital.

After a few minutes of small talk with the Potters, the headmaster left, then Remus, James and Sirius went to the den to talk and play chess. Remus filled them in on all the details of the visit, including the healer's confirmation of his own hunches. But at least he had some hope in the research that was being done.

The remaining few weeks of summer vacation passed quickly, with the guys spending a little time finishing up at Sirius' house, and the rest of their time having fun. When they did their shopping for supplies, Remus found he did have a little money left, and he purchased a leather bound journal for himself, as he had discovered he really enjoyed writing.


	19. Change is in the Air

The first few days of school were much the same as always, except that this year he was dealing with more demanding classes. Even though he had the same number of classes he'd had the previous year, the teachers expected more of the students in sixth year, and he had no 'easy' classes because he was studying for two career paths. Fortunately, he enjoyed the challenge, and even though he had less free time, he quickly worked out a study routine that helped him manage the homework.

About a month after school had begun, Professor McGonagall summoned Remus to her office one morning.

"Have a seat, Remus. There's something I need to discuss with you."

He took a seat across the desk from her, then asked

"Is it something about my dad?"

"No, this news doesn't involve anyone you know well. But it does mean a little additional work for you. One of our Gryffindor students has just lost her home and family in a house fire. Professor Dumbledore found out very early this morning and is talking to her now. He has asked that all prefects waive curfew rules for her. She is being offered access to any teacher, any time if she needs to talk to someone. I'm asking our Gryffindor prefects- I'll talk to Miss Evans later- to escort her wherever she needs to go."

"Of course I will do whatever I can to help. How did the fire get so out of control? Does she have any family left at all?"

"She's muggleborn, so they couldn't simply cast a spell to put it out. It also appears to have started late at night, and apparently by the time they woke up, much of the house was gone. They may even have been trapped by debris…we're not sure. They died either from the fire itself or from smoke inhalation. As far as family, she was an only child, and I don't think she has any other relatives- Professor Dumbledore is trying to find out."

"Who is she?"

"Holly Williams, one of our second year students. I'll introduce you, but she has long red hair and wears glasses."

"I think I know who she is- I've seen her around a few times. Is there anything else I need to know, or that I need to do for her?" asked Remus.

"Not that I can think of right now. She's a very quiet girl, so she's not likely to talk much, but we want her to have any help she may need. She does have a close friend, Alyssa Thompson, who is also a Gryffindor, and it's likely that Holly will be taken in by Alyssa's family. Professor Dumbledore is taking care of her affairs in the muggle world, but she may need to accompany him from time to time. But the most important thing for you to do is escort her wherever she needs to go if it's after hours, and of course, don't take points off for her being out of bed after curfew."

"I understand, Professor."

"I'll introduce you to her later today. I'm sure you need to get to class now."

"Yes ma'am."

He left her office and headed for his first class. As he walked, he thought of Holly- he was pretty sure she was the girl who'd been watching him so closely at her sorting last year. He felt sorry for her losing her family and home so young, and so suddenly. While it was true he'd suffered a similar loss, his case was different, but he did somewhat understand her pain. He hoped he'd have the chance to at least offer his sympathy to her.

His classes that day went by quickly, and just before lunch, Professor McGonagall pulled him aside and introduced him to Holly. His memory had been correct- she was the girl who'd been watching him last year. She shook his hand when he offered it, and blushed when he spoke to her. She responded with a whispered "thanks" to his condolences, and Professor McGonagall reminded Holly that Remus, as a prefect, could escort her anywhere she needed to go. The girl shyly nodded her head, then Professor McGonagall dismissed them both to go to the Great Hall for lunch.

Once inside, Sirius, James and Peter peppered Remus with questions about his meeting with Professor McGonagall. He explained the situation to them, then moved on to discussing their upcoming classes.

That night, just before 11:00 p.m., Remus was making his last round through the common room before going to bed when he heard a scream from the girl's dormitory. Though he was a prefect, he was not allowed in the girls' dorms, and was about to look for Lily when two girls came out of the door.

One was Holly, crying and shaking like a leaf. The other, he thought, was her friend Alyssa. She had her arms around Holly, trying to comfort her and guide her, since she did not have her glasses on. Remus met them partway up the stairs, and asked

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"She had a nightmare. I'm not sure of anything else, she wouldn't say what it was about, but she wants to see Professor Dumbledore. I was going to look for someone to go with us, because I know I'm not supposed to be out after curfew." explained Alyssa.

"It's okay- I won't take points off for you being up. You're just helping your friend, and she needs that right now. Do you want to come with us to see Professor Dumbledore?"

"I think it might be a good idea, in case she needs me."

"Have you got her glasses?"

"Yes, they're right here." Alyssa replied, patting a pocket on her bathrobe.

"Good. Keep them there in case she needs them. Let's go."

The three of them walked, somewhat slowly, to Professor Dumbledore's office. Remus knocked sharply on the door, then identified himself. After a couple of moments, the door was opened by a slightly disheveled-looking Professor Dumbledore. He welcomed the three of them in, and led them to his private sitting room.

He asked Remus

"What's wrong with her?"

"Alyssa said Holly had a nightmare. I was in the common room when I heard her scream. A minute later, they came out, and Holly was crying and shaking. She hasn't spoken since. Alyssa wanted to come with her, so I escorted them both here."

"Thank you Remus. You can go back to Gryffindor tower; I'm sure you want to get some sleep. I'll bring the girls back later."

"Yes sir. Oh- Alyssa has Holly's glasses, in case she needs them." said Remus as he walked toward the door.

As he made his way back to the dorms, he couldn't help but be concerned about Holly. He knew Professor Dumbledore would do everything he could to help, but he knew that a loss like this would take a long time to heal. Though he did not know for certain what her nightmare had been, he felt sure it had involved seeing her parents die. In the first few weeks after his mother's death, he'd dreamed similar things himself, and awoke covered in cold sweat with his heart pounding, or crying and shaking. A time or two, he'd been forced awake by one of his friends nudging him because he'd screamed. In time though, the dreams had passed and he was usually able to sleep in peace. He crawled into bed hoping that would remain true tonight.

Over the next few days, Holly's behavior proved to be much as he expected- every night she would awake from a nightmare, terrified, and want to see Professor Dumbledore. Most nights he escorted her, and sometimes Alyssa, to the headmaster's office. He talked to her a bit during these late night walks, usually just to try to comfort her, but she was very shy and seldom said much.

Aside from his duties as prefect, his life was still very busy. Though Professor McGonagall had been very confident in his ability to handle the course load, at times Remus felt almost overwhelmed. One day during his only free period, he was in the common room, working on his first Defense Against the Dark Arts essay when Lily approached him and asked

"Do you mind if I join you?"

"Of course I don't mind. Let me move some of these books out of the way." he replied, shifting a stack of books as he did.

She took a seat, then said

"I can't believe we've already been in school over a month and haven't had a chance to really talk."

"I know, me either. How was your summer?"

"It was okay, but my sister is really turning into a mean girl. Mom and Dad punish her when she does something wrong and try to discourage her comments, but often she waits until they're not around. Sometimes I will tell them, other times I don't. But I have already told them I plan to move out this summer since I will be an adult. They are okay with that idea, and plan to give me money to support myself until I can get a job."

"I hate to hear that your sister has gotten worse, but sometimes you just can't change a person's mind. I agree that moving out may be a good idea, but where are you gonna move to?"

"The family of a friend of mine has agreed to let me stay with them until graduation. After that, she and I are gonna move into an apartment together."

"That sounds a lot like my plans. I'm staying with James' family until summer, then I'm moving in with Sirius. He inherited his Uncle Alphard's house at the end of last year, and we spent all summer fixing it up."

"So you guys spent the summer working?"

"Yeah, we did, but it was kinda fun. I don't mind staying at the Potters'- they're really nice people- but it was fun to be able to spend a lot of time on our own. We spent quite a few days there, and had a few overnight trips as well…that was a way of keeping my problem from the Potters. Sirius is really pleased with how the house turned out. It didn't need a lot of work, but there were a few minor repairs, some cleaning, and a lot of sorting that had to be done. I'm not sure if he's finished with the sorting yet; his uncle had a lot of stuff, and he left it all to Sirius."

"Did you do anything else interesting?"

"Well, I did get to see a healer about the questions I had, as you had suggested. Unfortunately, my hunch was right- it's just too risky for me to be involved with anyone." he said softly, even though they seemed to be alone in the common room.

Lily put her hand on his and looked into his eyes the way she so often did when she was really concerned about him.

"I'm so sorry, Remus. I had hoped there was some way that neither of us knew about. Did they offer an explanation, or any hope at all that something might change?"

"The healer said that they didn't know enough to be sure, so it was best if I don't risk it. Any exchange of body fluid could be as dangerous as a bite. So, no romance for me. He offered a little hope, but I'm not sure if it will help with that part of the condition. Several potioneers are working on different concoctions to see what affect they will have on the condition. No one's sure yet what these potions might do."

"That's a start at least. Maybe they'll come up with a cure, or something to at least prevent transmission of the infection."

"It would be great if they do, but for now, I'm just gonna focus on school. The healer did say I'm normal and healthy otherwise, though, which is a good thing."

"That is good news, but I know it doesn't make up for the bad. After all these years, I know you well enough to realize how much having a girlfriend would mean to you, and how left and lonely you feel sometimes because of your condition."

"If anyone else had said that to me, I wouldn't have believed them. But as often as I've spilled my guts to you over the years, I believe you do understand me."

"Of course I do. Aside from your illness, you're no different from the rest of us. You want to be liked, to have friends, to fall in love, maybe have a family, to have a decent job and to be respected. I believe you are entitled to all of those things, and it hurts me to realize how hard it will be for you to achieve them just because of society's prejudices about something you can't help. I hope someday life will get easier for you. I also want you to know that if you ever need me for anything- and I really do mean anything- I will help you. You are one of my best friends, Remus, and I want you to know that."

"Thank you Lily. That means more to me than you realize. Between you, the guys, and Professor McGonagall, I actually feel like I might have some chance at a relatively normal life. You've all shown such confidence in me, and of course Professor Dumbledore took a big chance on getting me in here, and it all helps me think that some of my dreams might be possible. Even though I hope I never need to take you up on that offer, but I do appreciate it."

"You're welcome, Remus." she replied, then moved her hand to tuck an escaped strand of hair behind her ear.

"This is off the subject, but speaking of change, is it me, or does James seem to be acting different this year?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, he does seem a bit different. Sirius and I talked to him over the summer about how immature he acts sometimes, and how it always costs us so many points. I think it might have had some effect."

"I think it did. He seems to be picking on the other kids less and not bragging on himself quite so much."

"Let's just hope the changes are all for the better, and that they last." Remus replied.

"I agree with you there. It might give me, and I'm sure others as well, the chance to know him the way his friends do."

"That's true. If you have time, can you proofread this essay for me?" he asked.

"Sure. What class is it for?"

"Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"You aren't likely to need me to change anything in that; you're the top of the class. But yeah, I'll look over it for you."

She proofread his essay and he looked over her Charms homework, which took up the rest of their free period. Then they packed up their things and went to their separate classes.

This year, since the "marauders" had successfully created a very detailed map of Hogwarts, they continued to add to it. They had begun exploring the area around the "shrieking shack" the previous year, and this year were venturing further away from it, a bit closer to Hogsmeade. Remus had been concerned at first about being near humans, but since most of their roaming occurred in the wee hours of the morning, James and Sirius felt they were unlikely to be seen. Though they both admitted there was a chance of Remus getting away from them, they all felt it was a very small chance, because Sirius and James had gotten quite good at watching him and distracting him if needed. Neither of them was afraid to bite, kick, scratch or whatever else was needed to prevent him from wandering off. As a result, they had been able to add a good bit of detail to the map they had made. The map had been useful to them in several ways, especially in sneaking into Hogsmeade after Quidditch matches and in finding shortcuts between areas of the classes. They had found enough secret passages that these were their preferred means of moving between certain classes.

By the time the Christmas holidays arrived, Remus was ready for a break from school. The full moon fell before the holidays, so he was able to go to the Potters' house without needing to make an excuse to leave.

Christmas there was, as always, a warm and welcoming holiday. They were glad to have Remus and Sirius with them for the holidays.

Though Remus was slightly embarrassed about not having a gift for them, he overcame it when the idea occurred to him to prepare some special dishes to accompany Mrs. Potter's Christmas dinner. So, early Christmas morning, he got up, dressed and quietly went into the kitchen. Since no one else was up, he worked carefully and quietly, preparing recipes he mother had taught him…a root vegetable medley, slightly sweet dinner rolls, a black forest cake, a pair of apple pies, chocolate dipped coconut balls and a special punch made from butterbeer and vanilla ice cream. It took him over an hour, and just as he was taking a break, for some coffee when Mrs. Potter walked into the room.

"My goodness, Remus, this looks and smells wonderful! How long have you been working?" she asked.

"About an hour and a half. This is my gift to everyone. Merry Christmas!"

She walked over to Remus and hugged him tightly. In that instant, Remus was reminded of just how warm and special a mother's hug can feel. Though Mrs. Potter was not his mom, nor was she trying to replace his mother, she had always treated him like a son, and today was no exception. Her gesture of affection said to Remus what her words might not adequately convey- that she cared for him, appreciated him, and was glad he was in her home.

"Thank you Remus. You've done a wonderful job with this. It will make my work a little easier – I'll have a lot less to cook. This is a better Christmas gift than anything you could have bought."

"You're welcome Mrs. Potter. I'm glad you like what I chose. These are all dishes my mom made for us at Christmas, so it just seemed appropriate to make them today."

"I've made some similar dishes, but it has been a while. These will make a nice compliment to the rest of the meal. Now, since you've been working so hard, you should just enjoy your coffee and rest. I'll take care of the rest of the meal."

"Are you sure you don't need me to do anything else?" he asked.

"I'm sure- there's really not much to do."

He sipped his coffee as she bustled about the kitchen, pulling out pots and pans and muttering to herself as she did. By the time he was done with his coffee, she had breakfast nearly done and was taking out ingredients for the remaining dishes for dinner.

After breakfast, Remus, James and Sirius spent much of the day relaxing and enjoying their free time. Their teachers had mercifully given them very little homework, and they had finished most of it in the first few days of their holiday. So, after a fairly long snowball fight, the three of them went into the den to warm up. As he was warming his hands in front of the fireplace, James asked

"Remus, you talk to Lily a lot more than either of us do- has she noticed any changes in me? Has she paid any attention to me at all?"

"Yes, James, she's noticed you're behaving better. I think right now she's still not sure if it's for real or if you're acting, but she has noticed."

"Do you think I should ask her out yet?" James asked.

"I wouldn't. I think you should give it at least a little more time, so she understands you have really changed. Like I said before, an act, or if she thinks you're acting, will drive her away. You might just try talking to her first, to see how she reacts to that. Maybe you could study together or something. If that goes well, then ask her out."

"That might work- Remus does know Lily better than any of us." said Sirius.

"I guess you're right. I just hope she's interested in me." said James.

"I suspect she is, or she wouldn't have really noticed you." said Remus.

Before long it was time for dinner, and they could finally enjoy the meal they had been smelling for much of the day. Mrs. Potter had prepared a large assortment of food, so there was plenty for everyone. The five of them enjoyed the meal and praised Mrs. Potter and Remus for their skills in the kitchen.

Far too soon, the holidays were over and the guys returned to school. It didn't take long for Remus to get back into the routine of classes and studying.

Not long after they returned to school, Remus noticed James was beginning to act on his plan to befriend Lily. He began asking her to review his notes, proofread papers and help him study for upcoming tests.

By the end of January, it became apparent to Remus that the holidays had been as beneficial to Holly as they had been to James. Since their return to school, she rarely asked him to escort her after hours, and he'd heard comments from other students and teachers that her grades were exemplary.

As the weeks passed, James and Lily continued to spend time together, often by means of her simply joining the four guys for a study session. Remus was quite pleased to be able to spend time with all of his friends at once and that the guys got along well with Lily.

To his surprise, by the end of March, the relationship between James and Lily had progressed from a friendship to the beginnings of a romance. Apparently, James was able to show Lily that the changes in his behavior were sincere, and being part of his intimate circle of friends had allowed her to see him without the swagger and bluster he showed everyone else. Just before the Hogsmeade weekend in April, James asked Lily out on a date.

None of them had seen James so nervous before. It had taken him nearly a week to work up the courage to ask her out, and two days of that had been spent figuring out what they would do. Ultimately, Sirius had suggested that they simply go to Hogsmeade together and simply let the day unfold on its own.

When the designated Saturday morning arrived, Remus realized as soon as he awoke that someone else was already up, in spite of the fact that it was only 8:00 a.m. After listening for a moment, he concluded it was James, muttering softly to himself as he tried to decide what clothes to wear. Remus listened for a few moments, then opened the curtains and sat up on the side of his bed. He slipped his feet into his slippers, stretched, then walked quietly over to James.

"Good morning James. Are you okay?" Remus asked.

"Good morning, Remus. I'm fine, I guess…just really nervous about today. I'm not even sure what to wear. Which of these two outfits do you think she would like? The black pants and red shirt or the blue jeans and brown shirt?"

Remus looked closely at the items James had laid out on his bed, trying to decide which Lily would like best on James. The brown shirt was a light color and made of a soft, suede like material, and he felt it was a good compliment to James' dark brown hair and eyes. The red shirt was silky, and the pants he'd paired it with were dressy; the outfit looked nice, but seemed too dressy to Remus for the casual outing James had planned.

"I think I'd go with the brown shirt and jeans. The shirt compliments the color of your hair and eyes."

"I thought so too. Do you think she will like it?" James asked.

"I'm sure she will. But she's more interested in you than what you're wearing."

"I guess you're right, I'm just nervous. It doesn't make sense, I've been talking to her for months, so I shouldn't be nervous, but I am. This is different from just hanging around the castle studying."

"James, relax. It's different, but it should also be fun. The point of a date is to do something together that you'll both enjoy. If you spend the whole time worrying over every little thing, you won't have a good time, and she probably won't either. You've been on dates before; you know how this should go."

"I've been on dates before, but this is different. This is Lily, and I really like her- probably more than I have any other girl I've dated. I want this date to be perfect."

"I'm sure you will do fine, James. Even a mistake or two won't be a big deal- it will just make the date more memorable." assured Remus.

"I guess that's one way to look at it. How have you learned so much about girls?"

"I listen to people a lot. Even though Madam Pince tries to keep the library totally quiet, people do talk, and if they don't see you or they think you're not listening, they'll say things without realizing you're paying attention. The same is somewhat true in the common room and the Great Hall."

"I suppose that's one advantage of being so quiet. You've picked up all kinds of stuff that I haven't heard. I hope you're right, that today will turn out okay."

"I'm sure it will. I think I'm going to dress and go get some breakfast. You should probably get a little something to eat too- it might help your nerves." suggested Remus.

"I'll be down in a little while."

In about twenty minutes, Remus was sitting the Great Hall, eating breakfast of ham, eggs and toast. Just before he finished, the post owls streamed into the room. A large brown barn owl lit in front of him, a copy of the Daily Prophet clutched in its beak. He had begun subscribing to the newspaper right after the Christmas holidays. While he'd been at the Potters' home, he'd looked through some of his belongings in an attempt to better organize them for his move, and he'd found a small bag of money that he'd forgotten he had. It was money he had saved during the time when his parents had been paying him for the housework he did.

He pulled the coins out of his pocket and tucked the payment into the pouch tied to the bird's leg. He held up a bit of toast, which the owl ate, then it flew off.

Remus unfolded the paper and placed it beside him, propped on a jug of pumpkin juice, so he could read while he finished eating. He was particularly curious about today's edition since there had been a piece in Friday's paper that had caught his attention. A wizard who had lived near his family when he was young- before he'd been bitten- had disappeared. Remus did not know the man well, but he knew he had a wife and two children, and he hoped for their sake that he was found soon, unharmed. Unfortunately, his curiosity would not be solved that day- there was nothing in Saturday's edition about the disappearance.

He folded up the paper and stuffed it into the inner pocket of his cloak, then finished the last of his pumpkin juice. Just as he'd set the empty glass on the table, Sirius, James and Peter joined him. The nervous expression James had worn earlier was gone; he actually appeared to be looking forward to his date with Lily.

When they had finished eating, Remus, Sirius and Peter gathered with the other students to be dismissed into Hogsmeade. James had found Lily and walked into the village with her. Once they were cleared to leave, the three guys walked into town together. They had decided over breakfast which shops they would visit, because each of them had supplies they needed to replenish. Sirius also wanted to visit Zonko's, since he had run out of stink pellets and dungbombs. After they left the joke shop, Sirius treated them all to some fudge from Honeyduke's sweet shop. They ended their trip with a stop at the Three Broomsticks for drinks. After they finished their drinks, they returned to school.

That evening at dinner, an excited James gave them the details of his date.

"On the way into Hogsmeade, we started talking, and it helped my nerves a bit. Once I relaxed, everything went easier than I expected. You were right, James, I was worrying too much. I had a really good time, and I think she did too."

"I had a feeling you would. Lily is easy to talk to, and I guessed that you would probably have a good time. I'm glad it went well." said Remus.

"What did you do?" asked Sirius.

"We went to Scrivenshaft's because she needed some more parchment and ink, then to the apothecary's shop because we both needed potion ingredients, then to Honeyduke's for some sweets. We spent a few minutes window-shopping at Gladrags and once we'd finished our candy, we went into the bookstore for a while. That was probably our longest stop other than the Three Broomsticks. We looked at quite a few books, then when left there, we went to the Three Broomsticks. We had a couple of drinks each before we left. Then we walked down to that spot along the lake we found just before the holidays. It is much prettier now that spring is here. We sat there and talked for a while, then finally came back to the castle."

"So are you gonna go out with her again?" asked Sirius.

"I want to, but I haven't figured out where we'd go. There's only one Hogsmeade weekend left this year." said James.

"Well, you could always have a picnic along our side of the lake, or you could simply spend a free hour together in the common room or library. Of course, you know there are a few secret passages that lead to out of the way places or you could use the room on the seventh floor that changes to suit your needs. Another idea would be to use the Astronomy tower, but you can only do that if one of you is taking that class and is willing to say you're studying." suggested Remus.

"Those are all good ideas. I'll have to give it some thought, though. You got any ideas, Sirius?"

"No, I think Remus covered most of the possibilities." replied Sirius.

James considered his options for over a week before deciding to let her choose between the astronomy tower and the lake. She chose the lakeside on a Sunday afternoon. James managed to get some food from the kitchens, and surprised Lily with a picnic. When he told Remus, Sirius and Peter about it afterward, he said that date had been even better than the first.

Though Remus was pleased that James and Lily were happy and enjoyed hearing about their dates, soon other matters got his attention. He had hoped, when he had read about the disappearance of his former neighbor, that it was simply a random event. However, in the months since, he had read about a few other disappearances that the newspaper was now indicating might be connected. To add to his questions and concerns, from time to time he heard some of the students whispering about there being someone who was going to do something about the "mudbloods". He never caught enough of their conversations to hear a name or any real information about a plan, so he couldn't be sure if there was really something going on or if it was just wishful thinking on their part. He kept the information to himself and continued to listen whenever he had the chance.

Aside from these things, he, like everyone else, was studying for final exams. As they had done for months, the five of them frequently studied together. This was a very useful technique for them, since they all had different strengths and weaknesses.

The exams were not as hard as he expected; Remus had dreaded them, thinking that because sixth year classes were more demanding than previous years had been, the exams would be much worse. Once the exams were over, he was comfortable that he had done well on them, and was able to relax and enjoy the last few days at school.


	20. Summer of Surprises

Summer vacation this year promised to be an interesting one for Remus. To avoid hurting Mrs.

Potter's feelings, both he and Sirius spent their first week of vacation at the Potters' home. This

gave her an opportunity to thoroughly catch up on how the last few months had gone- even

though they'd written letters to her, she always liked to hear more details- and it gave Remus a

chance to make sure he had everything packed when he got ready to move.

When Sirius and Remus did move out, Mrs. Potter insisted on them taking a large basket of food,

and made them promise to visit during the summer. They accepted her gift graciously and

assured her they would visit. James helped them move in, and though he would not be living

there, he did plan to spend a good bit of time with his friends.

Just before the school year had ended, Sirius had heard about a nightclub that was popular with

some of the sixth and seventh year students. It was in an out of the way corner of Diagon Alley,

but according to rumor, had decent food and good music. On their fourth evening in their new

house, Sirius suggested to Remus that they go to the club. He was itching to see if it lived up to

its reputation, and since they had no other plans, felt tonight was a good night to go. At first

Remus was a little reluctant- because he was so shy, he was always a little hesitant about new

situations; but Sirius assured him he would probably have a good time, so he decided to go.

He picked out the nicest looking outfit he had, other than uniforms or his suit- a pair of dark blue

jeans, a deep purple silky shirt and black boots. He met Sirius downstairs and found him dressed

similarly- black jeans, a vivid red shirt and black boots similar to his own. They apparated to

Diagon Alley, and landed only a few feet apart. After a moment, they determined where the club

was, and headed that direction.

They were admitted, and once inside found a table close to the bar, but only a short distance from

the dance floor. They took their seats and looked around at the club. The lighting was low, as

they had expected, but they were still able to see colors and details of their surroundings. The

club was not large, but it had about a dozen tables surrounding the dance floor, and at least an

equal number of stools at the bar. The walls were decorated with a variety of neon signs, and a

silver disco ball glittered over the center of the dance floor.

They ordered drinks- a firewhisky for each of them- and as they sipped them, the band stopped

playing. Several girls left the dance floor and smiled at Sirius and Remus as they passed their

table. A few moments later, two of them walked up to them with their drinks and asked if they

could join Sirius and Remus.

"Mind if we join you?" asked the shorter of the two girls.

"Don't mind at all, please have a seat." replied Sirius.

"Thanks. My name's Tina and this is my friend, Jennifer." the girl replied.

Tina was of average height, and slim built, with fair skin, golden blonde hair and light blue-grey

eyes. Jennifer was taller, slightly heavier, with dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes.

Sirius replied "I'm Sirius Black; this is my friend, Remus Lupin. Pleased to meet you both."

"Same here. You guys come here often?" asked Tina.

"No, this is our first time here, actually." Sirius answered.

"We've only been here a few times ourselves. The music's usually really good, especially on

weekends." commented Jennifer.

"It seems promising, but we've only been here about fifteen minutes, so we haven't heard much

yet." said Remus.

"The band's break is usually about twenty minutes every couple of hours, so they won't be gone

long. Do either of you dance?" asked Tina.

"Yeah, sometimes." said Sirius.

"A little...probably well enough to stay off your toes, at least." replied Remus with a slight

chuckle.

Tina then asked Sirius "Will you dance with me when the band starts playing again?"

"Sure." he replied.

Then Remus asked Jennifer "Would you like to dance with me?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." she replied.

"While we wait for the music to start again, would you mind telling us a bit about yourselves?"

asked Sirius.

"We're both eighteen, we graduated last year from the American Academy of Magic, and we

came over here for the summer to visit some relatives. My grandmother lives here; Jennifer's dad

lives in Scotland." explained Tina.

Jennifer elaborated further. "My parents split up when I was about nine. I don't really know all of

the details, of course- I was too young to understand what was going on other than that they

argued a lot and then dad left- and mom doesn't talk about it much. She has allowed me to stay

in touch with him, though, and even though I don't hear from him often, he was at my

graduation, and he invited me to spend the summer with him. I decided to accept, because it

gives me the opportunity to visit with him, and see some people and places I haven't seen in a

long time."

"I just decided to visit my grandmother since I haven't been here in about four years. Since

we've been close friends for years, we decided to come over here together." said Tina.

"Now it's your turn- tell us about the two of you." said Jennifer.

"We're both seventeen, and still in school. We'll be starting our last year at Hogwarts School of

Witchcraft and Wizardry in the fall. We live here in London, in fact, we're sharing a house at the

moment to save money. I had some big disagreements with my parents and moved out, into the

house my uncle had willed to me." Sirius explained.

Then Remus seized the pause to finish by saying "My mom died a few years ago, and though I

tried to stay with my dad, I couldn't. He started drinking and was verbally abusive when he was

drunk. I couldn't deal with it, so I stayed with another friend for a while, but when Sirius moved

into the house he inherited, he wanted a roommate, and I took him up on his offer."

"Looks like you're the only one around here who's had a normal life." Jennifer teased Tina.

"Yeah- I guess so. My parents have been married for 25 years, I have a younger brother and

sister and we all live together…no one drinks or screams (usually). We have a decent house, and

all our needs are met. Who'd have thought that would be 'odd' ?" says Tina.

"It's not really odd, several of our friends have had good, normal lives. You were just lucky

enough to meet the oddballs tonight." said Sirius with a laugh.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I don't mind; meeting different kinds of people keeps life

interesting." replied Tina.

Then the band began to play, and the four of them paired off and went to the dance floor. For the

next hour, they danced. Remus was grateful tonight that his mom had taught him to dance. He

had rarely been able to use this knowledge, but at least he knew enough to keep off his partner's

toes and keep time with the music.

In the last couple of summers before his mom had taken a job, she had taught him a little about

dancing. It was something she liked to do, but rarely had the opportunity. However, she thought

he would enjoy it, and that he might someday have a use for the knowledge. She'd been right-

he'd had fun learning from her, and it had served him well on a few occasions.

As he and Jennifer danced, they talked a little. She teased him about downplaying his dancing

skills, and he explained to her how he'd learned to dance. He found out she was from the east

coast of the U.S., and that she worked for an interesting organization that preserved the history of

witchcraft in America. She had learned some about the subject in school, but it had been just

enough to get her curious, and she'd dug deeper on her own. In her studies, she'd begun to see

that there was much more to the subject than was covered in school. When the opportunity to

help preserve this legacy had become available, she'd jumped at the chance.

He'd been fascinated by the details she'd shared about what she'd learned and how passionate

she was about her job. He shared with her his plans to become a teacher, and how what had

begun as helping a friend had become something he truly enjoyed.

When the band played a slow song, he pulled Jennifer into his arms without really thinking about

it. This surprised him, as he had planned, when agreeing to dance with her, to try to skip the slow

songs to avoid giving her the wrong idea. But many things about that night had surprised him so

far, and somewhere along the way he had just decided to let the night unfold. He had talked to

her easily, and found her intelligent and attractive…she was not as beautiful as Lily was, but she

was certainly quite pretty. He found he really enjoyed the feeling of her head on his chest, her

soft hair brushing against his hand as they swayed to the music.

Once the song was over, they decided to take a break for a drink and to rest their feet a bit. Sirius

and Tina saw them leave the dance floor and joined them. As they sipped their drinks, they

chatted about different things, especially sharing memories of their school days. Both girls had

been quiddtich players while they were in school- that was how they'd met. They had each given

brief consideration to playing quidditch professionally, but other opportunities had held more

interest for them.

They compared favorite subjects in school- while Sirius and Remus enjoyed Transfiguration and

Defense against the Dark Arts respectively, Jennifer favored History of Magic, and Tina

preferred Herbology. In much the same way as Jennifer's interest in history had led to a job,

Tina's curiosity about plants had guided her to a career as a herbologist.

Once they had finished their drinks, they danced a little while longer. They took a second break

and talked a bit more, but realized it was getting late. None of them had a curfew, but both girls

had promised the relatives they were staying with that they would be home by midnight, and

they felt it would be best to be home a little early.

Sirius picked up the tab for all four of them; the girls thanked him and told them both they hoped

to see them again soon. They walked out together and after a final goodbye apparated to their

destinations.

Once at home, Sirius asked Remus

"Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah, I did. Jennifer was a lot of fun to talk to."

"So was Tina. I have to ask- where did you learn to dance? You've never mentioned you could

before, and you were really good out there." commented Sirius

"Thanks. My mom taught me how to dance before she got sick. It was something she enjoyed

and hoped I would too. I think she hoped it would help keep me healthy too, since it was

exercise. I didn't really think I was all that good, myself." Remus replied

"Well, you were good. Maybe you could help me improve. I definitely need some practice. Even

though Tina was talking to me, she watched you and Jennifer several times. I think she was

jealous that Jennifer got the better partner. Jennifer certainly seemed interested in you, didn't

she?"

"I think she was just curious; I'm sure it was nothing more than that. Besides, even if it was, we

both know I can't do anything about it."

"I know you can't date, but you could have fun and just spend time with a girl. For now, couldn't

you just consider her a pretty dance partner, and maybe a friend?" asked Sirius

"I guess I could do that- I can certainly try." said Remus

"So when do you want to go back?"

"It will need to be several days- tomorrow is the full moon, and I'll need some time to heal from

it."

"That's true- at least a week then. If you need longer, we'll wait longer- they said they'd be here

all summer."

The next night was indeed the full moon, but since they were of age, Sirius could transform into

his dog form to spend the night with Remus. After supper that night, they both went upstairs to

the empty room that Remus had been using since Sirius got the house. They had agreed that if

James or Peter was available to join them on full moons, they would; but if not, Sirius alone

would change form and keep Remus company. He changed into his dog form before the moon

rose so that Remus would not see him as a human and would not attack him.

The following morning, it was immediately obvious that Sirius' presence had soothed Remus as

much as it usually did. Though he did not remember the night, Remus realized he had very few

injuries and was not as tired as usual. As a result of this, he felt comfortable that he would be

able to dance and even tolerate the close contact of slow dancing, within about two weeks.

During those two weeks, Sirius offered to buy Remus some new clothes- just enough pieces that

he could make a decent number of outfits to wear when they went out together. At first, he had

thought of simply allowing Remus to use what he wanted from his closet…but then he realized

that Remus was quite a bit taller than he was, and proportionately broader through the shoulders

and longer in the legs; therefore none of his clothes would fit. So he made the offer of a shopping

trip, which Remus accepted after a little thought. Even though he wasn't really trying to impress

anyone, he did like to look decent when he went out in public.

They went back to the same club- The Lucky Knut – as soon as Remus was ready, and luckily

ran into Tina and Jennifer again. As before, they spent the evening dancing and talking. They all

enjoyed themselves, and actually planned to meet again later that week.

Over the next few weeks, the four of them met several times, often at The Lucky Knut, but

occasionally at other clubs or restaurants. After a few discussions between himself and Sirius,

Remus realized that Jennifer was quite interested in him. She talked almost exclusively to him

when they were together, and apparently talked about him quite a bit when she was with Tina.

Remus was flattered by the attention and compliments she showered on him, and he was

interested in her...too interested. The more he learned about her, the more he liked her. The fact

that he found her beautiful didn't make his dilemma any easier. He knew he needed to talk to her

to either end the relationship or find some way of preventing it from becoming serious...but he

wasn't sure what to say. He stalled as much as he could, but in early August, when they said

goodbye one night, she took his hand and looked at him, clearly expecting a goodnight kiss. He

gave her a peck on the cheek, made an excuse about having something contagious, and left as

quickly as possible.

When Sirius arrived home a few minutes later, Remus was sitting on the floor in the den,

hugging his knees to his chest, resting his chin on his knees and staring into the fire, thinking.

"You okay, Remus?" Sirius asked.

"I guess. I'm just trying to figure out what to do now. I can't believe I got myself into this-in less

than two months, I've been enjoying Jennifer's company so much that I lost sight of the fact that

she might have expectations I can't live up to. Naturally, she's gonna want to be kissed, touched-

that's normal-but those are the very things I can't do. I've got to end it- but how? How do you tell

someone you like that you are attracted to and spend a lot of time thinking about, that it's over?"

"I don't know. I've never had to break up with someone I really liked. I do need to apologize to

you, though, because if I hadn't been so insistent about the club, you would never have met her

and this wouldn't be happening. But I thought we'd just have some fun, maybe dance a bit, and

that would be all. I didn't think about how complicated it could get for you."

"It's okay, you don't need to worry or apologize. I agreed to go because I wanted to see what it

would be like. I've had fun, and I don't really regret meeting Jennifer. But I do have to figure out

what to say to her. Obviously, the truth isn't an option, but I need to come up with something

believable."

"Maybe you could just explain that you aren't interested in a serious relationship right now. You

could come up with some reason why you aren't interested- you might need to lie here- and offer

to continue to see her as a friend. She probably won't take you up on that part, but if she does,

you would still have a great dance partner."

"I guess I could say that my girlfriend of two years recently dumped me, and I just don't want

another girlfriend yet. That seems like a reasonable excuse to me; what do you think?"

"That could work, and if you let her know you didn't intend to mislead her, that you were only

interested in having some fun, it should go over fairly well."

"I hope you're right...I hate it that I have to do this at all, but I do. I can only avoid kissing her so

many times before she will demand a reason, and that situation would be more awkward than

this."

"You're right, it would, so the sooner you do this, the better it will be."

Remus went to bed a little later on, but his mind was still on his problem. He couldn't believe

he'd let this happen. He was painfully aware of the implications of his condition, so why had he

let his guard down and allowed Jennifer to get close? The only reason that came to mind was that

he didn't realize she was attracted to him until it was too late. He admitted he was attracted to

her, but never imagined she might be attracted to him until Sirius pointed out her behavior to

him. He didn't consider himself attractive because he felt gangly and believed that his scars stood

out...in fact he thought his scars might give away his condition or at least cause a girl to believe

something was wrong with him. After Sirius' observations, Remus realized she had been flirting

with him for quite some time. Finally he managed to quiet his mind enough to fall into a fitful

sleep, resolved to deal with the situation tomorrow.

The following night, the met Jennifer and Tina at The Lucky Knut again, and Remus asked

Jennifer if he could talk to her alone. She agreed, and they apparated to Sirius' house. Once

inside, he offered her a soft drink, and tried to gather the courage he needed to say what was on

his mind. He sat down on the end of the sofa opposite her, fidgeting nervously with his glass for

a moment before he spoke.

"I'm sure you're wondering why I asked you here. I need to apologize to you for the way I've

behaved this summer. It seems I have misled you about our relationship. I think you and I have

different expectations."

"What do you mean?" she asked

"I think you are looking for a boyfriend, but I just want a friend."

"Don't you find me attractive?" she asked

"Yes, I do- you're beautiful. But I've just been through a bad breakup- my girlfriend of two years

dumped me just before school ended, and, well, I just don't want to get involved with anyone

right now."

"But you seemed so interested in me..." she said, almost whispering

"I am interested in you...you're an intelligent, fascinating person, and I really enjoy spending

time with you. I just don't want to go past being friends with anyone right now."

"If you weren't looking for a girlfriend, and I'm betting you aren't the type to look for a one night

stand, why did you come to the bar?"

"Mostly because Sirius had been pestering me about it for two weeks. He thought it would do me

good to get out. I thought it would be fun to go dance, and it would shut him up. I wasn't

counting on meeting someone like you. But you're right about me- I'm not the one-night stand

type, and I really never meant for you to think of me as anything other than a friend and a dance

partner. But it has become obvious to me over the last couple of weeks that you want more than

that, and I can't give it to you."

"Have you considered the idea that maybe a new girlfriend would help you get over your

breakup?" she asked

"If my relationship had not been so serious, you might be right. But we were together two years,

and I really loved her. I need time to get over her before I get involved with anyone else. I have

no idea how long it may take for me to be ready to try again."

"I can understand that- I've been through it myself. So, where do we go from here? Do you even

want to see me again?" she asked tentatively.

"That's up to you. I enjoy your company, and you're a great dancer, but all I can offer you is a

completely platonic friendship. If that's enough for you, then I'd like to continue to spend time

with you. But if it's not enough- if you expect kissing and cuddling, or if I've hurt you too much,

then it might be best if we didn't see each other again. Whatever you decide, I understand. I

apologize if I have hurt you, and hope you'll forgive me, because it was unintentional. If you

need time to think this over, that's okay with me too."

She was silent for a couple of long minutes, staring into her glass, considering the situation. Then

she responded.

"I think I can be content to just be your friend and dance partner. I enjoy talking to you and

would hate to miss out on spending time with you just because of a simple miscommunication.

I'm certainly willing to try, if you are. As far as being forgiven, don't worry about it- this didn't

really hurt me...it's not as if you're saying that you can't stand me or that you never want to see

me again."

"I would never say that- it's not true. You're one of the most fun people I've met; I certainly

wouldn't want to lose you." he replied

"I'm glad to hear it. Speaking of fun, do you want to join Sirius and Tina?"

"Sure, let's go." he answered, relieved that their conversation had gone so well.

They joined their friends and spend the evening dancing and talking. At the end of the night,

Remus couldn't believe how lucky he'd been...he had a very attractive young woman who was

willing to be his friend and dance partner, and didn't expect anything else. It was probably as

close to a girlfriend as he'd ever get, and he was going to enjoy it as much as he could.

Throughout the remainder of the summer, Sirius and Remus continued to spend time with Tina

and Jennifer. Several times James and Lily joined them, which made the outings even more fun

for everyone. James' talent for telling stories and Lily's keen sense of humor kept the

conversation from ever turning dull. Peter joined them on a couple of occasions, but felt

uncomfortable; he didn't have a date, and was too nervous to talk to anyone. After two evenings

during which he clearly did not enjoy himself, he did not join them again.

While Remus and Jennifer had become quite comfortable just being friends, Sirius' relationship

with Tina had blossomed into a summer romance. On many occasions, the pair of them went

somewhere alone, on a real date. Remus was not as jealous of this as he'd thought he might be;

he was content with what he had in his life. Even on the few occasions when Tina spent the the

night with Sirius and it was obvious to Remus how intimate the couple had become, he was able

to shrug it off.

As summer drew to a close, Remus found himself torn between being eager to begin his final

year at Hogwarts and not wanting the sweetness of this summer to ever end. But time marches

ever onward, regardless of anyone's feelings, and soon he had to say goodbye to Jennifer.

The evening before the guys had to leave for school, the four of them, along with James and Lily,

spent the evening at the beach. They swam and played in the water, built sand castles and

sculptures of a wide variety of things. They roasted wieners, toasted marshmallows and talked

for hours. No one wanted the evening to end, but finally at 1 a.m., they decided they needed to

go home, so they could get a little sleep before they left in the morning.


	21. Senior Year!

A few hours later, they joined their friends on the train, a bit sleepy from their short night. However, Remus was able to perform his duties as prefect, and was quite thankful that the other students were not too rowdy for most of the trip.

When they arrived at Hogwarts, he helped the other prefects usher the first year students off the train and into Hagrid's care. He managed to get a seat on the carriage with Sirius for the ride to the castle. They joined the Gryffindor table, and Remus was proud to be sitting at the far end, with the seventh-years for the sorting ceremony and welcome feast. He listened to Professor Dumbledore's welcome to the new students, and remembered his own sorting- it seemed so long ago now. When the food appeared on the table, he selected some of his favorites and enjoyed his meal. He ate slightly quicker than usual, since he would need to be finished and ready to lead the first year students to the dormitories once the meal was over. Finally, about two hours later, he finished with his prefect duties and able to get to bed.

The first few days of the new school year went much as they usually did...his class schedule was the same as it had been the previous year, but the material was more challenging. He soon discovered that even though he had two free periods each day, the best use for them was doing homework. He was still studying for two possible career paths, and even though he felt sure that he was more interested in being a teacher than an auror, he decided to continue with both courses of study so that he had an extra option if he needed it. As a result of this decision, he found himself with very little free time.

Thankfully, his prefect duties were slightly easier this year than they had been in the past. Lily's influence over James had caused him to behave much better- he still caused a little mischief, but not nearly as much as he had in the past. Remus learned, a few weeks into the term that Holly, the girl whose parents had died the previous year, was doing well. He had known last year that her friend Alyssa's parents had taken her into their home, and it seemed now that the arrangement was working well. He saw her in the halls and common areas from time to time, and she seemed relatively happy; she was usually chatting with her friends or studying. He was pleased to know that in spite of the tragedy she'd faced, she seemed to be healing.

Soon his life fell into a routine, and time passed quickly. On the anniversary of his mother's death, Remus visited her grave. He spent a few minutes talking to her, as he often did...he found that it allowed him to get things off his mind that he would have told her if she were still alive. He knew she could not answer him, but sometimes just voicing his thoughts made him feel better. On this particular occasion, he talked about how hard he was working in school, and how much he wished she would have been able to be there for graduation in the spring. As he talked, he thought about his father as well; over the years, Remus had thought about the events of that last day with his father, and though he still felt some hurt from his father's words and actions, he had healed somewhat. He felt more content with his life and confident in his abilities than he ever thought he would. He knew his friends, especially Lily, were responsible for helping him heal, and begin to put his life together. If they had not believed in him and encouraged him as they had, he imagined that his life would have been much harder than it had. Of course, he owed a tremendous debt of gratitude to the Potters, who had taken him in and treated him as a son, without expecting anything from him in return. He took every opportunity he could to let them know, without it seeming insincere, how much he appreciated all they had done for him. Before he left, he conjured a wreath of pink roses and placed them against his mother's headstone, then took a few steps away and apparated back to Hogsmeade.

The first Hogsmeade weekend was the weekend before Halloween. At first, Remus did not plan to go- he had a test the following week that he knew he needed to study for, but when he awoke that morning and saw how perfect the weather looked, he decided he could make up the studying time he would lose on Sunday. He dressed quickly, then went downstairs to breakfast in the Great Hall. He had finished eating and was sipping a glass of pumpkin juice when James, Sirius and Peter joined him. Though James ate breakfast with the guys, he had a date with Lily and would be spending his day with her. As his friends finished their breakfast, Remus skimmed the newspaper, noting a few articles he wanted to read more thoroughly later. He folded the paper and put it in his inner jacket pocket, then stretched and joined Sirius and Peter, who were now ready to leave.

As they walked toward the village, they talked about their plans for the day, deciding which shops they needed to visit. Just inside the village, Sirius stopped- stopped walking, stopped talking- and stood in the middle of the street, staring, seemingly at nothing. Remus nudged him on the shoulder, and asked

"Are you okay?"

After a couple of seconds, Sirius replied

"Yeah, I'm okay. Did you see her?" pointing in the direction of Gladrags.

"Who?" asked Remus

"That girl...she just went into Gladrags. She's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

Remus thought for a moment- he'd been watching everyone in a passive way, so he wasn't sure if he'd seen her. But he did remember seeing a group of girls standing in front of the store a few moments earlier, and he had a hunch which one had caught Sirius' eye.

"I think so...was she petite with long reddish brown hair, wearing a dark blue coat and blue jeans?"

"Yeah, that was her. I wonder who she is? She can't be from Hogwarts, I'd have seen her already."

"Actually, Sirius, I think she is. If I'm not mistaken, that was Wendi Johnson, one of the chasers on the Ravenclaw quidditch team."

"That can't be right; I've seen Wendi before, and she doesn't look like that. She usually has her hair in a ponytail, and she just looks...well, plain, for lack of a better word."

"But how often do you see her off the quidditch field, and out of her school robes? Have you even seen her this year? Maybe she's changed a bit over the summer. She may be a 'late bloomer'- going through puberty a little later than others in our year. But I really am pretty sure that was her." suggested Remus

"I guess you could be right- I haven't really noticed her this year. If that is her, she certainly has changed...she's absolutely stunning. I want to ask her out, but I need to know for sure if that is her. I guess I'll need to pay more attention in class the next few days." said Sirius.

They had resumed their walk, and were now in front of Zonko's joke shop. They spent a few minutes browsing in there, and Sirius picked up a few items he wanted. When they went out, they could see the same group of girls a few yards ahead of them on the street. They decided to try to stay within earshot, hoping to catch the girls' names. After a few minutes, they gave up, because Peter was admiring the tall blonde in the group- at times a little too loudly, and neither Sirius nor Remus wanted to risk giving them a bad impression.

However they had seen enough to be fairly confident that Remus' identification of her was correct...the girl was Wendi Johnson. Sirius agreed that she had changed over the summer...her hair was several inches longer than when he'd last noticed, and though she appeared to have gained a small amount of weight, it had only served to give her previously boyish frame some very feminine curves.

They finished their shopping trip quicker than Remus had expected, and since there was nothing else they needed in Hogsmeade, they returned to the castle. At dinner that evening, Remus noticed Sirius scanning the Great Hall, and he was certain that Sirius was looking for Wendi. Remus glanced around the room himself, and soon spotted her, seated at the Ravenclaw table with the same group of girls they'd seen her with in Hogsmeade. He nudged Sirius, then quietly told him where she was. Sirius glanced that way, smiled at her, then returned his attention to his meal, but he stole glances at her several more times during dinner.

For the next several days, Sirius talked about little except Wendi. He had spotted her in a couple of their classes, and they crossed paths in the corridors several times. Anytime he was around his friends, he was trying to come up with the best way to ask her out...until he heard she had a boyfriend. One evening while Sirius was talking to him for what seemed like the millionth time about how beautiful she was, Remus asked Sirius why he was pursuing her anyway, since he had a girlfriend...Tina.

"We're not still together, Remus. That was a summer romance...we broke up the night we all said goodbye. She and I talked about it at one point when you and Jennifer were out in the water with James and Lily. We both agreed that it was for the best...we cared about each other, but the chemistry for a real relationship just wasn't there."

"I didn't realize. You seemed so interested in her that I just assumed you would try to keep it going." replied Remus

"I probably would have- the break up was her idea. But, having thought about it since then, I agree with her. I did care for her, I was interested in her, but I don't know that it would have ever been a long-term relationship. I enjoyed what we had while it lasted, but I'm okay with it being over."

"I guess that's what really counts- that you're both happy."

"Too bad Wendi's got a boyfriend...if she were single, I could actually ask her out." said Sirius.

"I know...you've made sure we all know." teased Remus

"I'm no worse than James was before he got together with Lily." said Sirius

"That's true, I suppose. Well, I've got homework I need to finish now." replied Remus as he turned his attention back to the essay he was supposed to be researching.

About a week after this conversation, Sirius walked in to lunch one afternoon, smiling broadly. When he sat down, before anyone could question the reason for his upbeat mood, he informed them that he'd just learned that Wendi had broken up with her boyfriend. Aside from the rumor, he had noticed that the ring she'd been wearing on a chain around her neck was gone, which he believed to be confirmation of the rumor.

That same evening, after dinner, the four of them were in their dorm,Sirius was again planning his approach to asking Wendi out for a date. After listening to him for a few minutes, Remus suggested to him that he try getting to know her first.

"If she just broke up with her boyfriend, she probably won't be in a hurry to date again. But she might be interested in making a new friend. You could ask her to study with you, or with all of us, or you could partner with her for a project in one of our classes...or you could sit by her at a quidditch game or at lunch and just talk to her."

"I guess that could work, but I usually just ask out a girl I'm interested in. I guess I could try it though." replied Sirius.

"I wasn't sure it would work with Lily either, but it did. By the time I got around to asking her out, we'd been spending time together for several months, and she accepted pretty easily. I was still nervous about the date, as I'm sure you remember, but everything went well that day. I don't know if she would have even considered an offer from me if I hadn't spent some time with her first." said James

"I'm almost sure you wouldn't have gotten a date with Lily if you'd just asked her out- she had a really bad impression of you, James. And even though we don't know what Wendi thinks of Sirius, this idea could work." said Remus confidently.

"I'll try it and see what happens- I don't really have anything to lose." said Sirius.

A couple of days later, luck gave Sirius the opportunity to make a good first impression on Wendi. He was running late for class, heading down the Entrance Hall stairs, when she tripped and scattered her belongings all over the staircase. Sirius made sure she was unhurt, then gathered most of her stuff and returned it to her. He was able to introduce himself to her before he had to quickly leave for class. He was a couple of minutes late, but Professor Merrythought was still checking attendance, and didn't comment on Sirius' arrival.

If Remus had not been as patient as he was, he would have likely gotten irritated at Sirius' near obsessive focus on Wendi. Now that he had actually met her, he was eager to have the opportunity to talk to her again. He had decided he would offer to study with her, hoping that would afford him the chance to spend time with her on a regular basis. Remus was not convinced that he would actually be able to study around her, but he didn't discourage Sirius...after all, he might surprise Remus and do well studying with her.

About two weeks after meeting Wendi, Sirius told them he had offered to help her study for a couple of classes. They had spent a few minutes together before a test, and she had expressed concern about the exam; he seized the opportunity and offered to help her study. She accepted the offer, and at lunch that day they worked out a schedule to meet and study.

Aside from the entertainment his friends' romantic lives provided, Remus was very focused on his classes. This year was his most challenging so far; he had homework in every class nearly every day. Along with covering the material, he found himself studying how the teachers presented the material. He felt this would help him in his teaching career after he graduated.

By the time Christmas holidays began, it was obvious that getting to know Wendi

was something Sirius was enjoying, not merely a technique to ask her out on a date. The two of them spent almost all of their free time together, and Sirius announced his plans to stay at school over the holidays. He would, however, bring Wendi to the Potters' house for Christmas dinner if he could. James was going to bring Lily as well, and though Remus usually enjoyed himself at these gatherings, he was a little nervous about it this year, since both of the girls would be there. He felt their presence would draw attention to the fact that he didn't have a date, and would cause Mr. and Mrs. Potter to question why he didn't have a date. He decided he would come up with some excuse, perhaps that he simply had not found the right person, or that his girlfriend had recently broken up with him. He felt those were believable enough to answer their questions and hopefully not invite additional inquiries.

He spent the first part of the holidays at Sirius' house, working on the homework that had been assigned by a couple of his teachers. Thankfully, most of them had decided not to assign homework, but some had apparently wanted to keep their students busy during their time off. December's full moon was on the 20th, so he had four days to recover from it before Christmas dinner at the Potters' house.

On Christmas Day, though he was still a bit tired from his transformation, he arrived at the Potters' house a little early, so that he could at least offer to help Mrs. Potter with the meal. When he walked into the kitchen, she greeted him with a hug that, even after three years, reminded him very much of the way his mother's hugs had felt.

"Merry Christmas, Remus! How have you been?" she asked cheerfully.

He fought back the lump in his throat from the emotion her hug had caused, and responded

"Merry Christmas to you too. I'm doing fine, just staying busy with my schoolwork. This year is turning out to be a tough year...they're giving us a lot of homework. But I'm managing. How have you been?"

"Just fine, dear. The house felt a little empty this summer with you and Sirius gone, but at least we got to see you a few times. I'm glad the two of you are doing well."

"Yes ma'am, we're doing fine on our own. Of course, the food's not nearly as good as yours, and neither of us quite manages to get the housework done as easily as you do, but the place is clean, and we always have plenty to eat, so it could be worse. I guess we just need a bit more practice with it all. I'm sorry we didn't see you more often this past summer; we'll try to do better this upcoming summer. Could you use some help with dinner?"

"Sure, if you don't mind. The table needs to be set, then these dishes need to be brought to the table."

"Okay, I'll see what I can do."

Rather than risk breaking any of Mrs. Potter's beautiful china trying to levitate it to the table,

Remus carried the pieces by hand. Once the table was properly set, he returned to the kitchen for

the serving bowls and platters that were waiting to be placed on the table. Just as he returned to the kitchen to see if there were additional pieces to be placed, he heard voices in the living room. He listened for a moment and recognized his friends' voices; James, Lily, Sirius and Wendi were all there. He stepped quietly into the living room. The four teenagers were facing away from the kitchen, having a lively conversation with Mr. Potter. Remus observed them for a moment, mentally noting how beautiful both girls were. Though no one considered their Christmas dinner a formal occasion, they did like to dress up a bit for the gathering. Apparently, the guys had relayed this to their dates, because both girls were dressed up. Lily was wearing a knee-length, emerald green velvet dress, and her hair hung in a cascade of soft waves. Wendi was dressed equally well, in a slightly longer, deep red dress that looked silky; her hair was pulled back in a pearl barrette.

The conversation died down a bit, and Remus seized that opportunity to greet them.

"Merry Christmas!" he announced cheerfully.

His friends turned his direction and responded with a warm "Merry Christmas". Lily strode quickly over to him, gave him a gentle hug and said

"I'm glad you made it" then whispered very softly "Are you okay?".

"Of course I made it, I wouldn't want to miss this for anything." then he whispered "I'm fine; a little sore, but I'll be okay."

He released her from the embrace, then said

"Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I'm going to see if Mrs. Potter needs any help."

"Are you cooking tonight?" asked Sirius

"Not unless she needs me to. I think the food is done, it just needs to be carried to the table."

"I'll help." the four of them replied, almost in unison.

They followed Remus into the kitchen, but Mrs. Potter insisted that the girls wait for dinner to be served.

"These boys live here, I don't mind letting them work a little. But you young ladies are our guests; you're here to celebrate and enjoy yourselves, not work. We'll have this done in just a few minutes."

The two girls went back to the living room to visit with Mr. Potter while the guys helped Mrs. Potter by carrying food to the table. As they set the dishes down, James chuckle, then said softly

"I could have told the girls that was how it would go. Mom never lets a guest work."

" I know. The first time I stayed here, she realized she had not changed the linens on the bed, and she wouldn't let me help her with it. Even after I moved in, it took over a month before she'd let me help with anything other than making sure my dirty laundry was in the hamper or putting up my clean laundry." said Sirius

"Even though she did eventually let us do some chores ourselves, she still fusses over us a bit. But I don't mind really...she reminds me of my mom, of what it's like to have a mom that cares about you. Sometimes that's just what I need." said Remus.

Just then, Sirius' stomach growled loudly enough for the guys to hear it. He laughed, then commented

"I think what I need right now is to eat. Let's go see if there are more dishes to carry."

They were pleased to discover that the only remaining dish was the ham, which Remus quickly carried to the table.

The meal that evening was wonderful. The food was delicious, the atmosphere festive, and the conversation light-hearted and enjoyable. To Remus' enormous relief, his earlier concerns were unfounded; his lack of a date seemed to be completely unnoticed. The Potters peppered the boys with questions about school, they caught up with Lily, whom they had not seen since mid-summer, and got to know Wendi. They asked her quite a few questions, but if she was nervous, she hid it well. In fact, she charmed the group with her bright smile, easy laughter and keen intellect. By the time the meal was over, it was obvious the Potters heartily approved of her.

The guys helped Mrs. Potter clear the dinner dishes, then carried the desserts to the table. She had made a beautiful chocolate mint cake, two apple pies, and a platter of cookies.

Though he only intended to have a piece of cake, everything smelled so good Remus ended up sampling everything...but so did everyone else. Once they were quite stuffed and Mrs. Potter was blushing from the shower of compliments she received, the table was cleared for a final time, and the group returned to the living room.

The wireless was turned on for some Christmas music, and Mr. Potter handed out gifts to everyone. He and Mrs. Potter had gotten each of the guys a signet ring and a new sweater; the girls each received a tin of Mrs. Potter's homemade candy and a scarf.

Since Sirius, James, and Remus had a difficult time choosing gifts for Mr. and Mrs. Potter, they had decided to buy gifts that complimented each other. Sirius had bought Mr. Potter a new record player, James and Remus each had bought a couple of new albums they thought he would like.

For Mrs. Potter, James bought a new dress, Sirius bought a strand of pearls, and Remus bought a shawl made from a shimmery white yarn, with a pattern that looked like snowflakes.

After the gifts had been opened, they talked for a while, and occasionally sang along with the wireless. When the announcer gave the time as 10:30 p.m., Sirius decided he and Wendi should return to school to avoid any harassment from Mr. Filch. Lily was ready to go home as well; she and James had plans the following morning, and she wanted to get in bed a little early. Though Remus had toyed with the idea of asking to spend the night at the Potters' , he decided he would return to Sirius' house. He had been working on the homework he'd been assigned and was nearly finished- if he got an early start on it the next morning, he would be able to complete it and have the rest of the holiday to relax.


	22. The Final Semester

When classes resumed two weeks later, the teachers reminded the seventh-year students

of the exams they had to take this year. Seventh year was when NEWT exams were given; these

exams tested advanced knowledge of the areas they had concentrated their studies on for the last

two years. Since Remus had taken courses for two different careers, he could either take the

exams in all the subjects he had studied, or choose between the careers and test for only one.

He spent a great deal of time thinking about it, and though he was more interested in being a

teacher, he felt it was wise to have more than one option. He also talked to his friends, and to

Professor McGonagall, and received the same advice- since he had made it through the classes,

there was no reason to believe he couldn't pass the exams.

Aside from thinking about his own future, he continued his habit of observing the lives of

his friends. It had been obvious since early in the relationship that there was a strong attraction

between Sirius and Wendi, and as time had passed, Remus had felt it was becoming more

serious. The two rarely spent any free time apart, and Sirius ignored almost everything around

him. He paid enough attention to his classes and homework that his grades didn't really suffer-

though they had dropped a bit, and likely would have fallen more if Wendi had not been able to

help him study.

By early April, students were becoming frantic about their exams. The common areas of

the castle practically buzzed with students quizzing each other or discussing the upcoming tests.

In spite of, or perhaps because of, teachers spending most of their class time preparing the

students for these exams, many students became desperate for anything that might help them

perform well. As it always did, a crop of potions, powders and gadgets designed to enhance

memory, concentration, or stamina emerged among the fifth and seventh year students. Though

Remus had seen and confiscated many such items since he'd become a prefect, he was surprised

each year at the variety available, and the claims they made. He was also a little surprised at how

many students fell for these false claims, though he realized panic had much to do with it.

Though policing the common areas to try to prevent anyone from being really harmed by

these concoctions added significantly to his schedule, it was not the only task requiring more of

his time. James, who had considerably decreased the number of pranks he pulled since he'd been

dating Lily, had apparently decided he wanted to make sure no one forgot him. The first prank

Remus was aware of was one day he heard a group of students talking about a niffler having

been discovered in the kitchen, hoarding the silverware. Apparently, it had taken the house-elves

a few minutes to find it and stupefy it so that they could remove it from the kitchen and begin

preparing lunch. Remus wouldn't have immediately thought of James being involved, but later

that evening, he was telling Sirius and Peter the story, and explaining how he had released the

niffler into the kitchen. Since he had not seen the prank happen, Remus decided not to report

James for the offense.

A week later, Remus saw Mr. Filch trying to close the door to the broom closet to stem

the tide of a rising pile of brooms. Every time he pushed some into the closet and tried to close

the door, more burst into existence. Soon, there was an enormous pile of brooms in front of the

broom closet. Remus realized someone had cast the Geminio curse on the brooms, and as he

walked toward Mr. Filch, he looked across the hall and discovered the culprit. James was

standing in an alcove, mostly in shadows, laughing, having apparently cast the Muffliato curse to

prevent anyone from hearing him. Before Remus could reach Mr. Filch, Professor McGonagall

came out of the Great Hall and approached the scene. With a flick of her wand, the pile of

brooms disappeared. She then conjured a pair of new brooms for Mr. Filch, who muttered a

thanks and put them in his broom closet. She motioned for Remus to come over, then asked if

he'd seen who was responsible for the prank. He told her about seeing James, and that he was

pretty sure he was behind it, even though he hadn't actually seen him cast the spell. As James had

fled the scene, she promised to have him summoned from class. Later that day, James

complained of having detention for a week, and Remus reminded him that he was a prefect and

was not going to lie to a teacher to prevent James from being punished.

Outside the walls of Hogwarts, strange things were happening that no one was laughing

about. People, both wizard and muggle,were behaving oddly. Many were leaving steady jobs,

walking away from family, or taking unplanned trips; some had been found dead for no apparent

reason, others had been gone for months without a clue regarding their whereabouts. The muggle

world was puzzled by this phenomenon, particularly because there was no apparent reason for

any of it. The disappearances could not be explained, and the bodies of the dead were of no help

in those cases, because there did not appear to be any evidence of injury, illness or foul play. The

wizard press eluded to the idea that these crimes were wizard crimes, but did not dig further.

Aside from the newspaper, Remus had bits of other information about these incidents.

He heard, on a couple of occasions, conversations among students, particularly Severus Snape

and some of his close friends indicating that they believed a particular wizard was behind these

crimes. He never heard much, just enough to make him feel that Severus and his friends could

not be trusted, and likely supported this wizard's actions. There were also occasions when he

overheard bits of conversations among teachers, especially as he passed the staffroom on his

patrols of the corridors at night. The teachers seemed generally quite concerned about these

events, and also seemed to have strong suspicions about the identity of the wizard behind these

crimes. However, they did not seem at all supportive, and in fact some of the tidbits Remus heard

indicated to him that they might be trying to find a way to fight back against this wizard.

These disturbing events caused Remus to reevaluate his plans to become a teacher after

graduation. While he was sure he would enjoy it, he felt that if there were some evil wizard out

there killing people, or having others do it for him, he could not merely stand aside and watch.

He felt he should be involved in helping stop this person from killing more people. So he decided

to take his NEWTs in all of his classes, and apply to the Ministry of Magic's auror training

program as soon as possible after graduation. He felt sure that in a time such as this, his

werewolf status would not prevent him from being accepted. With this new goal and newfound

determination, he pursued his studies as diligently as always, trying to get the highest grades he

possibly could, hoping to aid him in this goal.

One morning in mid-May, Remus saw Professor McGonagall call Lily aside during

breakfast. At first he was concerned something might be wrong because of the seriousness of

Professor McGonagall's expression, but then she smiled warmly and patted Lily on the shoulder.

Later that morning, as they waited to get into Potions class, he asked her

"Do you mind telling me what Professor McGonagall was talking to you about this morning?"

"Of course I don't mind; I was about to tell you anyway. She asked me if I wanted to be

the class valedictorian. I have the highest grade in our year- well, I'm tied with one other

person. I accepted; it's an honor to be asked to speak at graduation."

"That's great! I had a feeling it must have been good news, because of the way she

smiled. I'm surprised there's anyone tied with you- you make perfect scores on practically

everything." Remus replied.

"So do you, and I'm betting you are the person I'm tied with. She didn't give names, but

she said there were five of us whose grades are really close and that both the

valedictorian and salutatorian will come from that group."

"It's possible I'm in there, but James, Sirius, and Wendi all have grades as good as mine.

I'm sure they're being considered as well. And that doesn't even account for anyone in the

other houses. I might not be as high on the list as you'd think." said Remus.

"I'll be surprised if you're not considered. You'll know for sure today or tomorrow...she's

trying to ask her top choices today, and depending on who accepts, she'll move further

down the list." Lily replied.

"I guess I'll know soon enough if it's one of our group..and I'll be happy for whomever it may be."

"What are you going to say if she does ask you?" asked Lily

"I don't know...I'll have to think about it. It would certainly be an honor to be asked. But I

would be terrified at the idea of giving a speech, especially to such a large group. I'm not

sure I could do it, and I have no idea what I'd say." Remus answered.

"I could help you write your speech, and I'm sure if you rehearsed you could do it." offered Lily.

"I appreciate the offer, but I'll have to think about it."

"Just don't give up on the idea too easily...you could do this, I'm sure of it." said Lily.

At that moment, Wendi, Sirius, James and Peter caught up to them, and the classroom

door was opened, allowing the class to enter.

As Lily had predicted, Professor McGonagall did call Remus aside after Transfiguration

class that day.

"Remus, as you may know, the school always selects two of its top students to

speak at graduation each year. These students must have very high grades and be

capable of handling the extra work required to write an acceptable speech. I am

pleased to tell you that you are among the group being considered. Your grades

are the best in the class- you're tied with one other person- and I feel that because

you are so dedicated to your studies, you can handle the work. Are you interested

in speaking at graduation?"

"Thank you for considering me for this..it is an honor to be asked. But I'm not

sure I can answer you now. Can I have some time to think about it?"

"You can take some time, but I need to know by the end of the week."

"Thank you ma'am. I'm sure I'll reach a decision before then." said Remus.

When classes were over for the day and he was in the Gryffindor common room, Lily

asked if Professor McGonagall had spoken to him. He told her about the conversation,

and that he'd asked for some time to decide. Once again, Lily encouraged him to accept

the offer; his other friends did as well. However, Remus was not so sure that he could do

a good job.

Over the next couple of days, Remus spent a lot of time thinking about the speech. He

knew the invitation was an honor, and speaking at graduation would be a big achievement. But he couldn't shake his fear of speaking to a crowd, and no matter how he tried, he couldn't think of anything he might say that would make a good speech.

Speeches like this were supposed to be inspirational and have meaning to those listening,

especially his classmates. So, after two days of thought, he told Professor McGonagall

that he was declining the invitation. She was disappointed, but agreed that if he didn't feel

he could do a good job, it was better to let someone else do it.

Later that day, Lily told him that Professor Flitwick had asked Wendi to speak at

graduation, and that Wendi had accepted on the spot. Lily was clearly excited for her

friend, and Remus felt that Wendi would do an excellent job.

Several days later, Lily bumped into Remus in the library. She had a small stack of books

and a couple of large rolls of parchment. She asked if she could join him at the table he

was using; he agreed.

"What are you working on?" he asked

"The speech for graduation...I'm trying to come up with a topic. I've been just

writing down ideas that come to me, but I'm not having much luck. I want it to be

an inspirational speech, something that will be encouraging. So far, I haven't

found anything that seems to quite fit what I have in mind. Of course, I know I

don't have to quote anyone, I can use entirely my own ideas and words, but I

thought if I could find a good book or two, it would give me some ideas, and

having one or two really good quotes might strengthen my speech."

she sighed, frustration evident in her voice.

"Do you know what you're looking for? A story, or just some ideas that will work

together, like the merits of hard work or not giving up...something along those

lines?"

"I'm thinking about using someone's life story, but most of the inspiring stories I

know about are those I've covered in one class or another...and I certainly do not

want to sound like I'm giving a lecture. I've seen too many people doze off during

Professor Binns' history class already; I don't want them nodding off during

graduation...that would be embarrassing."

"Yeah, it would be, but I don't think it would be that bad. You're a lot more

interesting to listen to than Professor Binns, and I'm sure you'd come up with

some details that aren't covered in History of Magic." he assured her.

"I'm hoping that there are some details in these books that we don't already know

about some of the people we covered in there...or that there's information about

someone we haven't studied. Do you have time to help me look through these?"

she asked.

"Sure, just let me put my things away." he said, stowing his books in his bag.

About an hour later, they had combed through each of the books she had carried over, as

well as nearly a half-dozen more, and none of them had anything significantly different

from the books they had studied in class. There had been a few tidbits about some of the

historical figures, but not enough to make their stories fit Lily's needs. As she placed the

last book on the stack, she said

"How can there be so little information about such important people? These are

supposed to be some of the most important people in our history, yet there's

nothing here beyond the basic facts of their lives and whatever important deeds

they did. There's nothing here to bring them to life, to make people relate to their

story or feel connected to them in any way."

"They lived so long ago, I guess much of the information you are wanting has

been lost or was never recorded. Have you thought of looking at the life of

someone who is still alive? Maybe you could interview them if you could find

someone like that. Professor Dumbledore might be a good candidate...I bet he's

had an interesting life."

"I did think of him, but I'm afraid that would not come out very well; I think it

would seem like I was trying to flatter him. I think I need someone else. It would

really be great if I could find information about someone relatively young. Any

ideas?" she asked.

"No, I can't think of anyone young that would fit...but I'll let you know if I do ."

he promised.

"Okay. I'm gonna have to put up my books and get going; I've got a class in a few

minutes."

"I'll help you with those." he said.

They put away the stack of books, gathered their things and left the library, headed in

different directions.

Later that evening, Remus entered the Gryffindor common room on his way to the dormitories to put away his books, when Lily called him over to the table where she and Wendi were sitting. It was obvious they were working on something, as the table was littered with stacks of books and rolls of parchment.

He walked over to the table, and asked

"What can I do for you?"

"Have you got time to look over the rough draft of our speeches? We don't have a

lot done, just an outline and a few notes, but we would like your opinion on them

anyway, just to get a different perspective."

He pulled out a chair, sat down beside the girls, and took the parchment Lily offered him.

As he read it, he found the story interesting, but it also felt somewhat familiar.

"This sounds really good, I'd have never guessed it was a rough draft. Who did

you decide to use as your inspiration? The story seems familiar for some reason."

he asked

"That's what I was going for; a story that everyone could relate to. I used bits and pieces from the lives of several people I know, and added a little pure fiction to it too, to create a story that seems real and believable, and a character you can care about. Do you like it?" she asked.

"Yeah, it's good. Your idea works...I feel like this speech is about my life and the struggles I've gone through. You do create a realistic character that you want to root for, that you hope gets a happy ending. And I really like the fact that you show that this is not the end, but the beginning. It's a good inspirational speech."

"Great, I'm glad you think so. I've got a few changes to make, but I don't think I'll need to do much, just add some details to it. I do have to show Professor McGonagall my first draft..actually, it'll be a second draft because this one is messy, but if she approves it, then I just polish it up and it will be ready to go."

Wendi spoke up " Will you read mine? It's just supposed to be introducing Lily, with a few__brief comments addressed to the class. I only get three minutes to speak, so I couldn't put much in there."

"Sure, I'll look at it." he said, taking the parchment she offered him.

When he finished, he said

"This is a good speech too. You do a good job of introducing Lily, and your comments to the class fit well with her speech. Your wording makes the listener curious about what she is going to say to everyone. I don't think I'd change anything in yours, either."

"Thanks, I was hoping it would work well with Lily's speech. All I need to do now is proofread it, make sure it doesn't go over three minutes, and show it to Professor McGonagall."

As he handed the parchment back to Wendi, Remus glanced quickly at his watch. He needed to study for an upcoming final, so he excused himself to go to the dorm and read.

Over the next several weeks, Lily and Wendi spent most of their free time working on their speeches. Finally, about a week before graduation, they decided they were finished...the speeches were as good as they could make them. They again asked Remus to offer an opinion, and as before, he could find no flaws in their work. The following day, they showed Professor McGonagall the finished products, and she approved the speeches. In fact, Lily confided to Remus that Professor McGonagall had called them the best graduation speeches she'd read in many years, and that she looked forward to hearing them.

The remaining days before graduation put Remus in a reflective, nostalgic mood. Like most of the seniors, he spent his time with his friends, enjoying these last precious days of freedom, knowing that graduation would mark the beginning of their "real" lives. The six of them spent several lazy afternoons on the bank of the lake, enjoying the weather, the companionship, and the picnic food they had gotten from the kitchens. They discussed their plans for the summer, but often found themselves bringing up some of their favorite memories from their time at Hogwarts. Though many of his favorite memories were of events that had happened, he knew he would also remember other things about the school...the way it had looked to him the very first time he saw it, how the grounds looked like a postcard when it snowed at Christmas, the smells from the kitchens...but most importantly, how safe he felt there. Over the years, the school had become his refuge; though he felt comfortable at Sirius' house, and he loved the Potters nearly as much as he did his own family, he knew that if he were ever in trouble of any kind, Hogwarts was the place he would think of first.

On graduation night, after he had packed his trunk and gone through his dorm room carefully to make sure he was not leaving anything behind, Remus got dressed for the ceremony. As he tied his tie, he remembered how his mother had done it, and thought of how much he wished she could be here tonight. He hoped she would be proud of him...she had always made him feel as though she was. He kept that idea in mind as he put on the brilliant purple robe and cap, hoping that would help calm his nerves.

After a few deep breaths, and the thought that at least he didn't have to give a speech to the crowd, he felt a bit calmer. He then left the dorm and headed to the entrance hall, where the graduating class was assembling before filing to the Quidditch pitch for the ceremony. He chatted with his friends for a moment, then Professor McGonagall quickly checked to see that everyone was present. She then handed out gold colored sashes to the students with the highest grades...four students from each house. Everyone then lined up alphabetically, regardless of house, as this was the order in which the diplomas would be handed out. Professor McGonagall had compared it to a reverse sorting ceremony...the students entered the school as one class, and graduated as one class. Once everyone was in line, they followed her lead to the Quidditch pitch, then filed onto the field, which was filled with rows of chairs to accommodate the graduates. The stands were full of families, many of which were standing at the edge, trying to spot their graduate. A stage and podium had been set up for the ceremony. Screens had been set up in a couple of places to magically project images from the stage to enable everyone to see each graduate as they received their diploma.

After everyone was seated, Professor Dumbledore spoke briefly to the crowd, then introduced Wendi. She walked up to the podium, spoke briefly to her classmates, expressing the excitement they all shared about the evening, then gave Lily a glowing introduction. Lily approached the podium with an air that Remus had learned usually came from her concentrating on something...he knew she was nervous about presenting her speech, so he strongly suspected that she was telling herself she could get through it. When she turned to face the class, her expression confirmed his suspicion. In spite of her nervousness, she presented her speech brilliantly, without a single flaw that he could detect. She had written the speech about a young person, without assigning a gender, and told the story of this person's struggles to succeed in school, the determination that had required, and how the person had grown into a better person as a result of the hard work involved. As she concluded her speech, she addressed the question that was on everyone's mind, who was the story about; not one single person, but all of them.

"Every one of us has struggled with something in our lives- difficult classes, bullies, fights with friends, breakups of romantic relationships, disagreements with parents, prejudices of society...the list goes on. But dealing with those obstacles, learning to overcome them, is a skill as important as anything we learned in our classes, because if we can't solve our own problems, nothing else will matter. We must not be afraid to deal with whatever life may throw our way; thanks to the knowledge and skills we have gained inside the classroom and out here at Hogwarts, we are ready."

The audience and graduates gave Lily a good round of applause, she thanked them for their attention, and returned to her seat. Professor Dumbledore stood in front of the table holding the diplomas, and Professor McGonagall walked to the podium. Over the next hour, the graduates received their diplomas, along with a handshake, from Professor Dumbledore. When the ceremony was over, the graduates all tossed their caps into the air, a few even turning them into birds or butterflies as they did. Those whose caps did not fly away retrieved them, then gathered with friends and walked off the field to meet their families and leave the school grounds.

Remus walked to the castle steps with his friends, and as each carriage could only hold six people, he got into the carriage with Sirius, Wendi and her parents. As they left the school, he listened to their conversation, but found himself wondering if he would ever return to Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore had spoken to him earlier that day, to inform him that if there was ever a time when he needed a place to stay during the full moon, he was always welcome to use the shrieking shack. He also provided him with a large supply of the potions and creams he needed to care for himself after his transformation, and told him that whenever he needed more, if he could not buy it from St. Mungo's, he could come to the school and get it from the nurse.

When the carriage rolled to a stop at Hogsmeade station, he unloaded his trunk, took a long last look at the Hogwarts grounds in the distance, and apparated to the house he shared with Sirius.


	23. Epilogue

Author's Note: To those who have stuck with this story this far, and most especially those who have been reading it since I started, I appreciate your patience. Thank you for taking the time to read my version of how Remus' life may have progressed. Please read/review...I always like tosee the opinions of those who have read my work.

Epilogue

Three Years Later

November 1, 1981

Remus was alone. For the first time in his twenty-one years, he was completely and utterly alone. He sat on the floor in the living room of his parents' home, hugging his knees to his chest, watching the flame of the candle he'd lit hours ago flicker. As he watched its motion, he contemplated the path his life had taken that had led him here.

After graduation, he had attempted to enter the Ministry's auror training program. He had glowing letters of recommendation from Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, as well as his transcript. But the person to whom he'd spoken had focused on his lycanthropy, which he had divulged in response to a question on the application. They had barely glanced at his transcript and letters; he was informed that he would not be considered for the program because of his condition.

His goal of becoming an auror now impossible, he'd spent the summer trying to decide what else he wanted to pursue. He had trained as a teacher, and felt he would enjoy working with kids, especially younger students. He worked as a private tutor for a while, but soon, the parents noticed the pattern to his absences, and accused him of being a werewolf; though he did not confirm their suspicions, they fired him anyway. Over the first year and a half after graduation, he had a handful of these jobs, but they all ended the same way.

Just as he had begun to feel he needed to consider some other type of work, Professor Dumbledore had approached Remus, Sirius, James, Lily, Wendi, and Peter about joining a secret organization that he had founded. He and a group of other wizards were fighting against the growing evil being committed by the wizard known as Lord Voldemort. They had all joined quickly, and soon, Professor Dumbledore spoke to Remus privately about the work he needed him to do. Some of the work was risky, but was work that only he could do. As a result of this risk, Dumbledore offered to pay Remus for his work. At first, Remus hesitated to accept it, because it seemed like charity, but after thinking about it, he decided he to take the money because he would be earning it.

This had worked out very well for him; it had allowed him to pay his own way. Sirius had offered to pay his expenses, but Remus felt that since they were sharing Sirius' house, he should pay what he could. Remus and Sirius had gotten along well and enjoyed being roommates, until recently. In the last few weeks, there seemed to be an information leak from within the Order of the Phoenix, and though he could scarcely believe it, Sirius seemed to be the leak. He had been acting strangely- keeping odd hours, drinking more than usual, not talking to Remus as much, being secretive when they did talk - in fact, at times he treated Remus as if he suspected him of leaking information.

At first, Remus had attributed Sirius' behavior to grief- Wendi had been murdered a few months earlier, and Dumbledore believed it to be the work of Voldemort. There had been no obvious reason for her murder, except perhaps her connection to the Order of the Phoenix and to Sirius.

But the events of the last two days changed Remus' perspective.

Last night had been a full moon, and for some reason – just an odd feeling, really- he had decided to apparate to the shrieking shack for the night. Part of the feeling was likely from the fact that, on the last full moon, in spite of their agreement that Sirius would be home to make sure Remus was locked into the spare bedroom, he had not been there when Remus went upstairs just before dark. Remus had locked himself in, but of course could not fasten the padlock that was on the outside of the door; his last thoughts before he had changed that night were hoping that he did not somehow break out of the room. Thankfully, the next morning, the door was still intact, so he assumed he had stayed in the room. This was not an experience he wanted to repeat, and when Sirius had said yesterday that he would be gone most of the day, Remus decided that if he were likely to be alone for his transformation, he at least wanted to be somewhere he felt it was safe for him to be alone.

This morning, when he had returned to his human form, he had tended his wounds and just finished dressing when Professor Dumbledore had arrived in the shack. He walked into the room with the overwhelmed expression of someone who has received more bad news than they can handle at one time. It was a moment before he composed himself enough to speak.

"Remus, I have some bad news for you. You probably should sit down for this."

Remus sat down on the couch and waited, his mind racing, trying to figure out what kind of horror could so visibly rattle Professor Dumbledore, a man who seemed to be composed in any situation.

"So much has happened that I scarcely know where to begin. There is really no way to make sense of it at all, but I guess I'll just give you the news in the same order I learned it. First of all, James and Lily Potter were killed last night by Voldemort. Harry is alive, and safe. At the moment, it looks like Sirius was involved. Hagrid saw him at their house when he went to get Harry. He said that Sirius didn't say much, but gave him his motorcycle and said he wouldn't be needing it anymore. Hagrid used the bike to fly himself and Harry back here. Apparently after he left their house, Sirius went after Peter. He cornered him in a muggle street, and killed him and twelve muggles with a single curse. A number of muggles witnessed the incident, and Sirius has already been brought to Azkaban."

Remus could hardly believe what he was hearing...there must be some mistake.

"Not Lily...and James...how could Sirius do this, they were so close. How could he turn on his best friend? Who could possibly want to harm a soul as beautiful as Lily? Poor Harry, what's going to happen to him now? There's no one left that can really care for him...I'd love to, but I can barely provide for myself, I certainly couldn't take care of him."

"We're working on that; I'm considering several options. But there's more. Your father was also killed last night. We're not sure why; it's possible someone linked him to you and to the Order of the Phoenix, but there was also a lot of random violence committed in the last several days, so it may have been the result of that. As I knew you were incapacitated, I took the liberty of asking St. Mungo's to hold the body until you've had time to make arrangements."

Remus nodded in agreement with Dumbledore's statement, but he could barely believe what he was hearing. Professor Dumbledore continued

" One good thing came from all this tragedy- Voldemort seems to have disappeared. We're not sure if he's dead or in hiding, but no one has seen him since last night. It seems too much to hope that he might be dead, but I am cautiously optimistic about the situation."

"That would be a good thing, if you're right. This is just so much to deal with all at once...I'm not sure what to do first."

"If I may make a suggestion, why don't you come up to the castle so you can sleep and get a good meal, then you'll be better able to think clearly. I would also suggest that you make the arrangements for your father's funeral first, then you can decide if you want to stay in Sirius' house or move into your parents' home...that decision is not quite as urgent as the funeral arrangements."

"I agree, and I think I will take you up on your offer. A soft bed and a good meal do sound really good right now. I take it there are still some empty quarters I can use?"

"Yes, there are always some empty quarters in the castle. It seems that Hogwarts was built to house more staff than it does now, but I think they originally taught more classes than we currently do. The same quarters you used a few years ago are still empty, and since I guessed you might want to stay, I had the house-elves clean the rooms for you."

"Thank you very much for this, Professor."

"You're welcome, Remus."

He followed Professor Dumbledore to the suite of quarters he'd used before, because he wasn't sure he'd remember the way. Once alone, he set down the small bag of belongings he had brought with him to the shrieking shack, then quickly crawled into bed. Sleep eluded him at first, as his mind was still reeling from the news he had received. But eventually the exhaustion of last night swept over him, and he drifted into a sound sleep.

About six hours later, slightly after noon, he woke. He got a meal from the kitchen and ate, then sat down on the sofa to try to decide what to do first. He agreed that his father's funeral needed to be arranged first, but he was not really sure exactly what he needed to do...he'd had no real part in planning his mother's funeral, so this was all new to him.

_I guess I should go to St. Mungo's first, to see about the bill, and let them know I am making the arrangements...then I need to go to Gringott's to get the money to pay for everything- I hope that a death certificate from the hospital will be enough proof of who I am for them to allow me to access his vault, because I just don't have enough money put up to pay for everything myself. After I've done that, I know I need to get a casket, get together some clothes- he should have something at home that will be okay for that...I'll need to find someone to speak at the funeral- maybe his boss if he was still working at the same shop he was when I left home; he seemed to be friendly with that man...can't remember his name at the moment, but I'm sure it's written down somewhere at his house...I'll need flowers; I could conjure those, but I think it would be better to have someone more skilled at it than I am do that...I'll need someone to play music...I'll need to put an announcement in the paper...and of course, I'll have to speak to someone at the cemetery about the grave...I wonder if Professor Dumbledore would have time to answer a few questions about all of this for me?_

He went to Professor Dumbledore's office, and thanked him again for his hospitality. He then told him what he planned to do, and asked if he had time to answer a few questions about who he should contact and other details about the arrangements. Dumbledore offered instead to accompany him on his errands, as his planning for Harry was at a standstill at the moment...he was waiting for information that likely would not be available until much later in the day, and the boy was being cared for by the nurse and a couple of teachers, so there wasn't much he could do. Remus accepted the offer, glad to have a friend with him for this.

When they arrived at St. Mungo's, Remus was informed that because the hospital had not been able to do anything for his father, he had been dead on arrival, they would not charge him for simply storing his body overnight. They offered to prepare his body for burial- they had not yet embalmed him since they were not sure if he would be buried or cremated. The orderly then led Remus and Professor Dumbledore to the room where the body was being kept, then left them alone.

As he stood there, looking at his father's lifeless form, a million thoughts seemed to flood into Remus' mind. But the one that stood out, that somewhat surprised even him, was what he revealed to Professor Dumbledore.

"I forgave him. Somehow, somewhere along the way, I forgave him. It happened so slowly, in such a gradual way that I didn't really think about it. But over the years, I've become able to think of him without anger, to miss him- I especially did on graduation day- and to some degree to understand why he lashed out at me the way he did. I do believe now that it was mostly grief- he'd just lost the most important person in his life- but he was looking for someone to blame because no one had been able to help her...and because I had been such a drain on them emotionally and financially, and my condition had caused such changes in our lives- we all lost friends, we had to move, he had to change jobs- he resented me..or at least, resented my condition. I'm not sure he differentiated between me and my condition, especially at that point. In fact, I don't think he was thinking nearly clear enough to realize anything more at that point than that he was hurting, and he felt I was the cause of it. I just wish he had at some point since then been able to see the situation differently and try to forgive me."

"I had a feeling you would eventually forgive him- you're just that kind of person. I think you are like your mother in that respect; I sensed she was a very kind, compassionate woman in the few times I was around her. I, too, wish your father had been able to reach out to you. I wish he had come to the same realizations that you did, perhaps you would have been able to repair your relationship, at least enough to speak to each other. I continued to contact him about once a year, even after you left school, just to let him know how you were. It wasn't until this year that he actually responded to my letter...prior to this the only way I knew they were received was that I used my skills as a legillimens to determine that he had read them. This year...in January, he actually sent me a letter back, letting me know he'd received mine, and he invited me over for a visit. I went, and we talked a little, he did ask about you, but he was not interested in contacting you, nor did he want me to tell you we'd spoken. He seemed more interested in making sure that the school was not pursuing legal action for the money used to pay for your schooling than anything else. I assured him that was not the case, that the money had been a gift, but that you had managed to pay it off yourself. He then wanted to know how you'd managed to get that kind of money, and where you were working. He seemed to have taken the resentment he felt toward you to its extreme, and I don't know if he ever would have been able to try again. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about contacting him...maybe I should have."

"There's no need to apologize- you did what you felt was best in the situation, which was to honor your word. I wouldn't have expected anything less from you. If he had been truly interested in my life, in trying to repair our relationship, he would have wanted to contact me. At least you tried to help us- you did more than I expected you to, and I appreciate your efforts. Even though he resisted your attempts at communication, your advice to me was very helpful. You did so much for me, especially in those first few days after mom died, and he threw me out. I can't imagine how I would have made it through that situation without your help."

said Remus.

"I'm glad to know I made a difference. Sometimes it's hard to be sure that what you do has the effect you intend it to. I had hoped my actions and advice were helpful to you, but I'm glad to hear it from you. As far as contacting your father, I just felt it was a good idea to keep trying."

"It was...I would have tried myself, but I was sure he wouldn't talk to me...from what you said, I was probably right. Now I'd like to ask another favor- can you help me with planning his funeral? I'm just not sure about some of the things I need to do."

"Certainly I can help; there's nothing pressing that I need to do now. What do you need me to do?" asked Professor Dumbledore.

"Mostly I just need information. Do you remember where he got mom's casket? What should I put in the newspaper announcement? Who should I ask to deliver the eulogy? I know I'll need flowers and music, do you have any suggestions for those things? Is there anything else I need to do that I am not thinking of?"

"Make sure you get his best suit or robes from the house. Yes, I do remember where he bought your mom's casket; I'll write it down for you. I'd keep the newspaper announcement simple- name, age, date of birth, names of family living and dead. If you want to add a few comments, they will do that too. As far as the eulogy, if you don't feel comfortable doing it, you could ask the clergyman who officiates the funeral to do it, or if he had a particularly close friend, they might be willing to do it. I can write down the name of the piper that played at your mom's funeral if you wish, but there are quite a few musicians in the area that play a variety of music if you want something different. For flowers, if you don't feel comfortable conjuring them yourself, Professor Sprout can conjure some for you."

"How do I get a clergyman to officiate the service? We never went to church very much. Could I have someone other than a clergyman do it?"

"You could. But you should be able to talk to the pastor at whatever church is in the community he lived in and ask them to do it. They will usually perform services like that for a fee. If he can't or won't, I'll help you find someone who will do it."

"That would be great. I appreciate your help. I guess I need to go ahead and see about these arrangements."

"Would you like for me to come with you?" asked Professor Dumbledore.

"If you don't mind, I would appreciate the company."

"I don't mind at all. I know how difficult this all must be for you."

"Thanks, I appreciate it. Guess we need to get started." said Remus.

On their way out of the hospital, they stopped at the desk and got several copies of the death certificate for Remus to use in dealing with the various companies as he made the arrangements. From there, they went to Gringotts, and Remus was allowed to access his father's vault once he presented the certificate. He withdrew what seemed like an adequate amount, then they went to the casket company Professor Dumbledore told him his dad had used. He selected a nice one made of dark walnut and lined with deep blue satin. From there, he contacted the pastor at the village church nearest the cemetery. The man was quite willing to perform the ceremony, and only charged Remus a small fee. With the most important parts of the arrangements made, they went to the Daily Prophet, and Professor Dumbledore helped him compose an announcement. Remus decided that since he found bagpipe music soothing, he would ask the piper who had played at his mom's funeral to play at his father's. The musician agreed, and Remus chose a couple of songs.

Finally, he could no longer put off the stop he was most dreading- returning to his childhood home. When he landed in the lawn and looked around, it took a moment for him to realize this was the same house he'd left so many years ago. The house had never been beautiful- it was just a simple house- but his mother had tried very hard to make it look nice. Even after she'd gotten sick, she kept flowers in the flowerbeds and the exterior walls always looked freshly painted. Now, it was apparent his dad had not planted anything in a long time- that didn't surprise Remus, but he'd guessed his dad might dismantle the flowerbeds. He also had not painted in quite some time, either. The two elements together made the house seem rundown.

When he opened the door, the signs of the previous night's struggle were obvious. Some of the furniture was turned over, a plate of food had been spilled and broken, and there was blood on the carpet.

Remus wondered what had happened in those final moments of his father's life. No one had been able to tell him much; the only reason the neighbor who had found him had come over was that he'd heard several screams and been concerned about Mr. Lupin.

After a moment's thought, he remembered why he was there and went to his father's bedroom to look for clothes. He found a light gray suit that was in good condition, then located a nice tie to go with it and conjured a bag to carry it in.

Professor Dumbledore, who had been silently observing him, said

"I think you made a good choice, Remus. That suit will look nice on him."

"I think so too. I chose it because I remembered that Mom liked the way he looked in gray. It just seemed appropriate to me to choose her favorite color. I hope I've done as well with everything else I've picked today."

"I feel that you have. Everything you picked was very tasteful and dignified. I don't think anyone would criticize anything you've chosen. Most importantly though, is that you are satisfied with it. Though a funeral is to honor the deceased, it is also to comfort and bring closure to those left behind. As you are his only remaining family, your feelings are more important than anyone else's here."

"I hadn't thought about it that way, but you're right...and I am satisfied with the choices I made. I think this is all I need from here for now, or is there something else?"

"That's all you need. We need to get those to the hospital as soon as we can,they will need them after they prepare his body for the funeral tomorrow."

"I'm ready to go if you are." said Remus.

The two of them walked outside, locking the mechanical lock behind them, then apparated to Diagon Alley. After a quick stop at the hospital to hand over the clothes, Remus told Professor Dumbledore that he would be spending the night at his parents' home. He felt it would help him decide if he wanted to live there...he didn't feel he could stay in Sirius' house anymore, not after the events of last night. However, he did intend to go there to get his belongings. Professor Dumbledore chose to accompany him to Sirius' house, just to make sure that no one from the Ministry tried to prevent him from getting his possessions. Once they arrived saw that no one was there, Dumbledore returned to Hogwarts, and Remus began packing. Luckily for Remus, everything he owned would fit in four large trunks and a suitcase. If he had not owned so many books, it would have taken less...but most of those books were from his time as a tutor, and he did not want to get rid of them. In a little over an hour, he had everything packed...he walked through every room in the house just to make sure he wasn't leaving anything of his behind. Once he was satisfied that he had everything, he shrunk the trunks to a smaller size, then gathered them and apparated to his parents' home.

He put his trunks down in the corner of the living room and returned them to their normal size, then, realizing he was hungry, made himself some dinner. After he finished eating, he looked through a stack of papers on his father's dresser and found a recent paycheck stub, indicating that he had still worked at the same shop as when Remus lived here last, and that the same man was still the owner of the business. His home address was on a slip of paper lying apart from the rest, so Remus contacted him at home through the floo network. He informed him of his father's death, and asked if he would consider giving a eulogy at the funeral the next day. He agreed, and thanked Remus for asking. Remus shook his hand and let him know he appreciated it, then returned to his parents' home.

Now that the final detail for the funeral was in place, he had some time to think. But first, he cleaned up the mess in the living room, and washed the dishes from dinner. Then he sat down on the sofa, and just let his mind wander. He considered writing his feelings and thoughts down on paper as he'd done in the past, but was not in the mood.

That was why he was sitting on the floor, watching the candle flicker- he was trying to figure out what to do next. Unfortunately, he was mentally exhausted, and his poor brain just didn't seem able to process so much bad news in one day. It didn't help that he was still recovering from last night's transformation. His body was still sore, and he was in some pain, but what he wanted most was sleep. Even though he'd slept for several hours this morning, it was already nearly midnight...about twelve hours since he got up from his nap at Hogwarts. So he decided it would be best if he just got some sleep.

He couldn't bring himself to sleep in his parents' bed, and he knew the bed he'd slept in as a teenager would be far too short, because he had nearly outgrown it at age fourteen. Luckily, the sofa had a foldout bed in it. He unfolded it, got some linens from the bathroom closet, then quickly made the bed. He stripped to his underwear and crawled in between the clean sheets, hoping for a decent night's sleep...but not really expecting to get it.

To his surprise, he did sleep...but it was fitful. He awoke several times because of vivid nightmares about his friends' deaths. Though he had not witnessed the events, he had some information, and his imagination filled in the rest.

A few minutes after 10 am, he awoke and felt rested enough to face the day. He'd manage to sleep four hours straight without a nightmare, so though he was tired, he was not as sleep-deprived as he could have been.

Since his father's funeral was scheduled for 1:00 pm, he knew he had time for a shower and breakfast before he had to be at the church. A few minutes after noon, he apparated to the church to check on everything. The pastor spoke to him for a little while, offering his sympathy, then led him outside to the grave site, where everything was already in place for the funeral. Remus told him that everything looked fine, and then sat down in one of the chairs that had been placed by the grave. The pastor went back to the church to take care of a few last minute details, leaving Remus alone to wait to see who showed up.

By 1:00 pm, everyone that Remus had expected to attend was there...Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, his dad's boss, a couple of younger men from the shop where he worked, and of course the musician and attendants who would perform the burial. The service was brief, but fitting...the pastor and his dad's boss both spoke well of him, and the piper played beautifully. Once the service was over, Remus walked over to the open casket, kissed his father lightly on the cheek, and whispered good bye to the man who, in spite of the difficulty and pain he had caused Remus, he had loved.

After everyone paid their respects, they expressed their sympathy to Remus, then the wizards walked out of sight of the cemetery and apparated away. The pastor spoke to Remus last, then walked back into the church. Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall made sure he didn't need anything, both offering to accompany him home if he wished. He declined, but made sure to get the time and location for James and Lily's funeral. Dumbledore told him it was the next morning, at 10 am, in Godric's Hollow, at the only cemetery in the village. Remus thanked him, then returned to his parents' home.

Once there, he began to think again about the future. He knew he should not make any big decisions now, but he felt he should at least determine what his options were.

_I'm not sure what I should do. I could live here- this house is mine- or I could sell it and move. But I don't know where I'd go. I'll need to find paid work again, because I'm sure the Order will be disbanded since Voldemort is gone. I haven't had much luck keeping work around here in the past. If I sell this house, I could probably find a smaller house for less and put the difference aside for living expenses...but even if I do, that money won't last indefinitely, I will still need to work. However, I think the most important question is can I live here, in this house, with all the memories? I don't know yet, but maybe if I spend some time here, I will be able to decide that._

He also decided that he could begin the process of going through his parents' belongings. Since he was their only living relative, the house and its contents were his to do with as he pleased. But first, he knew he needed to see what was actually there. So he decided to handle the easy stuff first; he checked the shed that was in the back yard that had always held extra stuff- things his parents didn't want to get rid of, but also didn't have room to store inside. A few minutes out there revealed that it had been emptied, and if the musty smell and thick layer of dirt on the shelves were any indication, it had been done quite a long time ago. He returned to the house, and approached the next room he felt would be fairly easy...the room that had been his bedroom. He entered the room, not sure what to expect. As he looked around, it was obvious this would be the easiest room of all to deal with...it was completely empty. His father had apparently gotten rid of everything he'd left behind...not that there had been much, but he had left a few pieces of clothes that didn't quite fit, and a few other things that had been less valuable to him than those he packed that night. Now, there was nothing left- no furniture or anything except the carpet on the floor. He closed the door on that room, then glanced through the window at the room he'd used for his transformations, and found it was, as he'd expected, empty. Nothing had ever been stored there. That left only his parents' bedroom, the kitchen, living room, and bathroom to sort through.

Not eager to deal with his parents' personal belongings yet, he decided to work on the kitchen first. He conjured a handful of boxes, then started opening cabinets. He packed everything he felt sure he wouldn't need, then labeled and sealed the boxes. He stacked them in an out of the way corner of the room, and put the dishes he felt he would be using in a couple of adjoining cabinets for convenience. If he decided to stay, and wanted to use them, he could always unpack them.

Having completed that task, he decided he would leave the rest for another day. Since it was already nearly 6 pm, he took a shower, put on some clean, comfortable pajamas, and made some dinner. After he ate and washed dishes, he listened to the wireless for about an hour, set his alarm clock, then opened the foldout and went to bed.

As he had expected, he had another bad night's sleep. Every time he went to sleep, he was haunted by nightmares, this time not only of the deaths of his friends and his father, but some of the dreams involved his mother as well. At 5 am, tired but wide awake and covered in sweat, he gave up on sleeping and sat up in bed. He decided to shower again, then try to write out his feelings. He knew what he wrote might not make sense, but felt he had to get some of it out in order to be able to try to deal with it. This time it worked, he was able to write for over an hour, just pouring out everything that came into his head, regardless of how it sounded. He folded the written page closed, pushed it aside, and leaned back against the sofa with his eyes closed. A few things had become very clear as he was writing... he was very lonely, and not quite sure how to deal with being so totally alone; he was very worried about his future; he was not at all sure he wanted to stay in this house; and he still cared for Lily more than he wanted to admit. He was also angry at Sirius beyond his ability to express...he couldn't imagine how Sirius could have betrayed his best friend, the one person who trusted him so totally, especially in light of the fact that James was married and had an infant son...and that son was Sirius' godson.

Of course, writing his feelings down helped him acknowledge them, but did not solve anything...however, he felt sure that once James and Lily's funeral was behind him and he'd had some time to rest and think, he would be better able to address his problems.

For now though, it was almost 8 am, so after he'd had breakfast, he dressed in his suit and tried to prepare himself emotionally for the funeral. He was grateful that Professor Dumbledore had not asked him to give a eulogy for his friends...there was no way he would have been able to handle that task.

At about 9:30, he apparated to the village of Godric's Hollow, and quickly found the small church situated a short distance off the main road...the cemetery was tucked into a grove of oak trees. He pushed open the kissing gate of the cemetery, and easily located the small group of wizards and witches that had already gathered for the service. He recognized many of them; quite a few were members of the Order of the Phoenix. He spoke to a few, then took a seat in the front row of chairs that had been set up. Just before 10, Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, Slughorn, and Flitwick arrived. They each conjured an arrangement of flowers to accompany those that had been placed by the other attendees.

At exactly 10, two attendants opened the caskets, and the melody of "Amazing Grace" began to play. When it was over, Professor Dumbledore spoke to the mourners. Remus listened as he talked about how the Potters were such kind, caring people who would do anything for a friend. He described their school years, how they were both bright students, and though an unlikely pair in their early years, they had complemented each other so well. Lily's studious tendencies, her high standards and maturity had helped James mature and become less of a troublemaker. James' sense of humor had helped Lily to realize she didn't need to be serious all the time.

As Remus heard this, he stifled a slight laugh as he recalled his own memories of how the pair had been in school, and how hard it had been for the two of them to actually get together. But he agreed with Dumbledore's assessment of the pair as being good for each other. However, as he looked at their lifeless faces, he was hit with a wave of grief at the reminder that he would never see them again...he would never hear James laugh, or see Lily smile, or hear the happiness in either of their voices when they greeted him. His very best friends were gone, forever, and his life would never be the same. He cried, openly, at the tragedy of these two young, vibrant lives being snuffed out...at the senseless act that had robbed not only him of his friends, but also robbed a young boy of the chance to know his parents, to grow up in a normal home, and had robbed the world of the potential that had existed in them both.

By the time Dumbledore had finished speaking, Remus had regained his composure. Another song played, a mournful, beautiful piece that he didn't recognize, then the service was over. He stood and conjured two white roses while he waited to pay his respects. He walked first to James's casket, placed the rose in his hands, and gave his shoulder a slight squeeze, as he had done so often in the past. He whispered a final good bye to his friend. He then walked to Lily's casket, placed the rose in her hand, and gently kissed her cheek. He lingered for a moment, trying to think of what to say and realizing that there was no way to briefly say everything he would have wanted to tell her, so he simply said good bye to her as well. He slowly walked away from the caskets, toward the gate. He had only covered a short distance when he felt a firm hand on his shoulder. Professor McGonagall had caught up to him and clasped him on the shoulder.

"Are you okay, Remus? I know this must be terribly hard for you."

"I am doing about as well as can be expected after all that's happened the last couple of days. I will be okay, in time." he replied.

"Is there anything you need? You know you are welcome at the castle if you want to stay there...and that we will help you any way we can." she offered.

" I appreciate that, but the only thing that is going to help me is time. I can stay at my parents' home, I have all the necessities covered, so there's really nothing anyone can do for me."

"Okay, but if you change your mind, or even if you just want company, we're here for you." she reminded him.

"Thanks, Professor. I will keep that in mind."

She pulled him into an uncharacteristic hug, which he returned, then she silently walked back to the now thinning crowd of mourners. Remus walked a short distance further, then apparated back home.

When he returned home, after spending some time thinking, he decided he wanted to do something productive. So he began sorting his parents' personal possessions.

He tackled their closets first. He easily decided to donate their clothing to a charity; none of his father's clothes would fit him, as he had grown to be a bit taller and thinner than his father had been, and he had no need of women's clothing. However, their closet held quite a few boxes which he needed to open and sort through. Several boxes held books, which he looked through carefully, selecting a few titles to keep while donating the rest. There was also a photo album, a few framed photos and the drawings he had made over the years, all tucked in a box together. He kept all of these mementos. Once he had sorted everything, he packed the things he intended to donate in boxes, labeled them and stacked them in a corner of the room.

He took a few of the titles he had chosen to keep into the living room, then curled up on the couch and began to read. To his surprise, he was able to immerse himself in the story to the point that he lost track of time...when he looked up, he had been reading for over three hours. He laid the book aside, stood and stretched, then made an early dinner for himself. After he ate, the fatigue of the last few days caught up with him, and he decided to see if he could sleep, in spite of the early hour. To his surprise, he drifted off quickly, and slept soundly for several hours.

The following morning he awoke early, feeling very well rested for the first time since before the full moon. He went through his usual morning routine, and after breakfast, decided to apparate to Diagon Alley to get the newspaper and some food from the market. While he was there, he decided that since the money in his father's vault was legally his now, there was no reason for him not to use it. So he went to Gringott's and transferred the contents of his father's vault to his own, and took a small amount with him for any expenses he might have in the next few days.

He returned to the house- he still couldn't think of it as "home" because of all the strong negative memories he had there- and after reading the newspaper, began the last bit of sorting that would be required...his parent's dresser and jewelry boxes.

He wasn't expecting to find anything with much monetary value...like their clothing, their jewelry had always been simple. They had never been able to afford anything luxurious. But they each had a small jewelry box with a few pieces in it. His father's contained a couple of pairs of cuff links, a pocket watch, a tie pin, and a signet ring. His wedding band was not in the box because Remus had allowed it to be buried with him. His mother's box contained a long strand of pearls, a few pairs of earrings, a watch, and her wedding set. It was still in the box because in the last few months of her life, she had gained some weight and it no longer fit properly; because of her illness, having it altered to fit was not a priority. From his father's collection, Remus kept the signet ring, because the initials on it were the same as his "RJL"...even though his father had always gone by John, his first name was in fact Robert, but he so disliked the name that the only records it ever appeared on were his birth and death certificates...Remus had not even had it carved on his tombstone, because he knew he would not have wanted it there. From his mother's jewelry, he kept the wedding set, at least for now. He still didn't hold much hope of ever marrying, but the rings would be a tangible reminder of her, and if he ever really needed money, he could sell them later.

He then opened the dresser and began to sort through the clothes in there. Most of it was what he expected, his father's threadbare socks and holey briefs, with a few newer pieces that he apparently wore on special occasions. All but the newest of these would be discarded. As he had expected, the drawers that had been his mother's were empty, but a small notch cut into the inside bottom of the deepest drawer made him look at that one more closely. When he touched the notch, he realized there was something beneath it, so he lifted up, revealing that what he believed was the bottom was actually a panel concealing a compartment full of notebooks. He pulled out the eight notebooks, then sat down on the floor and opened one of them. He immediately recognized his mother's thin, delicate script. As he read, he realized the notebook in his hands was a diary, apparently from the year he'd been born. He flipped through it, skimming a few lines here and there to confirm his hunch...this was a record of the earliest years of his life. This first notebook covered the time from right after his birth until he was about four years old. He looked at the other notebooks and discovered she had dated those on the inside covers, so he stacked them in order, and found that the last one ended a few weeks before her death. He took the stack to the living room, and began to read.

The first one chronicled all the typical milestones; his first steps, first words, and first hair cut, just to mention a few. She also eluded to him being an active child...apparently once he had learned to walk, he didn't slow down much...she referred several times to being surprised at how much energy he had.

The next journal covered from age four until just after he was bitten. He read this one very closely, and saw that his mother had spent many nights awake, worrying about him- at first about his health and wondering if he would survive, because the attack had been severe...not only had he been bitten, he'd been clawed badly and slammed against something, leaving him with several broken bones. No one was sure exactly how the attack had progressed; he vaguely remembered what he thought was a funny looking dog grabbing him by the leg, jerking him off his feet and swinging him around like a toy...after that, nothing until he woke up in the hospital several hours later. From his mother's writing, he could see that they had been afraid his wounds might not heal. However, in spite of her worries, she repeatedly expressed gratitude at his survival, and vowed to make his life as comfortable as she could.

He read the rest of notebooks, amazed at how his mother's worry had turned into determination, then to devotion and fierce protection as their lives had changed and he'd grown up. Through it all, though she worried about his future, she never faltered in her love for him or her desire to see him have the best opportunities he could.

Once he'd been accepted to Hogwarts and she saw that he had made friends and was making good grades, her tone was one of immense pride. She had been proud of him when she taught him at home...but in these entries, she seemed to be almost beaming. And so it remained until a few months before her death. The entries during this time made it clear she felt she wouldn't live to see him grow up or graduate, and she was hurt that she would miss so much of his life. She was also very worried that he might give up...that he might not continue his education.

When he had finished the last entry, he blinked back the tears that he'd barely noticed forming as he'd read. Though reading her words had made him miss her again, it had also been a somewhat therapeutic experience...reading how she had felt, in the setting of a private book she'd never intended anyone to read, had been almost like having a very heartfelt conversation with her...it was almost as if they'd finally had a chance to say goodbye.

He put the last diary in the stack with the others, and put them in the bottom of the trunk with his clothes. He intended to keep those, as a way to be reminded of the one person in his life who had always, unconditionally, loved him.

That night, he slept well again, this time dreaming of her, but instead of nightmares, his mind seemed to be replaying some of his favorite memories of her.

For the next few days, he spent most of his time thoroughly cleaning the house, and doing what he could to improve its appearance. When he started this project, he still had not decided whether to stay in the house or move, but as he worked, he began to realize he would never really feel comfortable here. Without his mother, it just didn't feel like home anymore. So, he placed an ad in the Daily Prophet listing the house and land for sale, then taken the boxes of stuff he'd decided to donate to the charities he felt would benefit from them. He visited Hogwarts a couple of times and talked to Professor Dumbledore about his decision. He agreed that if he felt he couldn't live in the house, it was best to sell it. He also felt that if Remus thought he would have better employment opportunities elsewhere, it would be best for him to pursue them. Finally, he reminded Remus that he was always available to him, if he needed help, someone to talk to, or a place to go on a full moon. Remus promised to keep that in mind and to stay in touch.

A few days after he listed the house, a young couple visited and was very interested in the house. Remus showed them around, answering the questions they had. When they had seen it all, they were satisfied that it would meet their needs, and told Remus if he would meet them at Gringott's, they were ready to buy. They were willing to pay the full price he'd asked for the place, so he didn't hesitate. An hour later, he was depositing the money in his Gringott's vault, and going back to the house to pack the few things he had out. The couple offered to give him additional time to prepare to leave, but he said he could leave the following day.

Once he'd packed, he apparated to his parents' graves then conjured a wreath of pink roses and laid them between their headstones. He told them goodbye, as he was not sure when he would be back...he planned to leave Great Britain, hoping that perhaps there would be better opportunities for him in Europe. He then apparated to the cemetery in Godric's Hollow, to say goodbye to James and Lily. He conjured a wreath of white roses with a heart of red roses in the center and placed it between their headstones. He said a tearful goodbye to them as well, and promised himself he would try to visit both cemeteries at least once a year.

The next day, the couple arrived promptly at 10 am, he handed over the keys, picked up his miniaturized trunks, and walked out the door for the last time.


End file.
